I thought of this when I landed on Office Space on Comedy Central while I was flipping through the channels tonight. And it is rather appropriate, as this site has taken a nose-dive over the past month or so, and I'm guessing the biggest reason for all of us (assuredly, the biggest reason for me) can be summed up with Office Space's tagline: Work Sucks.
1. "It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care." - Peter Gibbons - For me it's really impossible to put this anywhere but #1, even though #2 makes me laugh the most. Not only is it hilarious, it's really a statement of philosophy that has guided my academic and professional life since I first saw Office Space at 3:30am on a Sunday night (read: Monday morning) while I was in high school.
2. "You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear." - Peter.
3. "I can't believe what a bunch of nerds we are, we're looking up money laundering in the dictionary." - Peter.
4. Bob: "Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately Peter."
Peter: "I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob."
5. Bob, to Tom: "What would you say, you DO around here?" I love this line even more after becoming a teacher, as I wanted to repeat it to about half of my students around the time I was entering grades for progress reports.
Honorable mentions: literally everything else in the movie.
Dan's Top 5:
1. "I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be." - Peter Gibbons
2. "No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks." - Michael Bolton
3. "What am I gonna do with 40 subscriptions to Vibe?" - Peter Gibbons
4. "The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care." - Peter Gibbons
5. "This is a... fuck!" - Samir Nagheenanajar
Tim's Top Five:
1) "There was nothing wrong with it... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys." -- this entire sequence warrants quotation, see Dan's #2, but, alas. No-talent ass clown has been in my vernacular because of this line.
2) "Well, the type of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do."
3) "Shit. I'm a free man and I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months."
4) "You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear."
5) "No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man."
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Top 5 Products That You, Personally, Should Endorse
Tim's Top 5:
I'm not necessarily looking for products they'd want you to endorse, mind you, but products that you wholeheartedly support and could shill for without even batting an eyelash.
1) Propel Fitness Water with Calcium - In one month I went from actually being a touch overweight for the first time in my life to being a well-toned athlete capable of running 7 miles just because and finishing a half-marathon. In that month, I have almost cut out drinking soda (1 20 oz. bottle a day sometime between 9:30 and noon) and at home and in the gym, I drink this stuff. While the mixed berry flavor is nothing to write home about, the calcium flavors of mango and mandarin orange have now become the best justification for owning a warehouse club membership. And it's the only flavored beverage with calories that doesn't have high fructose corn syrup. Well done, gatorade.
2) Citrix - I'm not even sure what the name for this is for people other than my employer, it's the equivalent of Gotomypc, since it provides remote access to my firm's server, so that I can work from home -- and lord, I've spent far too many hours doing so. As much as I generally dislike working as a whole, working from home is a much more pleasant experience.
3) Mountain Dew - It's not coincidental that two beverages crack this list, since most of my adult life has been focused on one sort of drinking or another, but Mountain Dew is the one soda I still covet in the morning when I've managed to procure it from the office galley (yes, we have a galley). It's rarely put out for attorney lunches, but when it is, all of them go back to my office with me. It's not great out of cans, but for some reason it's ideal in the 20 oz. plastic bottle. Well done, Pepsi Corporation, it beats out Pepsi One, since you can't get that in 20 oz. plastic bottles and that's all I drink now.
4) Taco Bell food - I really don't eat fast food on a regular basis anymore, but when I do, it's this place I'm heading to.
5) Video IPod - I fought it forever, becoming one of the last people on earth who ever came into possession of one of these things. Now it's an indispensable part of my life -- I've already spent $70 in complementary products (IPod alarm clock that I use to play it at work; AC Adapter (since rendered relatively pointless by said alarm clock), the absurdly priced action jacket so I can use it while exercising...not to mention the Sharper Image IPod speakers my brother has which I covet. It has some drawbacks, but they're actually pretty minimal. The IPhone is lame, though, sorry, but the amount of technology I need in my phone is limited to telephonic communication -- having a phone that plays songs on ITunes seems like a minor benefit at best.
Honorable mention: XM Radio, the 1999 Saturn (I don't like my car, but I still drive it when I could clearly buy something much better); Old El Paso refried beans.
Dan's Top 5:
1. Fender Guitars and Basses - Oh yeah, I'm a musician, too. I keep forgetting. Anyway, I've always prefered the look, feel, and sound of Fender instruments to anything else, especially Gibson and all its sub-companies. The necks are long enough for my big hands to not cramp up too much, and the tones are usually awesome. My dream is to be able to build a custom Stratocaster copy, though. And my main instrument right now is my Geddy Lee Jazz Bass that I bought last summer.
2. The Homeplace - Enough food to kill a small dog for only $12. All-you-can-eat roast beef, fried chicken, biscuits, corn, macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes and gravy brought out to your table to pass around amongst your party like you were actually eating at home. A visit to Homeplace is typically reserved for special occasions, or when it is learned that someone hasn't ever experienced it yet. Prepare by fasting and ensuring that your stomach is really empty.
3. MATLAB - The single most useful piece of software I ever use, it performs a host of operations and simulations that are necessary for me to give the illusion that I know what I'm doing when it comes to engineering. I can write out lines of code, hit F5, and instantly generate graphical representations of data that will make anyone go, "Hmmm, interesting."
4. Zebra G-301 Gel Pens - The first ever stainless steel gel pen. I've been a fan of the F-301 for a long time, but I would always switch between that and some crappy gel or ink pen when I needed something darker. No longer, as I now have the fantastic stainless steel executive-ish pen that will produce writing dark enough to show up on photocopies.
5. Nestle French Vanilla Coffee-Mate Creamer - I started drinking coffee not even a week ago, and this is probably the reason I'm finally acquiring a taste for it. I'd like to eventually be able to drink it black, but goddamn, this stuff is good.
