Tim's Top 5:
1. Dayton Moore - Lest Ryan feel he's all alone on this one, I have to admit, he's earned his way atop the list. His retarded move to acquire the fourth worst hitting shortstop of whom I'm aware (#1 and #2 were both Royals as of this Monday in Tony Pena Jr. and Luis Hernandez, #3 is the woeful Alex Gonzalez, though I think Jimmy Rollins wants to make this list...) is just one of a litany of moves that are directly contrary to both his stated goal (to get the Royals players who could get on base) and any conceivable baseball strategy. He's neither Adam Everett (a worthless hitter who seems to be on winning teams a lot) nor a draw-the-walk patient hitter. And he plays a position that is likely to be adequately filled once Mike Aviles gets back next year, a thought that completely slipped my mind earlier today when I already thought it was a terrible acquisition.
What's more puzzling is how much he's regressed. When he first became the Royals' GM, he made a lot of sound moves that seemed like they'd put the team on the right track. He dealt head case Mike MacDougal for prospects,
Career high point: Re-signing Zack Greinke, signing Gil Meche to a way above market 5-year, $55 million deal that actually panned out, selecting Joakim Soria in the Rule 5 draft, trading the felonious Ambiorix Burgos for Brian Bannister.
Career low points: acquiring Mike Jacobs, signing Kyle Farnsworth (both of which prevented the Royals from signing Orlando Hudson), signing Jose Guillen to a multi-year deal, traded JP Howell for Joey Gathright.
2. Ned Colletti - "Hey, do you mind paying for Casey Blake? I'll give you one of the top 25 prospects in all of baseball AND be your best friend." I assume that's how the average call with Ned Colletti goes. Either that or "Hm...so you're a one-dimensional outfielder who doesn't get on base, gets caught stealing all the time, and can't hit for power...is $55 million enough?" Ned Colletti has signed Jason Schmidt to a long-term deal (Schmidt's yet to pitch under that), given out huge money to a collapsing Andruw Jones, big years and big dollars for Juan Pierre, dumped Edwin Jackson for Danys Baez and Lance Carter (who then disappeared off the face of the earth). He's made one good move, and even that didn't pan out this year.
Career highlight: Trading not much for Manny Ramirez, getting the Dodgers to the NLCS.
Career lowlights: pretty much every other move he's ever made. Hopefully Carlos Santana for Casey Blake will top that list.
3. Omar Minaya - Quick, name all the moves that Minaya's made that have panned out. By my count, the number is one. The man who's responsible for one of the top five most lopsided trades in history (Grady Sizemore, Cliff Lee, Brandon Phillips and hey, why not Lee Stevens for Bartolo Colon and Tim Drew) has made one really good move since becoming GM of the Mets -- trading a bunch of nothing for Johan Santana. Signing Francisco Rodriguez has worked out for this year, but is a deal with very high B.J. Ryan potential. He's been armed with loads of money and has turned it into mediocre #5 (or worse) starters -- Oliver Perez, Pedro Martinez; he's traded some valuable players for nothing (Heath Bell, Matt Lindstrom, Brian Bannister), that ultimately left him with a pitching staff that's mind-blowingly awful for a team with a $100+ million payroll.
4. Brian Cashman - Hip hop Jor-hay! Both New York teams make the list, Cashman's idiocy is just hidden under a gigantic brown bag with a green dollar sign on it. When you can simply buy away your mistakes, it's less noticeable that you've made nothing but mistakes for your tenure as GM. The horrific tenure as GM is masked by an infinite payroll, but this team paid Giambi $20 million a year to be a lousy first baseman, has paid Jeter $20 million to be a "team captain" that can't field his position, will be paying A-Rod $30 million a year when he's scuffling, and gave A.J. Burnett five years and the right to opt out. It's really astounding to think what a quality general manager could have done with the money that's been wasted on Hideki Matsui, Johnny Damon, and the like.
Career highlight: uh...none? He's signed some great players, but he did so by having more money than anyone else.
Lowlights: Pretty much every contract on the team.
5. Jim Hendry - Like three of the four above him, Hendry comes from a team with money, but he has no clue what to do with it. Hendry had a good start to his career, adding Aramis Ramirez for nothing, signing Derrek Lee, and building a franchise that looked like it had a bright future. Then, on the verge of greatness, they've laden their team with overrated players like Alfonso Soriano, gambled on mediocre Japanese talent in Kosuke Fukudome, and traded away their most useful piece for nothing, only to have him end up on the St. Louis Cardinals.
Career highlight: Aramis Ramirez and Kenny Lofton for Bobby Hill and Jose Hernandez. Sighing Ted Lilly.
Career lowlights: having to hand over Mark DeRosa to sign Milton Bradley, who can't play in the field and stay healthy and hasn't played well when he has played. Paying big money for Alfonso Soriano.
Not that far off: Ruben Amaro Jr. - the Ibanez signing didn't make sense, the fact that it has worked thus far doesn't mean the three years will be good, the other moves have all been uniformly stupid, and signing Pedro will be a disaster. He'll be back on the top 5 soon; Ed Wade - he loves making high-risk, no-upside deals, whether it's giving up Brad Lidge and Eric Bruntlett for Michael Bourn and Geoff Geary or giving Mike Hampton a multi-year deal. Billy Beane will make it soon if he keeps having seasons like this one, where he's made three of the worst acquisitions in the game (Cabrera, Holliday, and Giambi).
Dan's Top 5:
1. The Spectre of Dave Littlefield - OK, so technically he's not been a GM since 2007, but I still blame him for the shittiness of the Pirates two seasons after the fact. I'm waiting to see how Huntington chooses to fail to revitalize the team, but until then, I can still hate Littlefield.
2. Dayton Moore - He's in charge of the Royals, right?
3. Jim Hendry - I wouldn't actually say that he's a bad manager, but as a casual Cubs fan, it sure looks like he's paying a lot of money to get mediocre results. Still, a faulty cost-benefit ratio isn't the worst of possible offenses.
4. Brian Cashman - I figured that whoever is currently writing a paycheck to Alex Rodriguez should be included on this list automatically.
5. Neal Huntington - I have absolutely nothing against this guy yet, but I take note: during the 2009 off season there were "no significant transactions." Given my poor knowledge of management, I say that's good enough for inclusion in this list.
Honorable Mention - Billy Beane. Partly personal bias from reading Moneyball, but also the fact that the A's are really in the toilet nowadays.
Showing posts with label sports. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sports. Show all posts
Friday, July 10, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Top 5 Songs You Would Enter A Game To If You Were A Major League Closer
Tim's Top 5:
Let's be honest, a closer is only as good as his entrance music. Actually, Brad Lidge was about 45-for-45 in saves last year...and he came in to Drowning Pool. So, in fact, a closer is considerably better than his entrance music. Unless that closer would be me.
Everything I've read claims that the movie Major League is really responsible for the association of a single song with a closer...but I don't buy it, because at least at minor league ballparks, they did it before that movie came out. I remember Greg Everson coming out before Luis Encarnacion in Omaha to "Thank God I'm A Country Boy" (which is fine for a middle reliever, obviously not really a closer song).
This was a tough list, because there are songs that work until you actually listen to the substance of the lyrics (like, say, Muse's "Time Is Running Out") Oh, and I don't listen to heavy metal, which means that ... yeah, I had to be creative.
1. Pearl Jam - Save You -- Why? Well, I mean, come on, it's a little perfect. It has a great crunching guitar intro, the first guitar comes in, a second, then the drums hit before the vocals come in. And the first few lines are flawless. "I'm gonna save you, fucker (it'd be fine, you can't tell that's what he's saying)/ I'm not gonna lose you / I'm feeling cocky and strong, can't let you go / Too important to me, too important to us, we'd be lost with you")
It does have one lyrical minus -- "Why are you hitting yourself? Come on, hit me instead." This would not exactly inspire the fans' confidence...but perhaps I'm a pitch-to-contact closer along the lines of Bob Wickman and Brandon Lyon, so the fans already hate me regardless of my theme music.
It starts a little too hard, I like the escalation of #5 (and also Enter Sandman, which I think is otherwise not a good song for this purpose), but it's already taken.
2. Alice Cooper – School’s Out – This might be the perfect timing, because there’s a point at 1:14 (right before the high-pitched middle eight) where the song should be cut off by the public address announcer to announce “Your attention please…now pitching …” – if they can draw it out to 1:29, it has a hard bounceback. It’s a profoundly recognizable song, it’s just annoying enough to actually be used as a closer’s anthem.
The lyrics work, I think. Listen, you’ve had your chance to learn how to hit with the shitty pitchers in innings 1-8…school’s out, time to step up.
3. Stevie Wonder – You Haven’t Done Nothin’” – Again, the timing on this song is good here. At 1:03, plenty of opportunity for the announcer to cut in to announce the closer’s arrival. I like the funky, taunting beat and I think you just strut in from the bullpen for this one. It was meant to scorn Richard Nixon, but I think it’d work just as well on Trot Nixon. The entire thing just has a very taunting feel to it that is kind of missing with the blaring heavy metal surplusage that has led two different Drowning Pool songs to be used as closer entrance themes.
