The Top 5

Top 5 Greatest Hits Albums

2011-07-14T11:16:00.000-07:00

Tim's Top Five:

This is more cerebral than my usual list, because a "great" greatest hits album is different from just being the album with the best hits on it. The Beatles 1967-1970 or Creedence Clearwater Revival - Chronicle, vol. 1 might well be among the ten best albums ever "recorded" under that criteria, but who needs to own them? There's simply not much reason for them to exist, since all the albums they choose from are all basically worth owning anyway (though Chronicle was my entree into CCR, so I'm not complaining). A truly great greatest hits album is really, to me, only achievable by an artist that you surely don't want to own all their stuff. So, typically, they're going to cover a lot of albums (The Essential Simon & Garfunkel is great and all, but it also represents about 75% of their output), they're not going to have a lot of weak points (sorry, The Essential Paul Simon).

1. Johnny Cash - The Legendary Johnny Cash - don't get me wrong. I like Johnny Cash. I might well love Johnny Cash, and there are probably albums out there that I should own - Live at Folsom Prison, for instance. But this adequately captures everything I know of Johnny Cash's work and I really enjoy most everything on here. Notable omissions: I don't know of any. The Girl With The North Country (w/ Bob Dylan) from Nashville Skyline?

2. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Greatest Hits
- The biggest problem with it is that it jumped the gun. Tom Petty put out one more decent album afterward, so it's missing songs from Wildflowers. After that, his work has been pretty disastrous, only a couple of songs worth hearing. There's some songs from Full Moon Fever that are worthy of inclusion, but weren't hits. So it's # 2. Notable omissions: You Wreck Me, Rebels,

3. Bruce Hornsby - Greatest Radio Hits
- I love Bruce Hornsby. Correction. I love this album. I'm not sure if there's really a whole lot of other Bruce Hornsby I like at all, the albums I've acquired add very little to my appreciation. The Way It Is is worth owning on its own. That may well be it. Notable omissions: Not anything I'm aware of. On the Western Skyline is the only other song I sort of know that I would put here.

4. Loud, Fast Ramones: Their Toughest Hits
- You know how people who hate the Ramones tell you all their songs sound the same? Well, people who really like the Ramones would tell you that most of their songs sound the same. And this catches just that necessary amount of diversity. I own several other Ramones albums, but other than a couple covers (Let's Dance and Palisades Park), there's not that much that's essential about Ramones or Rocket to Russia (and certainly less on Brain Drain). Notable omissions: probably Merry Christmas (I Don't Want To Fight Tonight) or Pet Sematary would top the list of songs I'm surprised aren't there. Neither is essential.

5. Marvin Gaye - Gold - You should own What's Going On. You just should. But really, the tracks that don't make it on Gold aren't the best anyway. And it captures some amazing early motown things (You're a Wonderful One, I'll Be Doggone, Stubborn Kind of Fellow), the Tammi Terrell duets, and downplays the career collapse of the 1980s pretty well. Of the Gold discs, I think it's the most essential (with the possible exception of the Motown - Gold), and it's pretty good throughout the 2 discs (Rolling Stones - Forty Licks has one great disc and one near disaster on disc 2 because it pretends the Rolling Stones were essential after 1980).

Honorable Mention - Elton John's Greatest Hits - if it had Tiny Dancer and Levon, it'd be in the top 5, as a reminder that Elton John was good before he became the favorite artist of everyone's mom in the 1980s; John Lennon: Lennon Legend - I can't put it on here because (1) I own the previously-issued John Lennon collection, this just has a couple more tracks, but it doesn't include "How Do You Sleep?", which is a shame. It would save you from owning Mind Games, Double Fantasy, and Rock 'n' Roll which...let's just say I can't see how they'd be very good (Rock 'n' Roll is an affirmatively tedious album); Neil Young - Greatest Hits - I can't put it on the top five because I do still want to hear things from Neil Young's early albums, but it really captures a lot of greatness and even gets the best CSNY song.

Top 5 Songs With Religious Subject Matter

2011-06-21T15:44:00.000-07:00

I went through a lot of possible titles for this post: Top 5 Songs That Are At Least Vaguely About Christianity [rolls right off the tongue, right?], Top 5 Songs About Christianity, Top 5 Songs With Christian Subject Matter. I came up with this idea after seeing the song "Jesus is Just Alright" by The Doobie Brothers on XM. In essence, here's how I'm applying the ground rules for myself: songs that include Christian subject matter, with a little more importance in the song than just a throwaway line. This excludes songs like "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now" by The Smiths, as it just includes the word "heaven" and nothing else.

Go with me on this one.

Ryan's Top 5:

1. John Lennon - "God" - The song that really solidified his split from The Beatles. In that context, this song can be really depressing to listen to, but it is, still, perfect in my mind. Key religious lyric: "God is a concept by which we measure our pain."

2. The Rolling Stones - "Sympathy for the Devil" - I'm pretty firm on this being my favorite Rolling Stones song. Key religious lyric: "And I was 'round when Jesus Christ / Had his moment of doubt and pain / Made damn sure that Pilate / Washed his hands and sealed his fate."

3. Morrissey - "I Have Forgiven Jesus" - I still feel vaguely sacrilegious listening to this song. Key religious lyric: "I have forgiven Jesus / For all the desire / He placed in my heart when there's nothing I can do / With this desire" [this among many lines].

4. Billy Bragg & Wilco [lyrics by Woody Guthrie] - "Christ for President" - Satire at its finest. I might try teaching this next year...every discussion I have with kids seems to get onto the subject of religious hypocrisy and the need for socialism, so it'd fit. Key religious lyric: Well, all of it. But my favorite is: "The only way we can ever beat / These crooked politician men / Is to run the money changers out of the temple / Put the Carpenter in."

5. Kanye West - "Jesus Walks" - This narrowly edged out Neutral Milk Hotel, mainly because it very definitely fits the criteria. Anyway, this song kicks ass, and modern raps that actually have social/religious relevance are rare indeed. (I'm sorry, there aren't nearly as many good popular rappers now. It's okay, there are probably fewer good mainstream rockers.) Favorite lyric [they're all religious]: "To the hustlers, killers, murderers, drug dealers, even the strippers / (Jesus walks with them)."

Honorable Mentions - Number 6 is "King of Carrot Flowers Pt. 2" by Neutral Milk Hotel, Number 7 is probably "Number of the Beast" by Iron Maiden, number 8 is "Big Sky" by The Kinks, and the rest I considered in no order are: "Spirit in the Sky," Norman Greenbaum, "Highway to Hell," AC/DC, "Devil Went Down to Georgia," Charlie Daniels Band, "Straight to Hell," The Clash, "God Knows I'm Good" and "Modern Love," Bowie, "Imagine," Lennon, "Vicar in a Tutu," The Smiths (bit of a stretch), "My Sweet Lord," George Harrison, "Personal Jesus," Depeche Mode.

Ashley’s Top 5:

1. Norman Greenbaum – “Spirit in the Sky” – I’m a sucker for handclaps. For all of the hokey lyrics and goofy rhymes in this song, it’s still so awesome. I love the guitar, the handclaps, the background singers, and every time I hear it I get a huge smile on my face. Greenbaum is apparently a practicing Jew (strange, considering the Jesus references abound) and this song is almost enough to convert me.

2. The Clash – “Death or Glory” – One of my favorite songs by The Clash, this one makes the list mostly because it’s awesome and because it contains one of the best biting commentaries about religion: “And I believe in this—and it’s been tested by research—he who fucks nuns will later join the Church!”

3. Violent Femmes – “Jesus Walking On The Water” – Penned by devout Baptist (and son of a Baptist minister) Gordon Gano (who knew?) this song is such a jam by such a great band.

4. Modest Mouse – “Styrofoam Boots/It’s All Nice on Ice, Alright” – This is the song that made me want to learn the banjo years ago. From The Lonesome Crowded West, this song is apparently a crowd pleaser, according to YouTube, which I guess I never realized, and when I saw Modest Mouse in 2003 I really wanted them to play this jam but Isaac Brock was too drunk and too busy yelling at sailors at The Norva in Norfolk (they did play my other favorite, “Trailer Trash”). It’s filled with religious references (feet floating like Christ’s, Saint Peter, etc.) and it segues into its companion song, which is also great.

5. Brian Jonestown Massacre – “The Ballad of Jim Jones” – The first time I watched Dig! I fell in love with this song, which has a dope harmonica and really gorgeous lyrics. It’s a bit of a downer (compared to the rest of the list, I guess) but it’s been one of my favorites for years.

Honorable mentions: I was committed to putting my favorite gospel song on the list but decided against it at the last minute because it wasn’t quite fair to pull something from that genre; anyway, it is this version of “I Can't Feel At Home In This World Anymore,” by Edith & Sherman Collins (“This world is not my home, I’m just a-passin’ through, my treasures and my hopes are all beyond the blue...”) Other runners-up are: Neutral Milk Hotel–“King of Carrot Flowers pt. 2,” and The Vaselines–“Jesus Wants Me For a Sunbeam”.

Tim's Top Five:

1) I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - U2 - the song is entirely about Jesus, but you don't really even think about it that way. That's a feat in and of itself that warrants its placement atop the list. But most of all, it was the ship that launched a thousand good songs -- the first two reputable albums I ever owned were U2 - The Joshua Tree and R.E.M. - Out of Time (though I will defend my choice to buy the Spin Doctors - Pocketful of Kryptonite to the day I die). It's simple, it's quiet, and it's powerful stuff, and it's songs like this that make U2's concerts almost as spiritual as Springsteen's -- and when this one's absent, you feel you've lost something.

2) O Mary Don't You Weep - Bruce Springsteen (or Pete Seeger, if you prefer) - this song epitomizes just how phenomenal an achievement Springsteen's Seeger Sessions album was. I had never considered buying it, why would I? Then you hear the kind of fun they're having on the album, a real big band sound, and the fact that it's "Seeger Sessions" that sound like the exact opposite of Pete Seeger -- explosive and potent.

3) Jesus Christ - Big Star - One of the real revelations of the mostly unnecessary Big Star box set was the stereo version of this song, which completely reinvents it and makes it the kind of perfect power pop that laced their first two albums that is lost in the brooding and haunting nature of Third. It gleams brand new, like the last thing Alex Chilton ever recorded. The original (which is captured on youtube here) is still fantastic (though marred by the circus intro for 20 seconds), but the song really makes the best use of an echo chamber I've heard post-Buddy Holly without being Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes-level indulgent.

4) She Left Me For Jesus - Hayes Carll - Well, ignore the cheesy music video that interrupts the song repeatedly, but this is what country music should be, alcohol-soaked, bitter and funny from start to finish.

The chorus really does it justice: She left me for Jesus/And that just ain't fair/She says that he's perfect/How could I compare/She says I should find him./and I'll know peace at last/But if I ever find Jesus/I'm kickin' his ass.

5) Spooky Mormon Hell Dream - Book of Mormon - Well, congratulations, Ryan. You've made me look like I'm a touch flamboyant, since this is my second straight list involving Broadway musicals. For those unfortunate enough to have not seen The Book of Mormon, there are at least a couple songs worthy of mention here, but Spooky Mormon Hell Dream is the winner here for its inclusion of Johnny Cochran. You lose most of it when you don't actually see it on stage, particularly Jesus telling Elder Price that he's a dick, but it's fantastic.

Honorable Mention: Gotta Serve Somebody - Bob Dylan - really the highlight of his brief born-again period, Tears In Heaven - Eric Clapton, Knockin on Heaven's Door - Bob Dylan, Light Up Ahead - Further Seems Forever, Living Proof - Bruce Springsteen, I Believe - Book of Mormon - it's not as good a song as Spooky Mormon Hell Dream, but it has the greatest line in musical theater history -- all I will say is that it refers to 1978; All-American Prophet - Book of Mormon; Spirit in the Sky - Norman Greenbaum - loses points because I spend my time wondering why Norman has a friend in Jesus, given that he's Jewish?

Top 5 Interrogative Songs

2011-06-15T18:06:00.000-07:00

Tim's Top 5:
I blame Dan. He posted a reference to this blog today. So I'm posting, because I came up with something that I think would make for a good sporcle quiz -- providing answers to songs ending in question marks. So that's what this is for me -- you could choose to pick songs that are phrased in the form of a question if you prefer, but I'm sticking to something easy to search for in Itunes -- and the only other songs I can think of are "Are you gonna go my way", "Are you gonna be my girl," and "Do you want to know a secret" none of which would make my list anyway. The fascinating thing is that this is a list where the Jimi Hendrix Experience, CCR, Elliott Smith, John Lennon, R.E.M. and The Clash would have qualifiers, and I didn't pick any of those. (I also forgot the first song that sparked the category -- Elvis Costello's "What's So Funny 'Bout Peace Love and Understanding", although it apparently doesn't have a question mark)

1. Life on Mars? - David Bowie - This is far and away the winner here, although if I'd gone with songs phrased in the form of a question, I wouldn't be able to count it. It's one of my favorite Bowie songs, which means it's one of my favorite songs period. The vocal jumps are matched perfectly by the mostly nonsensical lyrics and the music is just soaring. I can't think of a whole lot of songs that do so much with vocal dynamics, but it's fantastic here.

Answer: possibly, frozen under the water.

2. What Do You Want Me To Say? - Dismemberment Plan - I had actually stumbled onto listening to this album (Emergency and I) today and never once thought to connect this song to the list until I ran the ITunes search. It has a similar sort of emphasis on explosions of sound, but ties in some occasional spoken-word sort of lyrics. I've never listened to anything but this album, but this album is fantastic enough to deserve the hype it gets.

Answer: that you're coming back to DC and will be playing the Black Cat on a Saturday or Sunday night.

3. Isn't it a Pity? - George Harrison - This is a very simple song that goes on for a very very long time, but it doesn't feel that way at all. Another masterpiece from what is far and away the best solo album any Beatle ever released. Yes, I said that. Suck it, Imagine (which had a song that narrow missed this list). This song is also noteworthy because IT includes a question mark in the title, even though the next track (What Is Life) does not. Get with the program, Harrison!

Answer: Yes. 'Tis. You're missed, George.

4. What Difference Does It Make? - Sensefield (cover of The Smiths) - I'm sorry, but I just really don't think that highly of the Smiths song (like most Smiths songs, I can see how someone who is not me would like it, but that person is not me). Jon Bunch's vocaqls are meant for this sort of thing, and Morrissey's spoken-word vocal here doesn't carry the same force. This is a pretty good straight rocker, and I am a sucker for Sensefield.

5. What do you do with a B.A. in English? - Cast of Avenue Q - this is the perfect start to a fantastic show that was even better than I had ever figured possible when I saw it live in London. RIP, Sir Gary Coleman.

Answer: Good luck figuring that out. That's why the song is so perfect.

Honorable mention - there'd be plenty, including the only Alice in Chains song that I like (Would?), but how about: CCR - Have You Ever Seen the Rain?; Elliott Smith - Wouldn't Mama Be Proud?; R.E.M. - What's The Frequency, Kenneth?

Dan's Top 5:
1. The Pixies - Where Is My Mind? - I gained a newfound respect for The Pixies (not that I never had a period of any disrespect) after recently visiting Seattle and the Explore Music Project's exhibit on Nirvana. Yes, Nirvana is worthy of a (fairly well-curated) museum exhibit. One of the pieces was a collection of records from artists that had adopted the punk, do-it-yourself, underground approach, including what sounds like an obvious influence, the Pixies' Surfer Rosa. Though you could argue for "Gigantic" as well, this song stands out as the best on the album, and maybe of The Pixies' career. It employs one of my favorite lyrical techniques, describing a specific event (scuba diving) and projecting upon it deeper meaning (an epistemological investigation of consciousness and thought.) Very easy guitar riff to learn, too.

Answer: Floating (and possibly sleeping) with the fishes.

2. The Smiths - How Soon Is Now? - Being a fan of production value more than lyrical content, I love this song. For me, it exists purely as a vehicle to showcase Johnny Marr's genius for creating cool effect. Two different tremolo effects are used here. One twice as fast as the other, and both on opposing stereo channels. The result is a swirling, lush guitar sound that—while playing minor chords—just puts you in a dark, yet enlightened mood. Oh yeah, Morrissey sings, too.

Answer: Well, you're never going to meet a girl if you don't stop acting so depressed all the time. Sheesh.

3. ABBA - Does Your Mother Know - I'm allowing this song for myself even though the official track name doesn't have a question mark. Why? Because it's my favorite ABBA song. I think I actually didn't get into ABBA until after our last post, so you might be surprised to see them appear in my list. Perhaps the greatest band to fall into the "guilty pleasure" category of many, I think this song in particular demonstrates why I have their catalogue on my hard drive. It's pop music both at its most basic and its most engaging. In other words, it's got a good beat and you can dance to it.

Answer: If no, then it's likely you'd be in a lot of trouble. If yes, then she must be OK with you being a slut.

4. Rockapella - Where in The World Is Carmen Sandiego? - Most people know it simply as a theme song to a kid's game show that aired on PBS. That's exactly what it is. And it fucking rules. "Monday through Friday at FIVE!" (Have you listened to the full version of the song? Very inventive lyrics.)

Answer: Always two steps ahead of you and your grade-school knowledge of geography.

5. The Jimi Hendrix Experience - Are You Experienced? - The title track to Jimi's debut album isn't particularly well-known outside the group of people who are pretty familiar with his work. Most people would probably draw the line at knowing "Foxey Lady" or "The Wind Cries Mary." It's a shame, because this track features fantastic time-reversed guitar snippets throughout, including the main solo. It remains especially hard in this song, however, to divorce Jimi's immense talent from his psychedelic image.

Answer: Well, I have. Let me prove it to you.

Honorable mention: The Beatles - Why Don't We Do It In The Road?, Duran Duran - Is There Something I Should Know?, The Flaming Lips - Do You Realize??, Oasis - Who Feels Love?

Ryan's Top 5:

There'll be some crossover here. That's what I get for putting this off till today. [Note: I'm going to exclude songs that apparently lack question marks, so I'm not considering such songs as "Wouldn't It Be Nice" and "Who'll Stop The Rain."] [Double-note: Fuck note 1 re: my #1, which I can't verify has a question mark.]

1. Velvet Underground - "Who Loves the Sun" - I've always considered this maybe the most perfect pop song ever written, according to my rigidly subjective criteria and considered lack of broad consideration. Anyway--this song is perfect. Simple and fun lyrics that have real depth. Beautiful music. I sincerely think this song is perfect.

Answer: Apparently not enough people. Nice work, everyone.

2. The Kinks - "Do You Remember Walter?" - The Kinks Are The Village Green Preservation Society is one of the greatest novels ever written. If I did my top 5 favorite albums, the first 17 albums would be TKATVGPS (followed by The Clash, London Calling, and Give 'Em Enough Rope 7 times each. I'm too busy to calculate the math on that one.) Anyway, I love The Kinks' style--fairly simple lyrics with a nice gut-punch at the end. "Yes people often change / But memories of people can remain."

Answer: I do but then I'm an Anglophile.

3. The Smiths - "How Soon Is Now?" - I think the general opinion among Smiths fans is that this song is overrated, as it's one of very few that actually got radio airplay (and gets radio airplay today). Anyway, I'd slot this in my top 15 Smiths songs (hello new Top 5 list?)--the guitar is haunting, and I am in love with the line, "You shut your mouth / How can you say / I go about things the wrong way / I am human and I need to be lo-o-oved / Just like everybody else does." Morrissey has a way of drawing out his lines so uniquely ["lo-o-oved"].

Answer: A bit too soon, I'm going to grab a snack first.

4. The Smiths - "What Difference Does It Make?" - Hi. I'm Ryan. I am a Morrissey fanboy.

Answer: Not a damn bit.

5. The Smiths - "Is It Really So Strange?" - Yep.

Answer: Nah.

Honorable Mentions - Where Is My Mind?, Life on Mars?, Why Don't We Do It In The Road?, Are You Experienced?, Have You Ever Seen The Rain?

Ashley’s Top 5:

I am honored to be included in this Top 5. Here is my humble contribution.

1. R.E.M. – “What’s the Frequency, Kenneth?” – I’ve never gotten sick of this song, even after excessive airplay when Monster came out. So while other R.E.M. songs always beat this one for me in terms of all-time favorites, this one is still legitimately awesome.

Answer: My guess is that everyone knows the story behind this song and the attack on Dan Rather and the dubious connection to Donald Barthelme (incidentally one of my favorite writers) so I’ll leave it at that—it’s either a nonsensical question, or one to which Mr. Rather apparently didn’t know the answer.

2. The Ramones – “Do you Remember Rock ‘n Roll Radio?” – End of the Century was a radical departure in sound for the Ramones and this song is pretty indicative of that fact. You can hear the Phil Spector influence on this track especially and more than anything, it’s pretty relevant based on the shit that gets played on the radio these days.

Answer: Not the radio that the Ramones are talking about, but I remember it sounding a whole hell of a lot better when I was younger.

3. Superchunk – “Does Your Hometown Care?” – I had forgotten that this song was on the SubUrbia soundtrack, which I thought was a good movie in high school but may very well not be since I haven’t seen it since. Fun fact, in an Intro to Theatre class in college we read the Eric Bogosian play on which the film is based. The Superchunk song is great even though it’s from their softer years, which honestly are growing on me as I get older.

Answer: Yeah. Norfolk cares. Norfolk loves me.

4. Slant 6 – “What Kind of Monster Are You?” – Slant 6’s seminal record Soda Pop * Rip Off actually has two interrogative songs on it—the blistering opener “Don’t You Ever?” and this one, and though it’s really close, “What Kind of Monster Are You?” wins for me. This was one of my favorite albums years ago when I lapped up everything Dischord records had put out in the early nineties, and this is one of the few from that phase that I still listen to.

Answer: I hope I’m not a monster at all, but if I am I bet I’m pretty benevolent.

5. The Promise Ring: “Is This Thing On?” – In some ways I’ve never gotten over this band. From another album with multiple interrogatives (“Why Did Ever We Meet?” is the other one, and it almost won because it has what I thought was a great video in high school, probably because of the rollerblading and the animal suits), this is the opening track to 1997’s Nothing Feels Good and it sets the tone for the whole album. Not only is the song good, but it contains a puzzling interrogative in the lyrics: “Delaware, are you aware of the air supply?”

Answer: Yes. Yes it is.

Honorable mentions: Rilo Kiley, “Does He Love You?,” The Promise Ring, “Why Did Ever We Meet?,” CCR, “Have You Ever Seen the Rain?” Jawbreaker, “Do You Still Hate Me?” The Buzzcocks, "Ever Fallen In Love With Someone You Shouldn't Have?"

Top 5 Worst Current Baseball General Managers

2009-07-10T17:59:00.001-07:00

Tim's Top 5:

1. Dayton Moore - Lest Ryan feel he's all alone on this one, I have to admit, he's earned his way atop the list. His retarded move to acquire the fourth worst hitting shortstop of whom I'm aware (#1 and #2 were both Royals as of this Monday in Tony Pena Jr. and Luis Hernandez, #3 is the woeful Alex Gonzalez, though I think Jimmy Rollins wants to make this list...) is just one of a litany of moves that are directly contrary to both his stated goal (to get the Royals players who could get on base) and any conceivable baseball strategy. He's neither Adam Everett (a worthless hitter who seems to be on winning teams a lot) nor a draw-the-walk patient hitter. And he plays a position that is likely to be adequately filled once Mike Aviles gets back next year, a thought that completely slipped my mind earlier today when I already thought it was a terrible acquisition.

What's more puzzling is how much he's regressed. When he first became the Royals' GM, he made a lot of sound moves that seemed like they'd put the team on the right track. He dealt head case Mike MacDougal for prospects,

Career high point: Re-signing Zack Greinke, signing Gil Meche to a way above market 5-year, $55 million deal that actually panned out, selecting Joakim Soria in the Rule 5 draft, trading the felonious Ambiorix Burgos for Brian Bannister.

Career low points: acquiring Mike Jacobs, signing Kyle Farnsworth (both of which prevented the Royals from signing Orlando Hudson), signing Jose Guillen to a multi-year deal, traded JP Howell for Joey Gathright.

2. Ned Colletti - "Hey, do you mind paying for Casey Blake? I'll give you one of the top 25 prospects in all of baseball AND be your best friend." I assume that's how the average call with Ned Colletti goes. Either that or "Hm...so you're a one-dimensional outfielder who doesn't get on base, gets caught stealing all the time, and can't hit for power...is $55 million enough?" Ned Colletti has signed Jason Schmidt to a long-term deal (Schmidt's yet to pitch under that), given out huge money to a collapsing Andruw Jones, big years and big dollars for Juan Pierre, dumped Edwin Jackson for Danys Baez and Lance Carter (who then disappeared off the face of the earth). He's made one good move, and even that didn't pan out this year.

Career highlight: Trading not much for Manny Ramirez, getting the Dodgers to the NLCS.

Career lowlights: pretty much every other move he's ever made. Hopefully Carlos Santana for Casey Blake will top that list.

3. Omar Minaya - Quick, name all the moves that Minaya's made that have panned out. By my count, the number is one. The man who's responsible for one of the top five most lopsided trades in history (Grady Sizemore, Cliff Lee, Brandon Phillips and hey, why not Lee Stevens for Bartolo Colon and Tim Drew) has made one really good move since becoming GM of the Mets -- trading a bunch of nothing for Johan Santana. Signing Francisco Rodriguez has worked out for this year, but is a deal with very high B.J. Ryan potential. He's been armed with loads of money and has turned it into mediocre #5 (or worse) starters -- Oliver Perez, Pedro Martinez; he's traded some valuable players for nothing (Heath Bell, Matt Lindstrom, Brian Bannister), that ultimately left him with a pitching staff that's mind-blowingly awful for a team with a $100+ million payroll.

4. Brian Cashman - Hip hop Jor-hay! Both New York teams make the list, Cashman's idiocy is just hidden under a gigantic brown bag with a green dollar sign on it. When you can simply buy away your mistakes, it's less noticeable that you've made nothing but mistakes for your tenure as GM. The horrific tenure as GM is masked by an infinite payroll, but this team paid Giambi $20 million a year to be a lousy first baseman, has paid Jeter $20 million to be a "team captain" that can't field his position, will be paying A-Rod $30 million a year when he's scuffling, and gave A.J. Burnett five years and the right to opt out. It's really astounding to think what a quality general manager could have done with the money that's been wasted on Hideki Matsui, Johnny Damon, and the like.

Career highlight: uh...none? He's signed some great players, but he did so by having more money than anyone else.

Lowlights: Pretty much every contract on the team.

5. Jim Hendry - Like three of the four above him, Hendry comes from a team with money, but he has no clue what to do with it. Hendry had a good start to his career, adding Aramis Ramirez for nothing, signing Derrek Lee, and building a franchise that looked like it had a bright future. Then, on the verge of greatness, they've laden their team with overrated players like Alfonso Soriano, gambled on mediocre Japanese talent in Kosuke Fukudome, and traded away their most useful piece for nothing, only to have him end up on the St. Louis Cardinals.

Career highlight: Aramis Ramirez and Kenny Lofton for Bobby Hill and Jose Hernandez. Sighing Ted Lilly.

Career lowlights: having to hand over Mark DeRosa to sign Milton Bradley, who can't play in the field and stay healthy and hasn't played well when he has played. Paying big money for Alfonso Soriano.

Not that far off: Ruben Amaro Jr. - the Ibanez signing didn't make sense, the fact that it has worked thus far doesn't mean the three years will be good, the other moves have all been uniformly stupid, and signing Pedro will be a disaster. He'll be back on the top 5 soon; Ed Wade - he loves making high-risk, no-upside deals, whether it's giving up Brad Lidge and Eric Bruntlett for Michael Bourn and Geoff Geary or giving Mike Hampton a multi-year deal. Billy Beane will make it soon if he keeps having seasons like this one, where he's made three of the worst acquisitions in the game (Cabrera, Holliday, and Giambi).

Dan's Top 5:

1. The Spectre of Dave Littlefield - OK, so technically he's not been a GM since 2007, but I still blame him for the shittiness of the Pirates two seasons after the fact. I'm waiting to see how Huntington chooses to fail to revitalize the team, but until then, I can still hate Littlefield.

2. Dayton Moore - He's in charge of the Royals, right?

3. Jim Hendry - I wouldn't actually say that he's a bad manager, but as a casual Cubs fan, it sure looks like he's paying a lot of money to get mediocre results. Still, a faulty cost-benefit ratio isn't the worst of possible offenses.

4. Brian Cashman - I figured that whoever is currently writing a paycheck to Alex Rodriguez should be included on this list automatically.

5. Neal Huntington - I have absolutely nothing against this guy yet, but I take note: during the 2009 off season there were "no significant transactions." Given my poor knowledge of management, I say that's good enough for inclusion in this list.

Honorable Mention - Billy Beane. Partly personal bias from reading Moneyball, but also the fact that the A's are really in the toilet nowadays.

Top 5 U2 songs (1991-2009)

2009-07-08T19:25:00.000-07:00

Tim's Top 5:

So I'm seeing U2 at Giants Stadium later this year (along with opening act Muse). I have little doubt it will be awesome, I've noticed that I'm really a sucker for open-air stadium shows (no tinnitus issues and the only acts I've really seen in such venues are Springsteen (twice) and The Police. But I'm finally going back and getting all the albums pre-Joshua Tree that I've still never heard much of...hence this bifurcated list. I don't have Zooropa, but have the other post-1991 albums in one form or another, though my IPod got full before I bought No Line on the Horizon, so I've not listened to it much. Aside from the atrocious "Get On Your Boots", it's a strong album.

1. City of Blinding Lights from How to Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - The other reason to bifurcate this list is because it's on an album that can't possibly have spawned the best U2 song of all time...right? I'm not so sure. The intro carries a lot of weight on its own, the key progression on the keyboard is a real unifying force that matches the more orchestral progressions from The Joshua Tree (like the intro to Where the Streets Have No Name). Like that song, it takes more than a minute to reach the vocals and nearly 2 1/2 minutes before we hit the chorus to the song. The lyrics open with a hat tip to Bob Dylan and "My Back Pages" and swell into one of U2's most romantic songs. It gets bonus points for being the best used song at a political rally in my lifetime -- when Obama came out to this song at the Democratic National Convention, I dropped the CD in my alarm clock and wouldn't wake to anything but City of Blinding Lights until after the election. Unlike many U2 songs that build in one continuous crescendo (see One), it builds up, peaks, and drops, but each verse is still at a stronger level than the one preceding it. It strikes me as a profoundly mathematical arrangement, but it's so intuitive that it really works for me. I'm not sure what it is, but it's a magnificent song, one that it took U2 almost 30 years to create. I'm just grateful that it showed up on an episode of Entourage that ultimately persuaded me to buy the album.

2. Zoo Station from Achtung Baby- Every U2 album has an opening track that kind of signals the direction that their album is going. "Where The Streets Have No Name" is silent for nearly 30 seconds, signaling the quiet desperation of The Joshua Tree, "A Sort of Homecoming" shows a kind of mixed bag, a band uncertain what it's doing with its own growing fame, but a noticeable withdrawal from the political ethos of War while relying on an ever-increasing size to their sound, "Beautiful Day" was the first real sign that U2 was officially old, with Bono mostly talking through the track and the other vocals sounding heavily produced or augmented. Well, "Zoo Station" may be the best of all of them, announcing U2's desire to break from The Joshua Tree and indulge in a more German sound, capturing industrial music, John Cage percussion, and a whirlwind of music in the place of silence. It also makes an odd cameo in a movie I'll always love (About A Boy), which was what first made me listen to the song in its own right and not just as a track on U2's seminal album.

3. One from Achtung Baby - That's right, although "One" has been named as the best song in history in several polls that the BBC had done, I would put it third. It's a phenomenal song, laden with raw emotion and confusion (which explains why people play this profoundly depressing song about divided souls at weddings), but it lacks the revolutionary force of Zoo Station. It's a more developed sound than we got on The Joshua Tree, but it's more remarkable as a well-written song than as an eye-opening performance or change to music. It's a continuous crescendo from start to finish, with the music swelling and Bono's pleading growing stronger and yet wearier simultaneously.

4. Walk On from All That You Can't Leave Behind - Although All That You Can't Leave Behind won a fair amount of critical acclaim (seriously, Rolling Stone, the #139 album of all f***ing time? Better than Darkness on the Edge of Town? #1 Record? Radio City? Not even close, the second half of it is all but unlistenable), following on the hells of Pop, it's a profoundly uneven album and loses its way about halfway through. But this is one of their best and most uplifting songs about triumphing over the mundane with a solid spoken narrative intro that sets the song up beautifully. They milk the beauty of poetic repetition at the end and close out the song with force, it leads into "Kite", another song worthy of consideration...and then the album goes off the tracks after "In a Little While".

5. Original of the Species from How to Dismantle An Atomic Bomb- It's remarkable primarily because it's a very quiet song that really has a broad spectrum of sounds. At first it's the string section that's really the driving force, then there's a piano bridging the next gap, and then the vocals get more depth and force as the song continues to its conclusion. It's one of the few songs on the last three albums where you really have no doubt that Bono's voice actually sounded that way -- the weakness and age show up, but they're completely indispensable.

Honorable Mention: Magnificent, No Line on the Horizon, Even Better Than The Real Thing, Discotheque - Sorry, but if you removed the lyrics, it's a phenomenal Propellerheads track, as it is, it's just a strong point on a middling album.

Dan's Top 5:

Man, U2 really sucks these days.

1. Mysterious Ways from Achtung Baby - OK, I really like this one, but I've heard it far to many times over the past year to say many good things about it at the moment.

2. Beautiful Day from All That You Can't Leave Behind - loses point for being associated with a campus christian organization I was very loosely associated with.

3. Vertigo from How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - To be fair, it sounds far better if you're in Ireland getting drunk and listening to a local band cover it.

4. Elevation from All That You Can't Leave Behind - Bonus points for vocoder use and Bono's Joshua Tree-era high notes.

5. All Because Of You from How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb - Hey, it's kinda catchy.

I don't particularly love any of these songs, but these are the ones I don't skip when they come up on my iPod. I have much love for anything before Achtung Baby, which really marked the downfall of this band in my eyes. Come to think of it, exactly half of the band's 12 albums came out before 1990, and the remaining 6 have all left something to be desired.

Top 5 Reasons We Haven't Updated

2009-06-29T21:07:00.000-07:00

I'm hoping that this post serves its intended purpose in that it will reignite this blog rather than drive the nail into the coffin. That, and I hate seeing the Killers list every time I devolve into one of my pseudo-Aspberger-syndrome bookmark click-fests.

Dan's Top 5:

1. Laziness - I think everyone knew this was coming at #1. It's like trying to list best rock bands of all time or something - there's no question that the Beatles will be at the top of every non-moron's list. Nowadays - especially since I passed the PhD candidacy exam - I have adopted a particularly "meh" attitude to putting forth a lot of effort to anything. Especially things on the Internet.

2. Social Life - I'm not ashamed to proclaim that I have a girlfriend now. What I am ashamed of is proclaiming it to random people on the street who clearly don't care, and as a result tend to get annoyed with me. And by posting this on the Internet, I'm effectively doing the same to any readers we may have. (Sorry, but you're really asking for it.) But it's true - I'm a happy guy.

3. Pop Culture Sucks - I can't really piece together a moderate list of good things related to pop culture that I've experienced since February. Sure, I saw a pretty cool concert, and got a decent album. I thought Star Trek was a fun movie. But the bare minimum for this site is five - kind of like the opposite of an express checkout lane. There's just not enough good stuff out there - or if there is, it sure isn't making itself obvious.

4. Lack of Cynicism - I never thought this would be true, but I guess it is. You know how, when you ask someone how they're doing, they might say something like "fine"? No matter how true it is, it sounds hollow and lifeless. Well, I'm doing fine right now, which has naturally eroded that biting wit and cynicism that it takes to be funny. Not that I ever was funny, but at least I pretended to be witty and cynical enough.

5. The Year of the Ox - According to the Chinese Zodiac, it's been the Year of the Ox since January 26th. I have no idea what that's supposed to mean from an Eastern astrological point of view, but considering that a huge percentage of all the crap I own has doubtlessly been manufactured in China, I feel there's no reason why it can't be the fault of their ancient calendar. Some sort of collective spiritual force conspiring against me. Man, the Rat was a lot better for my work ethic.

Honorable Mention: Hulu.com

Tim's Top Five:
1. I got married. - Basically, the months of April-early June involved me doing the final wedding planning and then spending the last few weeks with my wonderful wife before she left the country. That meant every weekend was spent with her, which leaves little time for sniping at random things via passive-aggressive blog posts.