Honorable mention: Newman's Own Sockarooni Sauce (which I use for pizza), Umbro soccer equipment, Microsoft Xbox 360, Vizio LCD Televisions
Ryan's Top Five
1. Quik Trip (any and all products) - This sounds like I'm joking, but you really must go to a QT to experience its greatness. 7-11 will always have a special place in my heart, but the operation QT runs is so ridiculously above all the other gas station competitors, it's odd they don't have locations everywhere. They must brainwash their employees, or threaten them with beatings like Wal-Mart (I assume), as the customer service is rigidly friendly and remarkably fast. Every location is clean, too. It's like the Target of gas stations, but better, and all other gas stations are K-Mart. More than half the time, I will get one 44 oz. caffeine free diet coke per day from Quik Trip, for $1.06.
2. Wendy's Crispy Chicken Sandwich - I almost said Wendy's, but this is the only thing I ever order there. That said, .99 for a damn good chicken sandwich (with lettuce that is actually crispy) = tres bien. Whenever I'm working and have the means and the time, my lunch invariably (read: every single time) is a 44 oz drink from QT and two crispy chicken sandwiches.
3. Nacho Lunchables - I'm eating one right now. At Wal-Mart, they're 2/$3, which means my lunch every day at school (I vary it occasionally with pizza and cracker-sandwiches lunchables) costs me about 1.70 or so, if you count the soda I bring. Sure, it's not enough food for a meal, which is probably why I'm losing weight (that and the fact that I'm moving almost every single second of the day at work, usually on foot). So, health bonus. You know, sort of. It actually is the perfect amount of food for work, as I'm usually not that hungry and have stuff to do over my lunch break as it is.
4. Barnes & Noble - Not really a product, but hey, why not. I can spend a very long time at this place, and I usually end up not buying anything because I'm a cheap bastard who prefers to find bargains at used bookstores. But, for some reason, I will never pass on an opportunity to go to a Barnes & Noble. It's a confusing addiction, I'll give you that.
5.Slurpee X-treme Gulp - Dan brings up a good point in that the product I like more is in fact the renowned X-treme Gulp (pronounced, we've decided, "kh-streem gulp"). It takes a special kind of mentality to convince yourself that getting 64 oz of diet coke is healthy, but I have this mentality. Here's my original response for slurpee: "This, of course, deserves mention. I haven't had as much recently as I don't live in the same town as 7-11, but to be fair I consumed enough in high school to keep me in good stead for my and several others' lifetimes. Coke or cherry are the only two flavors I consider."
I'm not necessarily looking for products they'd want you to endorse, mind you, but products that you wholeheartedly support and could shill for without even batting an eyelash.
1) Propel Fitness Water with Calcium - In one month I went from actually being a touch overweight for the first time in my life to being a well-toned athlete capable of running 7 miles just because and finishing a half-marathon. In that month, I have almost cut out drinking soda (1 20 oz. bottle a day sometime between 9:30 and noon) and at home and in the gym, I drink this stuff. While the mixed berry flavor is nothing to write home about, the calcium flavors of mango and mandarin orange have now become the best justification for owning a warehouse club membership. And it's the only flavored beverage with calories that doesn't have high fructose corn syrup. Well done, gatorade.
2) Citrix - I'm not even sure what the name for this is for people other than my employer, it's the equivalent of Gotomypc, since it provides remote access to my firm's server, so that I can work from home -- and lord, I've spent far too many hours doing so. As much as I generally dislike working as a whole, working from home is a much more pleasant experience.
3) Mountain Dew - It's not coincidental that two beverages crack this list, since most of my adult life has been focused on one sort of drinking or another, but Mountain Dew is the one soda I still covet in the morning when I've managed to procure it from the office galley (yes, we have a galley). It's rarely put out for attorney lunches, but when it is, all of them go back to my office with me. It's not great out of cans, but for some reason it's ideal in the 20 oz. plastic bottle. Well done, Pepsi Corporation, it beats out Pepsi One, since you can't get that in 20 oz. plastic bottles and that's all I drink now.
4) Taco Bell food - I really don't eat fast food on a regular basis anymore, but when I do, it's this place I'm heading to.
5) Video IPod - I fought it forever, becoming one of the last people on earth who ever came into possession of one of these things. Now it's an indispensable part of my life -- I've already spent $70 in complementary products (IPod alarm clock that I use to play it at work; AC Adapter (since rendered relatively pointless by said alarm clock), the absurdly priced action jacket so I can use it while exercising...not to mention the Sharper Image IPod speakers my brother has which I covet. It has some drawbacks, but they're actually pretty minimal. The IPhone is lame, though, sorry, but the amount of technology I need in my phone is limited to telephonic communication -- having a phone that plays songs on ITunes seems like a minor benefit at best.
Honorable mention: XM Radio, the 1999 Saturn (I don't like my car, but I still drive it when I could clearly buy something much better); Old El Paso refried beans.
Dan's Top 5:
1. Fender Guitars and Basses - Oh yeah, I'm a musician, too. I keep forgetting. Anyway, I've always prefered the look, feel, and sound of Fender instruments to anything else, especially Gibson and all its sub-companies. The necks are long enough for my big hands to not cramp up too much, and the tones are usually awesome. My dream is to be able to build a custom Stratocaster copy, though. And my main instrument right now is my Geddy Lee Jazz Bass that I bought last summer.
2. The Homeplace - Enough food to kill a small dog for only $12. All-you-can-eat roast beef, fried chicken, biscuits, corn, macaroni and cheese, mashed potatoes and gravy brought out to your table to pass around amongst your party like you were actually eating at home. A visit to Homeplace is typically reserved for special occasions, or when it is learned that someone hasn't ever experienced it yet. Prepare by fasting and ensuring that your stomach is really empty.
3. MATLAB - The single most useful piece of software I ever use, it performs a host of operations and simulations that are necessary for me to give the illusion that I know what I'm doing when it comes to engineering. I can write out lines of code, hit F5, and instantly generate graphical representations of data that will make anyone go, "Hmmm, interesting."
4. Zebra G-301 Gel Pens - The first ever stainless steel gel pen. I've been a fan of the F-301 for a long time, but I would always switch between that and some crappy gel or ink pen when I needed something darker. No longer, as I now have the fantastic stainless steel executive-ish pen that will produce writing dark enough to show up on photocopies.