4. R.E.M. – "Circus Envy" – I love this song. The growling beginning and heavy drum and crackling distortion pedal at the beginning really cement it, the opening lyrics are pretty taunting “Here comes that awful feeling again” (though after a few blown saves…we’ll see who’s having the awful feeling). It lightens a little too much about 45 seconds into the song, but the repeating intro loop is really the key.
At 2:29, the lyrics hit their peak “If I were you, I’d really run from me”. True enough, R.E.M.
5. AC/DC - "Hell's Bells" - Trevor Hoffman already has that one, as you can see from this video ...and for a good damn reason. "Thunderstruck" is also a pretty good entrance song, so I think we've identified what AC/DC is good for -- closer songs and songs you know someone would request at a strip club ("You Shook Me All Night Long")
It’s really a shame that Trevor Hoffman never pitched for the Phillies, because if they got the Liberty Bell in center field to “ring” right as he hit the warning track for the first bell…it’d be amazing.
Honorable mention: Wagner - March of the Valkyries - Listen. It is not my fault that Wagner was anti-Semitic. This is the heavy metal equivalent of classical music, and it sounds pretty damn sinister; The Arcade Fire – Keep the Car Running - Again, I thought of this for primarily lyrical reasons, because it seems to me to be the equivalent of “trust me, we won’t be here long”; Muse – Hysteria – start the song 10 seconds in. That’s it.; Jay-Z "Encore" - the reference to Brooklyn keeps it out of the top 5 for me, otherwise I think it’s pretty spot on; Oasis - “Hello” - Start at 12 seconds. I’m not sure why I like it for this – I think it’s the “it’s good to be back” refrain that seems so apropos for a regularly-injured underdog pitcher who survives on sheer guile. You know, the one I’d be destined to be if I hadn’t sucked too much for the injuries to matter; Presidents of the United States of America – “Cleveland Rocks” – if I played for the Indians, you’d damn well better believe I’d be a lousy enough closer to pander to the home fans (all of whom are white and therefore none of them actually live in Cleveland, but they’d still pretend).
Dan's Top 5:
I have included Youtube links indicating when, precisely, I want the music to kick in.
1. Iron Maiden - Run To The Hills - A song about rampaging, murderous war by the white man against the Native Americans. Comes in especially handy when our team plays against the Cleveland Indians or the Atlanta Braves. Or the Washington Redskins, if they decide to quit football and try baseball instead.
2. Peter Gabriel - The Tower That Ate People - One of the most kickass songs that Gabriel's done, and I think it would have the added bonus of frightening little children. Downside - not very effective if you're not dressed in all black or at least wearing black sunglasses.
3. Metallica - Enter Sandman - A nod to my Virginia Tech days, when you could play Enter Sandman (our stadium entrance song) and immediately get everyone in audible range to jump up and down and go absolutely berserk. It didn't even have to be football season.
4. Meat Loaf - Bat Out Of Hell - I will refuse to throw a pitch until the song is finished. I may promptly be demoted to the franchise's AAA team, but a man needs his Meat Loaf.
5. Rage Against The Machine - Bulls On Parade - Still my favorite Rage song after all these years. I could have gone for something a little more obscure to close out this list, but I think that fans will appreciate my taste in music. It sure will make up for the fact that I am a shitty closer and will cost our team the win.
Ryan's Top 5:
I went solely with kickass music, though part of me does want to enter to "Why Can't We Be Friends?" a la Homer's boxing intro.
1. Iron Maiden - The Number of the Beast - Time-wise, this song is perfect. Start it at the normal time, then dim the stadium lights as I enter jogging; at about 56 seconds, right when I throw my first warmup pitch, Bruce Dickinson screams and the crowd goes wild. I would definitely make a point of timing this perfectly. Bonus points in that the tone of the song would ideally terrify the Bible-thumping Mike Sweeneys of the world; regrettably, it would be no deterrent to the Satan-worshiping AJ Pierzynskis of the world (though his ability to hit is a solid deterrent to begin with).
2. Sergei Prokofiev - Dance of the Knights - Probably a bit high for a classical song, but I've had this in my head all day long and have been convinced of its ass-kickery since Muse opened HAARP with it. (Youtube took down the clip, unfortunately.) Ultimately, this song beats other classical contenders ("Mars, Bringer of War," and "The Imperial March" from Star Wars).
3. Morning Glory - Oasis - As far as I can tell, you cannot go wrong with a helicopter sound effect introducing a song. (See: "The Happiest Days of our Lives," Pink Floyd.) (This is where someone cites the Kid Rock/Sheryl Crow song I'm forgetting that features a helicopter.) Lyrically, this song is sufficiently vague enough, as well: "All your dreams are made..." "Today's the day that all the world will see..."
4. Black Sabbath - Iron Man - As cliche as this song is (it's almost certainly used by some closer somewhere), it's too good for me to pass up. This song is rare in that my favorite part is about ten seconds in, when the robot voice says I AM IRON MAN. But oh well.
5. Kool and the Gang - Jungle Boogie - I have been in love with this song since Pulp Fiction. Play this, I'll throw a 1-2-3 ninth, then we cap it off with "Celebration" by the same band, bam! I rule!
Honorables: "Hell's Bells" was really written to be a sports intro theme.
Let's be honest, a closer is only as good as his entrance music. Actually, Brad Lidge was about 45-for-45 in saves last year...and he came in to Drowning Pool. So, in fact, a closer is considerably better than his entrance music. Unless that closer would be me.
Everything I've read claims that the movie Major League is really responsible for the association of a single song with a closer...but I don't buy it, because at least at minor league ballparks, they did it before that movie came out. I remember Greg Everson coming out before Luis Encarnacion in Omaha to "Thank God I'm A Country Boy" (which is fine for a middle reliever, obviously not really a closer song).
This was a tough list, because there are songs that work until you actually listen to the substance of the lyrics (like, say, Muse's "Time Is Running Out") Oh, and I don't listen to heavy metal, which means that ... yeah, I had to be creative.
1. Pearl Jam - Save You -- Why? Well, I mean, come on, it's a little perfect. It has a great crunching guitar intro, the first guitar comes in, a second, then the drums hit before the vocals come in. And the first few lines are flawless. "I'm gonna save you, fucker (it'd be fine, you can't tell that's what he's saying)/ I'm not gonna lose you / I'm feeling cocky and strong, can't let you go / Too important to me, too important to us, we'd be lost with you")
It does have one lyrical minus -- "Why are you hitting yourself? Come on, hit me instead." This would not exactly inspire the fans' confidence...but perhaps I'm a pitch-to-contact closer along the lines of Bob Wickman and Brandon Lyon, so the fans already hate me regardless of my theme music.
It starts a little too hard, I like the escalation of #5 (and also Enter Sandman, which I think is otherwise not a good song for this purpose), but it's already taken.
2. Alice Cooper – School’s Out – This might be the perfect timing, because there’s a point at 1:14 (right before the high-pitched middle eight) where the song should be cut off by the public address announcer to announce “Your attention please…now pitching …” – if they can draw it out to 1:29, it has a hard bounceback. It’s a profoundly recognizable song, it’s just annoying enough to actually be used as a closer’s anthem.
The lyrics work, I think. Listen, you’ve had your chance to learn how to hit with the shitty pitchers in innings 1-8…school’s out, time to step up.
3. Stevie Wonder – You Haven’t Done Nothin’” – Again, the timing on this song is good here. At 1:03, plenty of opportunity for the announcer to cut in to announce the closer’s arrival. I like the funky, taunting beat and I think you just strut in from the bullpen for this one. It was meant to scorn Richard Nixon, but I think it’d work just as well on Trot Nixon. The entire thing just has a very taunting feel to it that is kind of missing with the blaring heavy metal surplusage that has led two different Drowning Pool songs to be used as closer entrance themes.
4. R.E.M. – "Circus Envy" – I love this song. The growling beginning and heavy drum and crackling distortion pedal at the beginning really cement it, the opening lyrics are pretty taunting “Here comes that awful feeling again” (though after a few blown saves…we’ll see who’s having the awful feeling). It lightens a little too much about 45 seconds into the song, but the repeating intro loop is really the key.
At 2:29, the lyrics hit their peak “If I were you, I’d really run from me”. True enough, R.E.M.
5. AC/DC - "Hell's Bells" - Trevor Hoffman already has that one, as you can see from this video ...and for a good damn reason. "Thunderstruck" is also a pretty good entrance song, so I think we've identified what AC/DC is good for -- closer songs and songs you know someone would request at a strip club ("You Shook Me All Night Long")
It’s really a shame that Trevor Hoffman never pitched for the Phillies, because if they got the Liberty Bell in center field to “ring” right as he hit the warning track for the first bell…it’d be amazing.