2. I have a job. - I also had one weekend off between mid-February and my wedding. One out of about...ten. Again, not much time there.

3. I'm a passive follower. - I am way better at following others' lead when it comes to this blog. I've not been focused on generating lists since I've been busy at work, and with no one else to lead the way, I've been slacking.

4. Esoteric topics - the topics that I've considered for my top fives are all things that I know no one else would have a basis to contribute to, which largely defeats the purpose of posting them.

5. Laziness - Yeah, I'm guilty also.

Ryan's Top Five:
1. Work - I have definitely overextended myself this year at work. I spent way too much time creating curriculum, and then spent a good deal of June working, or at very least, having to be up at a morning time and going to things. I am eager for the biggest perk teaching has to offer: summer vacation--which begins on Thursday.

2. House - We bought a house. That took five months and required lots of red-tape work beforehand, and lots of physical labor afterward.

3. The Combination of 1-2 - Lots of Stuff To Do happened as a result of the intersection of 1-2, stuff that wasn't always unpleasant but definitely mitigated my ability to sit down and rank things.

4. Dearth of Topics - I think as a result of 1-2, Top 5 topics generally haven't come to me. I mean, the last good idea I had was Top 5 Wes Anderson characters, and this was a result of sitting down and watching Bottle Rocket. Before that, the last legitimately good idea I remember having was Top 5 Cover songs.

5. Lack of laziness - I've actually been doing more stuff this year--movies, concerts, reading, and generally spending as much time with Cortney as possible. (This, almost certainly, was a concerted effort to combat the prevalence of 1-2).

Top 5 Songs by The Killers

2009-02-15T18:35:00.000-08:00

Tim's Top 5:

1. "All These Things I've Done" from Hot Fuss - The solo vocal, followed by the drums leading into the guitar, which leads into the bass and fades back. The lyrics do a lot to commend the song because they accent the music so perfectly -- listen to the hard k's in "back of my broken hand" or the line "I'm so much older than I can take" -- the delivery just hits with genuine force. And like several of the songs on this list, it's got a lot of real variation to it -- the first half of the song (perfectly timed) is really just a prelude to the "I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier" transition which adds a real gospel feel to the song as it builds and transitions back into the first segment except with just a touch more vocal distortion this time. And the song title couldn't be placed better as a denouement into the quiet conclusion.

2. "Bones" from Sam's Town - This is in that rarest of categories, a song that induces a complete endorphin dump. If I hadn't taken up running, I'd probably never really know, but if you reach a point of physical exhaustion and have been dehydrating...trust me, there's nothing better than this song to drop your body temperature about three degrees. The lyrics keep it from being number one, they're really quite silly -- the Tim Burton video does nothing to commend it either, but the horns are perfect. The chorus increases with intensity as the song progresses and

3. "Sam's Town" from Sam's Town - I wouldn't have ever imagined that I'd come around on this album. When I heard it for the first time, it was depressing how bad it was. A few months passed, I heard it again, and it wasn't so bad. And really listening to the album, it's kind of easy to see why it took so long to grow on me. This song is the epitome of why -- it's got about eight songs crammed into 4:06, like the Who recording "A Quick One While He's Away" in 3:18. It goes from rapid to frenzied to leisurely and it's synthesizer-heavy. From the opening swell, it drops suddenly, goes into a ludicrously enunciated spoken word call to arms for Brandon Flowers, then explodes into the closest thing the song has to a chorus of "So why do you waste my time?", it drops back into a middle eight "have you ever seen the light?" and loops itself around again until it reaches the double-tracked sing-along "I've seen London..." Amazing. But not readily accessible -- the first time, it just sounds like a mess. Nope -- masterpiece.

4. "Losing Touch" from Day & Age - I've already christened this with new classic status. Deal. I'm a sucker for horns on Killers songs, clearly, and it makes the songs following it better...hearing Human in the absence of this song leading in...not something I want to experience again. And the amount of spite this songs carries for the people, like me, who just wrote off Sam's Town as worthless or as an attempt to be David Bowie.

5. "Change Your Mind" from Hot Fuss - I'll admit it, Casey Blake using "Read My Mind" as his batting song actually reminded me that it's a great song also, but The Killers are good with songs involving the word Mind. To me, it's probably the best vocals that Brandon Flowers has done on a song, perfectly matching his near monotone to the tone of the song.

Honorable mention: "Mr. Brightside" is just an amazing song, it's a shame it got largely overlooked for "Somebody Told Me", which is one of the least essential songs in the canon. The distorted vocals segueing into the crisp vocal-heavy wraparound, the swell of the drums into the chorus, which is so blissfully ironic that I have to love it.; "On Top" - very simple, but great production all around; "Why Do I Keep Counting?" - it starts slow, but once it gets into it, it's well worth the wait, even if it is a ludicrously simple song compared to the others; and of course, my favorite police interrogation set to music "Jenny Was a Friend Of Mine" which probably wouldn't even warrant mention if it were not about a police interrogation. Although there may be something on Sawdust worthy of mentioning here, my pick would probably have to be "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love To Town", and the way I phrased this topic...it's not eligible. I guess "Move Away" is a top 10 consideration.

Dan's Top 5:

1. "Mr. Brightside" (Hot Fuss) - This song was the highlight of the summer of 2005 for me. I was in Ireland, and one of my principal occupations was burning a copy of Hot Fuss for everyone, because this song was everywhere in the UK at that time. The hook-laden chorus in this song is perfect, and the lyrics are rather enigmatic while still having a fairly clear subject. The epitome of The Killers.

2. "Read My Mind" (Sam's Town) - The highlight of this album for me, the vocal line is perfectly complimented by the backing chord progression. There's also a great contrast between the softer verse and the harder chorus, though no one in the band is overplaying. The song could benefit from a bridge section or a more interesting guitar solo, but I'm not going to complain.

3. "Jenny Was a Friend Of Mine" (Hot Fuss) - The narrative is the best aspect of this song, but it's impossible to ignore the outstanding quality of the bass line. It feels like it was stolen from Peter Hook himself. This probably the best attempt that the band made at recapturing that 80's feel, though the subject makes it feel much darker and more modern than anything you would have heard back then.

4. "When You Were Young" (Sam's Town) - This is probably the reason I was so originally disappointed with their sophomore album now that I think about it. It was the leading single, and as a result, I was expecting all the songs to be this good. Wonderful sonic textures exist in this song - a subtle use of bells, a tone-dulled organ, strings, etc. Again, though, it suffers from a lack of variety as the song progresses - no bridge or interesting instrumental breaks.

5. "All These Things That I've Done" (Hot Fuss) - This one actually placed pretty low for this list, but that's because it's already been mentioned. It has a lot of internal variations, and all I can really do is echo Tim's praise. He's really put a lot more thought into analyzing this song than I ever have.

Top 5 Cover Songs That Are Better Than The Original Versions

2009-01-30T22:56:00.000-08:00

Pretty self-explanatory; the topic came up when we were at a bar and someone said that "Crimson and Clover" by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts was the best cover song ever. A-haha.

Ryan's Top 5:

1. "Everybody's Talkin'" - Harry Nilsson - This is definitely one of my favorite songs of all-time, so you bet your ass it's my favorite cover song. Fred "Not Harry Nilsson" Neil apparently performed a version of this song that pre-dates this one. Go figure!

2. "All Along the Watchtower" - Jimi Hendrix - This is the quintessential example, for me; nothing wrong with the Dylan version, but the Hendrix rendition is iconic rock.

3. "I Fought the Law" - The Clash - Once again, I like older versions of the song, but The Clash definitely knows how to amp up the ass-kickery. I'm fairly sure The Clash could cover anything and I'd like it better.

4. "I Will Survive" - Cake - Cake does the song in their own particular styling. Notably, they amend this lyric: "I should have changed my fucking lock / I would have made you leave your key." See that? They added the word "fucking." Brilliant!

5. "Stand By Me" - John Lennon - This narrowly defeats Van Halen's cover of "You Really Got Me," which loses points because The Kinks are one of my favorite bands. Anyway, I guess it's not a given that this version is incredibly superior--if you're a big R&B fan--and I'm not--so in the end this wins. Also, I like John Lennon. A lot.

Dan's Top 5:

1. Aretha Franklin - Respect (orig. by Otis Redding) - This is the only instance I can think of where the song's meaning is essentially transformed. When Aretha sings it, her womanhood is an essential element of the song.

2. Johnny Cash - Hurt (orig. by Nine Inch Nails) - Easily the newest original on the list to be covered, and by a man who was a living legend. If the Man In Black wants to sing your song, you know it's good.

3. Cream - Crossroads (orig. "Cross Road Blues" by Robert Johnson) - OK, I haven't heard the original, but "Crossroads" is my favorite Cream song.

4. Jimi Hendrix - All Along The Watchtower (orig. by Bob Dylan) - While I agree almost 100% with Ryan's selections, I've allowed myself one overlapping listing. This is it, because Jimi rocked and Dylan's got plenty of other good songs. He can spare one.

5. The Dropkick Murphys - The Fields of Athenry (orig. recorded by Danny Doyle) - Gains the quality of being much more easily adapted to sports scenarios.

Honorable Mention: Van Halen - You Really Got Me (orig. by The Kinks), Gnarls Barkley - Reckoner (orig. by Radiohead) - only omitted because it's not been released, Joe Cocker - With A Little Help From My Friends (orig. by The Beatles), Creedence Clearwater Revival - Heard It Through the Grapevine (orig. by Gladys Knight and the Pips) - omitted because it's too damn long.

Tim's Top 5:

1. If Not For You – George Harrison - The slide guitar on If Not For You works so magically, I don’t even know how to explain it. I think this is one of the greatest love songs ever recorded, not that you’ll be able to tell from that recording. And as much as I love Bob Dylan, his version of his own song just doesn’t measure up. It sounds like he was borrowing some of Hendrix’s work from All Along the Watchtower and makes it a fluff pop song. Harrison’s recording is a sincere and plaintive cry, almost an elegy in advance. The fact that it also works so well on All Things Must Pass means it would be sacrilege to put any lower down the list.

2. Hard to Handle – Black Crowes – I am a fan of Otis Redding’s version, but it’s not even a close contest. The Black Crowes completely reinvent this song and make it sound completely current (both for 1990 and 2009) and I was in disbelief when I actually opened the liner notes of Shake Your Moneymaker and saw that Otis Redding wrote the song. It’s the quintessential Black Crowes song, the best on what is an absolutely phenomenal album, and this song works blissfully well with the country-tuned sounds that they bring to the table on the album.

3. Slut – Big Star* - I include it solely because it’s on a released album, the inaptly titled “Columbia – Big Star Live at Missouri University” album that is inaptly titled, since 1) it’s not really Big Star (hence the asterisk -- it’s the second iteration of Big Star -- Alex Chilton, Jody Stephens, and two members of the Posies (Auer/Stringfellow), since Chris Bell had died long before the “reunion” show), and 2) there is no such thing as Missouri University. Nice try. But it is a phenomenal performance overrun with exuberance that far outpaces the comparatively turgid and horribly produced Todd Rundgren original. A faster tempo and the less enunciated voice of Alex Chilton prove the key here. If I ever put together a band, there is absolutely no way we would not cover this song in the style Big Star does. “S-L-U-T…she may be a slut, but she looks good to me.”

4. Do Ya – Matthew Sweet – Another live cover, this one is documented on Live From 6A, a compilation CD of recordings from Late Night with Conan O’Brien. It’s the lone track on the album that wasn’t actually performed on the show; they did the track as the sound check before the show. It’s a song that’s uniquely Matthew Sweet, perfect for his voice and unassuming tone and captures the superb musicians that he always surrounded himself with for his albums and tours. ELO isn’t a great band, but they are made to create good covers (OK Go almost made the list for covering “Don’t Bring Me Down,” but it’s hard to say their version is definitively better than the original. No such problem here.)

5. I’ll Feel A Whole Lot Better – Tom Petty – There’s nothing quite so ironic as getting on this list by covering a band who made their career by covering other people’s songs. But it worked for Tom Petty, who included this version of a Byrds hit on Full Moon Fever. The cleaner digital production is 99% of the reason that this song improves upon the Byrds song, which is one of their best. But the recording is dated, tinny, contains a heavy tambourine and sounds like a hit song played on an AM radio (unsurprisingly). Petty’s song is a much clearer recording and seems a note higher, matching the song more closely with its lyrics.

Honorable mention: 99 Problems – Jay-Z – I exclude this because it’s not really a cover, even though it takes its title and chorus from Ice-T’s cut of the same name. But if it were a cover…oh, it’s on the list; Harvey Danger – Save It For Later – Harvey Danger was way too good a one-hit wonder band to burn out as fast as they did; Draggin’ the Line – R.E.M. – this one-note performance is on the Austin Powers: the Spy Who Shagged Me soundtrack, and is easily the best thing about that horrific movie. Why more people don’t cover Tommy James songs is well beyond me. They’re a guaranteed success – Mony Mony and I Think We’re Alone Now were both hits for later artists, this song is awesome, and Crimson and Clover just begs to be covered (although apparently the Joan Jett fan Ryan mentioned already thinks that job's done); All Along the Watchtower – Jimi Hendrix; It Ain’t Me Babe – The Turtles, Quinn the Eskimo – Manfred Mann - I lump these in because they’re all Bob Dylan covers. Covering Bob Dylan is obvious, but only a few stick out as real successes. The Turtles capture a sardonic taunting tone to a song that Dylan left untouched, Hendrix simply created a new song, and Manfred Mann recorded a ludicrously catchy but still inexplicable song.

Top 5 Songs You Would Enter A Game To If You Were A Major League Closer

2009-01-08T15:30:00.001-08:00

Tim's Top 5:

Let's be honest, a closer is only as good as his entrance music. Actually, Brad Lidge was about 45-for-45 in saves last year...and he came in to Drowning Pool. So, in fact, a closer is considerably better than his entrance music. Unless that closer would be me.

Everything I've read claims that the movie Major League is really responsible for the association of a single song with a closer...but I don't buy it, because at least at minor league ballparks, they did it before that movie came out. I remember Greg Everson coming out before Luis Encarnacion in Omaha to "Thank God I'm A Country Boy" (which is fine for a middle reliever, obviously not really a closer song).

This was a tough list, because there are songs that work until you actually listen to the substance of the lyrics (like, say, Muse's "Time Is Running Out") Oh, and I don't listen to heavy metal, which means that ... yeah, I had to be creative.

1. Pearl Jam - Save You -- Why? Well, I mean, come on, it's a little perfect. It has a great crunching guitar intro, the first guitar comes in, a second, then the drums hit before the vocals come in. And the first few lines are flawless. "I'm gonna save you, fucker (it'd be fine, you can't tell that's what he's saying)/ I'm not gonna lose you / I'm feeling cocky and strong, can't let you go / Too important to me, too important to us, we'd be lost with you")

It does have one lyrical minus -- "Why are you hitting yourself? Come on, hit me instead." This would not exactly inspire the fans' confidence...but perhaps I'm a pitch-to-contact closer along the lines of Bob Wickman and Brandon Lyon, so the fans already hate me regardless of my theme music.

It starts a little too hard, I like the escalation of #5 (and also Enter Sandman, which I think is otherwise not a good song for this purpose), but it's already taken.

2. Alice Cooper – School’s Out – This might be the perfect timing, because there’s a point at 1:14 (right before the high-pitched middle eight) where the song should be cut off by the public address announcer to announce “Your attention please…now pitching …” – if they can draw it out to 1:29, it has a hard bounceback. It’s a profoundly recognizable song, it’s just annoying enough to actually be used as a closer’s anthem.

The lyrics work, I think. Listen, you’ve had your chance to learn how to hit with the shitty pitchers in innings 1-8…school’s out, time to step up.

3. Stevie Wonder – You Haven’t Done Nothin’” – Again, the timing on this song is good here. At 1:03, plenty of opportunity for the announcer to cut in to announce the closer’s arrival. I like the funky, taunting beat and I think you just strut in from the bullpen for this one. It was meant to scorn Richard Nixon, but I think it’d work just as well on Trot Nixon. The entire thing just has a very taunting feel to it that is kind of missing with the blaring heavy metal surplusage that has led two different Drowning Pool songs to be used as closer entrance themes.

4. R.E.M. – "Circus Envy" – I love this song. The growling beginning and heavy drum and crackling distortion pedal at the beginning really cement it, the opening lyrics are pretty taunting “Here comes that awful feeling again” (though after a few blown saves…we’ll see who’s having the awful feeling). It lightens a little too much about 45 seconds into the song, but the repeating intro loop is really the key.

At 2:29, the lyrics hit their peak “If I were you, I’d really run from me”. True enough, R.E.M.

5. AC/DC - "Hell's Bells" - Trevor Hoffman already has that one, as you can see from this video ...and for a good damn reason. "Thunderstruck" is also a pretty good entrance song, so I think we've identified what AC/DC is good for -- closer songs and songs you know someone would request at a strip club ("You Shook Me All Night Long")

It’s really a shame that Trevor Hoffman never pitched for the Phillies, because if they got the Liberty Bell in center field to “ring” right as he hit the warning track for the first bell…it’d be amazing.

Honorable mention: Wagner - March of the Valkyries - Listen. It is not my fault that Wagner was anti-Semitic. This is the heavy metal equivalent of classical music, and it sounds pretty damn sinister; The Arcade Fire – Keep the Car Running - Again, I thought of this for primarily lyrical reasons, because it seems to me to be the equivalent of “trust me, we won’t be here long”; Muse – Hysteria – start the song 10 seconds in. That’s it.; Jay-Z "Encore" - the reference to Brooklyn keeps it out of the top 5 for me, otherwise I think it’s pretty spot on; Oasis - “Hello” - Start at 12 seconds. I’m not sure why I like it for this – I think it’s the “it’s good to be back” refrain that seems so apropos for a regularly-injured underdog pitcher who survives on sheer guile. You know, the one I’d be destined to be if I hadn’t sucked too much for the injuries to matter; Presidents of the United States of America – “Cleveland Rocks” – if I played for the Indians, you’d damn well better believe I’d be a lousy enough closer to pander to the home fans (all of whom are white and therefore none of them actually live in Cleveland, but they’d still pretend).

Dan's Top 5:

I have included Youtube links indicating when, precisely, I want the music to kick in.

1. Iron Maiden - Run To The Hills - A song about rampaging, murderous war by the white man against the Native Americans. Comes in especially handy when our team plays against the Cleveland Indians or the Atlanta Braves. Or the Washington Redskins, if they decide to quit football and try baseball instead.

2. Peter Gabriel - The Tower That Ate People - One of the most kickass songs that Gabriel's done, and I think it would have the added bonus of frightening little children. Downside - not very effective if you're not dressed in all black or at least wearing black sunglasses.

3. Metallica - Enter Sandman - A nod to my Virginia Tech days, when you could play Enter Sandman (our stadium entrance song) and immediately get everyone in audible range to jump up and down and go absolutely berserk. It didn't even have to be football season.

4. Meat Loaf - Bat Out Of Hell - I will refuse to throw a pitch until the song is finished. I may promptly be demoted to the franchise's AAA team, but a man needs his Meat Loaf.

5. Rage Against The Machine - Bulls On Parade - Still my favorite Rage song after all these years. I could have gone for something a little more obscure to close out this list, but I think that fans will appreciate my taste in music. It sure will make up for the fact that I am a shitty closer and will cost our team the win.

Ryan's Top 5:

I went solely with kickass music, though part of me does want to enter to "Why Can't We Be Friends?" a la Homer's boxing intro.

1. Iron Maiden - The Number of the Beast - Time-wise, this song is perfect. Start it at the normal time, then dim the stadium lights as I enter jogging; at about 56 seconds, right when I throw my first warmup pitch, Bruce Dickinson screams and the crowd goes wild. I would definitely make a point of timing this perfectly. Bonus points in that the tone of the song would ideally terrify the Bible-thumping Mike Sweeneys of the world; regrettably, it would be no deterrent to the Satan-worshiping AJ Pierzynskis of the world (though his ability to hit is a solid deterrent to begin with).

2. Sergei Prokofiev - Dance of the Knights - Probably a bit high for a classical song, but I've had this in my head all day long and have been convinced of its ass-kickery since Muse opened HAARP with it. (Youtube took down the clip, unfortunately.) Ultimately, this song beats other classical contenders ("Mars, Bringer of War," and "The Imperial March" from Star Wars).

3. Morning Glory - Oasis - As far as I can tell, you cannot go wrong with a helicopter sound effect introducing a song. (See: "The Happiest Days of our Lives," Pink Floyd.) (This is where someone cites the Kid Rock/Sheryl Crow song I'm forgetting that features a helicopter.) Lyrically, this song is sufficiently vague enough, as well: "All your dreams are made..." "Today's the day that all the world will see..."

4. Black Sabbath - Iron Man - As cliche as this song is (it's almost certainly used by some closer somewhere), it's too good for me to pass up. This song is rare in that my favorite part is about ten seconds in, when the robot voice says I AM IRON MAN. But oh well.

5. Kool and the Gang - Jungle Boogie - I have been in love with this song since Pulp Fiction. Play this, I'll throw a 1-2-3 ninth, then we cap it off with "Celebration" by the same band, bam! I rule!

Honorables: "Hell's Bells" was really written to be a sports intro theme.

Top 5 Albums of 2008

2008-12-21T14:22:00.000-08:00

Dan's Top 5:

OK, this is admittedly a bit premature, but I really don't see any part of my list changing in the last two weeks of the year. I also realize that these albums were stumbled on by myself alone, so consider these my official recommendations for the year.

1. Ladyhawke - Ladyhawke - I got this album not even a month ago, and already Ladyhawke (alias of Pip Brown) has broken my top 5 on last.fm. This album summons ghosts of the 80's and never fails - it's like The Killers if they didn't go downhill after their first album. And if Brandon Flowers were even more of a woman than he already is. (Just kidding, Brandon.) There are no weak tracks at all, and it would be hard to even put together a top 5 list of tracks from this album. Look for that list in the future, because I'm all about trying to rank things that defy rankability. (Best song - "My Delirium")

2. Darker My Love - 2 - What I like about this album is that it has a wide range of influences. I can pick out a bit of early-era Black Sabbath, some U2, and even some earlier Snow Patrol. There's no single thing that makes this album particularly jump out at you, but it's solid, it sounds really good, and it has no weak tracks. If it got a bit more press, it would be one of those albums that will "save rock music." (Best song - "Pale Sun")

3. MGMT - Oracular Spectacular - This whole album is made of drugs. Then again, most of the classic albums throughout history are. But this is more like pure electro insanity. Overall, the sound is very original and fresh, and the first half of the album will just blow you away. The later tracks are a bit weak, though, which drives this album down the list. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some ecstasy to pop. (Best song - "Time to Pretend")

4. Gnarls Barkley - The Odd Couple - You know it's a good year in music when Gnarls Barkley winds up this far down my list. This is another sophomore release that initially failed to live up to the strength of the debut album, only to become far more listenable as time goes on. And my, how it has since rebounded in my playlist. It's good to know that these guys are not just a flash in the pan. (Best song - "Going On")

5. Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend - Yeah, they're cheesy and über-white, but damn it, the music is catchy nonetheless. Though I will never forgive them for the annoying single "A-Punk," the whole album is vaguely reminiscent of Paul Simon's Graceland, Peter Gabriel, or some other African-laced 80's album. Hey, apartheid was horrible and all, but at least there was some great music to come out of it, right? (Best song - "Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa")

Honorable Mention: Kanye West - 808s & Heartbreak, Sigur Rós - Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust, Muse - H.A.A.R.P. (Quite awesome, but easily bumped to make room for studio albums.)

Ryan's Top 5:

Once again I am reminded of how un-current my tastes are... even the new stuff I get into tends to be a year old (see M.I.A.). Anyway, here goes:

1. Ladyhawke - Ladyhawke - I really can't stress enough how much I like this album. If I were growing up in the 80's and Ladyhawke was around, I'd truly have been obsessed. As it stands I'm doing my best to get obsessed now, and so far it seems to be working. She might be my biggest musical crush since Muse? Favorites: Paris is Burning, From Dusk Till Dawn, Magic, Back of the Van, My Delirium, I mean, the whole damn album.

2. Gnarls Barkley - The Odd Couple - A great follow-up to their debut album, and somehow they still seem to be under the radar, so their semi-underground appeal is maintained and they aren't omnipresent. Favorites: Run, Going On, A Little Better.

3. Kanye West - 808s and Heartbreak - I love this album. I love this album a lot more than his last two albums. "Paranoid" might be my favorite song of the year, and it's certainly in my top 5 (list forthcoming, I'm sure, at some point).

4. Death Cab for Cutie - Narrow Stairs - Not nearly as good as previous albums, but whatever.

5. Flight of the Conchords - Flight of the Conchords - This album's placement at #5 is probably more a sign of how little new music I listen to than its overall greatness. Don't get me wrong, FOTC is one of the best things to happen this decade, but after the show/comedy acts this album was pretty underwhelming for me. There are numerous glaring omissions (I'm Not Crying, Sello Tape, If You're Into It, Bret You Got It Going On) and this album's version of "Robots" is maybe the worst there is (still good, but the eighteen youtube versions, and of course the show version, are better). Anyway, enough being an FOTC nerd, this album still kicked ass.

Top 5 Movies You Saw For the First Time This Year

2008-12-14T18:18:00.001-08:00

Tim's Top 5:

I've not seen much in the way of movies this year in the theater (I think a total of six), but by my count I've seen 37 movies for the first time this year through finally watching DVDs I own, Netflix, or going to the theater.

1. Elevator to the Gallows - Louis Malle's debut film captures the inevitability and femme fatale aspects of film noir, but spins it in an unforeseen direction. The absurdism is certainly convenient and it requires suspension of disbelief, but the whole saga seems so plagued with fatalism that it feels real. The characters are a bit stock, but the scenario feels fresh 40 years later, and the Miles Davis score is unmatched. I'm embarrassed it took me this long to watch the movie, since I'd owned it since law school.

2. The Last Waltz - To make a concert film of The Band excellent was not something I anticipated would be all that easy, I was hardly a fan of their work. So after they'd played The Weight and Up on Cripple Creek, I really didn't think there'd be any reason to watch. Not so much. It's a fantastic concert from start to finish and the segments where Scorsese interviews The Band are pretty interesting as well.

3. United 93 - If 7 years of misguided responses to September 11 seem to have robbed you of how the day felt, this movie might just reopen those wounds. It brought a lot of gut responses back to me and put me right back in the place where I had been that morning. You know how the movie will end, but it's relentless and forces you to make a serious emotional investment in its outcome. It's a triumph of a film that feels heroic and disastrous all at once, but if nothing else, serves as a reminder of one of the most gut-wrenching days in American history.

4. Once - A nearly perfect film, even if it is functionally plotless. The charm of the two leads is immeasurable and their chemistry is flawless. Add Grafton Street and some other Dublin locales that made it feel relate-able, and you've got a can't-miss film. It doesn't, either, and refuses to take the most obvious path at any point.

5. The Dark Knight - I don't know if Heath Ledger deserves an Oscar, because I haven't seen much of any movies that came out this year, but it was a transformative performance. Though it reads as a political screed as much as a film, Batman's moral ambiguity and the willingness to destroy the sequel that was seemingly being set up pays off in spades. Like Casino Royale, it breathed new life into a film series that had a chance of going too far off the rails. The bad news is that the next film is almost certainly going to be worse (hence, the middling Quantum of Solace not appearing on this list).

Honorable mention: Pan's Labyrinth - I never would have thought it possible to like this movie based on what I'd read, but it's superbly-made and plays very straightforward for what is effectively a fairy tale; Standard Operating Procedure - one of Errol Morris' weaker films, but it personalizes the Abu Ghraib saga more than I'd have imagined possible; The Battle of Algiers - a surprisingly even-handed treatment of the Algerian conflict that relates a story others should have learned from in later conflicts like Vietnam; Iron Man - if anyone is ever cast as me in a movie, I'm hoping it will be Robert Downey Jr. He carries this movie single-handedly and brings a lot of humor to what could have been an overly fawning superhero film. Jon Favreau's direction recognized the humor available in the premise and maximizes it while making it modern.

Dan's Top 5:

As far as I can tell, I've watched 60 movies this year, so this is really hard.

1. Schindler's List - I thought that I wouldn't get this movie. It's about the Holocaust, after all, to which I feel no personal connection at all. But really, this is an excellent film showcasing the essentials of human decency amidst the most senseless of human ferocity. That Steven Spielberg made it is even more astounding, since he had mainly been a director for family-friendly blockbuster movies. At least he doesn't have to worry about which of his movies will be remembered as his best.

2. The Dark Knight - Very seldom is it that I go into a movie theater expecting to be blown away. (Even Best Picture contenders lately leave a lot to be desired.) Even more seldom is the case when the film in question surpasses that already high expectation. What likely seemed a strong movie on paper was taken to a completely different level by the performance of Heath Ledger, which turned the movie into a psychological - and at times philosophical - thriller reminiscent of Silence of the Lambs..

3. Wall-E - Every time Pixar releases a movie, I end up saying it's their best yet. I was fully convinced that Ratatouille was going to be the studio's peak and that the narrative quality would start to decline. The movie manages to accomplish so much with the bare minimum of dialogue, expressing character and emotion through imagery alone. It also accomplishes the remarkable feat of getting you to think about environmental concerns and consumerism without making it some forced political message in disguise. Oh, and if Peter Gabriel doesn't get an academy award for "Down To Earth," I will probably destroy something in my apartment.

4. Network - I didn't really know what to expect of this film going in, other than it was a classic. The level of farce in the story increases ever-so-gradually from completely believable to a level of absurdity matched only by the Bush administration. Personally, I think it would make for a good stage adaptation. It remains a powerful movie even now, when there are starting to emerge people, like me, who don't even watch television.

5. Dark Days - This is, to date, the best documentary film I've seen. It follows a series of homeless people who have taken refuge near abandoned Amtrak tracks near Penn Station. All the characters are engaging and often funny in the face of very hard circumstances. The film actually follows a natural plot rather than meandering from one didactic segment to another a la Bowling for Columbine (which I did like). Most importantly, it ends up being pretty uplifting and shows you what human potential really can be. Feel free to use this movie when battling conservatives.

Honorable Mention: Juno, There Will Be Blood, Do The Right Thing, The Third Man, Into The Wild

Ryan's Top 5:

Perhaps solely for this blog, and to feed my ever-growing OCD, I should start keeping track of movies I watch. (I don't.) So these are my top 5 as best as I can recollect.

1. There Will Be Blood - As much as I disdain anything that's not a comedy, this movie was truly brilliant and veritably flawless. You don't see many true modern tragedies, but this surely was one, and a stellar one.

2. Forgetting Sarah Marshall - This movie was A) hilarious, B) heartwarming, C) well-acted with funny actors, and D) funnier than 40-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up (comparative as all are Apatow movies). Jason Segel and Russell Brand are particularly great. It also boasts a Dracula musical with puppets from Jim Henson's Creature Shop.

3. Wall-E - Differs slightly in tone from my choice for #1. I can't say that I circle calendar dates in anticipation of PIXAR movies, but they really deserve praise for their writing. Animation aside, they rarely make bad movies; some are better than others, sure, but have they ever made anything completely bad? I don't think so, and there have been plenty of shit-tastic 3D animation movies (that shark piece of trash that I actually saw in a theater comes to mind). Anyway, Wall-E may be their best effort to date. I don't have kids, but if I did, this seemingly would be the perfect movie to take them to.

4. The Dark Knight - I think Tim and Dan said it better than I could. I will say that when movies are talked up so much it almost always affects my reaction to the film adversely. This was not the case here, though, as The Dark Knight delivered. And for days after the film I was wiki'ing Batman and hypothesizing who would be the villain in the sequel.

5. Be Kind Rewind - Did critics dislike this movie? I guess it wasn't as funny as you'd hope a Jack Black/Mos Def movie would be, but... on second thought, wasn't it? I dunno, I loved it. Michel Gondry does not disappoint.

Honorables: Run, Fatboy, Run (probably a dumb movie, but I laughed a lot); No Country for Old Men (saw it on DVD in March or so); Dewey Cox (honorable in that I really thought it would suck and it was actually worth RedBoxing, pretty funny); W. (either I'm not smart enough or not politically-inclined enough to expound on the film's realism/lack thereof, but I enjoyed it...the press conference scenes, taken from Real Actual Life, are pretty damn painful); Iron Man (Robert Downey, Jr., is one of my favorite actors, and Tim's right, this film minus him is forgettable).

Dishonorables: Semi-Pro (do not watch this film--repeat, do NOT watch this film); Strange Wilderness (I wasted money on renting this, blagghgh); 21 (classic case of I-read-the-book-first-and-therefore-this-movie-sucks, but come on, they distort reality so much it hurts); Leatherheads (should have been better/funnier than it was); Harold and Kumar Escape... (not a good movie, at all, in any sense, and I liked the first one); Made of Honor (N.B. I did not actually see this movie but I conjecture it is the worst Pile of Suck ever created, look at the fucking title and forget about it, Jesus, do not see this movie); Indiana Jones (we waited 20 goddamn years for THIS?!?!); An American Carol (see my critique of Made of Honor).

Top 5 Favorite (New) Books Read in 2008

2008-11-21T15:40:00.001-08:00

It's looking increasingly unlikely that I will meet the 50-Book Challenge. I am mired on 37. So I think it's high time to pull the trigger on a list I've been intending to write all year.

Ryan's Top 5:

1. God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater - Kurt Vonnegut - This book blew me away. While reading this book, I constantly thought to myself, "This is the great American novel." I think, when you've read 10+ Vonnegut books and feel you have a pretty good grasp on the author, you don't expect to find an undiscovered gem. But this book has every opportunity to stand beside Mother Night and Slaughterhouse-Five as my three favorite Vonnegut books.

2. Then We Came To The End - Joshua Ferris - What can I say, I love office culture and the books, movies, TV shows, etc., regarding it. Anyway, this book is written in the first-person plural--a fact which would strike one as seeming gimmicky, but it never comes off as such while reading it. Ferris cleverly inserts the singular author/narrator into the story at key moments. This book is also pretty funny. Good stuff. Incidentally, the first book I read this year.

3. Flight - Sherman Alexie - This book should be taught in schools. And it would be, too, if I had the ability to acquire any texts I want. But alas, I do not have said ability. Anyway, every high school kid--and especially every transient-population high school kid, and especially especially every foster child high school kid--should definitely read this mug. A quick, entertaining read with a powerful and refreshingly simple message: violence blows.

4. When You Are Engulfed By Flames - David Sedaris - I don't think I will ever like this more than Corduroy or Me Talk Pretty One Day, but so what? Those books are damn good, and so is this one. Nuts to anyone who said this book was a weaker effort from Sedaris, that he was writing about lighter, less interesting material. Bullshit. Sedaris' masterful ability to coax the Funny and the Interesting from any incident--no matter how mundance--is veritably unparalleled.

5. The Year of Living Biblically - A.J. Jacobs - A fun and interesting read on modern, and ancient, Judeo-Christian beliefs. I learned more from this book than I did from 15 years (read: 15 Easters) of church.

Honorables: Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, Tom Stoppard; Armageddon in Retrospect, by Kurt Vonnegut; Motherless Brooklyn, by Jonathan Lethem; others.

Dan's Top 5:

1. Watchmen - Alan Moore - Fuck it, I'm just going to reprint my review that I gave it:

In the entire set of books I've read, I've only reread two. Watchmen is one of them. First, being a graphic novel, it's fairly easy to reread. However, even if it were a printed novel of more than four hundred words, I imagine I'd still be rereading it, because it's a great piece of literature.

But then, one of its key successes is what Moore tried to use it to prove - that comics can achieve things that neither film nor printed novels can. (I use "comics" out of respect for Moore, who as I understand it, didn't like the term "graphic novel.") It's easy to dismiss the whole medium of comics after associating them with superhero-based periodical magazines seemingly fueled by sugar and adrenaline, a few steps away from being printed versions of adventurous Saturday morning cartoons. Watchmen changed that and showed that comics could be used to create something great and truly artistic.

This is literature.

It is ironic then, that Moore does this by using superheroes and masked vigilantes. However, every single one of them has their own flaws and depths. Most have a chapter dedicated mainly to them, so that you can gain an appreciation for their character. By far the most popular character to try to dissect is Rorschach, the trenchcoat-clad vigilante whose journal helps narrate the book. As the plot progresses, we can see both a perception of the world that is devoid of any existence of morality and a deep-rooted desire to uphold certain values and principles at any cost.