5. Nestle French Vanilla Coffee-Mate Creamer - I started drinking coffee not even a week ago, and this is probably the reason I'm finally acquiring a taste for it. I'd like to eventually be able to drink it black, but goddamn, this stuff is good.
Honorable mention: Newman's Own Sockarooni Sauce (which I use for pizza), Umbro soccer equipment, Microsoft Xbox 360, Vizio LCD Televisions
Ryan's Top Five
1. Quik Trip (any and all products) - This sounds like I'm joking, but you really must go to a QT to experience its greatness. 7-11 will always have a special place in my heart, but the operation QT runs is so ridiculously above all the other gas station competitors, it's odd they don't have locations everywhere. They must brainwash their employees, or threaten them with beatings like Wal-Mart (I assume), as the customer service is rigidly friendly and remarkably fast. Every location is clean, too. It's like the Target of gas stations, but better, and all other gas stations are K-Mart. More than half the time, I will get one 44 oz. caffeine free diet coke per day from Quik Trip, for $1.06.
2. Wendy's Crispy Chicken Sandwich - I almost said Wendy's, but this is the only thing I ever order there. That said, .99 for a damn good chicken sandwich (with lettuce that is actually crispy) = tres bien. Whenever I'm working and have the means and the time, my lunch invariably (read: every single time) is a 44 oz drink from QT and two crispy chicken sandwiches.
3. Nacho Lunchables - I'm eating one right now. At Wal-Mart, they're 2/$3, which means my lunch every day at school (I vary it occasionally with pizza and cracker-sandwiches lunchables) costs me about 1.70 or so, if you count the soda I bring. Sure, it's not enough food for a meal, which is probably why I'm losing weight (that and the fact that I'm moving almost every single second of the day at work, usually on foot). So, health bonus. You know, sort of. It actually is the perfect amount of food for work, as I'm usually not that hungry and have stuff to do over my lunch break as it is.
4. Barnes & Noble - Not really a product, but hey, why not. I can spend a very long time at this place, and I usually end up not buying anything because I'm a cheap bastard who prefers to find bargains at used bookstores. But, for some reason, I will never pass on an opportunity to go to a Barnes & Noble. It's a confusing addiction, I'll give you that.
5.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Top 5 Curse Words
Special note to Tory: I really wanted to do your Top 5, but I can't really think of any good movies that I own that would fit the bill. Sideways is definitely a good choice, though. With that stated...
Dan's Top 5:
1. Fuck - I think there's no denying this is king of American curse words. I may be cheating here, but I'm also giving credit for my favorite "fuck"-based derivative, "motherfucker." The root, however, is tremendously versatile, and can be used as almost any part of speech. Take that, you fucking fuck-fucker.
2. Cunt - According to Hot Fuzz, exactly twice as offensive as "fuck," worth two quid in the swear box as opposed to one. This is the last curse word I ever learned, probably because it's more popular in the British realm than here, and I didn't get into British culture until late middle school/early high school. Despite being stronger than "fuck," and the fact that I enjoy it more, I do have to bump it down to #2 simply because it's not as grammatically diverse.
3. Bastard - Saying this almost makes me feel elegant. It's my favorite two-syllable curse word, which hints that there's ever so much more deliberation behind it and that it's not such a slip of the tongue.
4. Ass - A variety of meanings here, and not all negative. (Hey, nice ass.) However, this word achieved personal popularity with James Rolfe's profane NES reviews, a sample of which you can see here.
5. Bullshit - It's weird, because I don't really like "shit" as much as this derivative. A particularly good example of its use is in High Fidelity, wherein Barry rebukes Dick's preference for Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels over the Righteous Brothers.
Ryan's Top Five
1. Goddamn - This was probably the last curse word I came to accept because I always felt vaguely sinful while saying it. The Catcher In The Rye, of course, did a lot to stymie that, and now I find it immensely useful, as it flies through my head pretty often throughout the day. (E.G., student: "I don't know how to do this." me: "That's because you didn't listen when I read the GODDAMN DIRECTIONS. [this last part must be emphasized.])
2. Fuck - To be fair, I prefer what I can do with this more than just the base word. My favorite curse words, really, are "fucking dipshit," or "fucking piece of shit," or "fucking asshole," etc. (Or if we want to be really artistic, "you goddamn fucking piece of shit.") EDIT: Ooh, and also "Fuck me" is a really good way of expressing disappointment. Ah, but then so is "Goddamn it."
3. Dipshit - I'm a big fan of this. "You dipshit." Ah yes.
4. Douchebag - I know I shouldn't say this, but it rolls off the tongue so well. Did I mention, "fucking douchebag"?
5. Damnit - Versatile. You don't always need the sacrilegious prefix.
Dan's Top 5:
1. Fuck - I think there's no denying this is king of American curse words. I may be cheating here, but I'm also giving credit for my favorite "fuck"-based derivative, "motherfucker." The root, however, is tremendously versatile, and can be used as almost any part of speech. Take that, you fucking fuck-fucker.
2. Cunt - According to Hot Fuzz, exactly twice as offensive as "fuck," worth two quid in the swear box as opposed to one. This is the last curse word I ever learned, probably because it's more popular in the British realm than here, and I didn't get into British culture until late middle school/early high school. Despite being stronger than "fuck," and the fact that I enjoy it more, I do have to bump it down to #2 simply because it's not as grammatically diverse.
3. Bastard - Saying this almost makes me feel elegant. It's my favorite two-syllable curse word, which hints that there's ever so much more deliberation behind it and that it's not such a slip of the tongue.
4. Ass - A variety of meanings here, and not all negative. (Hey, nice ass.) However, this word achieved personal popularity with James Rolfe's profane NES reviews, a sample of which you can see here.
5. Bullshit - It's weird, because I don't really like "shit" as much as this derivative. A particularly good example of its use is in High Fidelity, wherein Barry rebukes Dick's preference for Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels over the Righteous Brothers.