Honorable mention: Wagner - March of the Valkyries - Listen. It is not my fault that Wagner was anti-Semitic. This is the heavy metal equivalent of classical music, and it sounds pretty damn sinister; The Arcade Fire – Keep the Car Running - Again, I thought of this for primarily lyrical reasons, because it seems to me to be the equivalent of “trust me, we won’t be here long”; Muse – Hysteria – start the song 10 seconds in. That’s it.; Jay-Z "Encore" - the reference to Brooklyn keeps it out of the top 5 for me, otherwise I think it’s pretty spot on; Oasis - “Hello” - Start at 12 seconds. I’m not sure why I like it for this – I think it’s the “it’s good to be back” refrain that seems so apropos for a regularly-injured underdog pitcher who survives on sheer guile. You know, the one I’d be destined to be if I hadn’t sucked too much for the injuries to matter; Presidents of the United States of America – “Cleveland Rocks” – if I played for the Indians, you’d damn well better believe I’d be a lousy enough closer to pander to the home fans (all of whom are white and therefore none of them actually live in Cleveland, but they’d still pretend).
Dan's Top 5:
I have included Youtube links indicating when, precisely, I want the music to kick in.
1. Iron Maiden - Run To The Hills - A song about rampaging, murderous war by the white man against the Native Americans. Comes in especially handy when our team plays against the Cleveland Indians or the Atlanta Braves. Or the Washington Redskins, if they decide to quit football and try baseball instead.
2. Peter Gabriel - The Tower That Ate People - One of the most kickass songs that Gabriel's done, and I think it would have the added bonus of frightening little children. Downside - not very effective if you're not dressed in all black or at least wearing black sunglasses.
3. Metallica - Enter Sandman - A nod to my Virginia Tech days, when you could play Enter Sandman (our stadium entrance song) and immediately get everyone in audible range to jump up and down and go absolutely berserk. It didn't even have to be football season.
4. Meat Loaf - Bat Out Of Hell - I will refuse to throw a pitch until the song is finished. I may promptly be demoted to the franchise's AAA team, but a man needs his Meat Loaf.
5. Rage Against The Machine - Bulls On Parade - Still my favorite Rage song after all these years. I could have gone for something a little more obscure to close out this list, but I think that fans will appreciate my taste in music. It sure will make up for the fact that I am a shitty closer and will cost our team the win.
Ryan's Top 5:
I went solely with kickass music, though part of me does want to enter to "Why Can't We Be Friends?" a la Homer's boxing intro.
1. Iron Maiden - The Number of the Beast - Time-wise, this song is perfect. Start it at the normal time, then dim the stadium lights as I enter jogging; at about 56 seconds, right when I throw my first warmup pitch, Bruce Dickinson screams and the crowd goes wild. I would definitely make a point of timing this perfectly. Bonus points in that the tone of the song would ideally terrify the Bible-thumping Mike Sweeneys of the world; regrettably, it would be no deterrent to the Satan-worshiping AJ Pierzynskis of the world (though his ability to hit is a solid deterrent to begin with).
2. Sergei Prokofiev - Dance of the Knights - Probably a bit high for a classical song, but I've had this in my head all day long and have been convinced of its ass-kickery since Muse opened HAARP with it. (Youtube took down the clip, unfortunately.) Ultimately, this song beats other classical contenders ("Mars, Bringer of War," and "The Imperial March" from Star Wars).
3. Morning Glory - Oasis - As far as I can tell, you cannot go wrong with a helicopter sound effect introducing a song. (See: "The Happiest Days of our Lives," Pink Floyd.) (This is where someone cites the Kid Rock/Sheryl Crow song I'm forgetting that features a helicopter.) Lyrically, this song is sufficiently vague enough, as well: "All your dreams are made..." "Today's the day that all the world will see..."
4. Black Sabbath - Iron Man - As cliche as this song is (it's almost certainly used by some closer somewhere), it's too good for me to pass up. This song is rare in that my favorite part is about ten seconds in, when the robot voice says I AM IRON MAN. But oh well.
5. Kool and the Gang - Jungle Boogie - I have been in love with this song since Pulp Fiction. Play this, I'll throw a 1-2-3 ninth, then we cap it off with "Celebration" by the same band, bam! I rule!
Honorables: "Hell's Bells" was really written to be a sports intro theme.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Top 5 Overrated Baseball Players
This list was an idea I stole from a Pittsburgh Pirates message board. (Yes, my sports-fan masochism has extended to the point of joining a Pirates message board.) The list is fairly self-explanatory, but I'm limiting it to recent performances and opinions, primarily so that I can include my #4.
Dan's Top 5:
1. Derek Jeter - I firmly believe that there are probably tons of Yankees fans that believe Jeter is still the best player on the Yankees, despite that his OPS is below the league average and worse than five other Yankees. (I can only assume this, as I have never met a Yankees fan.) Mostly, this one is derived from personal animosity more than anything, as I'm sure that Alex Rodriguez is still not getting his deserved admiration from Yankee fans (I've been an A-Rod fan since his Ranger days), and I'm sure half of the women in New York would risk sacrificing their groin muscles in opening their legs quickly enough to let Jeter infect them with his demon seed. And have you seen his defense? Sheesh.
2. Jason Varitek - This stems almost entirely from the fact that he got on the All-Star team this year, which is a point we've already beaten to death (See this post about the All Star Game). But even though it's been beaten to death, there's no point forgetting past atrocities. Like December 7, 1941, when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor. But before I shoot myself for referencing Animal House, I'm reminded of the recent influx of Japanese talent in the majors...
3. Kosuke Fukudome - In addition to being a Pirates fan, I'm also a Cubs fan. (I'll figure out my NL Central loyalties if and when the two teams can compete with each other.) I remember watching the first game of the season, and Fukudome got a perfect batting average for the game, even driving in a 3-RBI homer. It seems like the rest of the season, which has led him to .269/.369/.399 (.768 OPS, which is the league average and a just a hair better than Ryan Theriot), is lost on the Chicago Cubs fans, most of whom still idolize the new Japanese player.
4. Ken Griffey, Jr. - The only reason that Griffey is on this list is because he was just traded to the White Sox. And Mr. Ken Tremendous over at FireJoeMorgan did such an excellent job writing about coverage of that trade that I'll just redirect you to it. Obviously, I think he's a great player in terms of his career - I mean, who else has his name on two different Super Nintendo baseball games? But clearly he can't be playing for too much longer. He had his name on Super Nintendo baseball games, for crying out loud.
5. Eric Gagne - Remember when I was in high school and I was playing my first season of fantasy baseball? Of course you do. That year, I had both Eric Gagne and "Everyday" Eddie Guardado. That's 97 saves, people. So ten saves and a 6.98 ERA this year? You may be saying, "Dan, how can you say he's overrated when everyone knows he's washed up?" Well, he's still being paid to play baseball, so I think he's overrated.
Honorable mention: Can someone hand me the rosters for the Yankees and the Red Sox?
Dan's Top 5:
1. Derek Jeter - I firmly believe that there are probably tons of Yankees fans that believe Jeter is still the best player on the Yankees, despite that his OPS is below the league average and worse than five other Yankees. (I can only assume this, as I have never met a Yankees fan.) Mostly, this one is derived from personal animosity more than anything, as I'm sure that Alex Rodriguez is still not getting his deserved admiration from Yankee fans (I've been an A-Rod fan since his Ranger days), and I'm sure half of the women in New York would risk sacrificing their groin muscles in opening their legs quickly enough to let Jeter infect them with his demon seed. And have you seen his defense? Sheesh.
2. Jason Varitek - This stems almost entirely from the fact that he got on the All-Star team this year, which is a point we've already beaten to death (See this post about the All Star Game). But even though it's been beaten to death, there's no point forgetting past atrocities. Like December 7, 1941, when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor. But before I shoot myself for referencing Animal House, I'm reminded of the recent influx of Japanese talent in the majors...
3. Kosuke Fukudome - In addition to being a Pirates fan, I'm also a Cubs fan. (I'll figure out my NL Central loyalties if and when the two teams can compete with each other.) I remember watching the first game of the season, and Fukudome got a perfect batting average for the game, even driving in a 3-RBI homer. It seems like the rest of the season, which has led him to .269/.369/.399 (.768 OPS, which is the league average and a just a hair better than Ryan Theriot), is lost on the Chicago Cubs fans, most of whom still idolize the new Japanese player.
4. Ken Griffey, Jr. - The only reason that Griffey is on this list is because he was just traded to the White Sox. And Mr. Ken Tremendous over at FireJoeMorgan did such an excellent job writing about coverage of that trade that I'll just redirect you to it. Obviously, I think he's a great player in terms of his career - I mean, who else has his name on two different Super Nintendo baseball games? But clearly he can't be playing for too much longer. He had his name on Super Nintendo baseball games, for crying out loud.