I imagine that many people will be reading this book in the coming months as the upcoming movie adaptation is hyped amongst the circles of the book's adoring fans. With the degree of achievement that this comic represents, it is not a question of how well the movie will succeed in recreating Watchmen, but how little it will fail. It is hard to imagine a comic approaching this level of perfection again.

There will likely be some who cannot get past the concept of reading a comic and taking it seriously, thus putting it down soon after they start reading. If you've never read comics before, then this book will change your views on what they are able to accomplish, as long as you are able to check any preconceptions at the door. If you have read comics before, but you've never read Watchmen, then be prepared to drink from the Holy Grail.

2. High Fidelity - Nick Hornby - I'm amazed it took me so long to read this book, but then again, I'm a slow reader. There's enough difference from the movie that I can say it was really worth the read, and it provided a fresh new lease on the story. I'm sort of sad and frightened at how well some guy from England knows my life story. You know, except for all the sex that was added to make it interesting.

3. When You Are Engulfed in Flames - David Sedaris - One of the stories in this collection - Town and Country - made me realize just how genius that Sedaris' work is. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read the whole story and then reread the very first sentence. The circular irony - if I can call it that - takes the story beyond funny and into a realm of the-joke's-on-you that I had previously believed only Andy Kaufman was in.

4. Batman: The Long Halloween - Jeph Loeb - Another graphic novel makes the list, and this may be the best Batman story out there. It's another story that transcends - or expands - its medium. It's really a classic film-noir detective story. It should earn respect as being one of the primary inspirations for The Dark Knight, which many - including myself - are hailing as the best movie adaptation ever of the world of comics.

5. Gonzo: The Life of Hunter S. Thompson - Corey Seymour - Quite a nice account of the entire life of The Doctor. I have a suspicion that there are better biographies to come, especially if they don't paint such a dreary picture of Thompson's later years, but this serves as a fantastic introduction to understanding the man for those, like myself, who missed his glory years.

Tim's Top 5:

Wow. Apparently this blog still exists. I'm at 59 books for the year, so it's odd that coming up with 5 I loved is so difficult, but so it goes. For a year I intended to plow through most of Shakespeare and Vonnegut...I've read nary a page of either. The number afterward is, of course, the number in the sequence of 59 books where the books were read. Why? Because Ryan mentioned that one book was first and I'm borderline OCD about tracking things that mean nothing. As a modest response to the other lists, I've read The Year of Living Biblically (in January) and High Fidelity (several times years ago), and will never understand people's love for David Sedaris -- nor why I keep trying to give him additional opportunities to make me understand.

1. Werewolves in Their Youth by Michael Chabon - This book is, I think, my favorite thing Chabon has ever written. Though I've yet to complete Kavalier and Clay (and that's the only thing I haven't read), from the half-book I've read, I'm going to find it an unlikely suitor to replace this collection of short stories. The title story is profoundly touching and one of the best instances in creating an offbeat narrator with whom a reader can nonetheless connect, and the remainder of the book is about on par with it. It's a fantastic work that thumps even Raymond Carver's best work when it comes to short story-writing. (#18)

2. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon - This is a book that I was consciously reminding myself to be skeptical toward. It's fish-in-a-barrel, right? It's not compelling to basically turn an Asperger's kid into a narrator, it's just Rain Man in book form. Right? Well, if so, it's compelling anyway. The book is emotionally compelling and manages to have a narrator who is by definition static but creates a story that simply changes the reader instead of the narrative voice. (#29)

3. The Executioner's Song by Norman Mailer - The entirety of Mailer's novel seems so exceptionally odd in every way that it's hard to remind yourself that it really happened. Gary Gilmore, a perfectly ordinary petty criminal with sociopathic tendencies, became a man of huge fame solely because he wanted to die rather than linger in prison for ages. The story of him fighting for his execution while others fight to stop it and others (including Mailer himself, it turns out) fight to make money off selling the story to Hollywood is surreal and bizarre, but gripping, particularly after the first 200 pages or so. It's a good thing, since there's another 800 after that, but it's generally intriguing and a sad tale for everyone involved. It also doesn't hurt that I read much of this book in Spain and some in Morocco. I loved Spain...and enjoyed certain elements of Morocco (#20)

4. Rome 1960: the Olympics that Changed the World by David Maraniss - Both of Maraniss's books really struck me as impressive works of biography, but this one offered a reasonable biography of around a dozen people in the context of a few weeks in the Olympics. Although I'd grown up adoring the olympics, you didn't hear of 1960 -- 1968 had Bob Beamon, 1972 had Mark Spitz and terrorists, 1984 was Carl Lewis, and 1936 was Jesse Owens. 1960...1960 was nothing. Rafer Johnson wasn't a name, Cassius Clay wasn't an Olympian. Maraniss' book brings the intrigue of the Cold War and the clash of a East/West Olympics to vivid life and doesn't limit it solely to the American perspective -- though that is obviously the primary emphasis. Less emotional than Clemente, which is one of the saddest books I've read, it nonetheless carries a punch. (#40)

5. Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer - Murder and religion make a compelling pair. I'm a sucker for Krakauer's book, and this one was more educational than I would have anticipated. Far from being the anti-Mormon screed that the LDS church has made it out to be, it details a lot of their history in what strikes me as a profoundly even-handed manner and constantly emphasizes the differences between fundamentalist LDS and ordinary LDS -- so much that I think it takes it really easy on LDS and its numerous withdrawals from these once-preeminent tenets of their church. (#22)

Honorable mention: The 33-Year-Old Rookie by Chris Coste (#30), Bloody Confused! by Chuck Culpepper (have I mentioned that I am enamored with Premier League soccer? Maybe I need to try Fever Pitch again) (#55), Havana Nocturne: How The Mob Owned Cuba…and then Lost It To the Revolution by T.J. English (#41), Charlie Wilson's War by George Crile (#1), Clemente: the Passion and Grace of Baseball’s Last Hero by David Maraniss (the end of this book is as upsetting as anything I have ever read) (#46), The Big Sleep by Raymond Chandler (#58)

Top 5 Places You Want To Visit

2008-10-08T20:50:00.000-07:00

Pretty self-explanatory, but the assumption for this list is that money is no restriction - just assume that the trip is taken care of and you have a reasonable, tourist-y budget.

Dan’s Top 5:

1. Adelaide, Australia - I want to go to Australia in general, just because it seems like such a cool place. I want to go to Adelaide specifically because it's not one that you typically think of right away, and my thesis advisor studied there long ago. I may therefore get the chance to meet some people at his old university in the field of acoustics. And if I'm lucky, my American accent will help me nab an Aussie chick while I'm there.

2. London, England - Yes, I know I've been there before, but damn, did I have a good time. And I could have spent a month there and not have done enough to satisfy me. Of course, I'm enough of an Anglophile that I could just ride the London Underground all day and be satisfied. Last time, I saw the Queen. This time, I want to bump into Stephen Merchant.

3. Tokyo, Japan - Since my friend is off teaching Japanese schoolchildren English at the moment, I figure that if I went to Japan, I could probably get hold of him and we could run riot in Tokyo for a weekend. If even Sofia Coppola can make this city seem interesting, then you know it's got to be good.

4. Niagara Falls, Canada/U.S. - I have been to Niagara Falls (and Toronto) once in high school, and I filled three whole rolls of film with pictures. I got them developed and they were all grey. So this is probably just an excuse to get amazing pictures again, but I also want because it was the highlight of the trip and it's worth experiencing again.

5. Prague, The Czech Republic - I hear from absolutely every one of my European friends that this is likely the greatest city in all of Europe. I'm of course banking on the fact that I'll be able to track down my old acquaintance from the Czech Republic and he can show me around. If not, I may have to cut the trip short and go to Amsterdam for the hookers and pot.

Honorable Mention - Amsterdam, The Netherlands (again, hookers and pot.)

Top 5 Songs From Wes Anderson Movies

2008-09-06T00:59:00.000-07:00

Wes Anderson is the best soundtrack director in the world, says I, so this list is essential. I will try not to make this Top 5 Songs from Rushmore.

Ryan's Top 5:

1. Here Comes My Baby - Cat Stevens - Rushmore - I am a sucker for bells in songs, and the reason for this might be this song, which I listened to about nine thousand times in high school. I used to listen to the Rushmore soundtrack in its entirety while doing homework, then start it over, repeat, etc. Yes. I love this song.

2. Life on Mars? - David Bowie - The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou - I still can't quite place The Life Aquatic in my top 5 Wes Anderson movies (another essential), but I have absolutely loved the scene with this song since I saw it in the theater. Bowie + Wes Anderson = Happy.

3. Making Time - Creation - Rushmore - Raw, excellent rock 'n roll.

4. This Time Tomorrow - The Kinks - Darjeeling Limited - I probably could've slotted "Oh Yoko!" by John Lennon in this list, but in the interest of representing more movies, this one works perfectly. On the other hand, now that I think about it, maybe I like this song more... It's a moot point--it's not like I'm ranking the two, right? Ah, right.

5. Zorro Is Back - Oliver Onions - Bottle Rocket - Some pretty great Joy Music. This was on my Graduation Joy mix, and followed me with extensive play through my first real job at ChryslerFinancial. It's tough to beat singing along to "Here's to being free la la la la la la la Zorro's back..."

Honorables, in no order - Over And Done With, by The Proclaimers; Nothin' In This World Can Stop Me Worryin' 'Bout That Girl, The Kinks; A Quick One While He's Away, The Who; Oh Yoko!, John Lennon; Ooh La La, The Faces; Needle in the Hay, Elliot Smith; Let Me Tell You About My Boat, Mark Mothersbaugh (I fucking love this song); Search and Destroy, Iggy Pop and the Stooges; Staralfur, Sigur Ros; Queen Bitch, David Bowie (great scene, as well); Powerman, The Kinks.

Dan's Top 5:

1. Ooh La La - The Faces - Rushmore - This, to me, is the best example of what Wes Anderson's soundtracks do - they find great music that you overlooked and make you wonder how the hell you ever missed it in the first place. Many know The Faces as Rod Stewart's band, if they know them at all. Now this otherwise unknown song has become a personal anthem with its main theme of the pain and confusion of trying to find love. Bonus points for the use of acoustic guitar and a honky-tonk piano.

2. Powerman - The Kinks - The Darjeeling Limited - This song might be rated a bit high, and it's really hard to single out one Kinks song from this movie. That said, 'Powerman" fits because it's a testament to The Kinks' abilities to create rocking music. Really, the main riff indicates that this is early hard rock in disguise.

3. Over and Done With - The Proclaimers - Bottle Rocket - Otherwise known as "the other Proclaimers song," this one I love exclusively for the first two chord changes, from the major first to the dominant-7th third, to the minor sixth. It's given me quite a bit of insight on how to write a poppy song.

4. Queen Bitch - David Bowie - The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou - In my opinion, the soundtrack of this movie outdoes the movie itself. I could not care for the movie that much, or more likely, I just like David Bowie songs that much. I give the edge to this song over the others, as I like Bowie's hard-rocking tone. A very raw sound.

5. Here Comes My Baby - Cat Stevens - Rushmore - This song made me like Cat Stevens. That's all I have to say.

Top 5 Kitchen Tools or Appliances

2008-08-23T09:30:00.000-07:00

Dan's Top 5:

We needed another off-the-wall list, I think.

1. Can Opener - Let's face it. If you've been hoarding food for the zombie apocalypse and you don't have a can opener, you're royally fucked. Canning is one of the best ways to preserve food, but pretty final if you don't have the means to open the can again. How are you going to eat those Spaghetti-O's if all you have is a screwdriver? Pretty ironic tool to have, since you'd be screwed at that point.

2. Toaster (or Toaster Oven) - I don't really care one way or another if I have a toaster or a toaster oven, because both accomplish the exact same thing: they get my Pop-Tarts warm. Sure, you could pop these in the microwave, but have you ever done that? Pop-Tarts suck if you nuke them. I keep telling myself I'll use the toaster oven for something else, like toasting bread, but first I'll have to load it with strawberry jam, frosting, and sprinkles.

3. Refrigerator/Freezer - Now, the refrigerator is a great appliance, sure. But sometimes you forget what's in there and have to open the door and decide what it is you want to snack on. In my house, the permissibility of this act was a few notches above performing satanic rituals. For a long time I actually did believe that it was possible to let all of the "cold" out of the refrigerator. Now I'm much wiser, and I've finally decided to have an ice cream sandwich.

4. Microwave - I assume this would rank a lot higher on most people's lists, but let's be honest... how often are you truly satisfied with the microwave's results? Everything that you decide to microwave suddenly "tastes microwaved." Also, employs a technology that has the potential to wreak havoc on a city's water supply (see Batman Begins).

5. Electric Mixer - have you ever tried mixing cake mix or cookie dough by hand using a spoon? If you haven't, let me fill you in - it can become a form of self-torture if you're working with something that's thick enough. A lot of whatever you're mixing does tend to get stuck to the beaters, though licking it off tends to be pretty damn good.

Honorable mention: Dishwasher (overrated), Whisk.

Top 5 Songs About Jail/Prison

2008-08-14T18:44:00.001-07:00

Tim's Top 5:

I don’t listen to much country music at all, which really limits the opportunity to hear jail-related songs that aren’t from Dr. Dre. Given that limitation, I really like the list that I have here, though I give you liberty to interpret it broadly to include any sort of police custody or punitive conduct by the state.

1) Care of Cell 44 – The Zombies – The opening track from the seminal and all-too-good album Odessey and Oracle [sic], it’s easily the bounciest and cheeriest song you’ll hear about a prison stay.

2) Folsom Prison Blues – Johnny Cash - It’s hard not to put this at #1, but it’s really just too obvious.

3) Mama Tried – Merle Haggard (by way of The Old 97’s) - This is quintessential country storytelling. If there’s a better lesson to be had for parents that 1) their children’s acts aren’t necessarily attributable to them and 2) people who refer to their mother as mama are invariably homicidal maniacs, I’m unaware of it.

4) Jenny Was a Friend Of Mine – The Killers - Clearly the narrator of this song is in police custody for a killing, making it one of the finest police procedural songs in history. If only someone could write a song for the Miranda warnings.

5) Chain Gang – Sam Cooke - Sam Cooke wouldn’t ever serve on a chain gang, since he’d be shot to death before the police would ever get the chance to arrest him. That said, he still captures the basic ethos, if with less emotional weight than Paul Muni.

Honorable mention: “Jailhouse Rock” by Elvis Presley; “Trapped on Death Row” by Dr. Dre; “Prisoners of Love” from The Producers (non-musical version); “Doin’ Time” by Sublime (note: this song actually has nothing to do with jail or prison); “Jail Guitar Doors” by The Clash

Dan's Top 5:

Welcome back, Tim. I was beginning to think we'd lost you. Sucks about your injury, and I hope recovery goes well.

1. The Clash - I Fought The Law - This may even be my favorite Clash song, so I'm really surprised that Tim didn't mention it. My favorite part of the whole song is when the lyrics mention the "six gun" and there are six corresponding snare hits. Green Day deserves to rot in hell for their cover version. Cruel irony that Joe Strummer died first.

2. Dropkick Murphys - The Fields of Athenry - This one is an Irish tune originally from the 70's that documents the oppression exerted by the British on the Irish for attempting to survive during the famine of the late 1840's. Essentially, a man has stolen food and awaits a voyage on a prison ship to Botany Bay, Australia. It's a very sorrowful and reflective tale. So naturally, I feel its best treatment comes at the hands of the Dropkick Murphys. (It also gains points because it's not overplayed, as "Shipping Up To Boston" is)

3. Johnny Cash - Folsom Prison Blues - No explanation needed. If you feel that there is a needed explanation, go watch Walk the Line.

4. The Killers - Jenny Was a Friend of Mine - Tim summed this one up perfectly. I'm really surprised at how well the content of a police interrogation can be put to music. Funny thing is, in all the years that I've listened to this song, I've never once considered the possibility that the narrator could actually have committed the crime.

5. Elvis Presley - Jailhouse Rock - Though Elvis was apparently the king of rock 'n' roll, I've never had an affinity for most of his work. This song is pretty much the lone exception. The conclusion of The Blues Brothers, quite possibly the only good SNL-based movie in history, earns this enough points that it should be higher. But I like the position of my other picks better, and I'm way too lazy to go back and change things.

Ryan's Top 5:

The time for being obvious is now.

1. Folsom Prison Blues - Johnny Cash - "I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die." Fucking top that.

2. Jailhouse Rock - Elvis Presley - Hello, my name is Ryan, today I write lists for Rolling Stone.

3. Jailbreak - AC/DC - This song, like many of their other songs, kicks ass.

4. Holloway Jail - The Kinks - I love the way the guitar sounds in this song. And I love simple songs where the theme is People-Taking-Babies-Away. See The Ramones' "The KKK Took My Baby Away."

5. Jailbreak - Thin Lizzy - I also like catchy songs. To-NIGHT there's gonna be a jailbreak...

Top 5 Overrated Baseball Players

2008-08-12T12:43:00.000-07:00

This list was an idea I stole from a Pittsburgh Pirates message board. (Yes, my sports-fan masochism has extended to the point of joining a Pirates message board.) The list is fairly self-explanatory, but I'm limiting it to recent performances and opinions, primarily so that I can include my #4.

Dan's Top 5:

1. Derek Jeter - I firmly believe that there are probably tons of Yankees fans that believe Jeter is still the best player on the Yankees, despite that his OPS is below the league average and worse than five other Yankees. (I can only assume this, as I have never met a Yankees fan.) Mostly, this one is derived from personal animosity more than anything, as I'm sure that Alex Rodriguez is still not getting his deserved admiration from Yankee fans (I've been an A-Rod fan since his Ranger days), and I'm sure half of the women in New York would risk sacrificing their groin muscles in opening their legs quickly enough to let Jeter infect them with his demon seed. And have you seen his defense? Sheesh.

2. Jason Varitek - This stems almost entirely from the fact that he got on the All-Star team this year, which is a point we've already beaten to death (See this post about the All Star Game). But even though it's been beaten to death, there's no point forgetting past atrocities. Like December 7, 1941, when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor. But before I shoot myself for referencing Animal House, I'm reminded of the recent influx of Japanese talent in the majors...

3. Kosuke Fukudome - In addition to being a Pirates fan, I'm also a Cubs fan. (I'll figure out my NL Central loyalties if and when the two teams can compete with each other.) I remember watching the first game of the season, and Fukudome got a perfect batting average for the game, even driving in a 3-RBI homer. It seems like the rest of the season, which has led him to .269/.369/.399 (.768 OPS, which is the league average and a just a hair better than Ryan Theriot), is lost on the Chicago Cubs fans, most of whom still idolize the new Japanese player.

4. Ken Griffey, Jr. - The only reason that Griffey is on this list is because he was just traded to the White Sox. And Mr. Ken Tremendous over at FireJoeMorgan did such an excellent job writing about coverage of that trade that I'll just redirect you to it. Obviously, I think he's a great player in terms of his career - I mean, who else has his name on two different Super Nintendo baseball games? But clearly he can't be playing for too much longer. He had his name on Super Nintendo baseball games, for crying out loud.

5. Eric Gagne - Remember when I was in high school and I was playing my first season of fantasy baseball? Of course you do. That year, I had both Eric Gagne and "Everyday" Eddie Guardado. That's 97 saves, people. So ten saves and a 6.98 ERA this year? You may be saying, "Dan, how can you say he's overrated when everyone knows he's washed up?" Well, he's still being paid to play baseball, so I think he's overrated.

Honorable mention: Can someone hand me the rosters for the Yankees and the Red Sox?

Top 5 Songs on the Top 5 Albums by Your Top 5 Artists

2008-08-05T17:19:00.000-07:00

By far the most ambitious project we've undertaken on this blog, but for our 100th post, could you expect anything else? I'm going to assume for the sake of variety that all these lists are personal preferences, lest we get three instances of The Beatles at #1. Of course, if anyone else is trying to ~~fool themselves by being~~ be objective, then by all means.

Dan's Top 5:
I'm pretty satisfied with this list, having included less than ten songs out of 125 that I don't listen to regularly. I was really considering adding Bowie instead of Pink Floyd, but I had called Floyd my favorite for so long in high school, and Bowie is just too hard to whittle down to five albums.

Peter Gabriel

Peter Gabriel 3

Games Without Frontiers

I Don't Remember

Biko

No Self Control

Intruder

Sledgehammer

Red Rain

In Your Eyes

Big Time

That Voice Again

Peter Gabriel 4

Shock The Monkey

I Have The Touch

The Rhythm of the Heat

San Jacinto

Lay Your Hands On Me

Secret World

Come Talk To Me

Digging In The Dirt

Blood of Eden

Kiss That Frog

Peter Gabriel

Solsbury Hill (my favorite song ever, and it's on one of his worst albums. Really, Up deserves to be here. But whatever.)

Moribund the Burgermeister

Modern Love

Down the Dolce Vita

Humdrum

Muse

Black Holes and Revelations

Invincible

Knights of Cydonia

Take A Bow

Starlight

Supermassive Black Hole

Absolution

Stockholm Syndrome

Butterflies And Hurricanes

Hysteria

Thoughts of a Dying Atheist

Falling Away With You

Origin of Symmetry

New Born

Plug In Baby

Bliss

Citizen Erased

Micro Cuts

H.A.A.R.P.

Knights of Cydonia (Live)

Butterflies And Hurricanes (Live)

Stockholm Syndrome (Live)

Hysteria (Live)

Invincible (Live)

Showbiz

Showbiz

Falling Down

Cave

Sober

Radiohead

The Bends

My Iron Lung

Fake Plastic Trees

Street Spirit (Fade Out)

Planet Telex

Just

OK Computer

No Surprises

Airbag

Paranoid Android

Karma Police

Climbing Up The Walls

Hail To The Thief

There There. (The Boney King of Nowhere.)

A Punchup at a Wedding. (No no no no no no no no.)

2 + 2 = 5 (The Lukewarm.)

Where I End and You Begin. (The Sky is Falling In.)

Go to Sleep. (Little Man Being Erased.)

In Rainbows

Reckoner

Bodysnatchers

Videotape

House of Cards

Weird Fishes/Arpeggi

Kid A - it took me forever to warm up to this album

Optimistic

Everything In Its Right Place

Idioteque

The National Anthem

Morning Bell

Duran Duran

Hungry Like The Wolf

Save a Prayer

Hold Back The Rain

The Chauffeur

The Wedding Album

Ordinary World

Come Undone

Too Much Information

Breath After Breath

Love Voodoo

Duran Duran

Planet Earth

Girls on Film

Careless Memories

Night Boat

Anyone Out There

Red Carpet Massacre

Falling Down

Tricked Out

Skin Divers

Nite Runner

Red Carpet Massacre

Seven And The Ragged Tiger

The Reflex

The Union Of The Snake

New Moon On Monday

Of Crime and Passion (OK, I don't listen to these last two at all. But what am I going to do, say I like Medazzaland?)

The Seventh Stranger

Pink Floyd

The Dark Side of the Moon

Brain Damage

Eclipse

Time

Us And Them

Money

The Wall

Comfortably Numb

Run Like Hell

Nobody Home

Another Brick In The Wall, Part 2

Mother

Wish You Were Here

Wish You Were Here

Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Parts I - V)

Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Parts VI - IX)

Have A Cigar

Welcome To The Machine

Animals

Sheep

Pigs (Three Different Ones)

Dogs

Pigs On The Wing (Part One)

Pigs On The Wing (Part Two)

Meddle

Echoes

One Of These Days

Fearless

A Pillow Of Winds

San Tropez (I hate this song, but I hate "Seamus" even more.)

Ryan's Top A Lot:

The Beatles

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

A Day in the Life (again this song pops up in the #1 spot, maybe it IS my favorite song of all-time, I just don't realize it...)

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

Getting Better

Good Morning Good Morning

Abbey Road

Here Comes the Sun

The End

I Want You (She's So Heavy)

Because

You Never Give Me Your Money (note: ranking these was very difficult, esp. due to my refusal to consider the medley one song...otherwise the medley should be anyone's #1) (other note: Mean Mr. Mustard sounds like it could actually be on Nilsson's "The Point!")

Magical Mystery Tour

I Am The Walrus

Strawberry Fields Forever

All You Need Is Love

Hello, Goodbye (my dad's favorite, incidentally)

Penny Lane

The Beatles (White Album)

Happiness is a Warm Gun

Helter Skelter

Dear Prudence (I freely admit I have problems ranking #s 2 and 3, see the White Album list and the Top 5 Beatles songs list)

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

Back in the U.S.S.R.

Revolver

Eleanor Rigby

Yellow Submarine

Taxman

Got To Get You Into My Life

And Your Bird Can Sing (whew--I don't know what I was expecting with this list, but it is definitely proving a lot more difficult than planned... If The Beatles was that hard, I worry about the projects to come...)

Harry Nilsson

The Point!

Me and My Arrow

Think About Your Troubles (note: so damn good)

Everything's Got 'Em

Poli High

Life Line

Aerial Ballet

Everybody's Talkin'

Good Old Desk (a personal favorite...oh, right, we're doing a list about this)

Don't Leave Me (excellent scat)

Daddy's Song

One (not really one of my favorite songs, but still good...see Coconut below...I originally ranked Nilsson Schmilsson above Aerial Ballet, until I realized this was simply not the case; anyway, I typed up the rant about Coconut before this rant. I'll stop now.)

Nilsson Schmilsson

The Moonbeam Song

Gotta Get Up

Without You (really overdone, but this song is still good, damn it)

Jump Into The Fire

Coconut (admittedly not my favorite Nilsson song, but still a good song...I've downgraded it to 5...this song mainly irritates me because whenever you do a search for Nilsson, anywhere--google, limewire, etc.--this is the first song to pop up. I mean, Nilsson had so many better songs than this one. Meh, whatever.)

Harry

I Guess The Lord Must Be In New York City

The Puppy Song

Mother Nature's Son (per wiki, this was the Beatles' favorite cover of one of their songs)

Mr. Bojangles

Nobody Cares About The Railroads Anymore

Pandemonium Shadow Show

1941

Sleep Late, My Lady Friend

Without Her

Cuddly Toy (hmm, here's some random Nilsson song titles: cuddly toy, the puppy song, good old desk, the moonbeam song...in many ways he appeals to the 4-year-old in me)

You Can't Do That

Ben Folds/Five (nuts to you if you think this is cheating)

Whatever and Ever Amen

Brick

One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces

Evaporated

The Battle Of Who Could Care Less

Kate

Ben Folds Five

Alice Childress

Philosophy

Jackson Cannery

Boxing

Julianne

Rockin' the Suburbs

Still Fighting It

Not The Same

The Luckiest

Zak and Sara

Annie Waits

Naked Baby Photos (this is a compilation CD of previously unreleased tracks, but it has my two favorite BFF songs on it, so I have to include it...see #s 1-2)

Eddie Walker

Emaline

Underground (the best version of it)

For Those Of Y'All Who Wear Fanny Packs

Twin Falls

Songs for Silverman

Landed

Time

Prison Food

Bastard

Late (the first of two tributes to Elliot Smith to appear on this list...see BDB below)

Badly Drawn Boy

One Plus One Is One

Four Leaf Clover

Year of the Rat

Fewer Words (the other tribute to E.S.)

Logic Of A Friend

One Plus One Is One

About A Boy

Something To Talk About

A Minor Incident

Silent Sigh

I Love N.Y.E.

Donna and Blitzen

The Hour of the Bewilderbeast

The Shining

Disillusion

Once Around The Block

Pissing In The Wind

Everybody's Stalking (this song does not sound like a BDB song)

Born in the U.K.

Born in the U.K.

The Time of Times

Journey from A to B

Degrees of Separation

Promises

Have You Fed The Fish?

You Were Right

Born Again

Have You Fed The Fish?

All Possibilities

The Further I Slide

John Lennon (solo career)

Imagine

Imagine

Oh Yoko!

Jealous Guy

How Do You Sleep? (or, "Suck it McCartney!")

Oh My Love

John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band

Working Class Hero (he says "fuck" twice. Cool.)

Mother

Isolation (hey, according to wiki, this is one of Roger Waters' favorite songs of all-time)

Remember (man this song takes me back to my Lennon obsession in high school)

Mind Games

Meat City

Mind Games (as sung by Kevin Spacey.) (maybe not.)

Tight A$

Aisumasen (I'm Sorry)

Bring on the Lucie (Freeda People)

Double Fantasy

Watching the Wheels

(Just Like) Starting Over

Beautiful Boy (Darling Boy) (has "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans" in it)

Woman

I'm Losing You

Rock 'n' Roll

Stand By Me

Be-Bop-A-Lula

Rip It Up/Ready Teddy

Ain't That A Shame

Peggy Sue

Tim's Top 5:

Given that the formatting would take forever, in part because I'm down to typing with six fingers and because it's blurring lines together, I'm forsaking it for now.

I. The Beatles –

A. Abbey Road
1. Polythene Pam
2. Something
3. Here Comes The Sun
4. You Never Give Me Your Money
5. Golden Slumbers

B. Revolver
1. Taxman
2. Tomorrow Never Knows
3. She Said She Said
4. Eleanor Rigby
5. Got to Get You Into My Life

C. Rubber Soul
1. Run For Your Life
2. In My Life
3. Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)
4. You Won’t See Me
5. The Word

D. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
1. Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (reprise)
2. A Day in the Life
3. Lovely Rita
4. Getting Better
5. Good Morning Good Morning

E. A Hard Day’s Night
1. Things We Said Today
2. Can’t Buy Me Love
3. A Hard Day’s Night
4. You Can’t Do That
5. If I Fell

II. Pearl Jam –

A. Yield
1. Faithful
2. Wish List
3. In Hiding
4. Given To Fly
5. Brain of J.

B. Vs.
1. Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town
2. Rearviewmirror
3. Glorified G
4. Daughter
5. Animal

C. Riot Act
1. Save You
2. Love Boat Captain
3. I Am Mine
4. Thumbing My Way
5. Can’t Keep

D. Vitalogy
1. Corduroy
2. Not For You
3. Spin the Black Circle
4. Last Exit
5. Immortality

E. Pearl Jam
1. Life Wasted
2. Gone
3. World Wide Suicide
4. Come Back
5. Severed Hand

III. Bruce Springsteen –

A. Born to Run
1. Thunder Road
2. Born to Run
3. Backstreets
4. Jungleland
5. Tenth Avenue Freeze Out

B. The Rising
1. Lonesome Day
2. The Rising
3. Worlds Apart
4. Into the Fire
5. Mary’s Place

C. Darkness on the Edge of Town
1. The Promised Land
2. Darkness on the Edge of Town
3. Prove It All Night
4. Badlands
5. Adam Raised a Cain

D. Born In The U.S.A.
1. No Surrender
2. Darlington County
3. My Hometown
4. Bobby Jean
5. Glory Days

E. The River
1. The Ties That Bind
2. Independence Day
3. The River
4. You Can Look (But You Better Not Touch)
5. Out in the Street

IV. Elliott Smith

A. Figure 8
1. Stupidity Tries
2. Son of Sam
3. Everything Reminds Me Of Her
4. Pretty Mary K
5. Junk Bond Trader

B. Either/Or
1. Ballad of Big Nothing
2. Pictures of Me
3. Speed Trials
4. Between the Bars
5. Alameda

C. XO
1. Waltz #2 (XO)
2. Bled White
3. Independence Day
4. Baby Britain
5. Bottle Up and Explode!

D. From A Basement on a Hill
1. Pretty (Ugly Before)
2. Coast to Coast
3. A Distorted Reality Is Now A Necessity To Be Free
4. A Fond Farewell
5. Shooting Star

E. Roman Candle
1. No Name #1
2. Condor Ave.
3. No Name #3
4. Roman Candle
5. Last Call

V. Guided by Voices

A. Mag Earwhig!
1. I Am A Tree
2. Jane of the Waking Universe
3. Portable Men’s Society
4. Can’t Hear the Revolution
5. Bulldog Skin

B. Isolation Drills
1. The Brides Have Hit Glass
2. Fair Touching
3. Twilight Campfighter
4. Skills Like This
5. Chasing Heather Crazy

C. Bee Thousand
1. Tractor Rape Chain
2. Echos Myron
3. Smothered in Hugs
4. I Am A Scientist
5. Gold Star For Robot Boy

D. Alien Lanes
1. Game of Pricks
2. Watch Me Jumpstart
3. A Salty Salute
4. Blimps Go 90
5. My Valuable Hunting Knife

E. Under the Bushes Under the Stars
1.Cut Out Witch
2. Don’t Stop Now
3. The Official Ironman Rallying Song
4. Underwater Explosions
5. Your Name Is Wild

Top 5 Nonexistent Bands (That You Wanted to Start)

2008-07-25T21:47:00.000-07:00

OK. This is a bit of an awkward list, and I referenced it in my Beatles top 5. It's a bit surreal (as far as this blog is concerned,) but I hope most people can relate. The idea behind it is through the course of listening to music (and writing) one dreams about the bands they could be in. So, it's the top five bands you personally wanted to start (whether through producing them, being the front man as a guitarist, vocalist, whatever.)

Tory's Top 5:

1. The Unnameable - This is my most recent idea, and a band I would actually like to start. I have written plenty of lyrics for it, but it's a matter of finding a couple of guys to go along with everything it deals with. Prog-rock by the simplest definition, but as far as the myspace heading would be it would read Prog Rock / Blues / Folk. The lyrics are mostly topical in nature ie political (Rage Against the Machine being the biggest influence here,) Religious (my own beliefs,) and environmental (my fear of global warming is a big influence here. To list the influences would be too long of a top 5.

2. Tory Fox, All By Himself - For the majority of my writing life, the sonsg I have written have been in the nature of love songs. The biggest influences of thie sband are Bright Eyes and Damien Rice, with a couple other acoustic/singer-songwriter musicians there. The idea behind the band is noted in the title. Me. All by myself with an acoustic guitar and that is all. This band could legitimately take off if I were to learn how to play the guitar well.

3. Awaiting the Moment - This isn't a band that I myself wanted to actually participate in. However, it is a band that I did want to produce. Originally they were created when I first discovered how to make a webpage with geocities. I was there biggest fan, and no one else in high school knew about them. I made sure that everyone heard of them (because hearing them was an impossibility.) The website may still be up: www.geocities.com/awaitingthemoment. On just checking, no it isn't up. Shucks. This local Va Beach hardcore band (originally from Kansas before relocating) did make it into the script of a mockumentary with them as the stars.

4. untitled band - This band never actually made it to the naming part, but the whole theory behind the band was constructed. Lyrically, the band's influences draw from Slipknot and other death metal bands - essentially really violent songs about murder and whatnot. Musically, the band was going to be an amalgum of distorted 7-string guitars, acoustic guitars, scratchboards, keyboards, synths and of course precussion. They were classified as nu-emo death-electro.

5. Slaves on Strike - Another band that didn't make it too far. It was going to be a band heavily influenced by Rage Against the Machine. As the name says it is obviously a politics-driven band. The singing style was up in the air, as a rap-rock mentality would've been straight stealing from RATM. The farthest I did get with this band was the CD cover art of the first album Geurillas In the Streets. This was the epitome of my Angry White Boy phase.

Dan's Top 5:

1. Me, Huy, and Matt - Basically, two friends and I wanted to make really, really good music based around songwriting, a la Radiohead or Ambulance LTD. We probably had the talent, and we definitely had the drive. The only problem was we had scheduling problems with Matt, who was constantly working. Matt especially gets bonus points because he's actually British, which would have guaranteed our success.

2. Rex Bedlam - This is actually the first and only band I was actually in. It did get started, obviously, so I feel I shouldn't put it at #1. I played bass, and we had a really talented songwriter, lead guitarist, and keyboardist. And whoever was our drummer was usually pretty talented too, but because of scheduling problems with him, the band fell apart just as things were starting to take off. If we ever reunite, though, you'd be best to come to one of our gigs. God knows how many there will be.

3. All Kinds Of Gravity - This is actually a very good Blacksburg band that exists. (Check them out on Myspace.) I co-judged the Rock Music Club's Battle of the Bands in the Spring semester, and this band won it all, including help towards recording a demo. I include them here because of their unique sound - it's something that I would like to try to capture as a producer/engineer, and I suspect that whoever's in the studio behind the mixing board isn't doing it right. I was there from their first gig.

4. Quality Jones - Essentially, this is the band that I want to lead, and this is the band name that I will use. I'm still not even sure whether I'll play bass or guitar, but I will be the primary songwriter. Currently, thanks to how awesome Muse is, I would probably try to take it in the direction of progressive rock, with some additional songwriting kudos to my old heroes Pink Floyd.