Ryan's Top Five
1. Goddamn - This was probably the last curse word I came to accept because I always felt vaguely sinful while saying it. The Catcher In The Rye, of course, did a lot to stymie that, and now I find it immensely useful, as it flies through my head pretty often throughout the day. (E.G., student: "I don't know how to do this." me: "That's because you didn't listen when I read the GODDAMN DIRECTIONS. [this last part must be emphasized.])
2. Fuck - To be fair, I prefer what I can do with this more than just the base word. My favorite curse words, really, are "fucking dipshit," or "fucking piece of shit," or "fucking asshole," etc. (Or if we want to be really artistic, "you goddamn fucking piece of shit.") EDIT: Ooh, and also "Fuck me" is a really good way of expressing disappointment. Ah, but then so is "Goddamn it."
3. Dipshit - I'm a big fan of this. "You dipshit." Ah yes.
4. Douchebag - I know I shouldn't say this, but it rolls off the tongue so well. Did I mention, "fucking douchebag"?
5. Damnit - Versatile. You don't always need the sacrilegious prefix.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Top 5 Films to Watch When You're Depressed
The title makes it pretty straightforward, but I'll do a little intro. Whether it's troubles with women or with money, there are movies that when watched offer a catharsis. This list is dedicated to those movies powerful enough to make you forget about things like "bills" or your most recent flat tire that you're not sure you can afford at the moment, but have to afford regardless.
Tory's Top 5:
1. Sideways - The only way I can explain this film is that even though I've never been in such a situation, I have been in times when I wanted to drink. Also, the two characters take actions that any high school student in a similar, representative-of-high-school situation would take, and thus makes it a very relateable movie with Paul Giamatti's character being one of the most real characters in a movie.
2. Stranger than Fiction - I finally bought this on DVD for ten dollars, but for some reason this actually was a limited edition and I didn't get all of the special features (I checked wal-mart, best buy and Target.) Either way, I haven't seen it too many times, but I did wait tables during it, and every time I watched the ending that same feeling that the other movies on this list produce was produced.
3. Once - OK, so I just saw this movie two nights ago, but it was one of the best and most touching movies. There is a single action taken by the boy towards the end of the movie that puts this movie on the list.
4. The Fountain - I am not sure how this got so far down on the list (perhaps I ranked prematurely) but it's on here now. This movie doesn't necessarily have that punch only at the end, but the feeling comes towards the beginning (with the first future scene) and then lasts until the end. It might also get to do with the fact that I think Rachel Weisz is the luckiest woman on earth (for being married to Darren, not for being in this movie.)
5. Rushmore - Returning to a comedy, this movie is one of the funnier ones on this list, and it's probably that comedic element to it that helps get it a spot on this list. I love this movie, and can watch over and over and over and over, which is another reason it got on this list. Plus, the ending is wrapped up so nicely.
Honorable Mentions: Amelie, Punch Drunk Love.
Dan's Top 5:
I really can't explain these films at all, except that they are what I turn to when I am down, and for differen reasons - some are funny, some are about a personal triumph, some are just movies I just know and identify with.
1. High Fidelity
2. Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas
3. Clerks
4. The Shawshank Redemption
5. Better Off Dead
Honorable Mention: Jackie Brown
Ryan's Top Five
These are the movies that make me happy.
1. Office Space - Not just a movie but a state of mind.
2. Hot Fuzz/Shaun of the Dead - I am sick of choosing between the two so I will cheat.
3. The Full Monty - Excellent picker-upper.
4. Wonder Boys - I think I get the same feeling watching this movie that I get while I watch Quiz Show--I feel somehow smarter, more academic. I am a tough nut to crack. (Today is International Idiom Day.)
5. Rushmore - This and Office Space are my two favorite movies, so I have no idea why I ranked them as such.
Tory's Top 5:
1. Sideways - The only way I can explain this film is that even though I've never been in such a situation, I have been in times when I wanted to drink. Also, the two characters take actions that any high school student in a similar, representative-of-high-school situation would take, and thus makes it a very relateable movie with Paul Giamatti's character being one of the most real characters in a movie.
2. Stranger than Fiction - I finally bought this on DVD for ten dollars, but for some reason this actually was a limited edition and I didn't get all of the special features (I checked wal-mart, best buy and Target.) Either way, I haven't seen it too many times, but I did wait tables during it, and every time I watched the ending that same feeling that the other movies on this list produce was produced.
3. Once - OK, so I just saw this movie two nights ago, but it was one of the best and most touching movies. There is a single action taken by the boy towards the end of the movie that puts this movie on the list.
4. The Fountain - I am not sure how this got so far down on the list (perhaps I ranked prematurely) but it's on here now. This movie doesn't necessarily have that punch only at the end, but the feeling comes towards the beginning (with the first future scene) and then lasts until the end. It might also get to do with the fact that I think Rachel Weisz is the luckiest woman on earth (for being married to Darren, not for being in this movie.)
5. Rushmore - Returning to a comedy, this movie is one of the funnier ones on this list, and it's probably that comedic element to it that helps get it a spot on this list. I love this movie, and can watch over and over and over and over, which is another reason it got on this list. Plus, the ending is wrapped up so nicely.
Honorable Mentions: Amelie, Punch Drunk Love.
Dan's Top 5:
I really can't explain these films at all, except that they are what I turn to when I am down, and for differen reasons - some are funny, some are about a personal triumph, some are just movies I just know and identify with.
1. High Fidelity
2. Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas
3. Clerks
4. The Shawshank Redemption
5. Better Off Dead
Honorable Mention: Jackie Brown
Ryan's Top Five
These are the movies that make me happy.
1. Office Space - Not just a movie but a state of mind.
2. Hot Fuzz/Shaun of the Dead - I am sick of choosing between the two so I will cheat.
3. The Full Monty - Excellent picker-upper.
4. Wonder Boys - I think I get the same feeling watching this movie that I get while I watch Quiz Show--I feel somehow smarter, more academic. I am a tough nut to crack. (Today is International Idiom Day.)