5. Eric Gagne - Remember when I was in high school and I was playing my first season of fantasy baseball? Of course you do. That year, I had both Eric Gagne and "Everyday" Eddie Guardado. That's 97 saves, people. So ten saves and a 6.98 ERA this year? You may be saying, "Dan, how can you say he's overrated when everyone knows he's washed up?" Well, he's still being paid to play baseball, so I think he's overrated.
Honorable mention: Can someone hand me the rosters for the Yankees and the Red Sox?
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Top 5 Most Hopeless Franchises in the NBA, NFL, and MLB
The three big ones--in other words, screw hockey. I was feeling another sports Top 5.
Ryan's Top 5:
1. Washington Nationals - The Nationals have a long way to go. Cristian Guzman currently is their best offensive player, Lastings Milledge has the team lead in RBI (followed by Jesus Flores), and their pitching is scant. It's harder to turn around a franchise in baseball than in the NBA and NFL, so the Nationals get the nod over the teams to follow. They continue to employ Jim Bowden.
2. Miami Dolphins - The NFL is the league of parity, but you need some parts before that can happen. The Dolphins need way too much magic to happen at too many positions for them to become good. For starters they need one of their quarterbacks to become good, and by good I mean decent, and by decent I mean mediocre, like, better than Rex Grossman. I don't know if that can happen.
3. Memphis Grizzlies - This is probably a bit high, now that I think about it, I mean they do have that Spanish force in the low-post... oh no wait, they traded him to the Lakers for a can of beans. Yeah, you're going to need an inside presence to compete in the Western Conference. So they draft one (Kevin Love) and trade him away (for OJ Mayo). I just don't see it happening for a while, guys.
4. New York Knicks - The Celtics proved you can turn around a horrible team pretty quick in the NBA. That said, you need to have the parts to pull off trades like that. There's talk of them getting LeBron James in a couple years. OK, so, James goes from a Cleveland team with a poor supporting cast to a New York team with a worse supporting cast? Great, the Knicks will be able to make the playoffs in the wacky all-inclusive NBA and get beat in the first round. They need to make a play for an inside guy.
5. Seattle Mariners - Richie Sexson sucks. Jeremy Reed sucks. Kenji Johjima sucks. Adrian Beltre sucks. Carlos Silva sucks. Jarrod Washburn sucks. R.A. Dickey really sucks. Erik Bedard is getting paid way too much money. Etc. OK, they have money so they probably have a decent-ish shot of turning it around, but still, they deserve mention, because they really suck.
Honorable mentions: Kansas City Chiefs (as long as Carl Petersen is around, who knows what's going to happen...oh, right everyone--we're going to lose. Brodie Croyle does not inspire confidence and Larry Johnson is still owed too much money), Atlanta Falcons, Los Angeles Clippers, Atlanta Braves (I hate the Braves), Denver Broncos (Jay Cutler sucks)
Dan's Top 5:
1. The Pittsburgh Pirates - The worst thing that Barry Bonds ever did (beyond steroid abuse and leaving an irreparable stain on the entire game) was kill the Pirates. Since the very early 90's, the Pirates haven't had a winning season - that's 15 straight years under .500. This season, from what I can tell, Nady and McLouth have led the Pirates to their best first half in years, and they're still 41-47 (only one game ahead of last place). If they manage to have another losing season, they'll have broken the record. After my Cubs win a World Series - which may even happen this year - The Pirates are becoming my new masochist-fan team.
2. The Oakland Raiders - Remember the last time the Raiders were good? Yeah, me neither. I was too busy graduating from high school. I do remember them having Jerry Rice, the greatest receiver in the game's history, and still falling short. The only thing that keeps this team alive are the crazy, god-awful Raiders Fans. They are like cockroaches. Over the past five seasons, the team hasn't achieved more than 5 wins, so I equate that to about two nuclear blasts. But the fans are still there. Only good thing about the Raiders? DeAngelo Hall. And that's a personal bonus more than anything.
3. Seattle Supersonics - Quite literally a hopeless franchise, as the team is packing its bags - borrowed from the Expos - and are headed to glorious Oklahoma City. About the only good thing they have going for them is Kevin Durant, who doesn't seem to be enough to get the team to even break .250. Have fun trying to climb out of the league's basement and win fans in a new location at the same time.
4. Washington Nationals - Man, this team blows. Good thing I hate them.
5. Atlanta Falcons - Really, I think that if they just sort out the quarterback position and adjust their game plan into something that isn't Vick-centric, they should be able to do moderately well. Their place here is more of a testament to how reliant they were on a single player. Perhaps they should take a page from modern businesses and do background checks on their players before they sign them. It could have saved a lot of money in Michael Vick merchandise that has to be burned.
Tim's Top 5:
Might as well start where we all know I’m going to start –
1. Cincinnati Bengals – This team was great enough to make the playoffs once in the last 17 years, and on their first offensive play, Carson Palmer goes down with a knee injury. They have been in defensive rebuilding mode since…Tim Krumrie broke his leg and haven’t been able to draft impact players because they’re too busy replacing injured players (Chris Perry’s hurt? Draft Kenny Irons in the second round!), suspended players (way to go, Odell Thurman and Chris Henry), players threatening to hold out (We’ll show Chad Johnson, we’ll replace him with three rookies) or shitty players (everyone else). The good news is that the team is one step from returning to playoff contention. Unfortunately, that step is going to be really difficult, since there’s not that many elevator shafts that owner Mike Brown could fall into.
2. New York Knicks – Because of basketball’s funky salary cap, it’s hard for teams to make an impact via free agency, and it’s hard for any team that allows Isiah Thomas to run things to make any positive impact in anything. They had the highest payroll in the game, going way over the salary cap – a fact that I don’t even comprehend because of the NBA’s bizarre salary structure that says "Hey, Rashard Lewis…we have a salary cap, we can only pay you $20 million a year."
3. Washington Nationals – Ryan was spot on, this team isn’t going anywhere (in the standings), and it has no reason to, because it has no fans -- which is why they will be going somewhere (sorry, DC...). They threw a huge marketing campaign behind Nick Johnson and Dmitri Young. That tells you all you need to know about how bad this team was at the season’s outset – the players they considered their best…played the same position. Nick Johnson’s hurt again, Austin Kearns has scuffled all season, Milledge is okay, but nothing special. Really, all this team has to be excited about is Elijah Dukes playing adequately in recent weeks to give them a left fielder, and the team’s impending move to Las Vegas in 2018.
4. Pittsburgh Pirates – At least the Royals have cracked .500 in the last 15 years. Once. This team was supposed to be founded on a great young rotation – Duke, Snell, Maholm, Gorzelanny, … and who the hell cares who the fifth starter is! Did you read who the first four aces were? I’m not saying wrap up the World Series trophy…I’m saying pack it in foam, we have four young pitchers who can dominate games and turn this team around. Or…one (or fewer) of them is decent in any given season and they don’t pitch well until the team’s completely eliminated from contention for .500. This was one of the most loaded teams in baseball circa 1990. Since Drabek, Bonds, and Bonilla left via free agency, they’ve replaced none of them. Interesting fact – of the four pitchers I identified above, only one has a WHIP below 1.55 – Paul “Ten Finger” Maholm with a 1.31.
5. Chicago Bears – This team is a shambles. Their defense sucked last season, they chose the wrong running back in Cedric Benson, the wrong quarterback in Rex Grossman (or Kyle Orton), and their defense was awful last year too. They may still finish with a decent record, but that’s because they play in the dreadful NFC North. They make the list primarily because their hopelessness is so remarkable considering where the team was a year or two ago and because I want to dance on their grave, rather than the Arizona Cardinals, who mean nothing to me.
Honorable mention: Houston Astros – they put all their weight behind winning this year, trading a boatload of players for Miguel Tejada and dealing Brad Lidge for magic beans. They’re not going to win this year, so their team’s just getting older; Minnesota Timberwolves – before looking them up, I could name one player on their team – Rodney Carney, who was just traded to them by the Sixers; Carolina Panthers – who are hopeless only at meeting expectations, considering that every other year they’re supposed to be an amazing team and then they finish second or third in a really terrible division; Cincinnati Reds – they hired Dusty Baker. Enough said.; New England Patriots – sorry. I read 'hopeless' as 'shameless'.
Ryan's Top 5:
1. Washington Nationals - The Nationals have a long way to go. Cristian Guzman currently is their best offensive player, Lastings Milledge has the team lead in RBI (followed by Jesus Flores), and their pitching is scant. It's harder to turn around a franchise in baseball than in the NBA and NFL, so the Nationals get the nod over the teams to follow. They continue to employ Jim Bowden.
2. Miami Dolphins - The NFL is the league of parity, but you need some parts before that can happen. The Dolphins need way too much magic to happen at too many positions for them to become good. For starters they need one of their quarterbacks to become good, and by good I mean decent, and by decent I mean mediocre, like, better than Rex Grossman. I don't know if that can happen.
3. Memphis Grizzlies - This is probably a bit high, now that I think about it, I mean they do have that Spanish force in the low-post... oh no wait, they traded him to the Lakers for a can of beans. Yeah, you're going to need an inside presence to compete in the Western Conference. So they draft one (Kevin Love) and trade him away (for OJ Mayo). I just don't see it happening for a while, guys.