5. Phoenix 17 - Another band name from when I was first learning guitar and coming up with my own riffs. Looking back on them, the song ideas were pretty simplistic and not that entertaining, so it would be safe to say that this band would suck. However, the guitar tone would be amazing.

Honorable Mention: I guess if I were an acoustic singer/songwriter.

Top 5 Beatles Songs

2008-07-22T20:05:00.000-07:00

An epic list to end all lists--this is what this blog was made for. We are through the looking glass here, people.

Ryan's Top 5:

1. "A Day in the Life" - Sgt. Pepper - I'm not convinced this is my personal favorite (though it very well could be), but this song really is The Beatles at their absolute best. Revolutionary pop rock sounds and the utter cohesion of Lennon (esoteric lyrics--"He blew his mind out in a car..." I don't care if it's taken from a newspaper, it's still creepy sounding) and McCartney (simpler pop lyrics--"I woke up, fell out of bed, dragged a comb across my head..."). They were masters of the crescendo, and this song has not one, but two, count 'em, two.

2. "Dear Prudence" - The Beatles (The White Album) - Speaking of crescendos... A great song with some rather simple lyrics--just trying to get someone to come out and play. Ruined in a totally useless scene in the movie "Across the Universe."

3. "Happiness is a Warm Gun" - The Beatles (The White Album) - Like I've said before about this song, I'm a sucker for irony. You've got to love the title; it sounds like a Kilgore Trout short story. And the doo-wop background singers (Bang bang, shoot shoot!)... I could go on, but it would just be rambling. I really, really like this song.

4. "Here Comes the Sun" - Abbey Road - I think Eric Idle said it best. I remember seeing him on VH-1 on one of the myriad documentaries about The Beatles (I forget which); he named this song as his favorite song. I can't find the quote online, but his point was that, if we could all hear this song every morning when we woke up, the world would be a much happier place. I concur.

5. "Across the Universe" - Let it Be - Another feel-good song, so 4 almost cancels out 5 (probably in favor of "I Am The Walrus"). But so what? This is what The Beatles excelled at. So feh, non-existent complainers of my wacky self-imposed ranking rules! Feh!

Honorable Mentions: "I Am The Walrus," "Strawberry Fields Forever," "Penny Lane," "All You Need Is Love," "Revolution," "Let It Be," "Eleanor Rigby," "Helter Skelter," and OK, "Hey Jude."

Dan's Top 5:

I agree that this is an epic list, but I certainly hope it's not the "list to end all lists." Let's just say we're blowing the lid off this mug. I've also noticed that your list comprises only later Beatles songs. Interesting strategy.

1. "Dear Prudence" from The Beatles - I'm not entirely sure why I like this song. Actually, that's a lie. I like the song for the cyclical guitar riff. I mean, there are other things to like about the song, such as the childlike simplicity and the lyrics. Yet, all that's needed to gain my affection is a musical hook that repeats endlessly. Perhaps that's why I was so late to join the Beatles camp - it's not what they're known for.

2. "Hey Jude" (released as a single) - Many in music critic-dom will claim that this is one of the best rock songs ever written, or it may even top their lists at #1. Given that this song has so much love from everyone else in the world, I (a) don't feel the need to put it at #1, as my list likely won't mean shit to anyone, and (b) do need to include it, as its omission would be an affront to the Beatles.

3. "Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown)" from Rubber Soul - Okay, so for my criticism of Ryan's list not featuring any earlier songs, this is the only early song that my list has to show for it. It's hard to decide between this song and "In My Life," though I prefer this song for its imagery. "In My Life" is a bit too introspective to include here.

4. "I Am The Walrus" from Magical Mystery Tour - If #3 suggested that I like imagery, this seals the deal. Essentially a massive drug trip for those of us who haven't been fortunate enough to take LSD, this is the Finnegan's Wake of Beatles songs. What I do love is the chord structure behind Lennon's ramblings, as the beginning and the end of the chord progression mesh perfectly. It's a neverending circular song that could theoretically have go on forever. Just listen to the repetitive ending and you'll hear that there's no resolution.

5. "Happiness is a Warm Gun" from The Beatles - What I love about this song is the use of multiple parts. (I'm also a sucker for Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" and Radiohead's "Paranoid Android.") The only reason it ranks so low on the list is because it's been tainted by the film Bowling for Columbine. It was a good movie, but it's like seeing songs by The Who being used as the openings to episodes of CSI: Whatever-City-We're-In. Some songs are just holy and should never be touched. This is such a song.

Honorable Mention: Just about every other song I've heard, but particularly "Across the Universe," "Revolution," "Yesterday," "Blackbird," "In My Life," and a ton of others that I can't remember off the top of my head and would likely exhaust my fingers trying to type out.

Tory's Top 5:

OK. This list is going to be difficult, but I will do it because I have an awesome list that I hope everyone can relate to. Now, even though this list will be hard, I really mean numbers 2-5 are going to be difficult to place...

1. Rocky Raccoon from The Rocky Raccoon Single - I only assume that is the album it's from. It might also be on the White Album, but I'm pretty sure that was the hit single from said album.

2. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da The White Album - There aren't too many songs at all (whether by the beatles or not) that make you feel like nothing is wrong at all in the world, even when a lot of things have gone to shit.

3. Yesterday Help - This was one of my favorite songs of all time for a really long time. I still like it a lot though, and it's brilliant because it's really only about 4-8 lines sung over the course of 2 and half minutes. But it still holds an incredible sense of depth.

4. I've Just Seen A Face Help - I never heard this song until that travesty Across the Universe was made, but the introduction of this song is enough to allow that pretentious piece of shit exist (unless there was some other way for me to be introduced to this song, in which case, let that film fuck itself.) Either way, I'm realizing that Help was a pretty good alubm with these past two entries.

5. Girl Rubber Soul - I'm a big fan of really depressing songs, and this has got to be in that top 5 for beatles songs too. It's also got some unbelievable unobstruced vocals to start the song off.

Honorable Mentions: Happiness Is A Warm Gun, Let It Be, Norwegian Wood (I suppose Rubber Soul was pretty good too,) While My Guitar Gently Weeps.

Top 5 Songs For a Monday Morning

2008-07-14T13:35:00.000-07:00

(Note for Ryan and Tim - After trying to scan old posts, I've noticed now that it's better if the individual entries are bolded - along with "[name]'s Top 5:" and "Honorable Mentions" - to better set the important text apart from the commentary. I propose we use this format from now on, especially since it's easier to put the html in.)

Another list idea borrowed from High Fidelity. I'm unsure what criteria I want to use to judge whether a song is good for a Monday morning. I think personally, it's going to be (a) a personal extra-favorite, and (b) something that's uplifting or powerful in some fashion. Really, these are the songs I use to feel good and be thankful that I know how to find music I like. Ryan and Tim can use alternate criteria for your own lists.

Dan's Top 5:

1. "All Around The World" - Oasis - This is pure sunshine somehow harvested and stored in musical form. I'm just waiting for that point at 5:34 when they break into that "Laaaa la la, la La la, la La la la La-La Laaaaa." At that precise moment, it's like balloons and confetti are raining down on me, and I should probably be having some psychedelic drug experience that made hippies claim the word "love" as their own. If it's in my car, then I have the volume cranked and I'm singing/shouting along. God help anyone who happens to be in the passenger seat.

2. "Stockholm Syndrome" - Muse - The best Muse song ever if Black Holes and Revelations didn't exist. To see this song played live is a real treat, and it's usually their last song. Accomplishes both being uplifting (the piano arpeggiation behind the lyrics, "This is the last time I'll abandon you") and extreme, powerful, ass-kicking (literally every other moment of the song.) If only I had discovered Muse between the release of Absolution and Black Holes and Revelations, then I probably would have listened to this song every single day, while constantly being blown away. Wait, no... that's what I did anyway.

3. "My Iron Lung" - Radiohead - This used to be my favorite Radiohead song ever, but now the spot is disputed. Anyway, I feel this is a superb example of balancing a simple, quiet, melodic two-chord verse with a raw study of ass-kickery in the chorus. It also scores bonus points because it was the band's follow-up to "Creep" from the prior debut album, and the lyrics reflect how the success of that single had constrained their creativity ("this is our new song / just like the last one / a total waste of time / my iron lung"). Creep is alright, but I hate it for being the atypical signature song that people identify with this band.

4. "Everyone's a V.I.P. to Someone" - The Go! Team - I remember putting "uplifting" as a possible criterion for populating this list, so I realized that I just had to include a Go! Team song. At first, I was averse to this song because it was introduced with the banjo, but then I realized that I don't hate the banjo, just a majority of music that features it. I now regard this as one of the best feelgood instrumental tracks I know of, possibly even better than "Feelgood By Numbers," ironically, which is on the same album.

5. "Novacane" - Beck - "Monkey, baby!" This is one of my favorite badass songs, and probably should have been included back when we did Top 5 Songs to Blast While Driving. When the song peaks at "NOVACANE!" you feel like you could probably punch or shoot something. You know, one of those faux-badass moments. However, the energy isn't sustained, and the song quickly settles back down for the bizarre effects-laden outro, which really takes away from the force of the song.

Honorable Mentions: "Sabotage" - The Beastie Boys, "Feelgood by Numbers" - The Go Team, "The Number of the Beast" - Iron Maiden, "It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)" - R.E.M., "A Town Called Malice" - The Jam, "Invincible" - Muse, "The Infanta" - The Decemberists

Top 5 Flight of the Conchords Songs

2008-07-12T01:25:00.000-07:00

This was an idea I had a while back. At first I thought this would be too difficult to do--how do you rate these jokes against those jokes? It's impossible to be objective. Then I thought: when the hell has that ever stopped me before?

Ryan's Top 5:

1. "Bret, You Got It Going On" - Episode 6 of FOTC is to episode 4 of The Office (UK) as this song is to "Free Love Freeway." (That analogy vaguely makes sense, try not to think about it too much.) Anyway, I know every word of this song and must complete the entire thing whenever I think of any line. It wouldn't be much fun to talk about it, so just watch. I just laid there and spooned you...

2. "I'm Not Crying" - It's just been raining... on my face. Again, just watch it.

3. "Pencils in the Wind (Sellotape)" - "Another way that love is similar to tape... that I've noticed..." "And people are like paper dolls / Paper dolls and people, they're a similar shape." Every other line is good, too.

4. "If You're Into It" - The best love song ever written? You decide.

5. "Think About It" - A smorgasbord of hilarity. I think my favorite line is: "What's wrong with the world today? Nah-say-nah-say-neigh-neigh-neigh..." But, again, everything else is great.

Honorable mentions: Every other song, Business Time, Inner City Pressure, Leggy Blonde, Mutha'uckas, Robots, Albi the Racist Dragon, The Most Beautiful Girl in the Room, etc.

Tim's Top 5:
Well, it was bound to happen someday. Dan and I must have been editing at the same time, so it's a good thing I typed it elsewhere.

This list would have forced me to just re-watch every episode of the show, but I lent my copy to a friend to do my part proselytize Flight of the Conchords. So we'll have to make do with the two CDs, Ryan's list, and my memory to get us through.

1. "If You're Into It" - Sure, part of it makes me think of another HBO classic track "Double Team" from Tenacious D, but Jemaine's deep-as-Barry-White voice makes this an unmatchable classic for me.

2. "The Most Beautiful Girl (in the room)" - You could be a waitress, an air hostess from the '60s, or a part-time model (but you'd have to keep your normal job). And depending on the street, you're probably in the top 3. Nothing says romance like hedging to achieve honesty.

3. "Robots" - Two words -- Binary solo. That's not the only thing I love about this song, but I love it so much I couldn't possibly move this song down any more. "We no longer say yes, instead, we say affirmative." Like most of the songs, there's a couple different versions, so choose for yourself the TV version or the full version. Well, there's no more elephants.

4. "Think About It" - This song asks the timeless question "Why are we still paying so much for sneakers when they're made by little slave kids? What are your overheads?" It really makes the existence of the Black-Eyed Peas song "Where is the love" worthwhile.

5. "Bret, You Got It Going On" - Read Ryan's post, I'm too lazy to add more.

Honorable mention: "Not Crying", "Inner City Pressure", "Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros", "Pencils in the Wind (Sellotape)"

Dan's Top 5:

More importantly, Ryan, since when have we ever tried to be objective?

1. "Sellotape (Pencils in the Wind)" - A song not only about love, but also racial tolerance. Clearly the best part of this song is the end chorus. "Brown paper, white paper, stickin' together with the tape, the tape of love."

2. "Inner City Pressure" - A classic song about the hardships of trying to make it in the city. "You know you're not in high finance, considering secondhand underpants." (Youtube link)

3. "Business Time" - The sexiest song ever about boring, mundane sex. "You know when I'm down to my socks, it's time for business; that's why they call them business socks, ooh!" (Youtube link)

4. "Bowie" - I'm still amazed at how well they're able to impersonate Bowie in this song. Of course, the lyrics aren't nearly as funny as other songs. "Bet you do, you freaky old bastard, you." (Youtube link)

5. "Goodbye Leggy Blonde" - Murray's shining moment about lost potential for love. "I'll never get to tear your clothes off on the photocopier." (Youtube link)

Tory's List

I am going to do a top five. And maybe another. And maybe... another.

1. Bret, You've Got It Goin' On - Hilarious. The funniest song I've ever heard by a non-Tenacious D entity.

2. I'm Not Crying - This song makes the list almost solely for it's intro: "If you wanted to break my heart / you're plan was flawed from the start / it's liquid / it melted when I saw you." P.S. That is half quote - half paraphrasing.

3. Jenny - This one is a bit of a technicality since it's not in the show. I did double check the title of the post and doesn't say anything about songs from the show, so I am putting this unbelievable song (which can be heard on their One Night Stand HBO show - they open with it.) It's hard to quote a song that is seven minutes long, but it's about a girl named Jenny who sees someone she met once, but he doesn't remember her quite as well. "'We talked about how the lights from the buildings and cars / seemed like reflections of the stars / that shined out so pretty and brght / that night' / ... / 'It was daytime.' / ... / 'The daytime... of the night.'"

4. Prince of Parties - This selection was a mixture of both I like the song and wanting to be different. Granted, the lyrics are not what solely takes the cake. The entire concept behind this song from it's context in the show to it's video are what make me love it so much.

5. She-Wolf - Cold-hearted bitch, diggin a ditch

Top 5 Most Hopeless Franchises in the NBA, NFL, and MLB

2008-07-08T03:06:00.000-07:00

The three big ones--in other words, screw hockey. I was feeling another sports Top 5.

Ryan's Top 5:

1. Washington Nationals - The Nationals have a long way to go. Cristian Guzman currently is their best offensive player, Lastings Milledge has the team lead in RBI (followed by Jesus Flores), and their pitching is scant. It's harder to turn around a franchise in baseball than in the NBA and NFL, so the Nationals get the nod over the teams to follow. They continue to employ Jim Bowden.

2. Miami Dolphins - The NFL is the league of parity, but you need some parts before that can happen. The Dolphins need way too much magic to happen at too many positions for them to become good. For starters they need one of their quarterbacks to become good, and by good I mean decent, and by decent I mean mediocre, like, better than Rex Grossman. I don't know if that can happen.

3. Memphis Grizzlies - This is probably a bit high, now that I think about it, I mean they do have that Spanish force in the low-post... oh no wait, they traded him to the Lakers for a can of beans. Yeah, you're going to need an inside presence to compete in the Western Conference. So they draft one (Kevin Love) and trade him away (for OJ Mayo). I just don't see it happening for a while, guys.

4. New York Knicks - The Celtics proved you can turn around a horrible team pretty quick in the NBA. That said, you need to have the parts to pull off trades like that. There's talk of them getting LeBron James in a couple years. OK, so, James goes from a Cleveland team with a poor supporting cast to a New York team with a worse supporting cast? Great, the Knicks will be able to make the playoffs in the wacky all-inclusive NBA and get beat in the first round. They need to make a play for an inside guy.

5. Seattle Mariners - Richie Sexson sucks. Jeremy Reed sucks. Kenji Johjima sucks. Adrian Beltre sucks. Carlos Silva sucks. Jarrod Washburn sucks. R.A. Dickey really sucks. Erik Bedard is getting paid way too much money. Etc. OK, they have money so they probably have a decent-ish shot of turning it around, but still, they deserve mention, because they really suck.

Honorable mentions: Kansas City Chiefs (as long as Carl Petersen is around, who knows what's going to happen...oh, right everyone--we're going to lose. Brodie Croyle does not inspire confidence and Larry Johnson is still owed too much money), Atlanta Falcons, Los Angeles Clippers, Atlanta Braves (I hate the Braves), Denver Broncos (Jay Cutler sucks)

Dan's Top 5:

1. The Pittsburgh Pirates - The worst thing that Barry Bonds ever did (beyond steroid abuse and leaving an irreparable stain on the entire game) was kill the Pirates. Since the very early 90's, the Pirates haven't had a winning season - that's 15 straight years under .500. This season, from what I can tell, Nady and McLouth have led the Pirates to their best first half in years, and they're still 41-47 (only one game ahead of last place). If they manage to have another losing season, they'll have broken the record. After my Cubs win a World Series - which may even happen this year - The Pirates are becoming my new masochist-fan team.

2. The Oakland Raiders - Remember the last time the Raiders were good? Yeah, me neither. I was too busy graduating from high school. I do remember them having Jerry Rice, the greatest receiver in the game's history, and still falling short. The only thing that keeps this team alive are the crazy, god-awful Raiders Fans. They are like cockroaches. Over the past five seasons, the team hasn't achieved more than 5 wins, so I equate that to about two nuclear blasts. But the fans are still there. Only good thing about the Raiders? DeAngelo Hall. And that's a personal bonus more than anything.

3. Seattle Supersonics - Quite literally a hopeless franchise, as the team is packing its bags - borrowed from the Expos - and are headed to glorious Oklahoma City. About the only good thing they have going for them is Kevin Durant, who doesn't seem to be enough to get the team to even break .250. Have fun trying to climb out of the league's basement and win fans in a new location at the same time.

4. Washington Nationals - Man, this team blows. Good thing I hate them.

5. Atlanta Falcons - Really, I think that if they just sort out the quarterback position and adjust their game plan into something that isn't Vick-centric, they should be able to do moderately well. Their place here is more of a testament to how reliant they were on a single player. Perhaps they should take a page from modern businesses and do background checks on their players before they sign them. It could have saved a lot of money in Michael Vick merchandise that has to be burned.

Tim's Top 5:

Might as well start where we all know I’m going to start –

1. Cincinnati Bengals – This team was great enough to make the playoffs once in the last 17 years, and on their first offensive play, Carson Palmer goes down with a knee injury. They have been in defensive rebuilding mode since…Tim Krumrie broke his leg and haven’t been able to draft impact players because they’re too busy replacing injured players (Chris Perry’s hurt? Draft Kenny Irons in the second round!), suspended players (way to go, Odell Thurman and Chris Henry), players threatening to hold out (We’ll show Chad Johnson, we’ll replace him with three rookies) or shitty players (everyone else). The good news is that the team is one step from returning to playoff contention. Unfortunately, that step is going to be really difficult, since there’s not that many elevator shafts that owner Mike Brown could fall into.

2. New York Knicks – Because of basketball’s funky salary cap, it’s hard for teams to make an impact via free agency, and it’s hard for any team that allows Isiah Thomas to run things to make any positive impact in anything. They had the highest payroll in the game, going way over the salary cap – a fact that I don’t even comprehend because of the NBA’s bizarre salary structure that says "Hey, Rashard Lewis…we have a salary cap, we can only pay you $20 million a year."

3. Washington Nationals – Ryan was spot on, this team isn’t going anywhere (in the standings), and it has no reason to, because it has no fans -- which is why they will be going somewhere (sorry, DC...). They threw a huge marketing campaign behind Nick Johnson and Dmitri Young. That tells you all you need to know about how bad this team was at the season’s outset – the players they considered their best…played the same position. Nick Johnson’s hurt again, Austin Kearns has scuffled all season, Milledge is okay, but nothing special. Really, all this team has to be excited about is Elijah Dukes playing adequately in recent weeks to give them a left fielder, and the team’s impending move to Las Vegas in 2018.

4. Pittsburgh Pirates – At least the Royals have cracked .500 in the last 15 years. Once. This team was supposed to be founded on a great young rotation – Duke, Snell, Maholm, Gorzelanny, … and who the hell cares who the fifth starter is! Did you read who the first four aces were? I’m not saying wrap up the World Series trophy…I’m saying pack it in foam, we have four young pitchers who can dominate games and turn this team around. Or…one (or fewer) of them is decent in any given season and they don’t pitch well until the team’s completely eliminated from contention for .500. This was one of the most loaded teams in baseball circa 1990. Since Drabek, Bonds, and Bonilla left via free agency, they’ve replaced none of them. Interesting fact – of the four pitchers I identified above, only one has a WHIP below 1.55 – Paul “Ten Finger” Maholm with a 1.31.

5. Chicago Bears – This team is a shambles. Their defense sucked last season, they chose the wrong running back in Cedric Benson, the wrong quarterback in Rex Grossman (or Kyle Orton), and their defense was awful last year too. They may still finish with a decent record, but that’s because they play in the dreadful NFC North. They make the list primarily because their hopelessness is so remarkable considering where the team was a year or two ago and because I want to dance on their grave, rather than the Arizona Cardinals, who mean nothing to me.

Honorable mention: Houston Astros – they put all their weight behind winning this year, trading a boatload of players for Miguel Tejada and dealing Brad Lidge for magic beans. They’re not going to win this year, so their team’s just getting older; Minnesota Timberwolves – before looking them up, I could name one player on their team – Rodney Carney, who was just traded to them by the Sixers; Carolina Panthers – who are hopeless only at meeting expectations, considering that every other year they’re supposed to be an amazing team and then they finish second or third in a really terrible division; Cincinnati Reds – they hired Dusty Baker. Enough said.; New England Patriots – sorry. I read 'hopeless' as 'shameless'.

Top 5 Travesties in the 2008 All-Star Game

2008-07-06T13:00:00.000-07:00

Tim's Top 5:
In case you hadn't noticed, and unless you were me, you hadn't...today is The Top 5's first birthday. Instead of something truly special to commemorate its first birthday...I'm going to complain about how much baseball fans are truly ignorant and how much worse baseball players and managers apparently are. That's right, I need two blogs to do this now.

I can be silent no longer! (note: in fact, I've already created a facebook group called "Jason Varitek is not an all-star", so it's hard to claim I've been silent thus far). This year's All-Star rosters have several travesties, which are hard to even reduce to such a brief list. So this list commemorates the awful inclusions, exclusions, and other potentially abhorrent aspects of the 2008 All-Star Game.

1. Jason Varitek is named to the AL All-Star Team - This one's on the players. Jason Varitek's offensive numbers just barely beat out my own. He's batting a whopping .217 with seven home runs, 27 RBIs, and slugged .360 in 242 at bats, when he's batting around guys like Kevin Youkilis, Dustin Pedroia, Mike Lowell, Manny Ramirez, and David Ortiz. In contrast, Kelly Shoppach, who has filled in as part of baseball's least potent lineup while Victor Martinez has been on the DL, has hit .270 with seven home runs and 20 RBIs while slugging .493! in 148 at bats. I don't hesitate to say that I would take every single American League starting catcher over Varitek and I know that every one of them could be defensible on a purely statistical basis.

2. Ichiro Suzuki -- again -- This one's on the fans. Yeah, here we go again. Japanese people should not be permitted to vote for the All-Star Game, because they really make a mockery of the All-Star game, electing both Ichiro Suzuki and Kosuke Fukudome as starters (thank god for Chase Utley, otherwise Kaz Matsui was almost assured a spot of his own). Kosuke is certainly unworthy, but not nearly unworthy on the level of Ichiro. Ichiro has warranted being in the All-Star game in years past, but this is not one of them. He's .304/.362/.376 for a whopping OPS of .738, an OPS matched only by 22 other outfielders in the American League, out of 32 who are eligible. Yes, Ichiro steals bases, and yes, that brings some value, but even if we added those thirty three steals to his slugging percentage (turn 33 singles into doubles), which is an utterly preposterous exaggeration of their value, since doubles are hits that lead to other batters scoring more frequently, whereas steals only help if people after Ichiro get hits...Ichiro has an OPS of .920, which would be good for the second best in the American League...except that if we did that for everyone else, he'd still barely be clinging to the top 10. He has the 13th best OBP among qualifying AL outfielders, he's not a good defensive player in centerfield (.879 zone rating, roughly equivalent to Josh Hamilton (.874), way behind Sizemore .922 and Granderson .909), and his inclusion leads to Brandon Morrow missing an all-star game even though he has an ERA of 0.65! and has become an effective closer (7 saves in 7 opportunities) after dominating in a setup role.

3. Joe Crede? Seriously? - Joe Crede is having a perfectly adequate season for the surprising White Sox. Except whoops...Evan Longoria and Mike Lowell are the only people who have a claim to this spot, given that Guillen is a lock because of his lousy teammates. You can't even blame this one on old-school people who are enamored with batting average to the exclusion of OBP and OPS, because Crede is worse than Lowell and Longoria in substantially worse than both Lowell and Longoria in average, OBP, and OPS.

4. Derek Jeter - This is on the fans, but would have been on the players, who would have chosen him anyway. This guy is a really shitty baseball player, and I am so tired of seeing him get sucked off by baseball as a whole. He's not even the second best shortstop in the American League (see my analysis on hunglikeajury.blogspot.com, which has only been skewed more in Peralta's favor since I wrote it), but he gets voted in without even a thought as to whether another person is more worthy. In fact, no shortstops are particularly worthy, Pedroia should just be forced to play shortstop in the all-star game to make room for adequate infielders, but Jeter is definitely not worth starting.

5. It "counts" - This one's on the commissioner. The home field advantage for the World Series is stupid and reeks of Bud Selig trying to make things "relevant".

Honorable mentions: the fact that someone other than Cliff Lee will inevitably start the All-Star game, Miguel Tejada, Brian Wilson, Pat Burrell being left behind despite leading NL outfielders in OPS, Miguel Tejada, the fact that I have to admit Jason Giambi's steroided ass is worthy of playing in the All-Star game, Xavier Nady being left off.

Dan's Top 5:

Now, I haven't been paying that much attention to baseball this year, but I have been paying attention enough to realize that the Cubs are one of the best teams in the majors, at least in terms of winning percentage. Being the superstitious fan I am, I refuse to pay further attention to the game until I am sure that they have secured a playoff spot and cannot possibly collapse. So that's my disclaimer - I haven't been paying attention this season. And I'm too lazy to look up any more than the most basic of stats.

1. The Boston Red Sox - Wow, Boston be representin' with seven players. They must be lighting up the standings. Wait, what's that? They're not even winning their division? Where the hell are the Rays? Don't tell me that the reason that Tampa Bay is 4.5 games ahead of the Red Sox is because of Navarro and Kazmir alone. Now, to be fair, I'll give you #2...

2. Seven versus Seven - Both Boston and the Chicago Cubs have seven players elected to the All-Star Game. Even as a fan of the Cubs, I think this is a bit much. Let the World Series come at the end of the season, no matter how badly you wanted to see both teams make it in 2003. Wait, my whole argument assumes that there are other players in the NL that are suitable for the All Star roster... How about Xavier Nady or something? He's batting fucking .321. (I actually hadn't even looked at Tim's list for this idea before I wrote this one.)

3. Derek Jeter - I see that he's already made Tim's list, and after reading his capsule review, I wholeheartedly agree and have nothing of value to add. Why the hell do the people of New York like this asshat more than Alex Rodriguez anyway?

4. Yankee Stadium - This is the stadium's last year, right? OK, so there's a hint of wistful nostalgia here. But remember that this will essentially be the Cubs versus the Red Sox. Let's pray that it doesn't turn into the Cubs versus the Red Sox versus the drunk, pissed off New Yorkers. Then again, that would make for a hell of a Youtube video highlight.

5. Jason Varitek - Ok, after doing a bare minimum of research, I can see how this was Tim's #1. I think I'd rather have Kelly Shoppach on the All Star team than Varitek. Apart from the funny name, that's not even a joke. (Again, thought of this before I read Tim's response.)

Honorable Mention: Only Two Rays? - This was covered in #1 already, but seriously, it deserves one more mention.

Ryan's Top 5:

1. Joe Buck and Tim McCarver - I realize that by now we should be resigned to the fact that Fox owns the All-Star game. But I'm sorry, watching any sports on Fox makes me sad. Joe Buck's voice makes my skin crawl. (This and this pretty much sum it up for Buck.) As for Tim McCarver... well, I have a natural hatred for anyone associated with St. Louis (see Buck). And Fox is hiding the Family Guy clip I want to link to, so here's the dialog:

Brian Griffin: Well, I guess Stewie couldn't be any worse than Tim McCarver is at sportscasting.

[cut to Tim McCarver sportscasting]

Tim McCarver: In my view, as good as the Yankees were in the first half of this game, that's how as bad they've been now.

2. Jason Varitek - I agree with what Tim and Dan said. This really is the biggest All-Star mistake, I think everyone should agree with that.

3. 2/3 of the Cubs Outfield Starting - Anyone whose stats compare favorably with Alex Gordon this year shouldn't be starting in an all-star game. Also, if these two get in, shouldn't David DeJesus, who's arguably having a better year than both? The answer is no. None of them should.

4. Brian Wilson - This was the first name that jumped out at me (after, obviously Varitek, Soriano, Kosuke, Ichiro). Do we need two Giants in this game? Is the National League that bad? The Royals are a better team than the Giants, but we only get our best player in the game. Look, give this spot to Cole Hamels, please. Or another reliever--Jon Rauch? (The Nationals aren't that far off... though Cristian Guzman really shouldn't be in this game, I am not going to look at his stats, it's common sense, it's like you telling me the Chiefs would be in the Super Bowl next year.); Takashi Saito, Hong-Chih Kuo, Francisco Cordero, etc.?

5. Evan Longoria - First he gets left off the opening day roster, now the all-star roster. Come on, folks. Give the rookie his due. I'd much rather watch an up-and-coming superstar than Joe Crede (see Tim's list) or Mike freaking Lowell.

Dishonorable Mention: I hate the Home Run Derby, but I will watch it, and thus I will have to listen to Chris Berman for the first time since football season.

Top 5 Games on the NES

2008-07-04T23:27:00.000-07:00

All I can say is I can't believe we didn't think of this before. So here's to all the wasted hours of my youth spent with the Nintendo Entertainment System!

Dan's Top 5:

1. Super Mario Bros. 3 - By far the best game in the entire system's history. It's hard to take a side-scrolling game - much less a Mario game - to a new level, but SMB 3 did it. This game was so huge, it required a major motion picture to unveil it. Of course, a more thorough review of both the game and the movie can be found courtesy of James Rolfe, the Angry Video Game Nerd.

2. Dragon Warrior - I really need to thank this game for saving me from what could have been an unhealthy obsession with the Final Fantasy series. I got the game free somehow - I seem to remember it being associated with my subscription to Nintendo Power magazine. Anyway, this game is the entire reason I've ever touched any subsequent RPG, and why I've never been surprised that I need to keep walking around outside to level up.

3. Marble Madness - The soundtrack to this game is burned into my memory. Really, it's a remarkably simple game taken from the arcade where you steer a marble towards a goal, trying to avoid both obstacles and the effects of physics. Like the board game Othello, it takes a minute to learn and a lifetime to master. Unlike Othello, this game will make your eyes bleed.

4. Battletoads - It seems that there might actually be mixed opinion on Battletoads. If so, then that's bullshit. Battletoads was such a unique idea that was so well-executed that it really breathed new life into the side-scrolling action genre later on in the platform's lifetime. In essence, it was the Vectorman of the NES. Know how much I loved Battletoads? I still remember that it was the cover-page game in issue #25 of Nintendo Power. And no, I didn't look that up.

5. Rampage - A giant lizard and a giant ape climbing and destroying buildings. That's it. This game is awesome enough that I don't need to write any more than that.

Honorable mention: Bases Loaded 2: Extra Innings, Dr. Mario, Duck Hunt, TMNT 2: The Arcade Game

Ryan's Top 5:

Surprisingly, I think this brought up more painful memories than happy ones. (I refuse to consider those fucking asshole crooks in Home Alone, a game I didn't beat until I had an emulator.)

Note: I was one of the rare kids who never owned MegaMan, Zelda, or Metroid. I think there's a support group now.

1. Super Mario Bros. 3 - I'm sorry, this is #1, period, on anyone's list. The day my mom bought me this game remains one of my most powerful childhood memories. If I spent one-tenth of the time and energy I gave this game on something more worthwhile, we'd probably have a cure for cancer by now. My bad, folks.

2. Castlevania - I suppose I spent more time watching my dad play this game than actually playing it, but that's like saying I spent more time on War and Peace than on Les Miserables. (Read it again folks, the weirdest analogy ever.) Anyway, this game scared me when I was a kid in the same way that rated-R movies did; it left me wanting more, more, more. If we ever go vampire-hunting, I'll be the one smashing candelabras and scouring the shards for hearts.

3. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 - The first game in the series reminds me of that riddle about the boulder; can God create a game so hard that even He can't beat it? Anyway, it didn't dampen my enthusiasm for all things Turtle (up to and including this), so when game #2 came out, a little more light started shining in my world.

4. Duck Tales - If you never played this game, then you're probably puzzled by its presence in a Top 5 list. If you played this game, you know. You know.

5. Mike Tyson's Punch Out - It was this or Jaws. This game I easily watched more than I played, at my friend's house with every kid in the neighborhood. Who cares? I remember specific bouts with King Hippo or Don Flamenco better than any real-life boxing match. And hey, why has no one ever made a remake of this game?

Honorable mention: Jaws (probably my #6), Super Mario Bros 1, Tecmo Bowl (Joe Montana 94 was the first football game I was obsessed with), Tetris (more of a gameboy thing), Double Dragon 2, Ninja Gaiden (damn it, I did the whole list and left out Ninja Gaiden, damn it, damn it, damn it, all right, let's pretend this didn't happen, move along, move along...), Duck Hunt, Bubble Bobble, Marble Madness, NOT HOME ALONE.

Tim's Top 5:
Because my parents loved us, they didn't have to give my brother or myself a NES until we were almost too old to enjoy it. Emphasis on almost. Thus, we could stop making friends with people based on the available gaming options they had. However, it also shows because I owned...four of the games that get mentioned on the list at all (SMB3, Super Off Road, NES Play Action, Darkwing Duck, Baseball Stars) -- the rest were rentals, so my love for them was developed quickly, but has lasted to this day. I also didn't have any Zelda games (good for me, I've since determined), Metroid, Tecmo Bowl...

1. Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves - I have endorsed this game to everyone I know that I have ever so much as mentioned a Nintendo game to. Basically, four people. I didn't own the game, but I rented it, and that was enough to make me want to play it forever...but then my Nintendo died. The best thing about it was that you could play as multiple characters, including Azeem, which is the closest you'll ever get to being Morgan Freeman. It gives you multiple perspectives (who can forget melee mode?), and you kept adding people to your crew, including Duncan, who is blind. It mixes RPG elements with the actual gameplay. If you never played it, you can see it on this guy's Youtube review, although he hates the game. http://spoonyexperiment.com/games/RobinHood/

2. Super Mario Bros. 3 - I was actually the asshole who enjoyed Super Mario Bros. 2, but I was outvoted 1-1 by my brother, so we never actually owned it. This game just had a lot of great stuff in it. The graphics were a huge improvement on anything we'd seen from Nintendo, it was in the awesome movie The Wizard starring Fred Savage, the raccoon tail that would enable you to fly...that came from a leaf (none of these things are indicative of flight in the outside world), the Tanooki suit that was all but unusable, but cool anyway. The frog suit that would be awesome in some levels and a total hindrance if you managed to keep it beyond the water levels. The only real downside was that it was too easy to get all of these things, so there was no real challenge to the game when you got the strategy guide free with Nintendo Power.

3. Dr. Mario - All right, I only ever played this for the Nintendo 64, but it's one of the greatest games ever concocted by human minds. Even though it's very similar to Tetris, it discriminates against the color blind. Good enough for me. Oh, it also turns out that I'm really really good at Dr. Mario 64. That's all it takes.

4. Ivan "Ironman" Stewart's Super Off Road! - Ah, Ivan "Ironman" Stewart, your fame will never...begin. To this day, I have no clue who you are, though presumably you drive a truck through mud and run over nitro tablets. It was one of the rare games where I could occasionally beat my brother, though even that was rare. I'm not sure what it was that made me so videogame incompetent then, though I know that it probably carries on to this day.