5. Rushmore - This and Office Space are my two favorite movies, so I have no idea why I ranked them as such.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Top 5 Pythons
From wiki: "The group's influence on comedy has often been compared to The Beatles' influence on music." So I think a Top 5 is in order. I came up with this idea when I landed on PBS, which was airing the German episode of Flying Circus. Let me preface this list with the obvious, that there aren't remotely any "bad" Pythons in my book, but I'm assuming we might disagree on the ranking scheme.
Ryan's Top 5:
1. Michael Palin - I give Palin a slight nod over Cleese, so that someone else can change the order. Palin wrote a pretty good novel in Hemingway's Chair. He was, notably, the dead parrot salesman, the transvestite lumberjack, and the lead cardinal of The Spanish Inquisition.
2. John Cleese - Probably the most talented of the bunch, if we're being objective, which isn't exactly something I pride myself on (hi, my name is Ryan). Played loads of roles, but the ones that come to mind are the Minister of Silly Walks and the double vision leader of the proposed expedition to Kilimanjaro. He was also essentially the host of a lot of the episodes and And Now For Something Completely Different, and frequently narrated. Fawlty Towers is also hilarious, and really so is anything else he's in.
3. Graham Chapman - Probably the most dead of the bunch, if we're being objecti... oh, wait. Played King Arthur and Brian, and he was The Colonel.
4. Eric Idle - He wrote "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life," which really could make him #1. Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more.
5. Terry Gilliam - I thought about putting Jones here but The Pythons really wouldn't have been the same without their trademark cartoon animation, which even now is eminently and immediately recognizable. He was also great as Patsy in The Holy Grail.
It feels wrong not including Terry Jones, because he was a principal writer of some of the best sketches and also earns bonus points for penning the Labyrinth screenplay. But someone had to go to fit in the animator.
Dan's Top 5:
1. Michael Palin - Unlike Ryan's reasoning, mine is that he truly is my favorite Python. He seemed the most versatile, as well as the most Charismatic. Played practically everything in The Holy Grail, and a number of memorable roles in the television series.
2. Graham Chapman - Probably my favorite of what seemed to be the two "leaders," Chapman and Cleese. I loved the juxtaposition of straight-faced and absurd. Co-wrote “The Ministry of Silly Walks”, "Raymond Luxury Yacht", and “Dead Parrot.” Oh, and here is part of his memorial service.
3. Eric Idle - The musical talent of the group (apart from Neil Innes) and perhaps the most unique of the bunch (he wrote his material alone). Also responsible for "Spamalot," which I would love to see.
4. John Cleese - I really feel bad putting him this low, as it seems like he's one of the smartest of the bunch. However, he's been tremendously successful outside of Monty Python, so I'm sure he'll cope.
5. Terry Jones - I hate to leave out Gilliam, but half of my esteem for him comes from his non-Python directing efforts. So, I feel it's better to have Jones included for his terrific acting and cross-dressing.
Ryan's Top 5:
1. Michael Palin - I give Palin a slight nod over Cleese, so that someone else can change the order. Palin wrote a pretty good novel in Hemingway's Chair. He was, notably, the dead parrot salesman, the transvestite lumberjack, and the lead cardinal of The Spanish Inquisition.
2. John Cleese - Probably the most talented of the bunch, if we're being objective, which isn't exactly something I pride myself on (hi, my name is Ryan). Played loads of roles, but the ones that come to mind are the Minister of Silly Walks and the double vision leader of the proposed expedition to Kilimanjaro. He was also essentially the host of a lot of the episodes and And Now For Something Completely Different, and frequently narrated. Fawlty Towers is also hilarious, and really so is anything else he's in.
3. Graham Chapman - Probably the most dead of the bunch, if we're being objecti... oh, wait. Played King Arthur and Brian, and he was The Colonel.
4. Eric Idle - He wrote "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life," which really could make him #1. Wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more.
5. Terry Gilliam - I thought about putting Jones here but The Pythons really wouldn't have been the same without their trademark cartoon animation, which even now is eminently and immediately recognizable. He was also great as Patsy in The Holy Grail.
It feels wrong not including Terry Jones, because he was a principal writer of some of the best sketches and also earns bonus points for penning the Labyrinth screenplay. But someone had to go to fit in the animator.
Dan's Top 5:
1. Michael Palin - Unlike Ryan's reasoning, mine is that he truly is my favorite Python. He seemed the most versatile, as well as the most Charismatic. Played practically everything in The Holy Grail, and a number of memorable roles in the television series.
2. Graham Chapman - Probably my favorite of what seemed to be the two "leaders," Chapman and Cleese. I loved the juxtaposition of straight-faced and absurd. Co-wrote “The Ministry of Silly Walks”, "Raymond Luxury Yacht", and “Dead Parrot.” Oh, and here is part of his memorial service.
3. Eric Idle - The musical talent of the group (apart from Neil Innes) and perhaps the most unique of the bunch (he wrote his material alone). Also responsible for "Spamalot," which I would love to see.
4. John Cleese - I really feel bad putting him this low, as it seems like he's one of the smartest of the bunch. However, he's been tremendously successful outside of Monty Python, so I'm sure he'll cope.
5. Terry Jones - I hate to leave out Gilliam, but half of my esteem for him comes from his non-Python directing efforts. So, I feel it's better to have Jones included for his terrific acting and cross-dressing.
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Top 5 Guitar Hero III Songs You're Looking Forward To Playing
Now I'm only aware of Ryan being the only other person here who plays Guitar Hero. But since I'm so excited about the new game coming out this fall, here's my list of songs I can't wait to play.
Dan's Top 5:
1. Muse - Knights of Cydonia - I absolutely love this song. At times, I wake up to it in the morning. Having the ability to play this song live - even with plastic buttons - is a godsend.
2. Weezer - My Name is Jonas - You know when you're setting up a computer for the first time with Windows XP, how you have to choose a name for the computer? My computer's name is Jonas.