4. New York Knicks - The Celtics proved you can turn around a horrible team pretty quick in the NBA. That said, you need to have the parts to pull off trades like that. There's talk of them getting LeBron James in a couple years. OK, so, James goes from a Cleveland team with a poor supporting cast to a New York team with a worse supporting cast? Great, the Knicks will be able to make the playoffs in the wacky all-inclusive NBA and get beat in the first round. They need to make a play for an inside guy.
5. Seattle Mariners - Richie Sexson sucks. Jeremy Reed sucks. Kenji Johjima sucks. Adrian Beltre sucks. Carlos Silva sucks. Jarrod Washburn sucks. R.A. Dickey really sucks. Erik Bedard is getting paid way too much money. Etc. OK, they have money so they probably have a decent-ish shot of turning it around, but still, they deserve mention, because they really suck.
Honorable mentions: Kansas City Chiefs (as long as Carl Petersen is around, who knows what's going to happen...oh, right everyone--we're going to lose. Brodie Croyle does not inspire confidence and Larry Johnson is still owed too much money), Atlanta Falcons, Los Angeles Clippers, Atlanta Braves (I hate the Braves), Denver Broncos (Jay Cutler sucks)
Dan's Top 5:
1. The Pittsburgh Pirates - The worst thing that Barry Bonds ever did (beyond steroid abuse and leaving an irreparable stain on the entire game) was kill the Pirates. Since the very early 90's, the Pirates haven't had a winning season - that's 15 straight years under .500. This season, from what I can tell, Nady and McLouth have led the Pirates to their best first half in years, and they're still 41-47 (only one game ahead of last place). If they manage to have another losing season, they'll have broken the record. After my Cubs win a World Series - which may even happen this year - The Pirates are becoming my new masochist-fan team.
2. The Oakland Raiders - Remember the last time the Raiders were good? Yeah, me neither. I was too busy graduating from high school. I do remember them having Jerry Rice, the greatest receiver in the game's history, and still falling short. The only thing that keeps this team alive are the crazy, god-awful Raiders Fans. They are like cockroaches. Over the past five seasons, the team hasn't achieved more than 5 wins, so I equate that to about two nuclear blasts. But the fans are still there. Only good thing about the Raiders? DeAngelo Hall. And that's a personal bonus more than anything.
3. Seattle Supersonics - Quite literally a hopeless franchise, as the team is packing its bags - borrowed from the Expos - and are headed to glorious Oklahoma City. About the only good thing they have going for them is Kevin Durant, who doesn't seem to be enough to get the team to even break .250. Have fun trying to climb out of the league's basement and win fans in a new location at the same time.
4. Washington Nationals - Man, this team blows. Good thing I hate them.
5. Atlanta Falcons - Really, I think that if they just sort out the quarterback position and adjust their game plan into something that isn't Vick-centric, they should be able to do moderately well. Their place here is more of a testament to how reliant they were on a single player. Perhaps they should take a page from modern businesses and do background checks on their players before they sign them. It could have saved a lot of money in Michael Vick merchandise that has to be burned.
Tim's Top 5:
Might as well start where we all know I’m going to start –
1. Cincinnati Bengals – This team was great enough to make the playoffs once in the last 17 years, and on their first offensive play, Carson Palmer goes down with a knee injury. They have been in defensive rebuilding mode since…Tim Krumrie broke his leg and haven’t been able to draft impact players because they’re too busy replacing injured players (Chris Perry’s hurt? Draft Kenny Irons in the second round!), suspended players (way to go, Odell Thurman and Chris Henry), players threatening to hold out (We’ll show Chad Johnson, we’ll replace him with three rookies) or shitty players (everyone else). The good news is that the team is one step from returning to playoff contention. Unfortunately, that step is going to be really difficult, since there’s not that many elevator shafts that owner Mike Brown could fall into.
2. New York Knicks – Because of basketball’s funky salary cap, it’s hard for teams to make an impact via free agency, and it’s hard for any team that allows Isiah Thomas to run things to make any positive impact in anything. They had the highest payroll in the game, going way over the salary cap – a fact that I don’t even comprehend because of the NBA’s bizarre salary structure that says "Hey, Rashard Lewis…we have a salary cap, we can only pay you $20 million a year."
3. Washington Nationals – Ryan was spot on, this team isn’t going anywhere (in the standings), and it has no reason to, because it has no fans -- which is why they will be going somewhere (sorry, DC...). They threw a huge marketing campaign behind Nick Johnson and Dmitri Young. That tells you all you need to know about how bad this team was at the season’s outset – the players they considered their best…played the same position. Nick Johnson’s hurt again, Austin Kearns has scuffled all season, Milledge is okay, but nothing special. Really, all this team has to be excited about is Elijah Dukes playing adequately in recent weeks to give them a left fielder, and the team’s impending move to Las Vegas in 2018.
4. Pittsburgh Pirates – At least the Royals have cracked .500 in the last 15 years. Once. This team was supposed to be founded on a great young rotation – Duke, Snell, Maholm, Gorzelanny, … and who the hell cares who the fifth starter is! Did you read who the first four aces were? I’m not saying wrap up the World Series trophy…I’m saying pack it in foam, we have four young pitchers who can dominate games and turn this team around. Or…one (or fewer) of them is decent in any given season and they don’t pitch well until the team’s completely eliminated from contention for .500. This was one of the most loaded teams in baseball circa 1990. Since Drabek, Bonds, and Bonilla left via free agency, they’ve replaced none of them. Interesting fact – of the four pitchers I identified above, only one has a WHIP below 1.55 – Paul “Ten Finger” Maholm with a 1.31.
5. Chicago Bears – This team is a shambles. Their defense sucked last season, they chose the wrong running back in Cedric Benson, the wrong quarterback in Rex Grossman (or Kyle Orton), and their defense was awful last year too. They may still finish with a decent record, but that’s because they play in the dreadful NFC North. They make the list primarily because their hopelessness is so remarkable considering where the team was a year or two ago and because I want to dance on their grave, rather than the Arizona Cardinals, who mean nothing to me.
Honorable mention: Houston Astros – they put all their weight behind winning this year, trading a boatload of players for Miguel Tejada and dealing Brad Lidge for magic beans. They’re not going to win this year, so their team’s just getting older; Minnesota Timberwolves – before looking them up, I could name one player on their team – Rodney Carney, who was just traded to them by the Sixers; Carolina Panthers – who are hopeless only at meeting expectations, considering that every other year they’re supposed to be an amazing team and then they finish second or third in a really terrible division; Cincinnati Reds – they hired Dusty Baker. Enough said.; New England Patriots – sorry. I read 'hopeless' as 'shameless'.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Top 5 Major League Baseball Teams
Tim's Top 5:
I know, some people are purists and are able to have one team and only one team. Really, that’s fine if you grew up somewhere that had one team. I’m a migrant and have never lived in a city with any major non-collegiate sports team. And in any event, I could rank the top 30 in a relatively indisputable order if necessary. Obviously, such list is adjusted by how the team’s successes or failures affect the teams I actually like.
1. Cleveland Indians – Having grown up a Reds fan while living in Dayton, I can tell you the precise day when I knew I was more of an Indians fan than a Reds fan. March 22, 1993 – the day that Steve Olin and Tim Crews died in a boat crash in Winter Haven, home to Indians spring training. It was probably the most tragic news I could remember in baseball, and it really made me pull for the team to pull things together and do something. Well, they didn’t. They went 76-86 and finished sixth after finishing fourth the year before. They had Junior Ortiz, Alvaro Espinoza and Felix Fermin as everyday players and Jose Mesa was their best starting pitcher. But I was hooked on the misery and finally gave up on the Reds, who had traded my favorite player (Eric Davis, hence my propensity for injury) after the 1991 season and let my next favorite Red go in free agency in 1992 (Greg Swindell). The Reds still have my interest and I remember listening to pre-Clear Channel Marty and Joe on WLW, but it’s not the same now.
2. Cincinnati Reds – I grew up in Reds country, my early baseball memories all revolve around Riverfront, and they’ve always had likeable players. Their new stadium was a huge disappointment to me and they have a habit of making only two kinds of moves – terrible moves (trading Sean Casey for Dave Williams, hiring Dan O’Brien, hiring Wayne Krivsky, hiring Bob Boone, hiring Dusty Baker) or moves that seemed like good moves that would turn out to be devoid of substance (acquiring Griffey).
3. Philadelphia Phillies – The Phillies are a team you can pull for because of the people that have been associated with the team since I moved here. Rollins and Utley are amazing athletes and great players, they have guys like Chris Coste playing significant roles, and Citizens Bank Park is hands down my favorite stadium in the Majors. My first playoff game was the Phillies opener against the Rockies last year, and the only real happy memories I have of Major League games are all Phillies games at Citizens Bank Park (I can’t remember a single Reds win at Riverfront, though I’m sure I saw at least one in the dozen or more games I attended).