5. NES Play Action Football - This was the football game I played, not that stupid Tecmo Bowl that everyone remembers. It's really not a very good game, and its comical reduction of football teams to only two or three changeable positions and a bizarre ratings system that made Maurice Carthon a tremendous running back and Ottis Anderson a drooling mental defect incapable of outrunning a defensive tackle or breaking a tackle from a cornerback with a 'boop' noise were among this game's many charms. It also reduced the NFL to 10 teams, but still included Sammy Winder.

Honorable mention: The Mega Man series, Darkwing Duck, Ninja Gaiden, Baseball Stars - you could upgrade your players...it was an amazing innovation, though ultimately self-defeating since you would get better ... and then the game would get easier, Star Wars (not The Empire Strikes Back, that game was ludicrously hard, I don't think I ever got beyond the Ice Planet Hoth), Not Bart vs. the Space Mutants. We paid a lot of money for that lousy game.

Top 5 Television Theme Songs - Lyrics Edition

2008-06-30T08:25:00.000-07:00

And now for the logical follow-up to the last post.

Dan's Top 5:

1. The Greatest American Hero - "Believe It or Not" by Joey Scarbury - This is the pinnacle example of a television show's theme song being WAY too good for the show it represents. I'm not sure how successful the show was, but this song was a hit, reaching #2 on the charts. Can you even grasp this? It was one away from the top song in the entire country according to The Billboard Hot 100. And let's not forget "The Suzie," the episode of Seinfeld containing one of the best moments of the series, when we hear the #1 answering machine message of all time, "Believe it or not, George isn't at home."

2. Perfect Strangers - "Nothing's Gonna Stop Me Now" by David Pomeranz - This is another instance of the song being much better than the show, but in this case, the show was really enjoyable. (To be fair, I can't judge Greatest American Hero having never seen an episode.) It takes a lot of talent for me to overlook the fact that one is a Scientologist (You shook your Etch-a-Sketch with War of the Worlds, Tom.) but Pomeranz apparently has the talent. He also did the theme to Zoobilee Zoo, and both infected my head when I was four years old. "Standin' Taaaaaaaaaaaaaall!"

3. Cheers - "Where Everybody Knows Your Name" by Gary Portnoy - This was the third attempt at writing a theme by Portnoy and Judy Angelo. The repeated rejection led them to start writing a sad tune over just two notes - B flat and F - and what followed was the beginning of one of the greatest themes ever. Who wants a beer?

4. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air - "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" by Will Smith - I'll confess that I didn't watch this show religiously when it was on while we were growing up. But I still know a significant percentage of the theme's lyrics and recognized it was ridiculously catchy. Yo, home smell you later!

5. Gilligan's Island - "The Ballad Of Gilligan's Isle" - written by Sherwood Schwartz and George Wyle, performed by The Wellingtons - Probably the song that makes me wary of any sort of short nautical expedition that is scheduled to last for three hours, lest I get marooned. And for the record, I prefer the version that name-checks The Professor and Mary-Ann. It really isn't that hard to sing them in, is it?

Honorable mention: The Jeffersons - "Movin' On Up," Green Acres - "Green Acres"

Ryan's Top 5:

Again, if you want the names of the composers/writers, I highly recommend www.wikipedia.com.

1. "Cheers" - "Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience" is firmly etched into my brain, as is every word to this song.

2. "Pete & Pete" - This is an excellent mid-90s alternative pop song that happens to be the tune for one of the greatest shows Nickelodeon's ever had a hand in. Man, whatever happened to Polaris? At least you can get this show on DVD, though, which is more than I can say for...

3. "Doug" - I mean, the only real lyrics are "doo doo doo doo," etc. But still, this song is from a time when cartoons were still good, funny, relevant to kids' lives, well-written, etc. And not about, for example, talking nautical sponges.

4. "Arthur and Friends" - I'd include this show on a guilty pleasure list--if I in any way felt guilty for liking it. I don't. And the theme song is performed by Ziggy Marley; reggae for kids is really, really underrated.

5. "David the Gnome" - We're doing top 5 kids' show theme songs including Cheers, right? Anyway, I really miss the French-Canadian animation of the 1980's, and all the musical genius it inspired.

Honorable mention: Frasier, Extras, Salute Your Shorts, Family Guy, Bill Nye the Science Guy, Reading Rainbow.

Tim's Top 5:
Again, my distaste for this category was fleeting.

1. The Monkees – Hey, hey, we’re the Monkees! Ok, they’re not good as a band, since they can’t play instruments. But they are remarkably good at times as a pop band, and the theme song is a typically inane but enjoyable theme.

2. Cheers – This is the prototype for a TV theme, because it actually makes you wish you were watching the show. Just two notes in and I wanted to pull out season 2 and start watching it, since I bought it too late into my summer associate year and no longer had a need to spend all my time in my apartment watching DVDs, because NCAA Football had come out.

3. The Wonder Years – Odd, this link goes to Joe Cocker performing “With a Little Help From My Friends”, not the Wonder Years theme! Yeah, I know, it’s a bit of a cop out, but it’s really Joe Cocker’s only good work that I’m aware of. The video has some huge dubbing issues, but it’s really better not to see him anyway.

4. Batman – Ok, admittedly, the only words to the song are “Batman”, but it has lyrics. It’s a song that is inseparable from the campy show from whence it came, but is still really appealing to me for some bizarre reason.

5. Underdog - While there are any number of cartoon songs that could make the claim to this (as evidenced by my unembarrassed ownership of the compilation album Saturday Morning – from which this version is taken, I’m partial to the theme of Underdog. Speed of lightning, roar of thunder, fighting all who rob or plunder, Underdog... Underdog!

Honorable mention: Darkwing Duck - Give me a break, I loved this show., Happy Days - I'm in disbelief this didn't make my top 5, The Greatest American Hero – quintessential Christopher Cross-y ‘80s theme that still makes me long for the days of not doing a damn thing; Reading Rainbow; Zoobilee Zoo (just watching three seconds of Ben Vereen made me nearly swallow my tongue, I shan't share).

Top 5 Television Theme Songs - Instrumental Edition

2008-06-27T11:07:00.000-07:00

I decided to split this list up because a) there's too many good theme songs out there, and b) you can't really compare those themes with lyrics to those without. And for the record, any spoken narration does not qualify as lyrical content.

Dan's Top 5:

1. The A-Team - Theme by Mike Post - Probably the most formulaic show in history, but so much of its popularity is (in my mind) due to the awesome theme song, created by none other than the master of television theme songs, Mike Post. Listen to that theme, and you get pumped up. Right now as I'm thinking about it, I'm ready to punch someone, or shoot at them and miss them entirely, or adamantly express my disdain for traveling in airplanes.

2. The Critic - Theme by Hans Zimmer - Let me guess, this show is set in New York City. It's a dead giveaway once you hear jazz clarinet. But here's the thing - I love jazz clarinet and the theme is awesome. I could imagine having this song playing as I walk into work every day, and as I sit down at my computer, the song ends just like when Jay Sherman's going to bed. Can Zimmer do any wrong? If he has, I don't know about it.

3. Miami Vice - Theme by Jan Hammer - Remember how the 80's sucked? Oh yeah, that's right - they didn't. Say what you will about the series itself (I like it, but a lot of that is camp value. I have no problem with you hating the show.) But Hammer's theme was the new definition of cool. Just listen to it again, and you're just filled with the imagery of primitive synthesizers, neon pastels, and plastic that would come to define the decade.

4. The Simpsons - Theme by Danny Elfman - Do I really need to say anything here? The theme is deliberately wacky, and if there's anyone who can produce that sort of music, it's Danny Elfman . He's probably best known for his superhero themes nowadays, but really, his talent encompasses a wide range. Probably my favorite film (and television) composer.

5. The Venture Bros. - Theme by J. G. Thirlwell - New classic status at #5, as is standard practice. I don't even know if anyone else reading this blog has ever watched Cartoon Network's Adult Swim programming. Honestly, I wouldn't be offended if you didn't, because a lot of the programming is god-awful. However, one of the few really good shows is The Venture Bros., which, in essence is a mockery of 70's cartoons such as Jonny Quest. The adventurous theme fits perfectly, with a few electronic subtleties thrown in. The horns can be a bit harsh at times, though.

Honorable mention: Hawaii Five-O - Theme by Morton Stevens, Mission: Impossible - Theme by Lalo Schifrin, Sanford and Son - Theme by Quincy Jones

Ryan's Top 5:

I don't have the courage to look up on my laptop who wrote/composed the following songs.

1. The Simpsons - I like going with different answers on the whole, but screw that--this best instrumental theme song ever produced also belongs to the best TV show ever made. Try imagining the show without this song--it can't be done.

2. M*A*S*H - Such a good theme song. This would be my dad's #1, hands down. He'd actually be pissed that I almost forgot this one. It's a good thing only three people read this.

3. Knight Rider - Gets major cred as this is one one the few TV theme songs that I choose to listen to on my iPod (both Offices, um, ... that might be it). Such a cool-sounding tune.

4. Twin Peaks - Yes, I initially forgot this one, which was one of my favorite songs for a long time. A beautiful song.

5. Sportscenter - This tune has come to epitomize Sports. Can you name any other example of a theme song that encapsulates its entire genre? (No sitcom's theme epitomizes Comedy, for example.)

Honorable: Hawaii Five-0 (I haven't seen an episode...), The Office US, I Love Lucy, Seinfeld, The Office UK, Northern Exposure, The X-Files.

**Thanks to Cortney, who pointed out my numerous inadequacies regarding this list.**

Tim’s Top 5:
Ok, I was really unhappy to see these lists on the site, as an avid non-watcher of television that’s not sports, I’m not privileged to have much of a source on this. Then I realized that it didn’t matter, because the songs of value are old anyway, and because my #1 and #2 were so obvious and yet unmentioned that I had a real opportunity to go in a different direction here.

1. The Green Hornet - There is simply no contest, the theme song is one of the best things about the show, which was amazing despite its razor-thin plot. And it’s the best Rimsky-Korsakov on the market. Good luck finding an orchestra to take this angle on it. Man, I wish this show would come out on authentic DVD instead of the terrible Chinese imports slapped together to sate people’s desire for Bruce Lee on TV. If I ever have a child who wants to join the marching band, he or she will be forced to practice on their trumpet until they sound like this.

2. Alfred Hitchcock Presents - More because it’s really suitable for the show, I can’t refrain from putting this on the list. It came to personify Hitchcock as much as the drawing, neither of which spoke very highly of him, but it elevated him to a cultural persona that was not shared by any of his peers as directors (as if he had any).

3. Law and Order - I am the only person who’s graduated from law school that’s never watched the show. But it doesn’t keep me from appreciating that its theme is appropriate and has been for the nearly two decades that it and its variants have been on the air. Composing so timeless is astounding enough in its own right.

4. Hawaii Five-O - I also have never seen the show, but I know the Hawaii Five-O theme as well as I know Jack Lord’s hair. It’d odd not to have the theme play whenever you see Jack Lord in Dr. No, frankly.

5. Mission: Impossible - Ok, this is a link to the modernized version that’s associated with the movie, but I’m too lazy to post another link. The point is that it’s a good song that you immediately connect with the show, whether or not you’ve seen it. True of all five of these songs.

Honorable mention: Hill Street Blues; The A-Team really has the voice-over lead in, so I can’t really include it in the list because I think it’s a part of it. But I do enjoy 1980s jingoism, and this absolutely reeks of it; M*A*S*H (penalized because I love the song with lyrics so much more in the movie), The Simpsons.

Top 5 Spielberg Movies

2008-06-25T17:42:00.001-07:00

Tim's Top 5:
Few people can make movies that alternate so completely between astounding and horrible as Steven Spielberg. He's all over the map genre-wise and has made everything except a pure comedy that anyone laughed at.

1. Saving Private Ryan - Ok, using this film to cram down a World War II monument was a little bit absurd, particularly considering the hasty monument they erected that lacks any of the emotional weight of the Vietnam Memorial. But there's not much doubt that it is one of the greatest war movies ever concocted. The D-Day sequence was unmatched, Spielberg gets adequate performances from people who have no business being in a movie (Vin Diesel, Barry Pepper, Giovanni Ribisi), and it's not as cut and dry as most of Spielberg's work. Even if it's simplistic, it's a stunning achievement that was robbed at the Oscars by a movie that was memorably primarily for just being better than one would expect, but little more.

2. Catch Me If You Can - If you were going to express total disbelief that Spielberg directed a film on his resume, this would probably top the list. Nothing about it feels Spielbergian except that it involves parent-child relationships. It's a film that I can watch over and over again. Tom Hanks is sufficiently cartoonish for a composite character, Leonardo DiCaprio gives the performance of a career, and Christopher Walken actually gets to play someone that's not all that weird for a change. A superb accomplishment.

3. Jurassic Park - This is one of the movies I remember seeing in the theater most clearly. It's not a masterpiece of drama, but the special effects were unprecedented and I think few directors would have dared to accomplish adequate work with the source material.

4. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade - I'm not really a big Indiana Jones fan, Raiders really just had a great climax going for it, the rest of the movie was pretty dry. But adding in Sean Connery here is one of the best examples of a character being integrated in the middle of a series of films without seeming glaringly out of place. Frankly, though, Indiana is still a weird name for a dog, too.

5. Schindler's List - I watched this movie once, it's a touching and depressing film that has some exceptional performances (particularly Ralph Fiennes), but it's also not a particularly difficult task to make a sad movie about the Holocaust. It told a story that needed to be told in an interesting and largely successful fashion.

Honorable mention: Munich, Jaws

Tory's Top 5:

Let me start my list by saying that I don't care for Spielberg, and am rather glad to see that there are a lot fewer movies of his that I liked than I thought (I had always assumed he did liked films that I never knew he directed, but he didn't.)

1. Hook - This is the quintessential retelling of the Peter Pan tale, with a pretty good performance by Robin Williams, and an outstanding dual-performance by Dustin Hoffman (who plays both Hook as well as a tall person.)

2. Catch Me If You Can - I agree with Tim on just about every point. This movie is amazing, and definitely one of Leonardo Dicaprio's best, even though I do believe he has had some other noteworthy performances that could rival this one. It definitely feels like it was done by a director with a much better film vocabulary.

3. Saving Private Ryan - Not my favorite WWII film, but definitely it would definitely make the top 5 WWII films list. I am also a huge Matt Damon fan, and I am somewhat affectionate towards Rabisi and even a bit towards Barry Pepper (at least after he did Three Burials.)

4. A.I. - I have a confession: I have not seen this movie, nor do I want to. The reasons that it made the top five are two-fold. The first being that I am having trouble finding movies on his IMDB that I liked enough to make a top 5, and the second being that the first half of this film was made with Stanley Kubrick. So Stephen Spielberg gets the credit (since it's his list.)

5. Empire of the Sun - Another confession: I haven't seen this one either. However my desire to see this film greatly outweighs my appreciation of any of his other films, as well as my desire to see or rewatch any of his other films.

Ryan's Top 5:

I'll preface this list with the fact that I am moderately drunk right now. I don't know where that will lead us.

1. Amistad - In all honesty, I haven't examined the historical accuracy of this one as closely as I have others (e.g., Quiz Show); I do know, for example, that Morgan Freeman's character is completely fictional (and not God, the President, or the narrator). That said, the portrayal of the Middle Passage in this film is pretty damn spot on, and thus, gruesome. Also, an excellent score. Anthony Hopkins is good as JQ, and Djimon Hounsou is good as Cinque. Matthew McConaughey also stars.

2. Catch Me If You Can - I agree with what everyone has said. I too can watch this over and over and over.

3. Jurassic Park - I just watched this recently on TBS for the first time in about a decade. It actually ages a lot better than I thought it would, despite some of the special effects. This is what Spielberg is best at, good summer blockbusters. You know, like A.I.

4. Jaws - I actually like this movie a lot and feel kind of bad ranking it so low. I feel bad in that I can't really think of a reason to disparage it... it's another good blockbuster. How about, I saw on Mythbusters that the part where the shark gets blown up after he shoots the oxygen tank is bullshit. (Frustratingly.) But I do love the line, "Smile you son of a bitch!"

5. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade - This was one of my favorite movies as a kid, and in my mind is by far the best Indiana Jones movie. The action and chase scenes are good but not too outlandish, and they don't overwhelm the film at the expense of character development (see: Crystal Skull).

Honorable mention: Saving Private Ryan, Hook

Dan's Top 5:

Wow, everyone really swarmed on this one. I just feel embarrassed to be the fourth one posting. Unlike most everyone else here, I still like Spielberg. Though not the greatest of all time, the films that he's good at directing are legendary.

1. Raiders of the Lost Ark - This will forever be my favorite Indiana Jones movie. The Connery-heavy Last Crusade seemed a bit too cheesy for me, and relied a bit more on gags. I'm not saying it's bad, but I liked Raiders a lot more. Ranks as #1 on this list because the action is so memorable, and I imagine that such a movie would be pretty difficult to direct.

2. Hook - Everything about this movie is brilliant, and I mostly agree with Tory on this one. Unlike most family movies, it's actually enjoyable for any age group watching it. Furthermore, it doesn't resort to just retelling the Peter Pan story the way everyone has heard it a million times before. Loses points for the Rufio character, but gains them right back for the youthful ragtag-wildness of the Lost Boys, captured perfectly by the dinner scene (possibly my favorite in the movie.) Also, the soundtrack is a must-own.

3. Jurassic Park - I remember watching this movie when I was younger (9 years old) in the theater with my grandmother, and we both had a blast. (Screw you if you think I was a loser for not seeing this with friends; me and my grandma were close.) It was probably the most memorable movie experience I had in the theater growing up. To date, it's still the only CGI that has ever looked "real" to me, and as Ryan said, it really ages well.

4. Schindler's List - I feel bad putting this so low, as I watched it only recently and really enjoyed it. I agree with Tim about the exceptional performances, though my personal favorite was Kingsley's character. I had always worried that I wouldn't fully identify with this movie if I weren't Jewish and had no personal connection to the Holocaust. I was proven wrong, as it's really a film about human character more than anything else.

5. Jaws - Though I really liked Catch Me If You Can and feel it does deserve some mention, there's no way I can leave off Jaws. Keep in mind that there were no summer blockbusters before this movie. Of course, the suspense of this film is legendary - you never really get to see the killer shark until the end - to the point that you don't even care how fake the shark looks. At least, I don't anyway.

Honorable mention: Catch Me If You Can, Saving Private Ryan

Top 5 Geographical Bands

2008-06-23T08:09:00.000-07:00

This is Ryan's idea originally, after he was cleaning out his iPod and wondering what Chicago songs he should keep. Or maybe we thought of it together after we were talking about how Kansas really isn't worth seeing in concert. At any rate, these are the Top 5 bands with geographical names. In the name of purity, I have used bands that use only the names of places as the entire band name, but if you struggle to find any good bands (there really aren't many), then I guess that rule is not set in stone.

Dan's Top 5:

1. Boston - Not only the makers of one of the best debut albums ever - actually, the best-selling debut album in U.S. history, this band also invented (and its members are the only acceptable wearers of) the white-guy 'fro. The genius of this band comes primarily from Tom Scholz, who wrote all the songs, invented their signature guitar tone by designing his own equipment, produced their work, and also freed the slaves and saved humanity. Needless to say, I like Boston.

2. Kansas - If there was ever a sign that there aren't many good Geographical Bands, it's the fact that Kansas wins the #2 spot. To their credit, they have three cool songs ("Dust In The Wind," "Point of Know Return," and "Carry On Wayward Son") There may be more, but these are the three that receive massive airplay. It speaks volumes that I'm nowhere near willing to pay $50 to see them play in State College. But if you've ever played "Carry On Wayward Son" on Guitar Hero, you know how much those songs I listed do rock.

3. Asia - I'm going to submit to my love of Prog Rock yet again, putting Asia at #3 despite only knowing a single song, "Heat of the Moment." This band incorporated members of former prog mega-bands Yes and E.L.P., so they're definitely a supergroup. But whenever I think of the musical connections of Asia, it never escapes me that the keyboardist, Geoff Downes, was also the keyboardist for The Buggles (yes, the same Buggles of "Video Killed The Radio Star" fame). Apparently he was once entered into the Guinness Book of Records for using the most (28) keyboards on stage during one performance. I should really get around to listening to at least a second song from these guys.

4. Chicago - "25 or 6 to 4" is by far the best song this band ever did, as it's the only song I can really remember that features their guitar player, who was actually pretty good. (Sadly, I watched VH1's Behind The Music episode on Chicago. I mean, that's sad in and of itself, but even more sad was that the episode revealed that their guitar player accidentally committed suicide.) "Saturday in the Park" is another acceptable tune, but my second-favorite is "You're The Inspiration." Why? Because when I first heard it, my guess was that the Bee Gees were singing it. Kudos to you, Peter Cetera, for pulling that aural illusion off.

5. Europe - "The Final Countdown" was huge - #1 in 26 countries, and to this day a pretty decent song to pump up to before a sports entrance. Hey wait, this band was primarily a metal band? For shame, Europe, for shame! Actually, Europe had the same reaction to that hit album, The Final Countdown, thinking it was way too keyboard-driven. They took the reins on the next album, adding more guitars and getting the sound they wanted, but never achieved the same sort of success, succumbing to one-hit-wonder syndrome (a serious disease that is sometimes fatal).

Ryan's Top 5:

Man, my list sucks. Why did we have this idea?

1. New York Dolls - A great protopunk band that influenced greater bands: The Clash, The Sex Pistols, The Ramones, etc.

2. Kansas - I can't help but love them for nostalgic reasons. I really have no concept if they are actually a good band or not. (See: Meat Loaf.) Apparently their members are from Topeka and Manhattan respectively...not two of my favorite towns. Ah well.

3. Boston - I have "more than a feeling" that I'm copping out and stealing Dan's entries. Ha! Ha! Ha!

4. Europe - "Doo-duh-loo-doo! Doo-duh-loo-doo-doo!"

5. Asia - I know very little about Asia, but they have one key fact going for them: they're not Chicago. Welcome to the Top 5, my Asiatic friends. (Bonus points for Cartman's rendition of "Heat of the Moment.")

Tory's Top 5:

1. Cypress Hill - Granted I don't listen to a lot of Cypress Hill, but I am attempting to be different with this list. And, frankly, I would probably listen to Cypress Hill over Boston or Kansas.

2. The Mars Volta - I wanted to put them number 1, but I don't think their name is exactly in the tune. That being said Mars - the planet - does have a lot of geographical stuff going on ... like the TALLEST MOUNTAIN (or volcano) IN THE UNIVERSE.

3. Evergreen Terrace - A really amazing hardcore band that (from what I remember) only does hardcore covers (Sunday Bloody Sunday being the only song that comes to mind.) Also, they are named after a fictional geographical location. From the Simpsons no less.

4. America - Horse With No Name.

5. E Street Band - They are on here because they played a lot with the Boss. However, I've never heard them independently, therefore they are number five.

Honorable Mentions: Rammstein, Sugarland, Walls of Jericho - it should be noted that these bands are being honorably mentioned for having names that reflect geographic locations.

Tim's Top 5:

One could argue Nirvana qualifies. I won't, though, since that's way too easy.

1. Europe - As far as I'm concerned, they released one album, which consists of ten recordings of one song. But man, I loved that song when I was five, which means that, along with "One Stop Along The Way (The Ballad of Johnny bench)" by Terry Cashman I am forever cursed to continue loving the song. It invokes good memories of my favorite television character ever (Gob Bluth), hockey games (it was a theme for the Omaha Lancers for a long time), and what good synthesizers have brought to society (surprisingly little). Still, should my elbow ever manage to repair itself so I can throw without my arm going numb and should I suddenly add thirty miles to my fastball, I'm pretty sure this song would be on the shortlist of songs that would play as I entered the game (which is itself a list that I'll be posting at some point once I've refined mine to perfection, since it's one of the few lists about which I will care vehemently).

2. The Bronx - I don't know anything of their work, but The Bronx is a place, and the one song I own of theirs ("Around the Horn [Louis XIV remix]" from the soundtrack to Snakes on a Plane) is pretty above average for throwaway soundtrack fare.

3. America - I think they really warrant being somewhere in the pit of hell, because for at least an entire day last week, I had "Sister Goldenhair" stuck in my head. Not to say this to ruin my presidential campaign in 2016, but let it be said once and for all that I really truly hate America (in band form). In book form, I approve of it, and it is not actually a country...since we're the United States and America represents a land mass spanning from Canada to Argentina. But that's still a place. I win.

4. Kansas - I cannot repeat enough that I don't like Kansas, but Carry On Wayward Son and Dust In The Wind always get me to listen anyway (because Carry On wayward Son isn't a bad song and because Dust In The Wind makes me think of Old School...and songs from Old School invariably get me to listen to them in a fashion that I hope is ironic.

5. Alabama - Ok, I don't like their music, I just like any country music band that has the balls to hate Ronald Reagan. "40 Hour Week (for a livin')" might not be a call to revolution, but it's enough of a screw you to the fervent anti-Union and anti-laborer administration that helped destroy America's trade surplus and turn us into a nation that can't rely on itself for anything. I seem to remember that Alabama sucked less than most country bands, but I can't say for certain, because other than the aforementioned song, I don't remember any of their work.

Honorable mention: I don't hate Chicago, though I can't say I like them.

Dishonorable mention: I do hate Boston.

Top 5 Lines from Back To The Future

2008-06-19T12:20:00.000-07:00

You may think this is completely out of left field, but did you notice it's our 88th post? Immediately, my mind jumped to the connection to Back to the Future (i.e., 88 mph) and I had to dedicate a Top 5 list to one of the movies that shaped my persona. Think it's not quote-worthy? Think again...

Dan's Top 5:

1. Marty: "Are you telling me that you built a time machine... out of a DeLorean?"
Doc: "The way I see it, if you're gonna build a time machine into a car, why not do it with some style?" - Half the reason the movie was so cool was because of the DeLorean. The car is metal and you open its doors vertically! Man, what will the 80's think of next? Anyway, DeLorean fanaticism still runs rampant to this day, mostly because of this blockbuster.

2. "If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything." - Actually a piece of useful advice. I highly doubt that the writers came up with this originally. It was probably a common pearl of wisdom before 1985. They probably stole it from a high school yearbook or an episode of Mr. Wizard. But if I ever say this maxim, I feel like I'll need to credit the quote to Marty McFly.

3. Principal Strickland: "No McFly ever amounted to anything in the history of Hill Valley!"
Marty McFly: "Yeah, well, history is gonna change." - Foreshadowing, anyone? I remember when foreshadowing in movies wasn't so painfully obvious as it is today. For example, I just saw Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (read: the only good Star Trek movie), when after a failed training exercise Kirk asks Spock, "Aren't you dead?" What was I talking about? I tend to get distracted. Hey, look! A Top 5 List about Back To The Future.

4. "Roads? Where we're going we don't need roads." - The perfect set up for a pair of sequels to come out in another four years, both of which were very entertaining. What sucks is that this led me to believe that any movie that ended in such a fashion would eventually come out with sequels, no matter how shitty they are. As a result, I'm still waiting for Jumanji 2 and Super Mario Bros: The Movie 2. Thankfully, Back To The Future got it right.

5. "How did I ever expect to get back? One pallet, one trip! I must be out of my mind!" - Uttered shortly before Doc heads back in time, this seems like a really pointless line, until I recall an incident my friends were in at KFC one day. They had placed their order and then asked if they could add something else. The register clerk jokingly said, "Nope. One pallet, one trip." Even though it's probably one of the most obscure lines in the movie, the reference wasn't lost and my friends called him on it. It just goes to show you how much of a big deal this movie was.

Tim's Top 5:
I don't like this movie. I like Back to the Future Part II and the other two were like a kick to the teeth when I saw them and I didn't have any desire to go see them again. So, since I'd be forced to rely solely upon IMDb users quote submissions, I instead recuse myself.

Ryan's Top 5:
Unfortunately I have not seen this movie in about a decade, so I'm at a bit of a loss for good quotes.

Top 5 Best Songs on the Album

2008-06-17T19:38:00.000-07:00

This concept is pretty simple - while it's not necessary that the rest of the album on which these songs appear are bad, the songs listed here stand head and shoulders above the rest, and very well may be the only reason you own the album (if you do). So while a song like "A Day in the Life" is amazing, you wouldn't list it here because it was on Sgt. Pepper, and that whole album was amazing. Personally, I'm not counting obvious one-hit wonders, as that is too cheap - it has to be an established artist, and a decent album in general. So with that introduction taken care of...

Dan's Top 5:

1. "Solsbury Hill" from Peter Gabriel by Peter Gabriel - I've repeatedly stated that this song is my favorite song ever. If you could combine sex, drugs, and Twinkies into a single consumable substance, the result would not make me feel as good as this song does. The preceding track, "Moribund the Burgermeister," is another favorite of mine, but a small part of its magic is derived from the fact that you know the next song is "Solsbury Hill." Unless your music player is on shuffle. Probably the key to its brilliance was that Gabriel wrote it as an explanation of why he left Genesis to pursue a solo career. Fortunately, he had enough momentum from this song to carry him through not one but two poor albums - and boy, was Peter Gabriel II bad - before finally releasing Peter Gabriel III, my favorite of his catalog and the record that started bringing him some commercial success with the single "Games Without Frontiers."

2. "Under the Bridge" from Blood Sugar Sex Magik by The Red Hot Chili Peppers - Some may wish to crucify me with extra-blunt nails for this. But to me, there is everything else on the album, which is collectively a pretty good study of modern funk and definitely RHCP's best album, and then there's this song, which is one of the greatest 90's alternative songs period. It was a time when RHCP decided to stop being so much of a joke band, but before they became a joke again for trying so often to reproduce the mellow, pop-oriented sounds of "Under the Bridge."

3. "I Might Be Wrong" from Amnesiac by Radiohead - In this case, the rest of the album is pretty bad. "Knives Out" is a pretty good song, and the rest are somewhat listenable at best. This particular song, however, really rocks. It features a main riff in drop-D tuning, and now that I mention it, an actual guitar track, which was such a rarity for this album. In my opinion (but not the opinion of very many others who would self-apply the label of "Radiohead fan") this was Radiohead at their lowest point. In my quest to eventually find all the Radiohead albums on vinyl, I'd happily skip Amnesiac were it not for this awesome little tune.

4. "Regret" from Republic by New Order - Man, I can't believe I missed this one originally. New Order is a great band (though I don't know if anyone else on the Top 5 committee is going to agree with me). There are a ton of great tracks in their catalogue (just pick up their "Singles" two-disc set and you'll see what I mean), but this song is by far my personal favorite, and it's the band's highest-charting single in the US. The rest of the album contains a handful of good songs, such as "World" and "Spooky," but "Regret" is one of those songs that might get you listening to New Order in the first place. I dare say it would be worth it to see New Order live if they just played this and "Ceremony."

5. "Every Breath You Take" from Synchronicity by the Police - There are a number of really good songs on the album, such as "King of Pain" and "Synchronicity II." But this song is a behemoth, destroying skyscrapers in Tokyo and sending schoolchildren fleeing in terror. It was one of the songs that dominated the 80's, despite the fact that is was a song about stalking someone and written with a dusty old chord progression straight from Motown (G, Em, C, D). Despite it being overplayed as all hell, it's still a really good song, and stands in a class of its own above even the rest of the Police's best album. Of course, those other songs I mentioned are damn good, so this has to drop down to #5 on my list.

Honorable mention: "True" from True by Spandau Ballet, "Notorious" from Notorious by Duran Duran, "Just Like Honey" from Psychocandy by The Jesus and Mary Chain.

Ryan's Top 5:

This was harder than anticipated. I've stretched the logic a bit. Hi, I'm Ryan.

1. "Hotel California" from The Very Best Of The Eagles by The Eagles - I'm sorry, but The Eagles suck. I remember hearing David Spade talk about how he went to an Eagles concert and they had the balls to open up with "Hotel California." It'd be pretty convenient, I suppose, if this happened. Beat the traffic!

2. "Free Bird" from Pronounced by Lynyrd Skynyrd - I apologize to any Skynyrd fans out there. Wait, no I don't. Anyway, I've never been a fan of most of their non-Free-Bird stuff. (I call it Hotel-California-Syndrome.)

3. "American Pie" from American Pie by Don McLean - OK, hotshot, you try listening to any of the other songs on the album without falling asleep. I'll wake you up when you're ready to admit defeat.

4. "Carry On My Wayward Son" from Leftoverture by Kansas - Well, I assume. I'll admit that I haven't made it through the entire album. Prove me wrong, closet Kansas fans, prove me wrong!

5. "Dream On" from Aerosmith by Aerosmith - Aerosmith does not have another song equal to this one. I already used the Best Of trick with The Eagles, though, and I don't feel comfortable doing it with Aerosmith ("Walk This Way" et. al. are pretty good...Aerosmith circa 1980-present just plain sucks, though. Do not tell me that the Walk This Way/Run DMC remix is good. No. No. No. No.)

Tim's Top 5:

I won't include compilations, greatest hits albums, or albums I don't own.

1. "Let's Get It On" from Let's Get It On by Marvin Gaye - I own the remastered version of Let's Get It On that has bonus tracks on it. Thus, this has to top the list, because the two best songs on the album are "Let's Get It On". Sure, there's other songs on the album that are okay, "Distant Lover" would become a classic, but this song is so timelessly carnal and represents one of Marvin Gaye's best vocal performances ever. I don't know what percentage of children conceived in 1973 were conceived while this song was playing or were conceived as a direct result of this song, but I'd have to venture that it's probably greater than 1%.

2. "Roc Boys (and the winner is...)" from American Gangster by Jay-Z - The album is good, eventually, though it took its time to grow on me. But nothing else on the album has one shred of energy compared to this horn-laden endorphin dump that is really Jay-Z giving in to Kanye's pop sensibility in its entirety.

3. "Dry the Rain" from The Three E.P.'s by The Beta Band - Rob was right to play "Dry the Rain" in order to sell his copies of The Three E.P.s, because the other tracks on them...are uniformly not very impressive. "Needles In My Eyes" is my second favorite song on the album, apparently, and I've listened to it once.

4. "Common People" from Has Been by William Shatner - The Pulp song may be the best on its album, but it makes this otherwise largely-forgettable pastiche of odd songs and spoken word from William Shatner. There's something frightfully wonderful about him saying "chip stain grease" like it's something quaintly American.

5. "Spitting Games" from Final Straw by Snow Patrol - This song is so unlike most of what Snow Patrol has recorded, I don't know what exactly the music in the intro is composed of, but I wholeheartedly support it. I got hooked on this song when it was on MVP Baseball in some year, but I'd forgotten its existence until shortly after "Chasing Cars" began getting way too much airplay. It sounds heavily-produced like the first album from The Bravery (also guilty of appearing in MVP Baseball), but actually executed in a proper fashion. When they opened their concert in Camden with Spitting Games last year, I honestly felt like I was ready to go, it was going to be their high point, and I'd already seen OK Go. While I like the remainder of their work, it's just not on the same level.

Honroable mention: "Jeepster" from Electric Warrior by T. Rex - Electric Warrior is supposed to be the paragon of glam rock along with Ziggy Stardust. There's only one problem. The album's not very good. I had originally slotted it at #3 in my list before I realized that although I used to have the album during Cornell's free napster period, I don't have it now. So it warrants mention; "Nothin' Better To Do" from Boo-Tay by Bare Jr.; "No Name #1" from Roman Candle by Elliott Smith; "My Eyes" from The Boy With No Name by Travis

Top 5 80's Sitcoms

2008-06-15T20:31:00.000-07:00

This is my way of taking a break from music-based lists in a creative way. Either that or this is my way of punishing the rest of you by not keeping up the recent streak we've had. (80's non-musical entertainment = punishment)

Dan's Top 5:

1. Perfect Strangers - When you're growing up, there are certain television programs that are introduced to you during your formative years that you will always remember. I was a big fan of Sesame Street, Zoobilee Zoo, and Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, for example. Then there's your first experiences with programming that's not necessarily intended for children. For me, this was that show. Now able to revisit the series on DVD, I realize that while this is your basic sitcom, the humor is perfectly executed. The same recycled sitcom humor is perfectly supplemented with a degree of slapstick comedy that you don't normally see in sitcoms (Just take one look at the "Dance of Joy" and you should see what I mean). Also has one of the best theme songs ever.

2. Cheers - If we're going with sheer quality and lasting impact, this might make my #1, but it doesn't have the personal connection, since I only watched it during reruns. With great characters, funny writing, and the affirmation that it's not only not necessarily sad, but also perfectly acceptable to spend a hearty chunk of your life in the same drinking establishment to the point that Everybody Knows Your Name, there's absolutely nothing wrong with this show. Hey wait, have we done Top 5 TV Show Theme Songs yet?

3. The Cosby Show - There's really nothing to say about The Cosby Show, is there? If I have to explain anything, then it means that you haven't watched 100+ episodes by now, thus meaning that you've probably been cut off from the rest of humanity since 1984. Man, you could learn so much about good taste from this site.

4. ALF - You can tell that I was a kid during the 80's. All that I can really remember was that this show was amazing because its main character, an alien life form from Melmac, was a puppet. I was at an age when I couldn't even commit his obsession with eating the cat to memory. But really, isn't the puppet sufficient? Just look at any other sitcom from the era, and I think you'll agree.

5. Family Ties - I've always had appreciation for the talent of Michael J. Fox, and about 105% of that comes from my love of the Back to the Future films. The rest comes from this show. I've put it so low because the entire premise of the show is that Alex Keaton is a Republican. Even in the 80's, that loses you significant points.

Ryan's Top 5:

1. Cheers - The quintessential sitcom. The best of the 1980's and one of the best of all-time. Bonus points for its spin-off series also being one of the best of all-time. I refer of course to "Made in America" with John Ratzenberger.

2. The Cosby Show - I watched this as a kid in the 1980's, but I re-watched the entire series as a teenager in the late 1990's--late night, two episodes per night. It got kind of kooky toward the end, but not nearly as kooky as other shows that more thoroughly jump the shark.

3. The Wonder Years - I didn't immediately think of this as a sitcom, but I think that's mainly because this show isn't filmed in front of a live studio audience. It also went from 1987-1992, but I'm counting it as an 80's show, bolstered by the fact that I left it off the previous 1990's list for the same reasoning. Anyway, this show was pivotal, introducing Winnie Cooper as the paradigm for childhood girlfriends.

4. Night Court - Speaking of greatest TV theme songs...

5. Newhart - I watched this when I was a kid on Nick-at-Nite. Highlights include the following quote, which is still fun to say: "Hi, I'm Larry, this is my brother Darryl, this is my other brother Darryl"; and the fact that they wrote off the entire series in the finale. Brilliant.

Tim's Top 5:

I can't bring myself to call The Wonder Years a sitcom, so my list is limited. All my shows also fall in the latter half of the '80s for the simple reason that I was too busy being barely sentient until about 1986, when I discovered baseball cards.

1. The Cosby Show - This was the show my life was centered on during the key pre-Simpsons formative years. Sure, it hit rough patches (the seasons with the funky opening credits, the introduction of Rudy), but it was a consistently funny TV comedy that also somehow managed to avoid the pathetic racial stereotyping and demographic comedy that has become the norm (thanks, George Lopez, D.L. Hughley, Damon Wayons, and every other ABC sitcom star). This was an African-American family that achieved actual success, had educated kids and parents, and they occasionally got in car accidents with Stevie Wonder. If only we could all live like the Huxtibles.

2. Cheers - This is the only show I feel any need to watch now, having bought the first two seasons on DVD, but I'd be lying if I said it was the one that got me through the 1980s. The show dealt with character change better than perhaps any other, replacing Shelley Long with Kirstie Alley, replacing Coach with Woody Harrelson, and had a good run. It's consistently funny, it's aged better than any of the other 1980s shows, and its only downside is the continued career of Ted Danson. For shame, Ted Danson.

3. Mr. Belvedere - Ah, Bob Uecker, have you ever made a mistake that didn't involve being in the Major League movies after the first one? (Note that I decline to call them Major League II and III, because the third one isn't called Major League III...hence my moral superiority at declining to call it by that name) The premise of the show is simple enough, but it involved things I enjoy -- sports and British people. Brice Beckham was one of the better child stars of the 1980s and Christopher Hewett oozed contempt for modern America.

4. Married...with Children - It began in the 1980s, I started watching it in 1989 and it took me a while to appreciate how truly different this show was. There simply wasn't (and really, still isn't) a show that's this casually offensive on network television. Growing Pains had a character named Boner, but it was never mentioned, this show had a daughter who was a slut, a father who spent the majority of his time on camera with his hand in his pants, and had more sex references than pretty much anything before or since. It definitely got bad in its latter years, but on the horizon of sitcoms...it's a welcome difference.

5. Head of the Class - We're talking about Howard Hesseman Head of the Class, not Billy Connolly Head of the Class, but Hesseman didn't last very long, so I'm including this just because I remember a few humorous moments, and it was also a source of some enlightenment. Every generation needs a good school comedy, and frankly, since this one, the genre's been relegated to kids' shows like Saved by the Bell or Fox's awful attempts.

Honorable mention: I got to five without mentioning Night Court, which was unintentional, but not worth correcting, given my inclusion of several new shows here. Dear John was also a pretty good show, though I don't know how much of it I actually saw.

Top 5 Songs About Death

2008-06-11T22:03:00.000-07:00

Ryan was watching High Fidelity on the road to Virginia, and felt the need to text this topic to me so we wouldn't forget to do it. For me at least, it wasn't hard at all to leave off any songs from the aforementioned list now immortalized in literature and film. So without further ado...

Dan's Top 5:

1. "Keep Me In Your Heart" - Warren Zevon - The rare case (actually, I'm unsure if there's ever been another case) where the songwriter himself knows that he hasn't got much longer to live. Sadly, I remember that at the time the song was released, I didn't know who Zevon was. I thought he might have been one of those "boring" songwriters that the 70's produced far too many of. Only after I got hooked on Excitable Boy did I realize the connection. To this day, one of the very few songs that can get me choked up.

2. "Do You Realize??" - The Flaming Lips - Very cheery-sounding for a song about death (really, there's no death occurring, but it is a reflection on mortality) To quote the lyrics: "Do you realize that everyone you know someday will die? And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know you realize that life goes fast. It's hard to make the good things last" It does what I like death songs to do - focus on the good parts of life. And how can you not do that on an album featuring pink robots?

3. "Thoughts of a Dying Atheist" - Muse - I'm really surprised that this song has such a happy-sounding chord progression in the chorus. The music seems in direct contrast to the feeling of the lyrics. I mean, such an upbeat chorus doesn't sound like it fits with the lyrics "eerie whispers trapped beneath my pillow" and "Are you afraid to die?" But hey, I don't question Matt Bellamy, and neither should you.

4. "I Grieve" - Peter Gabriel - I remember being shocked seeing a new Peter Gabriel with no hair and a white goatee when he released his 2003 album, Up. After hearing that this was his darkest album ever (I disagree - that accolade goes to PG III) I always skipped this song out of pure fear that I would be too depressed. However, it surprisingly has an uplifting section towards the middle/end of the song. Do yourself a favor and don't just read the lyrics though.

5. "Street Spirit (Fade Out)" - Radiohead - Widely considered Radiohead's first really good song, and off of what is probably my personal favorite album. More haunting than anything, I don't know of any Radiohead fan who doesn't like it. (Then again, most Radiohead fans are so in love with the band that they call you an infidel if you even state you're open to the possibility that there can be a greater band on the face of the planet. That's my only worry about claiming to be a Radiohead fan - that I'll look like an asshole.) Anyway, this song is a solid choice to round out the Top 5, and I don't think I've given Radiohead a shout-out lately.

Ten honorable mentions in no order: "Don't Fear The Reaper" - Blue Öyster Cult, "When The Man Comes Around" - Johnny Cash, "I Don't Like Mondays" - The Boomtown Rats (regarding a senseless school shooting in America), "American Pie" - Don McLean, "Paint It, Black" - The Rolling Stones, "Eleanor Rigby" - The Beatles, "Candle In the Wind" - Elton John, "A Day In The Life" - The Beatles, "Tears In Heaven" - Eric Clapton (probably number 6 - a song about his four-year-old son is pretty powerful.), "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" - Monty Python

Ryan's Top 5:

"The night Laura's daddy died. Sha na na na na na na na na! Brother what a night it really was. Mother what a night it really... angina's tough! Glory be!"

1. "Casimir Pulaski Day" - Sufjan Stevens - Sufjan Stevens is a Christian, and this is a song written from a Christian perspective. That said, this song reflects loss on a personal level, without espousing any view of Why Death Happens To Who It Does; on the contrary, the speaker of the song is at a loss for understanding. The singer can't understand why "He takes and He takes and He takes..." The music is beautiful and sounds almost optimistic (the lyric "Oh the glory!" begins new verses). I don't know, the disparity between music and lyrics gives me the sense that there is, in fact, an understanding of death to be had, it's just impossible to realize it when someone close dies. Who needs a drink?

2. "A Minor Incident" - Badly Drawn Boy - The concept of this song alone is brilliant. Written by Damon Gough for "About a Boy," this is supposed to be the suicide letter Fiona writes to her son Marcus, put to music. You've got to appreciate the verbal irony of referring to the event as a "minor incident." (I'm a big fan of irony.) And it's just Damon Gough, acoustic guitar, and harmonica. Excellent.

3. "Five Years" - David Bowie - The lyrics are pretty epic. "Five years--that's all we've got!"

4. "Eleanor Rigby" - The Beatles - Where do all the lonely people belong anyway? Asking questions that don't have answers seems to be a trend on this list...

5. "Hurricane" - Bob Dylan - I was obsessed with this song for a brief period in high school, and it feels like I haven't played it since. Anyway, here's Dylan the storyteller on display. And I really, really like the way he sings, "pool of bluuuud."

Honorable mention: "Let It Be," by The Beatles; "Brick" by Ben Folds Five; "Don't Fear the Reaper" by BOC; "Not Dark Yet" by Bob Dylan; "Mack the Knife" by Bobby Darin; "Five Years" by David Bowie; "Hey Joe" by The Jimi Hendrix Experience; "Shortly Before The End" by OK Go; "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" by Monty Python.

Tim's Top 5:

I had started a list like this that was limited to songs about murder, so my list is kind of guided in that direction, though I'm generally happy with it anyway.

1. "O Valencia" by The Decemberists - The Crane Wife is an awesome album if I recall correctly. Unfortunately, I never have a chance to recall correctly because I'm so enamored with this song that I never make it much beyond The Perfect Crime 2 before I have to go listen to it again. It's on the hyper-literate side, having been lifted pretty directly from Romeo & Juliet (Valencia is pretty much in the place of Mercutio). But it fits the category, given that Valencia utters a dying cry with her blood still warm on the ground.

2. "I-Feel-Like-I'm-Fixin-To-Die Rag" by Country Joe and the Fish - My parents had the Woodstock 3LP set, this was about the only thing from it that I find essential to this day. It's stretching a bit to put it in the category here, but it is an entire song themed on the death of people in Vietnam and the title eliminates any lingering doubts I have about putting it in here. One of the most bitter, but brilliant, sets of lyrics after concocted, it was Dead Kennedys before Jello Biafra.

3. "Lucifer" by Jay-Z - Again, this is a song that's themed on murder and revenge, rather than strictly death. But it's one of Kanye's best use of samples and it's a fantastic song even out of context, which is the reason I was reminded how awesome it is (it plays over the end credits of an episode of Entourage in season 2 or 3).

4. "Not Dark Yet" by Bob Dylan - This song is a stretch to include because it's more about dying rather than death. But it's Dylan at his creative pinnacle in Time Out of Mind and was used beautifully in Wonder Boys, which is itself a masterful elegy.

5. "American Pie" by Don McLean - This song may be the only reason ordinary people remember Buddy Holly in another 20 years. His music has largely fallen into the void along with pre-sequined jumpsuit Elvis Presley so that it's just not heard on the radio. But Don McLean created a song that's about Buddy's death but also about most everything that happened for the next ten years that doesn't wear out its welcome at over 8 minutes. And he had the prescience to do it several years before hating on Vietnam became politically necessary.

Honorable mention: "Murder Was The Case" by Snoop Dogg; "Jenny Was a Friend of Mine" by The Killers; "Traditional Irish Folk Song" by Denis Leary; "What Sarah Said" by Death Cab for Cutie; "A Fond Farewell" by Elliott Smith

Top 5 Songs with Colors in the Title

2008-06-10T20:38:00.000-07:00

This needs no explanation, but it is good to know that Ryan and I can still come up with list ideas while he's on the phone driving cross-country. (It's also good to know where his priorities lie.)

Dan's Top 5:

1. "Golden Brown" - The Stranglers - The Stranglers released their first album in 1977 and were originally considered a punk group. I mean, just listen to "Peaches" and you'll wonder how they ever came up with a song this chill and... acoustic. On the other hand, the song is about heroin. To quote Wikipedia: "Many buyers were seemingly unaware of the meaning of the lyrics, which contain metaphorical references to heroin. This may have been further confused by different band members claiming that the song was about desertification, imperialism and as said in a recent interview, 'toast'."

2. "Little Red Corvette" - Prince - I don't know how you guys feel about Prince. Actually, let me rephrase that. I don't care how you guys feel about Prince. To me, this is probably the song that epitomizes the 80's. Any imagery that this song elicits has to take place at night, preferably in a big, extra-materialistic city.

3. "White Lines (Don't Don't Do It)" - Grandmaster Flash and Mellie Mel - This is probably the only song in the history of ever that is both (a) blatantly advocating against drug use and (b) cool as all hell.

4. "Yellow Submarine" - The Beatles - "In the TOOOOOOOWWWWWN..." You hear those words emanating from master vocalist Ringo Starr, and you know it's time to grab hands and sit Indian-style on the floor and sing along. It's by far the best children's song for that's also listenable for adults. Also evidence that the Beatles were taking drugs. Not because of the lyrics, but because they let Ringo sing.*

5. "Black Bugs" - Regurgitator - I'm guessing that everyone who's reading this hasn't heard this song before. So here's a Youtube video link. Though it was made in 1997 and the band is an obscure Aussie alternative group, it kicks ass. It's very New Wave, or so it seems to me, with the synthesizer and punchy bass line. Or maybe I can't get over the last list we did. Anyway, the song is about wasting your life playing video games. I can both relate, as I do play video games on occasion, and rejoice, as I don't devote my life to them.

Honorable mention: "Yellow" - Coldplay, "O Green World" - Gorillaz, "Back In Black" - AC/DC, "Black Magic Woman" - Santana, "Red Dust" - Zero 7 (I really, really wanted to put this on the list), "Red House" - Jimi Hendrix, "Red Rain" - Peter Gabriel, "Orange Crush" - R.E.M., "White Light/White Heat" - The Velvet Underground (Already on one of Rob's Top 5's), "Behind Blue Eyes" - The Who, "Blue" - Yoko Kanno, "Mr. Blue Sky" - Electric Light Orchestra

* - joke stolen from Bill Hicks.

Ryan's Top 5:

"Golden Brown" and "White Lines"...well played sir. I'll go with five different ones, but these would probably make my list.

1. "The Village Green Preservation Society" - The Kinks - If there was a better poem crafted last century, I haven't heard of it. "We are the Sherlock Holmes English-speaking vernacular / Help save Fu Manchu, Moriarty and Dracula!" You try rhyming 'vernacular,' gun-slinger. This could be the song that inspired 1,000 fantasy baseball team names...if any of them fit the length. Believe me, I've tried.

2. "Mr. Blue Sky" - ELO - This for me is an ultimate Happy Song, as evidenced by the fact that I put it on my renowned "Graduation Joy" CD. Brilliance.

3. "White Light/White Heat" - The Velvet Underground - This is also one of the best Side A Track 1's, along with "Radiation Ruling the Nation" by Massive Attack. Cough. Ironically, I may be the only person who prefers "Who loves the Sun?" (one of my all-time favorite songs), which was also a Side A Track 1--and in "High Fidelity."

4. "White Riot" - The Clash - This would have been a pretty cool concert.

5. "Paint It, Black" - The Rolling Stones - In retrospect, seeing songs 3-5 behind song #2 seems a bit odd... Fortunately for ELO I am a lazy, lazy man. Anyway, this song deserves all the accolades it can get, but I'll add one: it's the only song on "Singstar Rocks!" that I am good at. (Actually, is that an accolade?)

Honorables: "Golden Brown" by The Stranglers, "White Lines (Don't Do It)," "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse, "White Room" by Cream, "Golden Years" by David Bowie, "Purple Haze" by Jimi Hendrix Experience, and any number of songs I am probably forgetting.

Tim's Top 5:

I had initially had five different colors in my list. Screw that.

1. Bob Dylan - Tangled Up In Blue - It's one of my favorite songs ever, I've discussed it before, I have little to add except that the word blue definitely fits this category.

2. Muse - Supermassive Black Hole - Yeah, I love this song too much for words. It's one of the few songs I have to blare. The music is fantastic and begs to be played at supermassive volumes and the lyrics also demand to be belted in the car.

3. Rolling Stones - Paint It, Black - It's one of my favorite tracks on Guitar Hero III, it's a song that has a title involving a comma, it's a perfect track for the Full Metal Jacket soundtrack, and aside from possibly the electric version of Layla, I can think of no song that more accurately defines and somehow personifies classic rock.

4. CCR - Green River - This is one of the songs that defines CCR, and frankly, it defines CCR as amazing. It's no "Fortunate Son", but that's about the only problem I have with it. It masters that down-home country feel that made CCR so readily accessible to people who aren't generally into rock.

5. The Cyrkle - Red Rubber Ball - It's one of my favorite 60s pop songs ever, even though it's embarrassingly simple and pretty juvenile. This wards "Pink Moon" off the list only because Red Rubber Ball is at least a bit semi-respectable because it's co-written by Paul Simon.

Honorable mention: Pearl Jam - Yellow Ledbetter - a non-album track that somehow still became a recognized song for alternative radio. I think it's better than anything that made the Ten album and I have a hard time believing it came from the same era of Pearl Jam; The Jayhawks - Blue, if I hadn't adopted the different color thing, this is #4 on the list.; Nick Drake - Pink Moon, George Baker Selection - Little Green Bag, R.E.M. - Orange Crush, Jimi Hendrix - Purple Haze, The Who - Behind Blue Eyes; Fountains of Wayne - Red Dragon Tattoo

Top 5 New Wave Songs

2008-06-10T00:30:00.000-07:00

I am going to be driving to Virginia today, so I thought I'd get a jump start on any lists I'd miss. I thought about calling this "Top 5 Songs of the 1980s," but then I realized I didn't really want to rate every genre... For example, how do you compare "London Calling" to "True" by Spandau Ballet? Easy, you rank "London Calling" ahead of it, and so forth, until you've left off a good number of solid New Wave songs.

Ahem! Without further ado!

Ryan's Top Five

1. "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" - Tears for Fears - Oh man, do I ever love this song. Tears for Fears is one of my favorite bands, '80s or otherwise. I can pinpoint the moment where I started loving this song; it was featured prominently in an episode of "The West Wing," and I became obsessed. (For some reason, I have issues with songs in TV Shows and movies that I like.) Since that episode, I have A) stopped liking The West Wing, B) stopped caring about politics, and C) stopped caring about my own political aspirations (i.e., stopped caring about wanting to rule the world). And yet, my love of this song continues unabated.

2. "Don't You (Forget About Me)" - Simple Minds - If you can listen to this song without picturing Judd T. Nelson punch the sky, then you are pinko commie trash--and Judd T. Nelson is coming for you. (I've hired him; he's relatively free these days and eager for cash.)

3. "True" - Spandau Ballet - To anyone who's ever been forced to endure a long and emotional conversation with me about this song and its proper place in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, I apologize. My obsession began again with a TV Show--episode 6, series 1 of "The Office (UK)." Who knows why? But if you watch the music video, I think you'll agree that of all the rock bands in the world, I probably have the best chance of joining this one. (I own a suit, a nerdy demeanor, and the ability to get that haircut.) "This is the SOUND... of my SOUL...this is the SOUND.."

4. "Take On Me" - a-ha - 100 Bonus points for its parody on "Family Guy," negative a-jillion bonus points for its association with "Corky Romano." But it still makes the Top 5, that's how good this song is. And the music video.

5. "Love My Way" - The Psychedelic Furs - It was a tough call between this and "Once in a Lifetime," but I feel safe that someone else will call on Talking Heads. This song is like a song by The Cure, it just doesn't make me want to kill myself.

Honorable Mentions: "Once In A Lifetime" and "Burning Down The House" by Talking Heads, "Down Under" by Men At Work, "I Melt With You" by Modern English, "This Is The Day" by The The, "Drive" by The Cars, "Shout," "Head Over Heels," and "Mad World" by Tears for Fears, "Come On Eileen" by Dexys Midnight Runners, "Whip It" by Devo, "China Girl" and "Let's Dance" by David Bowie, "Love Song" and "Boys Don't Cry" by The Cure, and finally "Only You" by Yaz (thank you, again, to The Office).

Tim's Top Five:
Preface: I don't know what New Wave music is. Wikipedia has helped, but I'm not very discerning of musical genres, particularly of the 1980s. What this list really seems to celebrate is the year 1983, since four of the six songs on the list an honorable mention are from 1983.

1) Cars by Gary Numan - This song is the best example of the 1980s being musically useful. Absolutely everything in the song is not good -- the keyboards are annoying, the claps are clearly fake, the vocals are not aesthetically pleasing, the lyrics are pretty much nonsensical. I still love it. Eventually, the swirling sounds that close out the final minute of the song are at least interesting and probably involve a theremin, but I can't defend this song on any level except that I really love it.

2) Pulling mussels (from the shell) by Squeeze - Squeeze had several songs that could fairly be categorized as hits, but this and Tempted are the only ones you'll ever here, and with good cause, because this song is so awesome. I'm not sure what it is about the song that appeals to me, but I think part of it is the Stephen King-like attention to unnecessary detail. Is there anything to be gained from specifically identifying a Harold Robbins paperback? Perhaps there was to people in 1980. I was not yet born, I don't know, but I love it.

3) Mexican Radio by Wall of Voodoo - Apparently there's a meaning behind this song (so says Wikipedia) that there were Mexican radio stations that could be heard nearly around the world because they were broadcasting in basically non-regulated environments at extraordinary wattage. But really, I just enjoy barbecued iguana.

4) Modern Love by David Bowie - I don't know why, but this really seems to belong on this list. It basically seems to be that I just include things that are synthesizer-y and involve drum machines. While it's not my favorite Bowie song, it is the song I listen to the most, although "Five Years" is gaining rapidly. Incidentally, my standard of what new wave is basically means The Smashing Pumpkins' album Adore is eligible for my list. But it's not on it, because it sucks. So there.

5) The Living Daylights by A-ha - Yes, they had another song, and yes, this is the theme to the ill-advised 1987 James Bond debut of Timothy Dalton The Living Daylights. So it's getting pretty recent for inclusion, I would guess. Too bad, I really don't think much of the 1980s.

Honorable mention: Come On Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners - For a period of my life, this was probably among my five favorite songs. Then radio stations that were playing "current" music began playing nothing but 80s songs, which was to say songs that sorority girls use to identify the 1980s, which was to say songs from John Hughes movies or songs that have otherwise been remembered for semi-ironic reasons.

Dan's Top 5:

Here I am on only the second day of work, and I'm posting a Top 5. Damn, and I thought this job would be different... Ah well. I was shocked when I saw the topic of today, as my recent explorations of the history of music, especially after the fall of punk, have led me to question the real definition of "New Wave." Who's in, and who's out? Blondie? The Police? I've decided to take things really simple and follow the model you guys set up - 80's New Wave pop.

1. "Once In A Lifetime" - Talking Heads - For me, it's doesn't get better than this song. Those of you who know me on Livejournal can see that my titles are taken from this song. I'm fairly sure that this song is a take on the sudden realization that one has pursued traditional success (the big car, the beautiful wife) while forgetting the grander scheme of things (the references to "water"). Oh yeah, and the music video kicks ass. David Byrne's epileptic dancing style is almost as great as that of Ian Curtis.

2. "Inside Out" - The Mighty Lemon Drops - I still remember the afternoon that I saw the music video on VH1 Classic (That channel is the only good thing VH1 has done for me). Since then, it has become on of my favorite songs ever. It's even my ringtone. Seriously. The beauty of this song is its simplicity. It's a song that really grabs you, but I feel like I easily could have written it myself. All the more fuel for my rock-star-self-delusion fire.

3. "Time After Time" - Cyndi Lauper - I think I read somewhere before that Tim doesn't like this song. If so, that's too bad, because it's really an excellent example of a pop ballad. The bass line during the chorus is excellent, and I've been trying to recreate the rich, lush chorus effect on this song's guitar track for years. In my book, this is a pop standard and one of the defining songs of the 80's.

4. "Girls on Film" - Duran Duran - I can't do a New Wave list without a Duran Duran song, so the only question is, which song do I pick? Something off of Rio, or off of their first album? Even then, which song? I decided to go with this song because it offers Duran Duran's revolutionary new sound (at the time, 1980) with John Taylor executing a killer bass track, and Roger Taylor executing a killer mini-solo that actually highlights the electronic-ness of the drums, rather than trying to hide it. Oh yeah, and the video has boobs in it.

5. "Melt With You" - Modern English - What I love about this song is that it assumes you know science well enough to know what would happen if the world stopped rotating. It's not, "I'll stop the world, which will cause half of the earth to drastically overheat, and melt with you." Also, the song is driven by a great riff and overall sounds very... "sparkly."

Honorable Mentions: Echo & The Bunnymen - "Lips Like Sugar" (a candidate for the earlier Top 5 Songs You Used To Be Into). The Smiths - "Panic," "How Soon is Now?," "Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before." The Cure - "Pictures of You." Madness - "Our House." And only left off because I figured you guys wouldn't consider it New Wave, The Police - "Message in a Bottle."

Top 5 Fast Food Restaurants

2008-06-08T20:01:00.000-07:00

You can define this however you want, wikipedia, but to me a fast food restaurant has to have a drive-thru. Hence, no Five Guys for me. Even if Five Guys makes their french fries out of ambrosia and their burgers out of golden cattle.

Ryan's Top Five

1. Rally's - Rally's could only serve french fries, I'd still go and pay whatever they ask. You haven't truly lived until you've had french fries from Rally's. "You gotta eat!" is their slogan, which I take more as a command, a command that I follow dutifully and zombie-like. "Yes, Rally's. I do have to eat. I will do whatever you want, just give me the fries."

2. Backyard Burger - Backyard Burger comes the closest that I've found to replicating the Rally's fry taste, which is like trying to build a ladder to Heaven. Their burgers are superior, and they serve diet Dr. Pepper, which not all places do. Bonus: I saw Wayne Simien there once, so, you know...celebrities eat at this place.

3. Culver's - Butterburgers. You take a bun, spread butter on it, and lightly toast it. Then you add a really greasy patty. The result is what I imagine Christmas to taste like if it were a burger. Also, great milkshakes.

4. Popeye's - The best fast food chicken restaurant around, which gets the nod over Chick-Fil-A because the latter doesn't serve its food remotely fast. (I went there on a Sunday once and it took me until Monday to get my order.) Popeye's biscuits... I don't even know how to finish the sentence. Let's just leave it as a fragment. Popeye's biscuits.

5. Taco Bell - In terms of cost, there is no restaurant that comes close to competing with Taco Bell, especially after they unveiled the cheaper value menus. I can get two double meat and cheese burritos from here for less than two dollars. You have to refinance your car to get a "value meal" at Hardee's.

Honorable Mentions: McDonald's, you know what you're getting every single time, and cheaper than others; Don and Millie's--apparently this place is only in Omaha, so I didn't think it'd be fair to put it down; that said, this was my #2 originally as they have the audacity to serve a deep fried cheese sandwich, in addition to amazing burgers, fries, and milkshakes (each order comes with a coupon for bypass surgery); Sbarro; Wendy's Crispy Chicken Sandwich.

Dan's Top 5:

1. Taco Bell - Some people don't like Taco Bell. Those people are known as idiots. Unlike Ryan, I have never had a bad meal at Taco Bell, and they still sell food for under a dollar. Fantastic food and low prices are the reason I have an mp3 of the Taco Bell theme music on my computer. I shit you not. The bottom line is: if you're spending more than $5 at Taco Bell, you're doing something wrong. Favorite item: Crunchwrap Supreme.

2. Sonic - Gets bonus points for making me think of Sonic the Hedgehog, and correspondingly serving chili dogs. While the drinks are the highlight of any Sonic trip, I have yet to come across any actual food that I dislike. They also earn extra points because of the Green Chili Burger I was able to get while in Albuquerque, New Mexico (one of the few good things about that town - green chili everywhere). Failure to order onion rings is not an option.

3. Wendy's - I have a personal connection to Wendy's. I used to go to Wendy's with Collin, who'd always propose the idea very enthusiastically (i.e., Hey, let's go to Wendy's!). Since everyone in the car had different orders and all had to pay with plastic, we'd go around four times - that is, until we learned you could just say you had four orders. He'd also typically order in some impersonation voice (e.g., "Hi, this is TV's Patrick Duffy, and I'd like a #5 with Diet Coke. And be sure to watch Step By Step every Thursday..." you get the idea.) Usually it's a pretty funny experience. Anyway, all that nonsense aside, Wendy's offers me tasty burgers, tasty fries (Burger King and McDonald's both fail at meeting those basic requirements), and they top it off with the Frosty. As far as the Big Three are concerned, Wendy's takes the cake (where "the cake" is my money).

4. Backyard Burger - A damn fine burger, but I have only had the chance to visit this establishment once. It was the first place I went to eat by myself in State College, and it didn't disappoint. It's pretty expensive, but then again, so is everything that isn't Taco Bell. They also had CNN on the television while I went in to sit down and eat, which is nice to see. As I love to say in my engineering reports, further investigation is required.

5. Dairy Queen - Large Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard. That's the only thing I get at Dairy Queen. That's the only thing I need to get. The one in Blacksburg closed down, and I was never more outraged. It's only ice cream, and it's fairly expensive, so it's at the bottom of the list.

Honorable mention: Brew-Thru - Not included because it doesn't sell food. Just alcohol and wicked-sweet T-shirts. Ahh, North Carolina, I miss you.

Tim's Top Five:
I finally broke down to convention and typed out five. As a preliminary statement, let me say that while I've largely avoided cultural and lifestyle changes upon becoming a person of independent means...that's not true for fast food, which I've abandoned in a nearly complete fashion.

1. Taco Bell - They really burned their bridges last month by reorganizing the value menu which used to have the beloved double decker taco. Now they've replaced it with the regular tacos, at the same time they dropped from Grade D to Grade F meat. Still, Taco Bell taco sauce is such an essential item that I hope one of my friends becomes a burnt-out freak job who ends up having to aspire to become a shift leader at Taco Bell so that someday I can just receive a crate of Taco Bell sauce (mild, hot, or fire, I would gratefully accept any). Any volunteers?

2. Arby's - I apparently am the only person who enjoys Arby's food, but they invented fast food curly fries and their staple roast beef sandwiches are good and are the only microwaveable fast food that I know of. They also have the best standard milkshakes of any place I've been.

3. Chick-Fil-A - If they dropped the Jesus charade, they'd probably shoot to number 1, given my love for eating chickens to extinction and eating on Sundays. Instead, they have two huge political strikes against them -- the unflinching adherence to religious right in all aspects of the company AND the use of styrofoam for containers. The first, well, I understand it, you run a company, you get to run it in accordance with your principles, regardless of whether they make basic financial sense. The second...unforgiveable. Seriously, it's the 21st century. Only Sonic and Chick-Fil-A are still continuing with this to my knowledge (I haven't been to Sonic in years, so I don't know for certain that they do).

4. Lee's Famous Recipe Chicken - In reality, this is number 1, but my recollection of it is based on a memory dating back nearly 20 years to a period of my life where the idea of eating McDonald's didn't sicken me. (It most assuredly does now, and I am actually embarrassed for those who eat there and constantly remind myself it's a place that exists solely for people who want to take kids places where they can behave like savages and not annoy decent human beings. Take that, hopes of presidential candidacy!) www.leesfamousrecipe.com Anyway, it's better than KFC and having been born an African-American child in the South named Navin Johnson, I love fried chicken. Despite my concerns that it had vanished from the face of the earth, it is apparently still a solvent corporation faring well in Dayton and few other places. But, again, major disclaimer -- I haven't eaten there since I was 12 at the very oldest, because my family does not share my zeal for fried chicken.

5. Dunkin' Donuts - It has a drive thru. Krispie Kreme donuts are not good. They are not even to be measured on the same scale as Dunkin' Donuts, although you can get Krispie Kreme donuts fresh and the whole point of Dunkin' Donuts appears to be that the age of their donuts is largely irrelevant, because they never seem to be baking more. I make it to Dunkin' Donuts every couple of months, occasionally they have spectacular donuts (last year's summer selections were superb), the rest of the time they have ordinary donuts that are better than any others I've had.

Honorable mention: Subway. I've never ordered Subway through a drive-through, but some of them have drive-throughs. It's relatively inexpensive, it's passable food because they at least understand the importance of brown mustard, which makes all sorts of non-edible items palatable. Rally's warrants mention because it's the first place I went where mayonnaise wasn't an absolute bar to eating their food. I haven't been there in 15 years, though, so it doesn't crack the list. It also violates the basic tenet of fast food, which is that you should avoid like the plague restaurants that don't at least have tables and seats indoors, since that means they know you're going to need immediate bathroom access.

Top 5 Songs About Space

2008-06-08T01:31:00.000-07:00

OK, this sounded like a pretty straightforward idea but actually proved to be considerably more difficult than originally planned. Here's a ground rule to help make things slightly simpler: songs dealing with aliens, even if they're aliens visiting earth, qualify. (See song #3.)

Ryan's Top Five

1. "The Galaxy Song" - Monty Python (written by Eric Idle and John Du Prez) - This song reminds me of "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" (obvious) and "The Village Green Preservation Society" (less so). Why? There are few songs that make me more cheerfully content. These songs are my anti-drug. "So remember when you're feeling very small and insecure / How amazingly unlikely is your birth / And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space / 'Cuz there's bugger all down here on earth."

2. "Space Oddity" - David Bowie - Well, Dan's right, you cannot omit this in good conscience and I'm taking the piss (I've been watching too much BBC) by not putting it #1. You know a song satisfies the "space" requirement when it includes a countdown to a lift-off. Anyway, I think I like the song "Starman" more but it seemed less applicable. "How did you spend your Saturday night, Ryan?" "I mused upon the space-relevance of David Bowie's "Starman" versus David Bowie's "Space Oddity," and yourself?"

3. "Concerning The UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois" - Sufjan Stevens - An excellent way to start an excellent album. More importantly, it's straight up about UFOs, homey.

4. "Silent Sigh" - Badly Drawn Boy - This is from the "About A Boy" soundtrack--Damon Gough's impassioned plea for people not to move to the moon just yet, not at least until earth has eaten the heart from your soul. Soon as that happens though, boy howdy, I'm the Mayor of Moon Village!

5. "Starlight" - Muse - I love the idea of a spaceship taking someone away from everyone who cares about you, cares if you live or die. I mean, what are our hopes and expectations anyway? It's all black holes and revelations. (I was tempted to put [and someone else may likely put] "Knights of Cydonia," as Cydonia is a region on Mars, but, you know, ... fair play? These are the cosmic debates that keep one up at night. [Pun intended...I intend all puns.])

Honorable Mentions: "Bowie's in Space," which I mainly left out because I'm tired of talking about Really Funny Stuff and ruining the humor; "Starman," Bowie; "Surfing on a Rocket," Air; "Flash!" Queen (as soon as I become a baseball player, this is my batter's box intro theme); "Knights of Cydonia"; "Spaceman," Nilsson.

Dan's Top 5:

1. David Bowie - Space Oddity - I could put this at #2, sure... but then it would become this list's "Hot Fuss" (see previous list) - everyone ranking it high, but no one with the guts to put it at #1. Funny note: I originally hated this song because it sounded too weird. The more I realized how awesome Bowie is, the more this song was acceptable. Actually, that's not a funny note. That's just a sad realization that my younger self didn't know good music when he heard it.

2. Elton John - Rocket Man - Probably my second-favorite Elton John song behind "Tiny Dancer." Some parts of the song are confusing, such as "All this science I don't understand," and "And there's no one there to raise them if you did." It also loses points because ever since the William Shatner fiasco (see here), it's had a corniness aspect to it. But nonetheless a great song.

3. Pink Floyd - Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun - timpani drums + weird chimes + phrygian mode to give it that "Eastern" sound = space rock, right? As a matter of fact, the title is the only lyric that contains a reference to space. But I mean if you're programming a spaceship's navigation system to journey to the center of a fucking star, I'd say that qualifies as a space song. One of Pink Floyd's early masterpieces.

4. Styx - Come Sail Away - Yeah, remember that last verse, wherein it's revealed that the angels are really aliens from OUTER SPACE? I'll bet that blew your mind when you first heard it. Wait, who am I kidding? Styx can't possibly blow anybody's mind. But as I said in my Top 5 Songs to Blast While Driving, it's a really fun song, unlike most space songs, which tend to be too bleak.

5. Air - Surfing on a Rocket - This song is the reason I don't hate the French. By far Air's best song with lyrics, though in my book it would get blown out of the water by "Alpha Beta Gaga" if whistling counted as lyrics. Also, very inventive use of countdown lyrics. Never before has "Five, four, three, two, one, ze-ro" sounded so catchy.

Honorable Mention: Europe - The Final Countdown - if it weren't so easy to envision myself growing my hair out, putting on a shiny cape and playing this song on key-tar while on my bed, then this song would have made the list. Also, Ryan's honorables are pretty damn good. Come to think of it, we should also do Top 5 Personal Batter's Box Intro Themes soon.

Top 5 Albums Originally Released in 2004

2008-06-08T00:07:00.000-07:00

You guys got a big jump on me, so now I'm getting my revenge.

1. Franz Ferdinand – Franz Ferdinand – Man, they really need to put out a third album and start to burn out so I can stop singing their praises. The only weak song on the album is “Cheating On You”.

2. The Killers - Hot Fuss – This is the kind of album I can really get behind, because my favorite song from it has changed a half dozen times. It has Mr. Brightside, Jenny Was a Friend of Mine, All These Things That I’ve Done, Change Your Mind, On Top…great stuff.

3. Elliott Smith – From A Basement On A Hill – It doesn’t sound anything like Elliott’s other work, but it has some of the best songs he would ever record (one of which appears on #5 as well). Coast to Coast, A Distorted Reality Is Now A Necessity to Be Free, (Ugly Before) Pretty, Twlight, Let's Get Lost -- it's haunting from start to finish because of what seems to be a number of references to suicide, but it's a great album regardless of the aura of desperation around it.

4. Kanye West – The College Dropout – It’s faded in its greatness because his last two albums have been disappointments, but it is from start to finish a must-listen. The weakest points of the album are the skits, obviously, but the weakest actual song…I guess it’s Get ‘Em High, which I don’t like. But that’s it. Smart, slick album.

5. Various artists - Future Soundtrack For America – OK Go’s cover of The Zombies “This Will Be Our Year” is a masterpiece; R.E.M., The Old 97’s, Elliott Smith, David Byrne, Jimmy Eat World (covering GbV, no less), Fountains of Wayne, and a powerhouse song from Tom Waits – it’s one of the best compilations I’ve ever come across, and it was intended to dethrone Bush.

Honorable mention: Chris White – Forbidden Style – It’s honestly one of the best comedy albums I’ve ever heard, even if he’s refined his audience interaction immensely in the last few years, but it’s also the kind of stuff targeted specifically at me; David Cross – It’s Not Funny – vastly superior to his debut comedy CD, which was really more politics than comedy; Badly Drawn Boy – One Plus One Is One – Ok, I’m not Ryan, I don’t love everything Damon Gough’s done. But oh lord, this CD is amazing. I’d include it in the top 5, but since it’s certain to be on his and I’ve only listened to it once, I’m going to leave it here; Jimmy Eat World – Futures.

Dan's Top 5:

Thank God Muse's Absolution is disqualified because of its 2003 UK release, or else I'd be throwing fits as to where to put it. Anyway, this was probably the best year for releases in the decade, so good choice of year, Tim. Getting on with it...

1. The Go! Team - Thunder, Lightning, Strike - Originally released in the UK in 2004, so I'm safe. For me, this is probably the best example of inventive indie music ever, and I'm sure I've sung its praises enough before so that I needn't say them again. I never find myself not in the mood for this album.

2. The Killers - Hot Fuss - The fact that this album became popular and went multi-platinum has pretty much restored my faith in the musical taste of the rest of the world.

3. Franz Ferdinand - Franz Ferdinand - I remember first seeing an ad for this album at Crossroads, the local Blacksburg record store. It wasn't until later that I discovered how cool the album was after seeing the "Take Me Out" video. To me, it always seemed to be the counterpoint to Hot Fuss.

4. Keane - Hopes and Fears - I only truly know a few songs from it, but the single "Everybody's Changing" captured my heart that summer. Their follow-up in 2006 originally disappointed due to the awesomeness of this album, but I have since come to accept it.

5. Ambulance LTD - LP - This album contains one of the best songs ever, "Swim." All the other songs are fairly good as well, but that song in particular makes me want to write others that are like it. I also don't talk about this album enough, so what better opportunity?

Air - Talkie Walkie, Duran Duran - Astronaut, Green Day - American Idiot, Interpol - Antics, Patton Oswalt - Feelin' Kinda Patton (only left out because I felt like Ambulance LTD needed some cred), U2 - How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb, Zero 7 - The Space Between

Ryan's Top Five

More praise for The Killers, and some thieving from both of you guys.

1. Badly Drawn Boy - "One Plus One Is One" - Yes, this is one of my all-time favorite albums. Yes, this is a solid album start to finish. This has some excellent tracks but functions better as a solid whole. That being said, "Four Leaf Clover" is one of my favorite songs of all-time. Period.

2. The Killers - "Hot Fuss" - No argument here, I listen to any song from this album and I am immediately transported to 2004, when I listened to this constantly.

3. Kanye West - "College Dropout" - I initially ranked this lower because I for some reason was thinking this was the second album (which is actually Late Registration, of course). This is thus Kanye's best album and has some of the best hip hop (says DJ Fox-A-Mil', hip hop expert) of our time: "We Don't Care," "Jesus Walks," and "All Falls Down" are all three better than any other song on any other Kanye album (I do be tweakin' 'bout "Good Life" though).

4. Air - "Talkie Walkie" - I feel safe saying this is the best ambient French pop of the last 100 years. (I feel safe in that no one who is French reads this blog.)

5. David Cross - "It's Not Funny" - Tory got me fairly obsessed with this CD for a good period of time. I don't own too many comedy albums, but this and "These are Jokes" by Demetri Martin are probably my two favorites. "Oh, David, being a parent is so hard, it's so hard David... "Come on man, that's not hard, I'll tell you what hard is. Try talking your girlfriend into her third consecutive abortion. That's hard. That takes finesse."

Top 5 Major League Baseball Teams

2008-06-07T19:19:00.000-07:00

Tim's Top 5:
I know, some people are purists and are able to have one team and only one team. Really, that’s fine if you grew up somewhere that had one team. I’m a migrant and have never lived in a city with any major non-collegiate sports team. And in any event, I could rank the top 30 in a relatively indisputable order if necessary. Obviously, such list is adjusted by how the team’s successes or failures affect the teams I actually like.

1. Cleveland Indians – Having grown up a Reds fan while living in Dayton, I can tell you the precise day when I knew I was more of an Indians fan than a Reds fan. March 22, 1993 – the day that Steve Olin and Tim Crews died in a boat crash in Winter Haven, home to Indians spring training. It was probably the most tragic news I could remember in baseball, and it really made me pull for the team to pull things together and do something. Well, they didn’t. They went 76-86 and finished sixth after finishing fourth the year before. They had Junior Ortiz, Alvaro Espinoza and Felix Fermin as everyday players and Jose Mesa was their best starting pitcher. But I was hooked on the misery and finally gave up on the Reds, who had traded my favorite player (Eric Davis, hence my propensity for injury) after the 1991 season and let my next favorite Red go in free agency in 1992 (Greg Swindell). The Reds still have my interest and I remember listening to pre-Clear Channel Marty and Joe on WLW, but it’s not the same now.

2. Cincinnati Reds – I grew up in Reds country, my early baseball memories all revolve around Riverfront, and they’ve always had likeable players. Their new stadium was a huge disappointment to me and they have a habit of making only two kinds of moves – terrible moves (trading Sean Casey for Dave Williams, hiring Dan O’Brien, hiring Wayne Krivsky, hiring Bob Boone, hiring Dusty Baker) or moves that seemed like good moves that would turn out to be devoid of substance (acquiring Griffey).

3. Philadelphia Phillies – The Phillies are a team you can pull for because of the people that have been associated with the team since I moved here. Rollins and Utley are amazing athletes and great players, they have guys like Chris Coste playing significant roles, and Citizens Bank Park is hands down my favorite stadium in the Majors. My first playoff game was the Phillies opener against the Rockies last year, and the only real happy memories I have of Major League games are all Phillies games at Citizens Bank Park (I can’t remember a single Reds win at Riverfront, though I’m sure I saw at least one in the dozen or more games I attended).

4. Washington Nationals – The difference between #3 and #4 is approximately the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it. The Expos would have been my number 3 team for much of my lifetime, but moving around Philadelphia forced me to appreciate some sporting aspect of the town, and obviously the Phillies are the only non-hateworthy team in the mix (lord, I loathe the Eagles and their fans). My love for the Expos was longstanding before they moved to D.C., my hope to move to D.C. helps force me to at least root for them to not fold before I get there (or after), and they acquired Austin Kearns, which was all I really needed before I became the owner of a Nationals jersey. That said, their fans are lousy to non-existent, the plan of putting a stadium in D.C., while something I would appreciate, is utterly impractical for a commuter city of government employees who work until 5 and drive to Rockville or Alexandria or the nutjobs who live in Frederick or Baltimore.

5. Pittsburgh Pirates – The difference between #4 and #5…see #4. The Pirates are a likeable team because they’re not the Steelers, they have no history of success in my lifetime, and they have a really nice stadium in a great location. The real secret here is that when I was interviewing for a job in Pittsburgh a couple years ago (and thus wearing a suit), I wandered down to PNC Park to kill some time before the interview and someone asked me if I worked in the front office. It was one of the greatest moments of my otherwise empty and hollow shell of a life. He even seemed like he'd be impressed to meet someone who worked with Dave Littlefield, as opposed to someone who accurately perceived how evil that would make such a person.

Honorable mention: Kansas City Royals. I don’t hate them. I used to sort of like them. But they have a way of losing 100 games and then meeting the Indians in late September and sweeping them right out of contention. I like most of their players now, and I wish them no specific ill.

Ryan's Top Five

1. Kansas City Royals - The story of the Royals' downfall is a veritable tragedy to those who care about baseball in Kansas City, and that is a number ever-dwindling thanks to the cruel Cycle of Ineptitude that has permeated the organization since Kauffman died. Kansas City used to be a baseball town. The Royals and the Yankees used to battle year after year. Now KC is a football town, which is dangerous when your football team sucks so much. (Here's something I never thought I'd say in life: of my four primary teams that I follow--Royals, Chiefs, Jayhawk Basketball, Jayhawk Football--I have the least amount of hope for the Chiefs [read: over KU FOOTBALL].) The Royals really need to play their cards right (their cards are shitty '91 Fleer cards, incidentally) to contend in the next few years; pitching will hopefully be solid (lots of prospects in the minors, 2-3 should pan out), but there are absolutely no hitters that aren't a long way's away. We need to luck out on a free agent signing (a la Josh Hamilton) or pray that Moustakas and Hosmer have Pujols-like ascendancy. Bah. I have more hope now when Allard Baird and Buddy Bell were here, but it's such an uphill battle. Some of my fondest childhood memories are going to watch George Brett, Jeff Montgomery, Bret Mark Gubicza, Bo Jackson, Danny Tartabull, David Cone (the strike really killed baseball for me for almost a decade), etc.

2. San Diego Padres - OK, I don't frantically check the box scores for the Padres like I do the Royals. But yeah, I lived in San Diego during my formative years--92-93, when baseball was king for me--and I went to a number of games. I still root for the Padres whenever it matters, and I do have a soft spot for teams that play in pitchers' parks. (I don't honestly know why.) I like Jake Peavy and Adrian Gonzalez for fantasy reasons.

3. Chicago Cubs - I've been a Royals fan for my entire life, but for the first half of it the Cubs were in second place (though, admittedly, not a very close second). When I was a kid the only baseball I got to consistently watch was the Cubs on WGN, and Harry Caray was a fixture in our household. I also loved Ryne Sandberg even if I never could quite grasp why everyone pronounced his name wrong. (Ryan Fox had rosy misconceptions about "Ryan Sandberg" being in his first-name gang.) I also loved Shawon Dunston and Andre Dawson, and Sammy Sosa before he got on the flaxseed oil. Nowadays, I'm relatively indifferent to the Cubs, but I'd probably cheer for them over most AL opponents in a World Series. Oh yeah, and my mom's from Chicago originally.

4. Tampa Bay Rays - I really like all of their players (now that Elijah Dukes is gone) and I admire what they've accomplished, at long last. And you really have to like a team that fights with both the Yankees AND the Red Sox.

5. Milwaukee Brewers - No specific reason other than a general admiration for a lot of their current players.

Honorable Mentions: Minnesota Twins and the Cleveland Indians. I loathe Chicago and Detroit much more than the Royals' other two AL Central competitors. As often as the Twins beat us, I will always agree that they play the game the right way, consistently (at least they do against us). I liked Jim Thome, Carlos Baerga, and Omar Vizquel as a kid. And two of my good friends (Tim and Ben) like the Indians and have the courtesy not to be douchebags (read: Cardinals fans) about it.

Note: The Cardinals, White Sox, Yankees, Red Sox, and Braves would round out the Bottom 5, if we ever do that list.

Dan's Top 5:

Likewise, I have never lived in an area with a non-collegiate professional sports team. So I can identify with Tim.

1. Chicago Cubs - I started liking the Cubs by meeting a rabid Cubs fan during my sophomore year of college. I had an asshole roommate, and I was looking for any and every excuse to get out of my dorm room. Well, this was 2003, meaning that my newfound friend and I had our hopes dashed in the NL Championship Series. Ever since, I've been embracing a self-destructive relationship with my now beloved Cubs. They also have a rivalry with the White Sox and the Cardinals, which fits nicely with #2 on my list...

2. Kansas City Royals - Ryan is mortally bonded to this team, and since they're in the AL, they are no consistent threat to my Cubs in the NL. (I prefer the NL, for the record. Designated hitter my ass.) I would have no other affection for them except that I saw my first - and to this date only - major league baseball game at Kauffman Stadium with Ryan. Therefore, I have to put them pretty high. They may have lost and it may have been horrendously hot, but you never forget your first ball game. Especially when you're 22.

3. Pittsburgh Pirates - My grandmother was originally from Pittsburgh, so I guess they were the official baseball team to like, except that nobody in the family really liked baseball. Oh yeah, and the Pirates have had a losing season every year since I learned how to multiply numbers together (I am now starting a Ph.D. in Engineering). But when I was a kid, I had a T-shirt with Barry Bonds (the nice version) and Bobby Bonilla on it. I was too young to be paying attention, but apparently the Pirates were good back in those days. I've been sort of hoping that the Pirates can come back and compete one of these days, but not until my Cubs win the World Series.

4. Philadelphia Phillies - I do not like this team. I don't dislike them either. In fact, I know absolutely nothing about them. I can't even tell you which league they're in without looking it up. OK, they're in the NL East. Thanks, Wikipedia. So why are they on my list? Simple - I am living right smack in the middle of Pennsylvania for the next three years - 3 hours to Pittsburgh, 3.5 hours to Philly - so I might as well keep my options open regarding which baseball team I like. The outlook is dim for the Pirates, even though I seem to remember hearing that most people in the area would favor them over the Phillies. I think I had better start learning the names of Phillies players and managers, and why they suck (the duty of every fan).

5. New York Yankees - Yeah, I know they're evil. But the Yankees interrupted their spring training schedule this year (something I'm told most players hate to do) to come to our shitty little college ball field and play the Virginia Tech baseball team after that shooting incident we all went through. And all the players were class acts, and there were no complaints. A-Rod (whom I still admire, since he was my first ever fantasy draft pick) even said it was the most important game he'd ever play. I don't give a damn if they win a game during the regular season or not, but I earned enough respect for them to at least put them on the list.

Honorable Mention: Yeah, I was on the Red Sox bandwagon in 2003. I still don't rabidly hate them, but I can't believe how quickly they fell out of favor with me.

Top 5 Songs You Used To Be Into

2008-06-06T19:11:00.000-07:00

Here's the deal... I tend to get really into songs over the period of a few days if I like them. But sometimes they aren't always committed to memory. So this list is my attempt to go back and find (I used Livejournal) songs that I used to be into but I had forgotten about. I don't know if anyone else can conjure up a list, but I can, so here goes...

Dan's Top 5

1. John Lennon - Watching The Wheels - This one is the reason I did the list. I was watching Wonder Boys for the first time in years recently, and I rediscovered this classic Lennon tune, which I'm convinced is one of his Top 5 songs. Now I'm hooked on it again.

2. Grand Theft Audio - As Good As It Gets - A little-known crappy industrial band puts out one of my favorite songs ever. The guitar is reminiscent of Sweet Child O' Mine, but it was original enough to get me hooked for months back in high school. Sadly, this artist, whoever they were, didn't go anywhere, and this wasn't even their most popular song.

3. The Cult - She Sells Sanctuary - This used to be the track used in a often-aired car commercial. I don't remember the model or make, but I did get addicted to this song, even putting it on my very first mix CD. Once the CD got scratched, I didn't really listen to the song anymore.

4. George Harrison - When We Was Fab - If I were organizing due to degree of forgotten-ness rather than quality, this would have been right at the top of the list. I think the last time I thought of this song, let alone listened to it, was seven years ago. The sum total of times I had listened to it before tonight fit into a single week.

5. Moby - We Are All Made of Stars - I remember listening to this song a lot when it was first released, because I thought it was so reminiscent of "Heroes." I soon stopped listening to Moby, for whatever reason, and subsequently didn't listen to this song until I rediscovered Moby as a result of the Bourne movies. Good song.

Honorable Mentions: Pink Floyd - Bike, Tenacious D - Wonderboy, The Who - Boris The Spider, Dr. Hook - Looking for Pussy, Camper Van Beethoven - Take The Skinheads Bowling, Stabbing Westward - Angel

Ryan's Top Five

Let's see here... I'm going to go way back.

1. Devo - "Whip It" - This was my favorite song circa the 1980s. Being six, however, is no excuse not to whip it, and whip it good. Into shape. Shape it up. Get straight. Go forward. Move ahead. Try to detect it. It's not too late. To whip it. Whip it good. Great, now you've got me dancing the robot.

2. MC Hammer - "Can't Touch This" - You cannot, in fact, touch this. Repeat--do not try to touch this.

3. The Escape - "Wild, Wild West" - "Headin' for the nine-tays, livin' in the wild wild west!"

4. Meat Loaf - "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" - Or, as I called it when I was 10, The Baseball Song. I did not yet realize that baseball can be a metaphor for other things. (As soon as I figure out what those other things are, I'll pass it on.) Scout's Honor (I was a Tiger Cub for one meeting), this is straight from memory (Cartman/Come Sail Away Style): "Stop right there! I gotta know right now! Before we go any further do you love me? Will you love me forever do you need me? Will you NEVER leave me? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life, will you take me away, will you make me your wife? (REPEAT) Before we go any further do you LOVE me, and will you leave forever? "Well let me sleep on it, baby baby let me sleep on it (doo doo doo doo doo), let me sleep on it, I'll give you an answer in the morning. (REPEAT) I gotta know right now! Will you love me, will you love me forever do you need me? Will you never leave me? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life, will you take me away, will you make me your wife? (BOTH PARTS) Let me sleep on it--Will you love me forever?--Let me sleep on it--Will you love me foreveeeer? I can't take it any more (something--didn't know lyric here as kid, still don't) ah crazy feeling coming over like a tidal wave, something something... I swore to _____ and on my mother's grave that I would love you till the end of time, I swore! I would love you till the end of time DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN So now I'm praying for the end of time, to hurry up and arrive! Cuz if I have to spend another minute with you I don't think that I'm gonna survive. I'll never break my promise or forget my vow, we go any further something something right now, Praying for the end of time that's all that I can do, DO, DOOOOO...praying for the end of time so that I can eeeeend myyyyy tiiiiiime wiiiiith yooooooooouuuu..." Phew. That's off my chest.

5. Prince - "Partyman" - Here's a hit from the Batman soundtrack. ("Throw it.") If you ever catch me whinging about my upbringing (I won't), just remind me of this: my parents were apparently cool enough to buy me a "Parental Advisory--Explicit Lyrics" vinyl for my 6th birthday. Maybe I am an example of what happens when you do that. Uh oh...

Honorable Mention: "What's Up?" by 4 Non-Blondes, which wasn't ancient enough to make the list.

Tim’s Top 5:
I don't really know how to handle this topic, because most any song that I used to be into is also a song that I am still appreciative of. So I'm just going to list songs that I knew were my favorite song at one point in my life, all of which were at least 12 years ago.

1. “You Can Call Me Al” by Paul Simon – This was my favorite song growing up. It’s now on an album that would be one of my favorites if I remembered it existed in the middle of an otherwise underwhelming solo career. My first grade art teacher played Graceland all the time. Though I remember nothing about her and nothing from her class, I can therefore declare that she is hands down the best teacher I’ve ever had. Take that, higher education.

2. “The Man Who Sold The World” by Nirvana – It wasn’t until last year (seriously) that I heard the Bowie version, but this recording from the Unplugged album was what made me realize I was seriously late in getting into Nirvana in 1996. It was my favorite song for a while after that before it was displaced by Instant Karma (though like Dan and Ryan, I also actually like the songs from Double Fantasy).

3. “One Stop Along The Way” by Terry Cashman – We’re reaching way back for this classic gem that no one outside of Cincinnati has probably ever heard. Terry Cashman, America’s greatest musical poet, made a living recording songs that were about baseball and nothing but baseball. This song was made upon the event of Johnny Bench’s retirement. Given my proximity to Cincinnati…it’s a must have and I nearly wept when I discovered it was available on ITunes for a mere 99 cents, easily less than 1% of what I would have paid for it if necessary.

4. “Burn On” by Randy Newman – The theme from the magnificent 1989 film Major League, I liked this song too much for words, spent a fair percentage of my college life attempting to locate it on networks and ultimately succeeding. It captures the overwhelming malaise of Cleveland and Cleveland baseball and emphasizes just why it feels like it’s a town for someone like me.

5. “I’m Henry VIII, I Am” by Herman’s Hermits – Give me a break, I was 5. I remember my parents playing this song and me acting like a lunatic. Part of me still wants to shell out actual money to hear Herman’s Hermits songs again. The other part of me has fleeting moments of rationality to counter such cringe-worthy thoughts.

Honorable mention: this is all I remember that fit my above description. In more recent years, I have had a bad-faith appreciation of "Snakes on a Plane (Bring It)" by Cobra Starship that still exists on some level to this day and I have way too much affection for "You Know My Name" by Chris Cornell (see guilty pleasures, music).

Top 5 Songs to Blast While Driving

2008-06-06T14:11:00.000-07:00

Note that this is not just "Top 5 Driving Songs," which would be harder. Songs like "Low Rider," "Little Green Bag," and "1979," for example, strike me as great driving songs, but not ones that you can blast or really rev your engine to. There's a specific feeling of power intended in this list. So without further ado...

Dan's Top 5:

1. Van Halen - "Panama" - I think this is an ideal choice for #1, because it was invented to be a driving song. After the band read a review criticizing them for writing songs about partying, women, and cars, they realized that the last bit was inaccurate. Thus, "Panama" was written. Coincidentally, also the first Van Halen song I was exposed to.

2. Stellastarr* - "My Coco" - I know this primarily as my "baseball-season-is-starting" song, but really, it's a good choice for driving as well. I tend to want to jump off of furniture when the first snare hit comes along, so acceleration is a good substitute for that.

3. Spencer Davis Group - "Gimme Some Lovin'" - An amazing driving song, even if you've never seen Days of Thunder. The hairs on my arm stand on end when the organ kicks in, as I always imagine playing this song live in front of a thousand screaming people.

4. Styx - "Come Sail Away" - not an obvious choice, but it became our true-to-life "Bohemian Rhapsody" (which I would include if it weren't for Wayne's World) when our car full of people all sang along. It's got both a vocal-intensive soft part, and a rocking out part. Try it next time it comes on the radio. The more people that join in, the better.

5. Muse - "Stockholm Syndrome" - It's hard to pick just one Muse, song so I picked the most suitable one that wasn't on Black Holes and Revelations, to show that I actually know Muse well enough to make the call. This is in my Top 5 Muse songs for sure (ahem).

Honorable Mentions, in no particular order: Bon Jovi - "Livin' On A Prayer," Sammy Hagar - "I Can't Drive 55," Iron Maiden - "Run To The Hills" (a serious contender for #5), Keane - "Everybody's Changing," Queen - "Hammer To Fall"

Ryan's Top Five

1. Muse - "Knights of Cydonia" - I love all of these songs (and all of my honorable mentions), putting them in order was difficult. That said, I don't know of a safer route than Muse, and you cannot go wrong with "Knights of Cydonia." I spent my 2006 fall travel season blasting this song, speeding, and shirking work at Baker.

2. Queen - "Don't Stop Me Now" - This song is like a tour de force. Freddie Mercury never slows down, for a good three minutes. You don't either. Or I don't, anyway--I have to yell every word. "I'm a rocketship on my way to Mars, I'm a satellite, I'm out of control, I'm a sex machine ready to reload, like an atom bomb, I'm about to woah woah woah EXPLODE!" Sheer brilliance. Bonus points for its association with "Shaun of the Dead."

3. Badly Drawn Boy - "Born in the U.K." - Damon Gough's obvious homage to his hero, Bruce Springsteen. This song is so fucking rocking, and opening with "Pomp and Circumstance" and piano? Ah, yes.

4. Journey - "Don't Stop Believin'" - This song is cheese-tastically brilliant. I adopted it as my own personal anthem in 2003 when the Royals lucked their way into playoff contention. I have never looked back. (Though it has gotten considerably harder to "believe" in the Royals.) Anyway, I will not ever be able to say No to this song after this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=CzEIcWm5Lmg&feature=related . They cut the video off but I swear to God he is going to scream "Don't stop! Believin'!" exactly at 0.0 in the game.

5. Van Halen - "Panama" - Damn it, I can't say no to this one either. I tried to write something for "Livin' on a Prayer" (which I don't even really like, except at max volume speeding in a car), but my heart wasn't in it. This song deserves another Top 5 nod. Was also great in "Superbad."

Honorables, in no order: "Zero," Smashing Pumpkins (the ultimate anger song), "Stockholm Syndrome," "Helter Skelter," "Run," Gnarls Barkley, "Baba O'Riley," "Rebel, Rebel," "London Calling" and "London Burning," "My Coco," "Mr. Brightside," "Take Me Out," Franz Ferdinand, "Invincible," Muse, "Search and Destroy," Iggy & the Stooges, "Bohemian Rhapsody." Phew.

Tim's Top 5:
1. "Thunder Road" by Bruce Springsteen – Like #2, this isn’t because the song begs to be played loud, it’s because it just begs to be played constantly, and if I play it loud enough, I can hear the piano intro and Clarence Clemons’ saxophone for several minutes after it’s over.

2. "Tangled Up In Blue" by Bob Dylan – On the list solely because I did this on Friday driving to work. I just about never turn my stereo up loud, but it’d been a long time since I’d heard this (which is on my short list of favorite songs ever). It’s not exactly a rocker, but it’s satisfying and is right on the list with Thunder Road of songs where I’m impressed that I actually manage to know nearly all of the words, despite the fact that they are both biblical in length.

3. "Free Fallin’" by Tom Petty – Ok, yeah, this is because of Jerry Maguire. You know what, screw you. You’re not cool either if you’re reading this.

4. "Supermassive Black Hole" by Muse – Why this Muse song? Because I listen to XM, this is what they play with far more frequency. I have, however, decided that Knights of Cydonia is my favorite song to run to, having listened to it three times consecutively while I was wrapping up my five mile jaunt last week. Still, the sound of this song just gets better with astounding volume.

5. "All These Things That I’ve Done" by The Killers – It’s a long song with a lot of parts to it, and the extra volume adds even more depth to it. When the drums roll in at 52 seconds in, it demands to be blared.

Honorable mention: "Sugar, We're Going Down" by Fall Out Boy - I hate me too, but when you can hear the second guitar coming in at the beginning of the song, it's worth it; "Zoo Station" by U2 - This is entirely because of About a Boy. More people need to make movies so that I can more fully enjoy music.

Top 5 Concerts You've Been To

2008-06-05T23:12:00.001-07:00

Straightforward and strictly self-referential for a change of pace.

Ryan's Top Five

1. Badly Drawn Boy, Liberty Hall, Lawrence, KS (Oct. 2004) - When I put down all the concerts I've been to in print (not as many as I had thought), this one is far and away the best. First off, you have to factor in this--what are the fucking odds of A) Badly Drawn Boy coming to America to tour, B) Badly Drawn Boy coming to Lawrence, KS, and C) Badly Drawn Boy coming to my favorite venue in the world? Secondly, I definitely got my money's worth; he played his best album, "One Plus One Is One" (which had just been released), in its entirety, then they took a break, then he came back and did a full concert of older songs, then he came back for an encore. The show lasted almost four hours. By the encore, he was drunk and ranting about the upcoming election and George W. Bush. And to top it off, the opener was good, an indie band from England called Adem. My favorite concert, bar none.

2. Duran Duran, NTelos Pavilion, Portsmouth, VA (Aug. 2005) - This was easily the biggest concert I've ever been to, and Duran Duran did not remotely disappoint. They opened with "Friends of Mine," then Simon Le Bon says hello to the crowd and screams, "IS ANYBODY HUNGRYYYYY?!" before they launch into "Hungry Like The Wolf." This strikes me as one of the coolest ways to begin a show, ever--give the public what they want. Adhering to this, they did just about every song you could want them to do, not letting their newer stuff overwhelm the act. This included my two favorites, "Come Undone" and "Ordinary World." And when he dedicated the latter to the military men and women overseas and their families left behind--Norfolk after all is a Navy town, and plenty of Navy folk were in the crowd--it actually wasn't cheesy, doubtless because the song itself is so fucking awesome. Downside: the opening act sucked. All in all though, great show.

3. Colin Meloy, Liberty Hall, Lawrence, KS (April 2008) - I was psyched for this concert but I'll admit I was a bit leery of an entirely acoustic set. Fortunately, this concert was pretty great, all told. He did plenty of "The Crane Wife," including kick-ass versions of "The Perfect Crime 2" and "O Valencia." He's a pretty good stand-up comedian to boot; at one point he said he didn't want to "get too footnotey, like some fucking David Foster Wallace novel." Finally, he finished by leading the crowd in a rollicking rendition (says I) of "The Mariner's Revenge Song."

4. Ben Folds Five, Sokol Auditorium, Omaha, NE (Oct. 1999) - The concert itself was great, but more than that, this was at 16 my First Real Concert I ever went to, you know, of music I had discovered on my own and had listened to religiously for two solid years. (See #5 for clarification of "First Real Concert.") They did a few songs from Reinhold Messner (released earlier that year) but focused primarily on Whatever And Ever Amen (one of my top 5 favorite albums) and their eponymous debut. Highlights included awesome renditions of "Philosophy," "One Angry Dwarf...," "Narcolepsy," and so on. It was all good. Side-note: Train was the opener, before they were big. I suppose I liked them then, or anyway I liked "Meet Virginia."

5. Hootie & the Blowfish, Some Nebraskan Ampitheatre, summer, I believe 1997 - OK, not the best of recollections about this one... though I know I still have the ticket stub somewhere. This, in all fairness, was the First Concert I ever went to, so I have to include it here. Actually, it's easy to laugh about Hootie & the Blowfish now, but... well OK, it was probably easy to do so then, but I was still 13 and only a few years removed from "Cracked Rear View." Hey, you know what, fuck you all, I like Hootie & the Blowfish.

All The Concerts I've Been To Follow (I am pretty sure I'm not forgetting any...):

Honorable Mentions:
- The Swell Season at the Uptown Theatre, KCMO (this is #6 if I were ranking them, great show)
- Ben Folds, the Lied Center (at KU, this was an awesome show and I suppose is tied for 6th)
- Ben Folds, Rufus Wainwright, Ben Lee at City Market, KCMO (would have been great if lightning didn't preclude Ben Lee entirely and persuade a skittish Rufus Wainwright to fly through his set)
- Ben Folds at some venue in Norfolk (Portside? Somethingerother? This is how much Hampton Roads is into Ben, my dad bought tickets for the three of us (him, me, Tory), we get there, and they're handing out free tickets at the door...Anyway, good show, but nothing particularly Top 5-worthy)
- Jurassic 5, Abe & Jake's in Lawrence (my only hip hop show)
- Ringo Starr and his All-Starr Band at the NTelos Pavilion in Portsmouth, VA (fun seeing a Beatle. Not quite as fun seeing members of Supertramp, ELP, et. al.)
- Nickel Creek at Liberty Hall (good concert, the music's not really my cup of tea, but still)

Dishonorable Mention:
- Tonic at Harbor View in Norfolk, VA (free concert...took forever for them to get onstage...after they performed about three songs we realized we didn't really give a shit about Tonic and left, which was enjoyable. They did have good barbecue, to be fair.)

Dan's Top 5:

1. Smashing Pumpkins, The Orange Peel, Asheville, NC (Jun. 30, 2007) - The Smashing Pumpkins did a residency for a little over a week in Asheville to promote Zeitgeist. I actually managed to get two tickets (a mere $20 each) out of I'm guessing 600 per show. The greatest thing about this concert was the venue. It's essentially the size of a school gym, so I got to stand about ten or fifteen feet away from Billy Corgan. Despite only beginning to get into Smashing Pumpkins at the time, it was still an amazing set. They played "Stand Inside Your Love," "Tonight, Tonight," and of course, "1979," which is a song that's in my Top 10, if not my Top 5 Songs of All Time. I Would have liked to see a show with the original lineup (i.e., with D'arcy and James) but let's not kid ourselves - Corgan is the band (for better or for worse - I blame him exclusively for Zeitgeist).

2. Gogol Bordello, The Lyric Theatre, Blacksburg, VA (October 18, 2007) - This one was a real surprise. I accepted a ticket after my roommate told me about the group, making this the first and only concert to go to where I didn't know any of the songs that would be played. For those who don't know of Gogol Bordello, the music is best described as Eastern European Gypsy Punk. Yeah, wrap your head around that. Anyway, I managed to squeeze into the front row, but of to the side, where there was no punk activity (minor crowd surfing and possible moshing took place) so I could focus on the performers. The concert ranks so high because I was right up front for an extremely high-energy show. All the performers were really into it, and I got to shake all their hands at the end of the set.

3. Radiohead, Verizon Wireless Amphitheater, Charlotte, NC (May 9, 2008) - I had to settle for lawn seats, but for fucking Radiohead, it didn't matter (I was in the front against the railing anyway). The band did twenty-four (24) songs and wrapped up by 11, letting me get back to Blacksburg by 2. It seemed fast at the time, but it was two-and-a-half hours. Naturally, they did their In Rainbows songs, but they also pulled a few tricks by playing songs like "Optmistic," "Exit Music (For a Film)" and "Planet Telex." The encore consisted of "Paranoid Android" and "Reckoner," and will probably be the best encore in the history of ever. My only complaint is that they didn't play any of my top three songs ("My Iron Lung," "No Surprises," "Fake Plastic Trees").

4. Rush, Verizon Wireless Amphitheater, Virginia Beach, VA (Jun. 22, 2007) - I've only been really into Rush for under a year, and this concert really made me a die-hard fan. I knew that each member of the trio was one of the best in the world at their instrument, but I wasn't expecting this level of awesomeness. I get to say I've seen a Neil Peart drum solo live, and that makes me happy. I didn't know but half of the songs, but one of the highlights was a clip of South Park introducing "Tom Sawyer." The band really has a good sense of humor. The encore was capped with "YYZ," which took it to a whole new level of kickass.

5. Sudflood XVIII, Top of the Stairs, Blacksburg, VA (Apr. 22, 2006) - I'm going to pull a fast one and include an all-day music fest that my former band, Rex Bedlam, played in. We were originally slated to play an hour and a half, but technical issues and other bands running over time shaved our set down to about half an hour to 45 minutes. The first song, our drummer broke his kick pedal, and the second song, our electric guitarist broke a string. However, we gave it our best and even managed to cover Zeppelin's "Black Dog." Afterwards, other visiting bands (all of which were good) gave us props during their sets. Pretty awesome. Oh yeah, we also got unlimited free beer for twelve hours.

Honorable Mentions (i.e., the rest of the concerts I've been to, ranked in descending order of greatness):

Muse w/ My Chemical Romance, Merriweather Post Pavilion, Columbia, MD - Muse fucking rule, but because they were openers, their set was a mere 45 minutes.

Red Hot Chili Peppers with Gnarls Barkley, John Paul Jones Arena, Charlottesville, VA - RHCP was really lackluster, as they played mostly newer songs (i.e., post-BSSM), but Gnarls Barkley was the shit. However, their bass was clipping because their sound levels were off, resulting in a non-ideal show.

The Last Dispatch, The Hatch Shell, Boston, MA - Dispatch's supposed final show ever. (They reunited recently at MSG for a series of benefit concerts.) Awesome music from a single band for three and a half hours, but way too many people, way too hot, and most of the fans were hippies.

ZZ Top, Ted Nugent, and Kenny Wayne Shepherd, Verizon Wireless Amphitheater, Virginia Beach, VA - This was my first concert ever, and I went with my dad (which, if you know my dad, is not an uncool thing to admit). It was pretty enjoyable, but Ted Nugent ruined his set for me when he avidly supported George W. Bush during some inter-song banter.

Carbon Leaf w/ Ben Lee, Burruss Hall Auditorium, Blacksburg, VA - I was in the second row for this one, and I'm a solid fan of Carbon Leaf. Ben Lee was pretty good too. I expect this to be the standard for an acceptable concert experience.

Sudflood XIX, Top of the Stairs, Blacksburg, VA - Overall, most of the bands were boring, but Carbon Leaf was there, and I found out that they did the show for free (proceeds this year went to the Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund). They also signed my copy of Echo Echo.

Ben Folds, Burruss Hall Auditorium, Blacksburg, VA - This concert makes me suspect that Ben Folds hates, for some reason, the state of Virginia, Virginia Tech or even me personally. He seemed really detached from the audience, and even forced us to listen to him start "Gracie" about five or six times because someone in the audience "woo"-ed in approval. (He neared completion of it twice, only to start it over.) What a douche.

O.A.R. w/ Michael Franti and Spearhead, Burruss Hall Auditorium, Blacksburg, VA - I think I was in the front row for this, but let's be honest, O.A.R. sucks. Spearhead was pretty cool, though.

Tim's Top 5:
Ryan jumped the gun on this one, I'm pretty sure the Springsteen show I'm going to 7/27/08 will be #1 and I suspect the Pearl Jam show (and maybe, god willing, R.E.M.?) in June may crack the list, so I was holding off.

1) 4/00 - Guided by Voices with Sense Field at The Sokol Auditorium, Omaha, NE - I was probably the only person watching Sense Field, but they became one of my favorite bands after the concert -- and shortly after the concert had to abandon their hopes of ever releasing their album with Warner Bros. and it became the abortive effort that was released on Nettwerk and scored them 15 minutes of fame with "Save Yourself". Then GbV put together a greatest hits concert that captured the era of GbV at its finest -- this was right after Do The Collapse, so they didn't have the stuff from Isolation Drills, but it led them to get the best of the Fading Captain Series and favor stuff from Alien Lanes and Bee Thousand instead of the most recent album. The only drawback is one that would follow GbV for years, their steadfast avoidance of material from Mag Earwhig!, which was and still is, my favorite GbV album hands down.

2) 6/13/03 - Pearl Jam with Idlewild at the Mid-American Center, Council Bluffs, IA - Bu$hleaguer on the Riot Act album...boring. Bu$hleaguer live -- played in the heart of Republican country -- unparalleled in awesomeness. This is the concert that made me think Riot Act was one of Pearl Jam's greatest albums, even though only me and four other people own it. I don't think I'm wrong. They closed with Rockin' in the Free World, which is definitely the chosen song to end Pearl Jam shows, they covered The Police's Driven to Tears, The Clash's "Know Your Rights" (both have since become favorites of mine) and unfortunately Crazy Mary (a song which I have no affection for). It was really an amazing show, no Katowice, Poland, but amazing nonetheless.

3) 7/28/07 - The Old 97's with Ha Ha Tonka at The Chameleon Club, Lancaster, PA - I'd seen the Old 97's the night before on the Rockin' on the River cruise in New York but discovered they had a show far closer to me the next day. They ended up playing three encores -- one with Rhett by himself playing a couple of solo songs and a cover of the Pixies' "Wave of Mutilation", then the band returned to join him for a couple more Old 97's tracks. After half the club had left, they came out and played two more songs, both of which were unrecognizable at the time. The venue was astounding for a middling college town in the middle of Amish country, and the crowd really seemed to know their work much more than the NYC crowd. Ha Ha Tonka was an entertaining enough band, more on the side of country than alt-country, but they waited at the back of the show to watch, which is the true sign of an opening act that deserves some respect. I've meant to get their album for a long time now. I should really get around to it. There were still a couple of songs I'd have killed for them to play (seriously, "Nite Club" and "If My Heart Were a Car" warrant playing), but it was an exhaustingly amazing show. I drove the long trip home having absolutely no regrets about seeing them for a second time in two days.

4) 4/06 - Franz Ferdinand and Death Cab For Cutie at Barton Hall, Ithaca, NY - The venue was awful for acoustics, I had absolutely nothing to drink (thank you, Cornell University), but the two acts were amazing. Franz Ferdinand went through the vast majority of their material, but still managed to hold things back that I'd forgotten were awesome; Death Cab played a good sampling of their material, even though I was unfamiliar with 90% of it at that point. I owned Plans within the week and have since developed an appreciation for their work as a whole.

5) 7/07 - The Police with Fiction Plane and the Fratellis at Citizens Bank Park, Philadelphia, PA - Sure, it might as well have been pre-packaged, because The Police played only two sets during the entire reunion tour (Philadelphia warranted the long set at least), but they reminded me that there was a period before I was really sentient that Sting used to actually, you know, be kind of cool. And rock. They really put together a great show, the venue wasn't bad, and the beer flowed freely. Definitely one of the highlights of my employment thus far. You know, other than all the "law" stuff.

Honorable Mention: Ben Folds with The Divine Comedy at Seven Flags Event Center, Clive, IA - This was on the Ben Folds and a Piano tour after Rockin' the Suburbs, before he went off the musical deep end and became dead to me forever. The audience interaction seemed fresh (it wasn't, as you learned from the live album, it was all a scripted show with the same banter at every stop), and the music was awesome; Smashing Pumpkins with Fountains of Wayne at the Omaha Civic Auditorium, Omaha, NE - My first concert still warrants mention, although I knew so little of either of these bands' work when I went to the show that it really cut into the awesomenss; Snow Patrol with OK Go and Silversun Pickups at Tweeter Center, Camden, NJ - the headline act wasn't what I went to see, but they put together a good show, OK Go played most of their catalog and Silversun Pickups are as solid a second opening act as I could envision. Venue wasn't particularly good.

Top 5 Years in Music

2008-06-05T18:16:00.000-07:00

I felt like doing something huge for our 75th list. A quick note - This list employs album release dates as the main metric of quality. Some musical events are also noted. This is by far the most I've written for a Top 5 in quite some time. The only uncertainty I have is considering switching #4 and #5.

Dan’s Top 5:

1. 1994 - A tough call to go with this or '67, but I feel that '94 was more of a unversal happening, while the events of '67 were based too much in California. In 1994, Kurt Cobain commits suicide, which is kind of a downer, but eventually ensures that Nirvana will never die. More importantly, it marks the end of Grunge, and the music industry scrambles for anything to fill the void. Weezer's eponymous debut, universally known as The Blue Album, is released and is probably one of the best achievements of the 90's. Oasis debuts with Definitely Maybe. Beck debuts with Mellow Gold. Hootie and the Blowfish debut with Cracked Rear View. Also released are Green Day's Dookie and Soundgarden's Superunknown. The year proves to the world that good music has survived the end of the 80's and the beginning of the 90's. It's just now known as "alternative."

2. 1967 - The Summer of Love. The organization of the Monterey Pop Festival in California was probably the best thing to happen to rock music. Oh, and albums released included Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (The Beatles), Piper at the Gates of Dawn (Pink Floyd's Debut), Are You Experienced? (The Jimi Hendix Experience's debut), and Disraeli Gears (Cream). Pretty decisive, but just not near and dear to my heart enough to call it #1.

 3. 1982 - The 80's begins to take off, along with all its excess. Michael Jackson's Thriller is released, only to become the best selling album of all time. Iron Maiden's Number of The Beast, in my opinion the greatest metal album of all time, is also released. Singles included "Ebony and Ivory" (Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder), "Come On Eileen" (Dexys Midnight Runners), "I Love Rock and Roll" (Joan Jett), "Jack and Diane" (John Cougar Mellencamp), "I Ran" (A Flock of Seagulls), and "Africa" (Toto). It was the year that set the precedent for mega-hits that would define the 80's.

4. 1977 - Punk explodes in probably the briefest, yet most powerful musical movement ever. Meanwhile, progressive rock enjoys its final mainstream success. Low and "Heroes" are released by David Bowie, Peter Gabriel begins his solo career, and a number of notable albums are released, including Never Mind The Bollocks, Here's The Sex Pistols (The Sex Pistols), Talking Heads: 77 (Talking Heads), The Clash (The Clash), Point of Know Return (Kansas), and The Grand Illusion (Styx).

5. 1973 - A landmark year for a transition period in rock, with many beginning to claim that Rock and Roll is dead. Bowie releases Aladdin Sane and retires his Ziggy Stardust stage persona in July at the Hammersmith Odeon. The Dark Side of the Moon (my favorite album of all time) is released by Pink Floyd and would spend a total of 741 weeks (or 14 years) on the Billboard 200 charts. Band on the Run, arguably his best solo work, is released by Paul McCartney. CBGB's (Country, Bluegrass and Blues) opens in Manhattan. Also, Quadrophenia is released by The Who.

Honorable Mentions (chronological order):
1971 - Led Zeppelin IV, Madman Across the Water, and Who's Next are released. That's almost enough to warrant inclusion alone.
1985 - "We Are The World" is released and Live Aid proves to be the world's greatest concert and features Queen's greatest performance.
2005 - Good music refuses to die as bands such as The Killers and Franz Ferdinand enjoy amazing worldwide success. Pink Floyd are reunited for Bob Geldof's Live 8.

Ryan's Top Five

1. 1967 - Dan said it pretty well. I consistently change my favorite Beatles album, but Sgt. Pepper has probably spent the most time in the spot. I'll throw in some other random stuff that happened in '67: Jimi Hendrix set fire to his guitar for the first time onstage; The Beatles famously played "All You Need Is Love" live internationally (the first time this was ever done); The Doors performed "Light My Fire" on Ed Sullivan and refused to censor the (already pretty tame) lyrics; the first issue of Rolling Stone magazine was published; The Velvet Underground and Nico and John Wesley Harding were released; etc.

2. 1977 - Never mind the bollocks, this year fucking ruled.

3. 1964 - The beginning of the British invasion with The Beatles' appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show, which would ultimately lead to an Anglophilia in America and, decades later, Ryan Fox; The Rolling Stones debut album; "A Hard Day's Night," both album and movie; The Kinks' "The Kinks"; The Beatles at one time owning all top 5 singles on the Billboard Chart; all in all, a good time to listen to tunes.

4. 1994 - I won't try to improve on Dan's interpretation of this year. Personally, I'll add that this was the year I finally got a CD player, and Weezer's "Blue Album," and Real Music began for Ryan.

5. 1969 - I wanted to include a year from the '80s because I do love New Wave, but honestly I can't pinpoint a single year from the decade; I like to pick and choose what good occurred in said decade (for example, "True" by Spandau Ballet). Anyway, Woodstock and the other best Beatles' album, Abbey Road, marked the end of an era.

Tim's Top 5:
1. 1966 – Yeah, sure, everyone loves 1967, but the foundation of 1967 was all in 1966, which had great contributions from all the essential artists of the 1960s -- The Beatles, Dylan, The Stones, as well as the greatest rock 'n' roll song of all time -- Spencer Davis Group's "Gimme Some Lovin'". The Beatles – Revolver; The Beach Boys – Pet Sounds; The Who – A Quick One; Bob Dylan – Blonde on Blonde; The Rolling Stones - Aftermath; Simon & Garfunkel - Sounds of Silence; Buffalo Springfield – Buffalo Springfield; “Gimme Some Lovin’” by The Spencer Davis Group; “Hold on! I’m comin!” by Sam and Dave; “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” by The Temptations; “Red Rubber Ball” by The Cyrkle; “A Well-Respected Man” by The Kinks

2. 1972 – The birth of Big Star forces me to mention it, but the arrival of Springsteen, Ziggy Stardust, and Exile on Main Street make it easy to rationalize anyway. Big Star - #1 Record – Big Star; Bruce Springsteen - Greetings From Asbury Park, N.J; David Bowie - The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars; The Rolling Stones – Exile on Main St.; Stevie Wonder – Talking Book; The Allman Brothers Band – Eat a Peach; The Eagles – The Eagles; Jimmy Cliff - The Harder They Come; Hot August Night – Neil Diamond; Al Green – Let’s Stay Together; Paul Simon – Paul Simon; Nick Drake – Pink Moon; “American Pie” by Don McLean; “Amie” by Pure Prairie League; “School’s Out” by Alice Cooper

3. 1965 – Not only did I not put 1967 first, it falls behind a year that's blessed with two Beatles albums. The Who and The Zombies release their first albums, the Stones release "Satisfaction"...and The Beatles abandon other people's work forever on Rubber Soul. Rock was reinvented like never before...and Highway 61 and "Like a Rolling Stone" enter the canon. The Beatles – Help!; The Beatles – Rubber Soul; Bob Dylan – Bringing It All Back Home; Bob Dylan – Highway 61 Revisited; The Byrds – Mr. Tambourine Man; The Who – The Who Sings My Generation; The Zombies – The Zombies; “Hang On Sloopy” by the McCoys; The Righteous Brothers – “Unchained Melody”; The Rolling Stones – “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction”; “California Dreamin’” – The Mamas and the Papas; “In the Midnight Hour” – Wilson Pickett; The Beatles - “We Can Work It Out”

4. 1997 – My favorite Guided by Voices album, The Old 97's first foray into a more rock-oriented sound, and some solid contributions from some artists that I'd figured were dead and gone make 1997 a solid choice here, though it's close with 1998. Elliott Smith – Either/Or; The Old 97’s – Too Far To Care; Cornershop – When I Was Born For the 7th Time; Bob Dylan – Time Out Of Mind; Ben Folds Five – Whatever and Ever Amen; Guided by Voices – Mag Earwhig!; Oasis – Be Here Now; Matthew Sweet – Blue Sky on Mars; Paul McCartney – Flaming Pie; Dandy Warhols - …Dandy Warhols Come Down; Jay-Z – Vol. 1 – In My Lifetime

5. 1975 – Born to Run and Blood on the Tracks are all that matter here, everything else is just gravy. Bruce Springsteen – Born to Run; Big Star – Third; Bob Dylan – Blood on the Tracks, Queen – A Night at the Opera; Paul Simon – Still Crazy After All These Years; Pink Floyd – Wish You Were Here; David Bowie – Young Americans; Bob Marley and the Wailers “No Woman No Cry (live)”

Honorable mentions: The other stuff they mentioned. For the record, I'm only judging these years by the good music they contained. The fact that Hanson, Matchbox 20, and similar song terrorists existed was simply ignored.

Top 5 Songs on the White Album

2008-06-05T08:20:00.000-07:00

Tim's Top 5:
It's actually among my least favorite Beatles albums. That, however, is like saying that winning it in the lottery is one of my less favored methods of procuring $200 million.

1. I'm So Tired - The desperation comes through clearly in Lennon's lyrics and vocals and he creates a wildly divergent song that starts out crawling, builds, drops back to the crawl and builds to an explosive and frenzied pleading chorus. It's a very simple song, but it shows a more dynamic emotional character than perhaps any other song in the Beatles catalog. It's also got the charm of a work that's clearly not a finished product, something they could never have put on an album before the White Album.

2. Dear Prudence - The bounce to the guitar that makes up the background of the entire song is masterful. It's one of the more cryptic songs and it carries a sort of childlike aura around it. Also noteworthy because Paul McCartney actually played the drums on the track because Ringo Starr had walked away from The Beatles when they began recording it.

3. Helter Skelter - Along with Polythene Pam, this might be as pure a rock 'n' roll song as the Beatles would ever record, and it's hard to believe that it's actually a McCartney song. It's easy to see how Charlie Manson decided this song was telling him something more, since McCartney was rarely this bizarre and abstract in his writing, particularly when, as here, the subject of the song was a piece of children's playground equipment. The deeply buried background vocals are one of the highlights.

4. Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me & My Monkey - Ok, it mentions monkeys, so it's hard to neglect it. It's a very simple song with throwaway lyrics, but Ringo's work on the drums is a highlight and the presence of the greatest of all musical instruments -- the cowbell makes it an essential track for me, even to the exclusion of others that I know are better.

5. Happiness Is A Warm Gun - You can tell that John Lennon is my favorite Beatle going away, since four of the five songs here are his, but The White Album may also have been his finest hour. The ironic lyrics, the haunting vocals, and the screeching and moaning guitar help make this the first dual song (the latter being I'm So Tired) on the album, following after A Day In The Life, which was quite literally two songs since it was written in part by both Lennon and McCartney.

Honorable mention: Yer Blues - another Lennon tour de force; Blackbird is a troublingly beautiful song, The continuing adventures of Bungalow Bill - Yoko's vocals are annoying, sure, but there's a really good song behind it; Glass Onion - I know, it's a throwaway pop song, but it's a masterpiece of a throwaway pop song that just showed that they didn't really need to try to write great songs; While My Guitar Gently Weeps - a great song, just not on the list for me, Sexy Sadie - I've said enough.

Dan's Top 5:

1. Dear Prudence - Probably in my Top 5 Beatles songs. Have we done that list yet?

2. While My Guitar Gently Weeps - George Harrison's masterpiece, I believe.

3. Everybody's Got Something to Hide Except Me and My Monkey - Probably the most fun song on the album. Occasionally I will hear it in a public setting (i.e., Its playing didn't have anything to do with me), and that's always fun.

4. Blackbird - One of the most covered songs on the album, I'm sure. It loses points for the bird sound effects towards the end.

5. Helter Skelter - I'm including this one because the guitar intro is so dissonant, leading me to believe it was an inspiration for early heavy metal artists. (The album was released in '68, the same year Black Sabbath formed.) The song was created in order to top The Who's "I Can See For Miles."

Ryan's Top Five

1. "Helter Skelter" - I devoted most of my Ranking Time to song #1 versus song #2. I am a bit of a Lennon-phile and I typically prefer his music to McCartney's... but this song just kicks too much ass. "Proto-metal" at its finest. I don't know how to listen to this song on anything other than max volume.

2. "Happiness is a Warm Gun" - This song epitomizes what's so great about Lennon; his lyrics may be indecipherable at times, but they're biting and unassailably cool (thank you Rob Gordon). The music fucking rules, and I love the bitter irony of happiness being a warm gun. "When I hold you in my arms / And I feel my finger on your trigger / I know no one can do me no harm." This set to the tune of a doo-wop "bang bang shoot shoot." Awesome.

3. "Dear Prudence" - This was my favorite song for a while. I still love it but I've grown out of it a bit. That said, I have a weakness for songs with rocking crescendos.

4. "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" - This is George Harrison's second-best Beatles song (after "Here Comes the Sun"...do I sense another Top 5 list?). To wax English-teachery, I have always loved the titular personification. I love the idea of a guitar weeping.

5. "Back in the USSR" - It was either this or "Blackbird," and I think I'm just in more of a rock mood lately. This song deserves major cred for setting up "Dear Prudence" (let alone the album) so well.

Footnote: "Revolution" is awesome. "Revolution 1" sucks.

Top 5 Funniest People on Earth

2008-06-04T17:56:00.000-07:00

I got the idea for this list after (spoiler alerts) seeing Eddie Izzard last Friday, reading a book published by Ricky Gervais yesterday, and starting the new David Sedaris book.

Ryan's Top Five

1. Ricky Gervais - To be fair, he's usually part of a team with Stephen Merchant; this hurts other contestants (like Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie, for instance). That said, he's too fucking funny to pass up. Stephen Merchant is legitimately hilarious, but Ricky Gervais brings a matchless comic energy to his roles that verily forces you to laugh. He also invented the David Brent character, and thus inspired the Michael Scott character. The first time I saw episode 4 of The Office UK--specifically, "I think there's been a rape up there!"--I laughed for a solid five minutes. I have never laughed at any TV show, movie, standup, etc. more than that exact moment.

2. David Sedaris - I used to think David Sedaris was good but formulaic, but that was when I thought personal narrative was easy to write. It's not. And he makes it look effortless. And he's brilliant. This is a cliche phrase, but you really do have to see him live at some point in your life; as funny as his essays are in print, you cannot get the full effect without hearing him read it, and hearing his audience in hysterics. Sample lines, from "Six to Eight Black Men": "The six to eight black men [in Holland, Santa's elves] were characterized as personal slaves until the mid-fifties, when the political climate changed and it was decided that instead of being slaves they were just good friends. I think history has proven that something usually comes between slavery and friendship, a period of time marked not by cookies and quiet times beside the fire but by bloodshed and mutual hostility."

3. Stephen Colbert - It's really pretty amazing that Colbert can be that consistently funny that often. Most daily talk-shows, even the good ones (Conan O'Brien), have their ups and downs. There's usually at least one thing in every episode of The Colbert Report that is genuinely hilarious. It always amazes me how Colbert (and Conan) can be funny every night, and SNL gets an entire week to write and comes up with nothing. Finally, Colbert really deserves to be on American currency for this:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=BSE_saVX_2A&feature=related

4. Eddie Izzard - The only stand-up comic on my list (though David Cross and Demetri Martin come close...and I suppose Gervais does stand-up). It's hard even to relay Izzard's jokes; his delivery and unique story-telling method (almost stream of consciousness) are one-of-a-kind. John Cleese calls him "the lost Python," and you can really see it; he jumps randomly from subject to subject, layers his jokes, then makes jokes about those layers and his own treatment of the layers. Also, not many comedians choose to focus their material on topics like history, philosophy, religion, etc. Here's a sample:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=6omQ5JjjLsE
"Britain?" "Wot?" "What's that behind your back?" "It's India and a number of other countries." "Give 'em back." "Oh all right...there's that one, that one...Ah the Falkland Islands, we need the Falkland Islands...for strategic sheep purposes."

5. Simon Pegg - One of the masterminds behind "Shaun of the Dead" and "Hot Fuzz," the two funniest movies this decade (http://topfiveofalltime.blogspot.com/2007/07/top-5-comedies-since-2000.html ... I would now reverse the order of 1-2, though). He and Edgar Wright are working on the third of their "Blood and Ice Cream Trilogy," a movie about the end of the world. Pegg's also making a movie with Nick Frost about the pair road-tripping across America... All is well in the comedy world. Anyway, do yourself a favor and buy both of these movies if you haven't seen them or don't already own them.

Honorable mentions: Demetri Martin, Jemaine Clement and Bret McKenzie (they are too much of a team to single either one out, and this was their downfall), Conan O'Brien, David Cross, Stephen Merchant, John Cleese, Larry David.

Tim's Top 5:
My list will be stand-up comedians. Why? Because that's the kind of guy I am. (Read: the guy with a bunch of comedy CDs).

1. Todd Barry - Hands down, he's my favorite comedian. Every album is worth owning, every joke is at least a little bit funny, and his perpetual semi-fame keeps him from getting any more famous than he'll be as the third conchord.

2. Dave Attell - His HBO special from last year got off to an underwhelming start, but Skanks for the Memories is the best comedy album I'm aware of, and his comedic style really matches the way I converse with friends on a daily basis. His is funnier and perhaps even more offensive, but it's a style I'm comfortable with.

3. Michael Schur - Who? Well, you may know him as Cousin Mose from The Office (the man can handle a raccoon with the best of them), and he's one of the key writers for the series, but he's also the best sports blogger in the business under the guise of Ken Tremendous at firejoemorgan.com. It's smart, hilarious, and aside from the shared affection all the writers have for the hated Red Sox, it's invariably worth reading.

4. Michael J. Nelson - Ok, he might not actually be, we don't know how the MST3K writing sessions really worked, but his books (Mind Over Matters and Mike Nelson's Death Rat!) are consistently funny, and everyone associated with Mystery Science Theater 3000 warrants a nobel prize for humor.

5. Lewis Black - He's gotten too famous for his own good, the Carnegie Hall performance was underwhelming, his first book was a huge disappointment, but his comedy is just funny. He generates more material than nearly anyone, because his rage merges well with every news story.

Honorable mention: me, I'm my biggest fan (by height, I suspect the heftier folks are totally into me). Really, since I wasn't in Unaccompanied Minors, I should slot myself in at #5. But oh well. The guy who runs gemmintten.blogspot.com warrants mention here, though he may still be a flash in the pan. David Cross has really grown on me, his last comedy album really turned the corner.

Dan' Top 5:

1. Patton Oswalt - By far my favorite living stand-up comedian, Patton's gift of comedy, I think, is derived from his English major in college. His bits are full of really inventive embellishments.

2. Nick Hornby - High Fidelity being so brilliant is what inspired this website, isn't it? I think that Hornby is one of the masters at pointing out humor in truth.

3. David Sedaris - Probably the most articulate person on the list. The only problem with Sedaris is that in my mind, nothing will ever top his masterpiece, "Six to Eight Black Men"

4. David Cross - Drops a few sots because his standup comedy is a bit too politically-oriented. All his other work, especially Mr. Show and Arrested Development is brilliant

5. Seth Green - Seth sneaks in at my suprise-for-five spot. I'm giving him all of the credit for the hilarious Robot Chicken series. I get the feeling that he's the kind of person who works best behind the scenes.

Honorable Mentions: Stephen Colbert (only excluded due to previous representation... props to his work on Strangers with Candy), Eddie Izzard, Joel Hodgson (MST3K creator)

Top 5 Simpsons Episodes

2008-06-02T18:35:00.000-07:00

Here it is. The List To End All Lists. A list that has forced me to expand into a Bonus Top 10 (really this is cheating and a cowardly move to make myself feel better about excluding nos. 6-10 from the top 5...but even crafting a top 10 was difficult. This list looks strikingly different from the Top 35 list I made five years ago; given, though, when I made that list I was going solely on personal favorites. This time I've tended toward episode greatness, and, moreover, some of my old favorites have waned for me. (I wish I had a magic Simpsons iPod that tracked how many times I've watched particular episodes in my lifetime--Lisa the Vegetarian, for instance, has to approach 50 [at least].)

Tim suggested we do this list, and it was gnawing at me so I am posting it now in the hope that he doesn't mind...

Ryan's Top 10

1. Lemon of Troy, season 6 - I took a good amount of time setting out my rankings, and I had no idea this would be my #1 when I set out to do this list. Now that I'm done, I like it in this spot. This episode has a strong plot from start to finish, back when Simpsons episodes used to have plots rather than being a collection of pop culture references (which, don't get me wrong, are still better than most of the crap on television and certainly network television). This is yet another of the greats from seasons 6 and 7, the two best seasons. It also has the best Milhouse lines from any episode: "I feel like I'm going to explode here!" "This is what it sounds like, when doves cry!" Other gems: "This whole raid was as useless as that yellow lemon-shaped rock over there. Wait a minute... there's a lemon behind that rock!"

2. Homer the Great, season 6 - Nos. 1 and 2 were a toss-up, and this one could easily be on top without much argument. The Stonecutters' episode, like Lemon of Troy, is perfect plot-wise, start to finish. It also has one of the best songs in the series: "Who controls the British crown, who keeps the metric system down? We do! We do!" Other random, non-comprehensive gems:

Bart: Dad, remember those self-hypnosis courses we took to help us ignore Grampa?
Homer: Do I ever! It's five years later and I still think I'm a chicken. I'm a chicken, Marge!

3. You Only Move Twice, season 8 - This will doubtless rate high on other people's lists (I believe it's Tim's #1, unsure of Dan). And for good reason. Without having seen anyone else's list, I'll defer to them to dissect the greatness of this one further. I leave you with my favorite quotes from the episode:

Hank: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that? Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on third.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Hank: There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There?
Homer: Mm-Hmm.
Hank: That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on third.
Homer: Oh, the hammock district.

(OK, my favorite scene is the end, with the Denver Broncos. Now I'm done.)

4. Bart Sells His Soul, season 7 - Contains, among many great lines, the classic "In the Garden of Eden," by I. Ron Butterfly. Also Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag, which has street signs indoors and sunglasses on alligators. ("Now I've seen everything!") Gems (this time from memory, so forgive a misplaced word or two): "You know Bart, Pablo Neruda said that laughter is the language of the soul." "I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda." Excellence.

5. Homer's Barbershop Quartet, season 5 - I completely left this one off my last list of 35, and I have no idea why--obviously a complete lapse in memory. (I did make that list when I was working an 11pm-7am at the dorm.) Anyway, this episode features George Harrison as a guest star and has more of the best music in the series. This is another strong plot episode... I probably wouldn't even being saying things like that if the last few seasons weren't so random. Gem:

Bart: [incredulous] Barbershop? That ain't been popular since aught six, dagnab it.
Homer: [reproachfully] Bart, what did I tell you?
Bart: [abashed] No talking like a grizzled 1890s prospector...consarnit.

SUPER HAPPY BONUS TOP 10 ACTION!

6. Mr. Plow, season 4 - Brilliant, and the less said, the better, probably. "The forecast calls for flurries of passion, followed by extended periods of gettin' it on."

7. Marge vs. The Monorail, season 4 - Losing Phil Hartman in 1997 really hurt the series, as his episodes/characters are some of the best. Here he stars as Lyle Lanley, the monorail swindler who put Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook on the map. Leonard Nimoy also guest stars: "A solar eclipse. The cosmic ballet goes on." "Does anyone want to switch seats?"

8. Itchy & Scratchy Land, season 6 - "Barclay"..."Barry"..."Bert"... "Bort"? Aw, come on. "Bort"?
Child: Mommy, mommy! Buy me a license plate.
Mother: No. Come along, Bort.
Man: Are you talking to me?
Mother: No, my son is also named Bort.

9. And Maggie Makes Three, season 6 - This one's gained prominence for me recently--it's another textbook plot-driven episode. I actually taught plot elements with this one in school--you can pinpoint the climax, when Maggie grabs Homer's thumb. It's also probably the best "heartwarming episode" and, of course, hilarious. "My marketing plan attracted a record number of police and fire officials, but few stayed to bowl."

10. Bart of Darkness, season 6 - Season 6 is fucking brilliant. This is one of my all-time personal favorites, in addition to being an all-around great episode. "'Tis a fine barn English but sure 'tis no pool!" "D'oh'eth!" Also, and this is impossible to verify, but it has one of the best signs-as-a-running-gag: POOL SHARKS -- WHERE THE BUYER IS OUR CHUM. Another of my all-time favorite lines: "I understand. Let us celebrate our arrangement with the adding of chocolate to milk."

Honorable Mentions, in no order:
- Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(Annoyed Grunt)cious
- Bart After Dark (the burlesgue house)
- Bart Vs. Australia (an all-time personal favorite, but I figured the trip to Australia was gimmicky enough to force its exclusion from the top 10)
- Bart Gets an Elephant (damn it, this should probably be on there)
- The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show (good but again, gimmicky...self-admittedly, to be fair)
- Lisa the Vegetarian (another personal favorite and owner of one of my favorite lines (the BBBQ)
- 22 Short Films About Springfield

Dan's Top 5:

1. 22 Short Films About Springfield - I love shows that follow a bunch of simultaneous story lines, and the Pulp Fiction references are priceless. "Do they have Krusty Partially Gelatinated Non-Dairy Gum-Based beverages?" "Yeah, they call 'em 'shakes.'" "'Shakes.' Hmph. You don't know what you're getting!"

2. Mr. Plow - "And now we play the waiting game... eh, the waiting game sucks. Let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos!"

3. Krusty Gets Cancelled - A million cameos in this one, though the true highlight is Krusty's rendition of "Send in the Clowns." Gains points because I saw it a number of times when I was into the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

4. Homer Goes to College - Classic take on the Animal House-style college paradigm, complete with a dean who's a jerk, and Homer mentoring three lovable nerds. In true Simpsons fashion, no one learns anything by the end of the show.

5. Treehouse of Horror VI - Included almost entirely because of "Homer^3." I actually remember the hype, even if it might have been entirely in my mind, for the Simpsons being 3-D. "Uh...it's like...did anyone see the movie 'Tron'?"

Honorable Mentions (read: A Top 10 with no commentary): You Only Move Twice, Flaming Moe's, Dancin' Homer, Homer to the Max, Last Exit to Springfield.

Tim's Top 5:
As Ryan said, I was working on this...for far longer than I would like to admit, but thankfully discussing it with some co-workers finalized my list today.

1. You Only Live Twice - I don't think that this is even close. Every character is amusing in this, and given my contempt for nearly any episode that substantively involves Lisa, that's saying something. Hank Scorpio is a brilliant merger of Bond villains with the new-wave CEO, the Denver Broncos are the perfect ending, and Bart's remedial class is one of the best use of supplementary characters in the series. Marge's drinking problem, Otto's squatting...yeah, this is a flawless episode.

Just a few moments:
Scorpio: Sugar? Sure. There you go. Sorry it's not in packets.

Apu: Hello. I am not interested in buying your house, but I would like to use your rest room, flip through your magazines, rearrange your carefully shelved items and handle your food products in an unsanitary manner. Ha! Now you know how it feels!
Homer: Thank you, come again!

Kid: I'm from Canada and everyone thinks I'm slow, eh?
Other kid: I fell of the jungle gym and when I woke up, I was in here.
Another kid: I start fires!

2. The Mansion Family - The greatest line in all of Simpsons history (Bart: “what does that satellite do?” Homer: “it rebroadcasts major league baseball with implied oral consent, not expressed written consent, or so the legend goes.”) is the key to this episode, but nearly all the moments are worth celebrating. Monkey knife fights, man-cow weddings (Rick Santorum was right), box socials, that’s all I ask of an episode. It’s funny that I love it so, because it gets terrible reviews from the people on snpp.com. But these are also the deranged people who enjoyed The City of New York v. Homer Simpson.

3. Marge vs. the Monorail - Conan O'Brien's shining hour has Phil Hartman at his best, has a great cameo from Leonard Nimoy ("Didn't I?") and a lot of good Homer moments ("Do you want to change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you Hoju!") and an unforgettable opening of Homer singing the Flintstones theme. A solid rendition of The Music Man, but fantastic for those who haven't seen it, too.

4. Homer the Great - The Stonecutters song is hands down the greatest musical experience in The Simpsons canon...and I'm mentioning this right after Marge vs. the Monorail, so I realize what I'm saying. The whole episode is fantastic, and few moments are as funny as "attach the Stone of Triumph!"

5. The Trouble With Trillions - "Well, if it's a crime to love one's country, then I'm guilty. And if it's a crime to steal a trillion dollars from our government and hand it over to communist Cuba, then I'm guilty of that too. And if it's a crime to bribe a jury, then I'll soon be guilty of that!" Homer's discussions while wearing a wire are among the best moments I can recall, and the entire story is entertaining enough to warrant mention here.

Honorable mention: Okay, I lied, I said I had items from both lists on mine, but that was when 22 Short Films About Springfield (now on this list) was at #5. But I have to go with The Trouble With Trillions. Homer vs. the 18th Amendment - "To alcohol, the cause of -- and solution to -- all life's problems!" I've always wanted to be a bootlegger, Dave Thomas does some of the best guest work for a guy who's not particularly famous to non-Canadians; Homer's Phobia - which gets major credit for not only being educational, funny, and really ahead of the curve on embracing (or tolerating) homosexuality, but gets even more credit since I got to interview John Waters about it; Homer At The Bat - "You just don't know when to quit, do you Saxy boy?" aside from its failure to recognize that clemens' downfall should be pedophilia, it's a sterling episode that destroyed many a baseball career; Lisa’s Wedding – this is by far the best of the Lisa episodes, it actually warrants mention not on that curve; Mr. Plow - "Oh yeah, what president is on it?" "Uh...all of them, they're having a party...Jimmy Carter is passed out on the couch."

I have a lot to catch up on, so Seinfeld is tomorrow's goal, as well as coming up with some more future lists.