3. Beastie Boys - Sabotage - Easily the best song this band has ever done, I actually know how to play the main riff on a real bass. So, this is probably the only song I'll be able to play in real life, too.
4. The Rolling Stones - Paint It, Black - One of my favorite Stones songs, this is probably the one I'd probably choose to play on Guitar Hero if I could have only one pick.
5. The Killers - When You Were Young - Great song, but if you're going with a Killers song, you should go with something more guitar-centric, a la Mr. Brightside. Though if it were actually Mr. Brightside, I would probably kill someone in sheer anticipation of the game, so maybe it's a smart choice after all.
Ryan's Top Five
Well, there will be a lot of agreement on this list. Song #1 is easy--Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Pat Benatar, of course. Aha, never mind. Anyway, here goes:
1. through 4. The exact same songs and order as Dan's - Yep, these songs alone are reason enough to buy the game. Which is to say, I'd buy the game if it had only these songs. Or only Knights of Cydonia.
5. Santana - Black Magic Woman - OK, it's a cover, but this song still rocks hard tasty abs washerboard style.
Dan's Top 5:
1. Muse - Knights of Cydonia - I absolutely love this song. At times, I wake up to it in the morning. Having the ability to play this song live - even with plastic buttons - is a godsend.
2. Weezer - My Name is Jonas - You know when you're setting up a computer for the first time with Windows XP, how you have to choose a name for the computer? My computer's name is Jonas.
3. Beastie Boys - Sabotage - Easily the best song this band has ever done, I actually know how to play the main riff on a real bass. So, this is probably the only song I'll be able to play in real life, too.
4. The Rolling Stones - Paint It, Black - One of my favorite Stones songs, this is probably the one I'd probably choose to play on Guitar Hero if I could have only one pick.
5. The Killers - When You Were Young - Great song, but if you're going with a Killers song, you should go with something more guitar-centric, a la Mr. Brightside. Though if it were actually Mr. Brightside, I would probably kill someone in sheer anticipation of the game, so maybe it's a smart choice after all.
Ryan's Top Five
Well, there will be a lot of agreement on this list. Song #1 is easy--Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Pat Benatar, of course. Aha, never mind. Anyway, here goes:
1. through 4. The exact same songs and order as Dan's - Yep, these songs alone are reason enough to buy the game. Which is to say, I'd buy the game if it had only these songs. Or only Knights of Cydonia.
5. Santana - Black Magic Woman - OK, it's a cover, but this song still rocks hard tasty abs washerboard style.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Top 5 Directors of English-Language films
Tim's Top 5:
Given the slowing of the posts on this blog, I'm going to resuscitate it with an overly accessible and simple topic. Enjoy. Moreover, I'll arbitrarily narrow this category in a manner that affects my top 5 list in no way, shape, or form, even with the recent passing of my man Ingmar. Incidentally, I think my next pet will need to be named Ingmar.
1) Alfred Hitchcock - Sorry, his worst movies (Frenzy and Family Plot come to mind) are still worth watching, even though the people in Frenzy are as ugly as they come on screen without the involvement of Tod Browning (Freaks). North by Northwest, Shadow of a Doubt, Rear Window, Dial M for Murder, I Confess, Rope, Strangers on a Train, Notorious, Psycho, Vertigo...hell, even Rebecca. No question here. I can't put anyone else on par with him. They're all eminently watchable, enjoyable, and he told better stories than anyone else has ever mustered.
2) Billy Wilder - Better than anyone on the list for covering all genres of film with his mastery. Nobody else was going to put together One, Two, Three and Double Indemnity, let alone be able to toss in Double Indemnity, Sunset Blvd., Stalag 17, and yeah, Some Like It Hot. And, with all apologies to My Cousin Vinny, which is the most realistic litigation-based movie ever made (no, I'm not kidding), Witness for the Prosecution is probably still the best courtroom movie ever made.
3) Stanley Kubrick - Demoted to #3 because his missteps are so blatant -- the absurdly slow ending of Eyes Wide Shut, that ended about 40 minutes too late and ruined the quality of the film in the process; the second half of Full Metal Jacket, which is only passable; The Shining -- a film everyone else loves, but which effectively abandons the source material that has Jack as something other than a monster at the beginning of the film. But every film he's made is defensible, even Lolita, and he took chances where Hitchcock didn't feel a need to. There simply is no other director who could have made A Clockwork Orange, 2001, or Dr. Strangelove...and that alone makes for a fine career.
4) Woody Allen - This is a difficult choice, because if I had to take all the movies a director had directed and put them on my resume, it's much easier to include Scorsese, as he has never directed Celebrity, Anything Else, Interiors, September, A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy, or Alice, for instance. That said, 1970s Woody Allen excluding Interiors may be one of the finest decades of any director's work -- Love and Death, Manhattan, Sleeper, Annie Hall... yeah, I'd be hard-pressed to turn that down so that I can say I directed Nic Cage in Bringing Out the Dead (albeit an underrated film). Also, Woody Allen won an Oscar for making a good movie, not a really mediocre one.
5) Errol Morris - It's hard not to push him up to #2, but his first two films, including the over-hyped Gates of Heaven just aren't up to par with his later work. And, quite frankly, he doesn't have that much of an ouevre, so it's hard to say that he's accomplished more than Woody Allen, because when Woody Allen had only made eight movies, his resume was better than it is now. He's simply the most impressive documentarian on this earth, and aside from Vernon, Florida, all his movies are intriguing on some level. My favorite is Fast, Cheap, and Out of Control, though The Fog of War is worth the Oscar he took home for it. Bonus points for his series First Person, which was uneven, but was occasionally the most fascinating thing that's ever been on television. Negative points for directing too many Miller High Life commercials (e.g., more than zero).
Honorable mention: Martin Scorsese (GoodFellas alone is a magnificent career, throw in Raging Bull and I'm an ass for dumping him off the list -- but what has he done lately??? Not much that's more than ordinary.); Charles Laughton (he is batting 1.000 and now he's dead, well done for directing Night of the Hunter); Orson Welles (almost certainly would fall down this list if I ever managed to get Blockbuster online to send me his actual movies that aren't The Magnificent Ambersons, Citizen Kane, and Touch of Evil, but they wouldn't cooperate...so he stays).
Dan's Top 5:
1. Stanley Kubrick - I've not seen anything bad by this director, unless you count the second half of Full Metal Jacket.
2. Alfred Hitchcock - I've only seen North by Northwest, but that, coupled with tons of Tim-praise, is enough for me to feel confident with him at #2.
3. Wes Anderson - There hasn't been a bad Wes Anderson movie. I am guessing there never will be.
4. Terry Gilliam - Time Bandits, Brazil, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. There are many who hate them and many who think they're brilliant. I fall into the latter category.
5. Martin Scorcese - I actually liked The Departed, goddamn it. Of course, Raging Bull and Goodfellas were excellent, and I keep kicking myself for never having watched Taxi Driver.
Honorable Mention: Quentin Tarantino. Essentially, he does popular "cover versions" of older movies, only they're originals. To me, he's the "Go! Team" of movie directors.
Ryan's Top Five
I'll use the "I'm going with different people to change things up a bit" ruse to hide the fact that I'm, as Jack Black would say, a cinematic idiot who hasn't seen nearly enough to make this a viable list. Anyway...
1. Wes Anderson - His four movies are four of my favorite movies, and (I think, anyway) exceptionally crafted. He's hilarious and a great cinematographer, and the best soundtrack director ever.
2. Alexander Payne - The fact that I lived in Omaha and still visit often probably pushes him higher than he'd be on most lists. Anyway, I love Election and About Schmidt, and of course Sideways. He really, really gets Midwest life.
3. Edgar Wright - Because Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz rule.
4. Nick Park - OK, technically Curse of the Wererabbit was the only film he's directed, but you could include The Wrong Trousers, A Close Shave, and A Grand Day Out. Anyway, when I have kids, they will know and love Wallace and Gromit (and Arthur).
5. Christopher Guest - Though I haven't seen For Your Consideration... Everything else has been good: Best in Show, A Mighty Wind, Waiting for Guffman.
Tory's Top Five
1. Stanley Kubrick - Besides Lolita, I enjoyed everything that he made (including Eyes Wide Shut, even if it's ending didn't justify it's incredible journey to it; also including the second half of Full Metal Jacket, which I found to be a good portion of a movie.)
2. Darren Aronofsky - Other than Jean-Pierre Jeunet, Darren is definitely my favorite director, and Jeunet is bumped for speaking "French." He has only made three films, but he started out with a cult bang in Pi, arguably the best movie ever made about math/science (10000000000000000x better than What the Bleep do we know, which had a production value that was on par of a educational film made for health class.) He then went on to direct Requiem for a Dream, which is one of the darkest and dreariest movies ever. His most recent is The Fountain, which I loved even if it got a lot of bad reviews.
3. Wes Anderson - The most formulaic director I can think of, but he makes it work. His style lends itself to making each movie have the same feel more so than any other director I can think of, and it's a feeling I will never get tired of and that I am looking forward to in the Darjeeling Limited.
4. PTA - No, guys, not the Parent-Teacher Association, Paul Thomas Anderson. He is bumped down to number four because his movies aren't as rewatchable as most movies I enjoy are. As good as boogie nights is, I can't think of the next time I will take 2 1/2 hours out of my life. However, the fact that he followed Magnolia up with Punch-Drunk Love and didn't get crucified by all of his fans speaks volumes for his potential. There Will Be Blood should be in the top 5 movies of the year.
5. David Lynch - This is obviously simply in terms of him as a director, and definitely not as a writer. I hate the story behind Lost Highway and Mulholland Drive, but the look (Mulholland Drive at least; Lost Highway looks like it has the quality of a home movie) he gives his movies is immeasurably dark. Eraserhead, despite it's awkward storyline, look incredible and for some reason I am drawn to his awkward surrealist-like direction. Even when he doesn't do his own films, he can succeed (at least with The Elephant Man; I haven't seen Dune or the Straight Story.) He also triumphed with Blue Velvet. I haven't seen Inland Empire yet, nor have I ever seen Twin Peaks.
Honorable Mentions: Quentin Tarantino - I will never forgive him for Death Proof, the most boring movie ever made.
Given the slowing of the posts on this blog, I'm going to resuscitate it with an overly accessible and simple topic. Enjoy. Moreover, I'll arbitrarily narrow this category in a manner that affects my top 5 list in no way, shape, or form, even with the recent passing of my man Ingmar. Incidentally, I think my next pet will need to be named Ingmar.
1) Alfred Hitchcock - Sorry, his worst movies (Frenzy and Family Plot come to mind) are still worth watching, even though the people in Frenzy are as ugly as they come on screen without the involvement of Tod Browning (Freaks). North by Northwest, Shadow of a Doubt, Rear Window, Dial M for Murder, I Confess, Rope, Strangers on a Train, Notorious, Psycho, Vertigo...hell, even Rebecca. No question here. I can't put anyone else on par with him. They're all eminently watchable, enjoyable, and he told better stories than anyone else has ever mustered.
2) Billy Wilder - Better than anyone on the list for covering all genres of film with his mastery. Nobody else was going to put together One, Two, Three and Double Indemnity, let alone be able to toss in Double Indemnity, Sunset Blvd., Stalag 17, and yeah, Some Like It Hot. And, with all apologies to My Cousin Vinny, which is the most realistic litigation-based movie ever made (no, I'm not kidding), Witness for the Prosecution is probably still the best courtroom movie ever made.
3) Stanley Kubrick - Demoted to #3 because his missteps are so blatant -- the absurdly slow ending of Eyes Wide Shut, that ended about 40 minutes too late and ruined the quality of the film in the process; the second half of Full Metal Jacket, which is only passable; The Shining -- a film everyone else loves, but which effectively abandons the source material that has Jack as something other than a monster at the beginning of the film. But every film he's made is defensible, even Lolita, and he took chances where Hitchcock didn't feel a need to. There simply is no other director who could have made A Clockwork Orange, 2001, or Dr. Strangelove...and that alone makes for a fine career.
4) Woody Allen - This is a difficult choice, because if I had to take all the movies a director had directed and put them on my resume, it's much easier to include Scorsese, as he has never directed Celebrity, Anything Else, Interiors, September, A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy, or Alice, for instance. That said, 1970s Woody Allen excluding Interiors may be one of the finest decades of any director's work -- Love and Death, Manhattan, Sleeper, Annie Hall... yeah, I'd be hard-pressed to turn that down so that I can say I directed Nic Cage in Bringing Out the Dead (albeit an underrated film). Also, Woody Allen won an Oscar for making a good movie, not a really mediocre one.
5) Errol Morris - It's hard not to push him up to #2, but his first two films, including the over-hyped Gates of Heaven just aren't up to par with his later work. And, quite frankly, he doesn't have that much of an ouevre, so it's hard to say that he's accomplished more than Woody Allen, because when Woody Allen had only made eight movies, his resume was better than it is now. He's simply the most impressive documentarian on this earth, and aside from Vernon, Florida, all his movies are intriguing on some level. My favorite is Fast, Cheap, and Out of Control, though The Fog of War is worth the Oscar he took home for it. Bonus points for his series First Person, which was uneven, but was occasionally the most fascinating thing that's ever been on television. Negative points for directing too many Miller High Life commercials (e.g., more than zero).
Honorable mention: Martin Scorsese (GoodFellas alone is a magnificent career, throw in Raging Bull and I'm an ass for dumping him off the list -- but what has he done lately??? Not much that's more than ordinary.); Charles Laughton (he is batting 1.000 and now he's dead, well done for directing Night of the Hunter); Orson Welles (almost certainly would fall down this list if I ever managed to get Blockbuster online to send me his actual movies that aren't The Magnificent Ambersons, Citizen Kane, and Touch of Evil, but they wouldn't cooperate...so he stays).
Dan's Top 5:
1. Stanley Kubrick - I've not seen anything bad by this director, unless you count the second half of Full Metal Jacket.
2. Alfred Hitchcock - I've only seen North by Northwest, but that, coupled with tons of Tim-praise, is enough for me to feel confident with him at #2.
3. Wes Anderson - There hasn't been a bad Wes Anderson movie. I am guessing there never will be.
4. Terry Gilliam - Time Bandits, Brazil, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. There are many who hate them and many who think they're brilliant. I fall into the latter category.
5. Martin Scorcese - I actually liked The Departed, goddamn it. Of course, Raging Bull and Goodfellas were excellent, and I keep kicking myself for never having watched Taxi Driver.
Honorable Mention: Quentin Tarantino. Essentially, he does popular "cover versions" of older movies, only they're originals. To me, he's the "Go! Team" of movie directors.
Ryan's Top Five
I'll use the "I'm going with different people to change things up a bit" ruse to hide the fact that I'm, as Jack Black would say, a cinematic idiot who hasn't seen nearly enough to make this a viable list. Anyway...
1. Wes Anderson - His four movies are four of my favorite movies, and (I think, anyway) exceptionally crafted. He's hilarious and a great cinematographer, and the best soundtrack director ever.
2. Alexander Payne - The fact that I lived in Omaha and still visit often probably pushes him higher than he'd be on most lists. Anyway, I love Election and About Schmidt, and of course Sideways. He really, really gets Midwest life.
3. Edgar Wright - Because Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz rule.
4. Nick Park - OK, technically Curse of the Wererabbit was the only film he's directed, but you could include The Wrong Trousers, A Close Shave, and A Grand Day Out. Anyway, when I have kids, they will know and love Wallace and Gromit (and Arthur).
5. Christopher Guest - Though I haven't seen For Your Consideration... Everything else has been good: Best in Show, A Mighty Wind, Waiting for Guffman.
Tory's Top Five
1. Stanley Kubrick - Besides Lolita, I enjoyed everything that he made (including Eyes Wide Shut, even if it's ending didn't justify it's incredible journey to it; also including the second half of Full Metal Jacket, which I found to be a good portion of a movie.)
2. Darren Aronofsky - Other than Jean-Pierre Jeunet, Darren is definitely my favorite director, and Jeunet is bumped for speaking "French." He has only made three films, but he started out with a cult bang in Pi, arguably the best movie ever made about math/science (10000000000000000x better than What the Bleep do we know, which had a production value that was on par of a educational film made for health class.) He then went on to direct Requiem for a Dream, which is one of the darkest and dreariest movies ever. His most recent is The Fountain, which I loved even if it got a lot of bad reviews.
3. Wes Anderson - The most formulaic director I can think of, but he makes it work. His style lends itself to making each movie have the same feel more so than any other director I can think of, and it's a feeling I will never get tired of and that I am looking forward to in the Darjeeling Limited.
4. PTA - No, guys, not the Parent-Teacher Association, Paul Thomas Anderson. He is bumped down to number four because his movies aren't as rewatchable as most movies I enjoy are. As good as boogie nights is, I can't think of the next time I will take 2 1/2 hours out of my life. However, the fact that he followed Magnolia up with Punch-Drunk Love and didn't get crucified by all of his fans speaks volumes for his potential. There Will Be Blood should be in the top 5 movies of the year.
5. David Lynch - This is obviously simply in terms of him as a director, and definitely not as a writer. I hate the story behind Lost Highway and Mulholland Drive, but the look (Mulholland Drive at least; Lost Highway looks like it has the quality of a home movie) he gives his movies is immeasurably dark. Eraserhead, despite it's awkward storyline, look incredible and for some reason I am drawn to his awkward surrealist-like direction. Even when he doesn't do his own films, he can succeed (at least with The Elephant Man; I haven't seen Dune or the Straight Story.) He also triumphed with Blue Velvet. I haven't seen Inland Empire yet, nor have I ever seen Twin Peaks.
Honorable Mentions: Quentin Tarantino - I will never forgive him for Death Proof, the most boring movie ever made.
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