4. Washington Nationals – The difference between #3 and #4 is approximately the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it. The Expos would have been my number 3 team for much of my lifetime, but moving around Philadelphia forced me to appreciate some sporting aspect of the town, and obviously the Phillies are the only non-hateworthy team in the mix (lord, I loathe the Eagles and their fans). My love for the Expos was longstanding before they moved to D.C., my hope to move to D.C. helps force me to at least root for them to not fold before I get there (or after), and they acquired Austin Kearns, which was all I really needed before I became the owner of a Nationals jersey. That said, their fans are lousy to non-existent, the plan of putting a stadium in D.C., while something I would appreciate, is utterly impractical for a commuter city of government employees who work until 5 and drive to Rockville or Alexandria or the nutjobs who live in Frederick or Baltimore.
5. Pittsburgh Pirates – The difference between #4 and #5…see #4. The Pirates are a likeable team because they’re not the Steelers, they have no history of success in my lifetime, and they have a really nice stadium in a great location. The real secret here is that when I was interviewing for a job in Pittsburgh a couple years ago (and thus wearing a suit), I wandered down to PNC Park to kill some time before the interview and someone asked me if I worked in the front office. It was one of the greatest moments of my otherwise empty and hollow shell of a life. He even seemed like he'd be impressed to meet someone who worked with Dave Littlefield, as opposed to someone who accurately perceived how evil that would make such a person.
Honorable mention: Kansas City Royals. I don’t hate them. I used to sort of like them. But they have a way of losing 100 games and then meeting the Indians in late September and sweeping them right out of contention. I like most of their players now, and I wish them no specific ill.
Ryan's Top Five
1. Kansas City Royals - The story of the Royals' downfall is a veritable tragedy to those who care about baseball in Kansas City, and that is a number ever-dwindling thanks to the cruel Cycle of Ineptitude that has permeated the organization since Kauffman died. Kansas City used to be a baseball town. The Royals and the Yankees used to battle year after year. Now KC is a football town, which is dangerous when your football team sucks so much. (Here's something I never thought I'd say in life: of my four primary teams that I follow--Royals, Chiefs, Jayhawk Basketball, Jayhawk Football--I have the least amount of hope for the Chiefs [read: over KU FOOTBALL].) The Royals really need to play their cards right (their cards are shitty '91 Fleer cards, incidentally) to contend in the next few years; pitching will hopefully be solid (lots of prospects in the minors, 2-3 should pan out), but there are absolutely no hitters that aren't a long way's away. We need to luck out on a free agent signing (a la Josh Hamilton) or pray that Moustakas and Hosmer have Pujols-like ascendancy. Bah. I have more hope now when Allard Baird and Buddy Bell were here, but it's such an uphill battle. Some of my fondest childhood memories are going to watch George Brett, Jeff Montgomery, Bret Mark Gubicza, Bo Jackson, Danny Tartabull, David Cone (the strike really killed baseball for me for almost a decade), etc.
2. San Diego Padres - OK, I don't frantically check the box scores for the Padres like I do the Royals. But yeah, I lived in San Diego during my formative years--92-93, when baseball was king for me--and I went to a number of games. I still root for the Padres whenever it matters, and I do have a soft spot for teams that play in pitchers' parks. (I don't honestly know why.) I like Jake Peavy and Adrian Gonzalez for fantasy reasons.
3. Chicago Cubs - I've been a Royals fan for my entire life, but for the first half of it the Cubs were in second place (though, admittedly, not a very close second). When I was a kid the only baseball I got to consistently watch was the Cubs on WGN, and Harry Caray was a fixture in our household. I also loved Ryne Sandberg even if I never could quite grasp why everyone pronounced his name wrong. (Ryan Fox had rosy misconceptions about "Ryan Sandberg" being in his first-name gang.) I also loved Shawon Dunston and Andre Dawson, and Sammy Sosa before he got on the flaxseed oil. Nowadays, I'm relatively indifferent to the Cubs, but I'd probably cheer for them over most AL opponents in a World Series. Oh yeah, and my mom's from Chicago originally.
4. Tampa Bay Rays - I really like all of their players (now that Elijah Dukes is gone) and I admire what they've accomplished, at long last. And you really have to like a team that fights with both the Yankees AND the Red Sox.
5. Milwaukee Brewers - No specific reason other than a general admiration for a lot of their current players.
Honorable Mentions: Minnesota Twins and the Cleveland Indians. I loathe Chicago and Detroit much more than the Royals' other two AL Central competitors. As often as the Twins beat us, I will always agree that they play the game the right way, consistently (at least they do against us). I liked Jim Thome, Carlos Baerga, and Omar Vizquel as a kid. And two of my good friends (Tim and Ben) like the Indians and have the courtesy not to be douchebags (read: Cardinals fans) about it.
Note: The Cardinals, White Sox, Yankees, Red Sox, and Braves would round out the Bottom 5, if we ever do that list.
Dan's Top 5:
Likewise, I have never lived in an area with a non-collegiate professional sports team. So I can identify with Tim.
1. Chicago Cubs - I started liking the Cubs by meeting a rabid Cubs fan during my sophomore year of college. I had an asshole roommate, and I was looking for any and every excuse to get out of my dorm room. Well, this was 2003, meaning that my newfound friend and I had our hopes dashed in the NL Championship Series. Ever since, I've been embracing a self-destructive relationship with my now beloved Cubs. They also have a rivalry with the White Sox and the Cardinals, which fits nicely with #2 on my list...
2. Kansas City Royals - Ryan is mortally bonded to this team, and since they're in the AL, they are no consistent threat to my Cubs in the NL. (I prefer the NL, for the record. Designated hitter my ass.) I would have no other affection for them except that I saw my first - and to this date only - major league baseball game at Kauffman Stadium with Ryan. Therefore, I have to put them pretty high. They may have lost and it may have been horrendously hot, but you never forget your first ball game. Especially when you're 22.
3. Pittsburgh Pirates - My grandmother was originally from Pittsburgh, so I guess they were the official baseball team to like, except that nobody in the family really liked baseball. Oh yeah, and the Pirates have had a losing season every year since I learned how to multiply numbers together (I am now starting a Ph.D. in Engineering). But when I was a kid, I had a T-shirt with Barry Bonds (the nice version) and Bobby Bonilla on it. I was too young to be paying attention, but apparently the Pirates were good back in those days. I've been sort of hoping that the Pirates can come back and compete one of these days, but not until my Cubs win the World Series.
4. Philadelphia Phillies - I do not like this team. I don't dislike them either. In fact, I know absolutely nothing about them. I can't even tell you which league they're in without looking it up. OK, they're in the NL East. Thanks, Wikipedia. So why are they on my list? Simple - I am living right smack in the middle of Pennsylvania for the next three years - 3 hours to Pittsburgh, 3.5 hours to Philly - so I might as well keep my options open regarding which baseball team I like. The outlook is dim for the Pirates, even though I seem to remember hearing that most people in the area would favor them over the Phillies. I think I had better start learning the names of Phillies players and managers, and why they suck (the duty of every fan).
5. New York Yankees - Yeah, I know they're evil. But the Yankees interrupted their spring training schedule this year (something I'm told most players hate to do) to come to our shitty little college ball field and play the Virginia Tech baseball team after that shooting incident we all went through. And all the players were class acts, and there were no complaints. A-Rod (whom I still admire, since he was my first ever fantasy draft pick) even said it was the most important game he'd ever play. I don't give a damn if they win a game during the regular season or not, but I earned enough respect for them to at least put them on the list.
Honorable Mention: Yeah, I was on the Red Sox bandwagon in 2003. I still don't rabidly hate them, but I can't believe how quickly they fell out of favor with me.
I know, some people are purists and are able to have one team and only one team. Really, that’s fine if you grew up somewhere that had one team. I’m a migrant and have never lived in a city with any major non-collegiate sports team. And in any event, I could rank the top 30 in a relatively indisputable order if necessary. Obviously, such list is adjusted by how the team’s successes or failures affect the teams I actually like.
1. Cleveland Indians – Having grown up a Reds fan while living in Dayton, I can tell you the precise day when I knew I was more of an Indians fan than a Reds fan. March 22, 1993 – the day that Steve Olin and Tim Crews died in a boat crash in Winter Haven, home to Indians spring training. It was probably the most tragic news I could remember in baseball, and it really made me pull for the team to pull things together and do something. Well, they didn’t. They went 76-86 and finished sixth after finishing fourth the year before. They had Junior Ortiz, Alvaro Espinoza and Felix Fermin as everyday players and Jose Mesa was their best starting pitcher. But I was hooked on the misery and finally gave up on the Reds, who had traded my favorite player (Eric Davis, hence my propensity for injury) after the 1991 season and let my next favorite Red go in free agency in 1992 (Greg Swindell). The Reds still have my interest and I remember listening to pre-Clear Channel Marty and Joe on WLW, but it’s not the same now.
2. Cincinnati Reds – I grew up in Reds country, my early baseball memories all revolve around Riverfront, and they’ve always had likeable players. Their new stadium was a huge disappointment to me and they have a habit of making only two kinds of moves – terrible moves (trading Sean Casey for Dave Williams, hiring Dan O’Brien, hiring Wayne Krivsky, hiring Bob Boone, hiring Dusty Baker) or moves that seemed like good moves that would turn out to be devoid of substance (acquiring Griffey).
3. Philadelphia Phillies – The Phillies are a team you can pull for because of the people that have been associated with the team since I moved here. Rollins and Utley are amazing athletes and great players, they have guys like Chris Coste playing significant roles, and Citizens Bank Park is hands down my favorite stadium in the Majors. My first playoff game was the Phillies opener against the Rockies last year, and the only real happy memories I have of Major League games are all Phillies games at Citizens Bank Park (I can’t remember a single Reds win at Riverfront, though I’m sure I saw at least one in the dozen or more games I attended).
4. Washington Nationals – The difference between #3 and #4 is approximately the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it. The Expos would have been my number 3 team for much of my lifetime, but moving around Philadelphia forced me to appreciate some sporting aspect of the town, and obviously the Phillies are the only non-hateworthy team in the mix (lord, I loathe the Eagles and their fans). My love for the Expos was longstanding before they moved to D.C., my hope to move to D.C. helps force me to at least root for them to not fold before I get there (or after), and they acquired Austin Kearns, which was all I really needed before I became the owner of a Nationals jersey. That said, their fans are lousy to non-existent, the plan of putting a stadium in D.C., while something I would appreciate, is utterly impractical for a commuter city of government employees who work until 5 and drive to Rockville or Alexandria or the nutjobs who live in Frederick or Baltimore.
5. Pittsburgh Pirates – The difference between #4 and #5…see #4. The Pirates are a likeable team because they’re not the Steelers, they have no history of success in my lifetime, and they have a really nice stadium in a great location. The real secret here is that when I was interviewing for a job in Pittsburgh a couple years ago (and thus wearing a suit), I wandered down to PNC Park to kill some time before the interview and someone asked me if I worked in the front office. It was one of the greatest moments of my otherwise empty and hollow shell of a life. He even seemed like he'd be impressed to meet someone who worked with Dave Littlefield, as opposed to someone who accurately perceived how evil that would make such a person.
Honorable mention: Kansas City Royals. I don’t hate them. I used to sort of like them. But they have a way of losing 100 games and then meeting the Indians in late September and sweeping them right out of contention. I like most of their players now, and I wish them no specific ill.
Ryan's Top Five
1. Kansas City Royals - The story of the Royals' downfall is a veritable tragedy to those who care about baseball in Kansas City, and that is a number ever-dwindling thanks to the cruel Cycle of Ineptitude that has permeated the organization since Kauffman died. Kansas City used to be a baseball town. The Royals and the Yankees used to battle year after year. Now KC is a football town, which is dangerous when your football team sucks so much. (Here's something I never thought I'd say in life: of my four primary teams that I follow--Royals, Chiefs, Jayhawk Basketball, Jayhawk Football--I have the least amount of hope for the Chiefs [read: over KU FOOTBALL].) The Royals really need to play their cards right (their cards are shitty '91 Fleer cards, incidentally) to contend in the next few years; pitching will hopefully be solid (lots of prospects in the minors, 2-3 should pan out), but there are absolutely no hitters that aren't a long way's away. We need to luck out on a free agent signing (a la Josh Hamilton) or pray that Moustakas and Hosmer have Pujols-like ascendancy. Bah. I have more hope now when Allard Baird and Buddy Bell were here, but it's such an uphill battle. Some of my fondest childhood memories are going to watch George Brett, Jeff Montgomery, Bret Mark Gubicza, Bo Jackson, Danny Tartabull, David Cone (the strike really killed baseball for me for almost a decade), etc.
2. San Diego Padres - OK, I don't frantically check the box scores for the Padres like I do the Royals. But yeah, I lived in San Diego during my formative years--92-93, when baseball was king for me--and I went to a number of games. I still root for the Padres whenever it matters, and I do have a soft spot for teams that play in pitchers' parks. (I don't honestly know why.) I like Jake Peavy and Adrian Gonzalez for fantasy reasons.
3. Chicago Cubs - I've been a Royals fan for my entire life, but for the first half of it the Cubs were in second place (though, admittedly, not a very close second). When I was a kid the only baseball I got to consistently watch was the Cubs on WGN, and Harry Caray was a fixture in our household. I also loved Ryne Sandberg even if I never could quite grasp why everyone pronounced his name wrong. (Ryan Fox had rosy misconceptions about "Ryan Sandberg" being in his first-name gang.) I also loved Shawon Dunston and Andre Dawson, and Sammy Sosa before he got on the flaxseed oil. Nowadays, I'm relatively indifferent to the Cubs, but I'd probably cheer for them over most AL opponents in a World Series. Oh yeah, and my mom's from Chicago originally.
4. Tampa Bay Rays - I really like all of their players (now that Elijah Dukes is gone) and I admire what they've accomplished, at long last. And you really have to like a team that fights with both the Yankees AND the Red Sox.
5. Milwaukee Brewers - No specific reason other than a general admiration for a lot of their current players.
Honorable Mentions: Minnesota Twins and the Cleveland Indians. I loathe Chicago and Detroit much more than the Royals' other two AL Central competitors. As often as the Twins beat us, I will always agree that they play the game the right way, consistently (at least they do against us). I liked Jim Thome, Carlos Baerga, and Omar Vizquel as a kid. And two of my good friends (Tim and Ben) like the Indians and have the courtesy not to be douchebags (read: Cardinals fans) about it.
Note: The Cardinals, White Sox, Yankees, Red Sox, and Braves would round out the Bottom 5, if we ever do that list.
Dan's Top 5:
Likewise, I have never lived in an area with a non-collegiate professional sports team. So I can identify with Tim.
1. Chicago Cubs - I started liking the Cubs by meeting a rabid Cubs fan during my sophomore year of college. I had an asshole roommate, and I was looking for any and every excuse to get out of my dorm room. Well, this was 2003, meaning that my newfound friend and I had our hopes dashed in the NL Championship Series. Ever since, I've been embracing a self-destructive relationship with my now beloved Cubs. They also have a rivalry with the White Sox and the Cardinals, which fits nicely with #2 on my list...
2. Kansas City Royals - Ryan is mortally bonded to this team, and since they're in the AL, they are no consistent threat to my Cubs in the NL. (I prefer the NL, for the record. Designated hitter my ass.) I would have no other affection for them except that I saw my first - and to this date only - major league baseball game at Kauffman Stadium with Ryan. Therefore, I have to put them pretty high. They may have lost and it may have been horrendously hot, but you never forget your first ball game. Especially when you're 22.
3. Pittsburgh Pirates - My grandmother was originally from Pittsburgh, so I guess they were the official baseball team to like, except that nobody in the family really liked baseball. Oh yeah, and the Pirates have had a losing season every year since I learned how to multiply numbers together (I am now starting a Ph.D. in Engineering). But when I was a kid, I had a T-shirt with Barry Bonds (the nice version) and Bobby Bonilla on it. I was too young to be paying attention, but apparently the Pirates were good back in those days. I've been sort of hoping that the Pirates can come back and compete one of these days, but not until my Cubs win the World Series.
4. Philadelphia Phillies - I do not like this team. I don't dislike them either. In fact, I know absolutely nothing about them. I can't even tell you which league they're in without looking it up. OK, they're in the NL East. Thanks, Wikipedia. So why are they on my list? Simple - I am living right smack in the middle of Pennsylvania for the next three years - 3 hours to Pittsburgh, 3.5 hours to Philly - so I might as well keep my options open regarding which baseball team I like. The outlook is dim for the Pirates, even though I seem to remember hearing that most people in the area would favor them over the Phillies. I think I had better start learning the names of Phillies players and managers, and why they suck (the duty of every fan).
5. New York Yankees - Yeah, I know they're evil. But the Yankees interrupted their spring training schedule this year (something I'm told most players hate to do) to come to our shitty little college ball field and play the Virginia Tech baseball team after that shooting incident we all went through. And all the players were class acts, and there were no complaints. A-Rod (whom I still admire, since he was my first ever fantasy draft pick) even said it was the most important game he'd ever play. I don't give a damn if they win a game during the regular season or not, but I earned enough respect for them to at least put them on the list.
Honorable Mention: Yeah, I was on the Red Sox bandwagon in 2003. I still don't rabidly hate them, but I can't believe how quickly they fell out of favor with me.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Top 5 Hated Sports Franchises (Pro)
Tim’s Top 5:
1. Boston Red Sox - Remember when you rooted for the Red Sox to beat the Yankees in the ALCS in 2003? Yeah, they didn’t win. They blew it and the Marlins won a World Series that was unwatchable in every way, shape, and form. Then the Red Sox came back and won two World Series in four years and generated more fans than a Chinese factory. I used to try and distinguish between the bandwagon fans and the old fans, but I have long since given up. They’re both equally evil and continue to act like they’re somehow a victim in the Yankees race. David Ortiz seems as likely a candidate for my Mitchell Report as exists on this earth and Manny gets to be Manny and people 1) act like it’s a big deal and 2) celebrate it.
2. New England Patriots - It was a great experience for the entire planet to rally around anyone beating the Patriots in the Super Bowl. I’m pretty sure if I’d had to choose between the Patriots or the Nazis winning the Super Bowl, I’d probably have just gone to a bunker and shot myself. Tom Brady, Tedy Bruschi and the fact that no one’s suspicious how a healthy 30 year old man has a stroke, Bill Belichick’s goddamn hoodie, Brady’s perpetual presence on the injury report, Spygate, Brady’s immunity from actually being injured and forcing one of their backup QBs to start for the first time since high school, the fact that Randy Moss suddenly learned to behave, basically everyone but Ellis Hobbs and Mike Vrabel infuriate me. Oh, and Charlie Weis being mistaken for a good coach. I hold that against the Pats.
3. New York Yankees – It’s actually gotten to the point where I kind of pity the Yankees, because they spend so much more than anyone but Boston, but they really haven’t posed a serious threat of winning a World Series in some time. Still, the owner situation, the Brokeback Mountain-like affection for Derek Jeter, the total disdain for actually gifted players like Alex Rodriguez, and the sense of entitlement really get me. But the Red Sox almost push them out of the Top 5 entirely.
4. Colorado Avalanche – They’re the Quebec Nordiques, okay? Then they went out and acquired most of hockey in free agency (and the rest in trades) when I was still enjoying hockey so they had Sakic, Forsberg, Rob Blake, Ray Bourque, Dave Andreychuk, Patrick Roy, and I believe by the end of 1999-2000, they also had Terry Sawchuk, Darryl Sittler, and Rogie Vachon. Oh, and Jesus. He signed as a free agent shortly after that.
5. Chicago White Sox – Hawk Harrelson should be in Chateau D’If. If there’s a team that’s impossible to root for, it has to be the White Sox, and Harrelson doesn’t exactly help. The White Sox won a World Series premised on an ump who calls “strike” by making the out gesture, A.J. Pierzynski, Bobby “Fatass” Jenks, and the opportunity to play the Astros in the World Series. Oh, and their manager is an angry bigoted loudmouth who gets mistaken for colorful when he says the same things as John Rocker just because he’s from a little farther south.
Honorable mention: Oakland Raiders – it takes a lot of evil to make me hate a team that’s sucked for so long, but they really pull it off; San Francisco 49ers – I used to hate them far more than I do now, but I still really hate them; University of Southern California Trojans football team – I hate them precisely because they are all professionals; any hockey team that’s moved in the last 20 years (Carolina Hurricanes, Phoenix Coyotes; Dallas Stars); Atlanta Braves – grr.
Dan’s Top 5
1. The Washington Nationals - I have nothing against the members of the team itself or any of its coaches. But when the Expos were planning their move, it seemed like the top two spots for them to end up were either Washington/Northern Virginia or Norfolk. If you’ve lived in Virginia for any length of time, then you know there’s a spirit of rivalry between Hampton Roads and Northern Virginia. I thought we had it won when I looked at a map and saw how close a Washington team would be to the Orioles. But when the decision was made not to go to Norfolk, I made a vow to hate the Nationals as long as I could stand to. We remain the largest metropolitan area without a professional sports franchise.
2. The St. Louis Cardinals - Remember back when the Cards were the really safe bet every year to win the NL Central? There are no reasons other than that and Pujols to list them here. Probably not my truest ranking, but I’m still feeling a lot of early-season passion.
3. The New England Patriots - I have nothing to add after reading Tim’s excellent breakdown, other than I’d like to see what a Nazi NFL uniform would look like. Despite the evil, I think it could look pretty damn cool.
4. The Washington Redskins - I was taught as a child to hate the Redskins, and the team really hasn’t done anything to change my perspective.
5. The Dallas Cowboys - Any team that has the audacity to call themselves "Americas Team" had better make damn sure that they’re speaking for everyone in America, and guess what? They didn’t do that, because I exist and hate them. Ranked so low because in actuality, I don’t really care.
Ryan's Top Five
1. Denver Broncos - Fuck Mike Shanahan. He cheats, he is an asshole, he continually screws up numerous fantasy football rosters (given, if you're still dumb enough to draft a Denver RB, you deserve it), etc. etc. etc. They will beat the Chiefs in Denver about 97% of the time, to the point that I get furious when they lose to other teams in Denver (which happens 97% of the time, lately). Bah. Denver. Evil.
2. St. Louis Cardinals - As much as I hate, say, the Huskers, I've met some fans in my life who are sensible and not jerks. Not so with St. Louis--every fan I've ever met (ever) has an unhealthy and delusional vision of their franchise as the best in history. So you won a World Series. Congrats on being the worst team ever to win a World Series. The Cardinals could win fifteen straight World Series, they'd still bitch about Denkinger in '85. Little discussed facts, courtesy of wikipedia: "Many Cardinals fans blamed the loss on Denkinger's call, but the Cardinals made a number of mistakes that enabled the Royals to stay in the game and win. In the next at-bat, Clark misplayed a foul pop-up by batter Steve Balboni. Instead of popping out, Balboni singled on the next pitch, and Onix Concepcion came in to pinch-run. With runners on first and second, Jim Sundberg then bunted into a force play at third. (It should be noted that the runner forced out at third was Orta.) Catcher Darrell Porter then allowed a passed ball, allowing the runners to advance to second and third. Pinch-hitter Hal McRae was intentionally walked to load the bases, and Dane Iorg knocked a bloop single to right that scored Concepcion and Sundberg, who avoided Porter's tag at the plate to score the winning run." Then they went on to lose the next game 11 to fucking zero. Boo, hoo.
3. Chicago White Sox - Hawk Harrelsen pretty much sums it up, for me, in everything he embodies.
4. Oakland Raiders - My hatred of them has really worn off since they've taken a UNL-like fall from sports grace. Kudos to Bill Callahan for helping ruin TWO of my least favorite sports entities.
5. Johnny Damon - I couldn't decide between the Yankees or the Red Sox, so I figured this was the safe pick. Whenever someone says "Red Sox" to me, the first thing I think of is Caveman Johnny Damon helping them with a World Series with the voice-over from that piece of trash (translation: Jimmy Fallon movie) "Fever Pitch." Blehck.
I also hate the Yankees.
1. Boston Red Sox - Remember when you rooted for the Red Sox to beat the Yankees in the ALCS in 2003? Yeah, they didn’t win. They blew it and the Marlins won a World Series that was unwatchable in every way, shape, and form. Then the Red Sox came back and won two World Series in four years and generated more fans than a Chinese factory. I used to try and distinguish between the bandwagon fans and the old fans, but I have long since given up. They’re both equally evil and continue to act like they’re somehow a victim in the Yankees race. David Ortiz seems as likely a candidate for my Mitchell Report as exists on this earth and Manny gets to be Manny and people 1) act like it’s a big deal and 2) celebrate it.
2. New England Patriots - It was a great experience for the entire planet to rally around anyone beating the Patriots in the Super Bowl. I’m pretty sure if I’d had to choose between the Patriots or the Nazis winning the Super Bowl, I’d probably have just gone to a bunker and shot myself. Tom Brady, Tedy Bruschi and the fact that no one’s suspicious how a healthy 30 year old man has a stroke, Bill Belichick’s goddamn hoodie, Brady’s perpetual presence on the injury report, Spygate, Brady’s immunity from actually being injured and forcing one of their backup QBs to start for the first time since high school, the fact that Randy Moss suddenly learned to behave, basically everyone but Ellis Hobbs and Mike Vrabel infuriate me. Oh, and Charlie Weis being mistaken for a good coach. I hold that against the Pats.
3. New York Yankees – It’s actually gotten to the point where I kind of pity the Yankees, because they spend so much more than anyone but Boston, but they really haven’t posed a serious threat of winning a World Series in some time. Still, the owner situation, the Brokeback Mountain-like affection for Derek Jeter, the total disdain for actually gifted players like Alex Rodriguez, and the sense of entitlement really get me. But the Red Sox almost push them out of the Top 5 entirely.
4. Colorado Avalanche – They’re the Quebec Nordiques, okay? Then they went out and acquired most of hockey in free agency (and the rest in trades) when I was still enjoying hockey so they had Sakic, Forsberg, Rob Blake, Ray Bourque, Dave Andreychuk, Patrick Roy, and I believe by the end of 1999-2000, they also had Terry Sawchuk, Darryl Sittler, and Rogie Vachon. Oh, and Jesus. He signed as a free agent shortly after that.
5. Chicago White Sox – