Top 5 Evil Empires of College Sports

No point in making excuses - we've all been sort of lazy when it comes to this blog. Screw it, here's a new one, at the height of college sports season. By the way, this was originally Ryan's idea.

Dan's Top 5:

Duke - Gains massive points because Krzyzewski actually looks like an agent of Satan. The media (especially Dick Vitale) loves to lick the feet of Duke, even though they're not so hot anymore. Oh yeah, and don't get involved with their Lacrosse team, either. That's not a reflection on their recent rape ordeal, that's just a reflection on Duke.

USC - There is absolutely nothing about this team that I don't hate. From their annoying head coach right down to their McDonald's-themed uniforms. Let's not forget the sunglasses-adorned marching band. That Will Ferrell went to USC is about their only saving grace, but that too may prove to be a curse in disguise.

Notre Dame - I haven't talked to anyone ever who actually likes Notre Dame. I think the closest I've ever heard anything come is one of my friend's estranged (probably only for this reason) dad or uncle liked Notre Dame. The fact that their season is in shambles is a great consolation to me. The only reason they lose points on this list is because Rudy was a pretty good movie.

Miami - Probably one of my favorite teams to hate personally, as they seem to have an image that could be described as an East Coast version of USC. The 2003 Miami @ Virginia Tech game remains to this day the best football game I've ever been to. I also hate that they're such arrogant pricks that they fired Coker after a lapse in perfection (that I'd like to think we helped trigger).

Florida - There's nothing I necessarily hate about Florida, other than the fact that they won the Basketball and Football championships in the same year. It didn't seem like they really deserved it in either case. Oh yeah, and Joakim Noah is a dick.

Honorable Mention: Florida State

Ryan's Top Five:

1. UNC - They used to be further down that chain of hatred, but then 2003 happened. I guarantee Roy Williams' departure sparked more "KU fans are babies and should be grateful they had Williams" articles than "Roy Williams is evil" articles. So not only did we have to deal with the pain of Roy Williams choking in the Championship Game as per normal, we had to sit and listen about how we should grow up. Here's what I think: FUCK ROY WILLIAMS. He is a tool and won a championship with Matt Doherty's team after screwing his "friend" out of a job. And listen, media, I turned permanently against UNC when I read in an op-ed column about how "KU fans should thank Roy and wish him well at UNC." Give me a goddamn break. I fucking hated UNC before 2003 and you think now that Roy's there I'll start cheering for them?! I hope UNC gets bad and stays bad forever. I don't value them even as having a nemesis around.

2. Nebraska - This, to be fair, is kicking a franchise while they're down--but that is just what Nebraska did to us for 36 straight years in football. They've assured their spot on this list by having some of their fans complain about teams run up the score against them. Hello Black Pot, my name is Blackest Kettle In History. When I think of the 70-negative 10 drubbings KU endured year after year. Nebraska deserves to be bad for another good decade, at least. Their fans aren't jerks, to be fair. But I've known since that catch against Missouri in '97 that Nebraska really has Satan on their side.

3. Notre Dame - Agreed with Dan, Rudy is the only thing this school has going for it. Everything else: pure evil.

4. Florida - I hate Florida and have hated Florida all my life. The double-championship didn't help. Joakim Noah sucks.

5. Duke - Before UNC this was my least favorite basketball team. Now I am forced to cheer for them whenever they play UNC. This is just one more reason I hate UNC so much.

Honorable mention: Denver Broncos, who are evil enough to qualify in most sports leagues, professional or otherwise. If I was doing solely a KU list, I'd put Mizzou and K-State on here...but they don't really qualify as "empires" so much as "shitty programs that enjoy occasional and unfortunate success."

Tim's Top 5:
1. Michigan - Ok, I admit, I'm biased, I grew up in Ohio, and I have always hated Michigan, in part because all the people who lived in Ohio...loved Michigan. At least in Beavercreek, they did. It was the trendy thing to do, I guess, since Ohio State had taken beating after beating from Michigan in the John Cooper era and was showing no signs of a turnaround. But Michigan represents the purest of evil. Remember the fab five? Remember where Tom Brady went to school?

2. USC - All their teams are professional, their football team is perennially overrated because they don't play anyone, and they're ignored every time the NCAA Sanction van rolls around to punish schools, even though Dwayne Jarrett, Reggie Bush, Matt Leinart, and O.J. Mayo were ALL implicated in scandals.

3. Florida - I'm tempted to just say "The SEC" and call it good, no good can come of any of them in football or basketball as far as I'm concerned, and it just gets everyone from the South bitching about them being disrespected just because it's been eighty-four years since Ohio State has played a game and the SEC title game is two weeks before the national title game. But I hate Florida because I used to like Florida, because of my admiration for Emmitt Smith. Once I grew to be a sentient being, I realized that meant pulling for Spurrier and year after year of over-hyped quarterbacks getting Heisman consideration for doing what I might have done in that system. Then they started really winning by playing a game that only slightly resembles football that's all about moving players around and never getting set (which was illegal last time I checked, but is now what every team in the SEC is doing).

4. Notre Dame - No matter how bad they get, they will be nationally televised. No matter how awful a coach he really is, Charlie Weis got a ton of credit for being Ty Willingham's superior (even if, in fact, the opposite was clearly true). And now they're winning in basketball too. No, I say.

5. Iowa - They're not an evil empire, they're rarely competitive in anything significant, but god I hate Iowa. Seriously, look at the colors. Black and yellow? Disgusting.

Honorable mention: Nebraska's fans (I really bear little animosity toward the school, their fickle fans, on the other hand...), Duke, BYU.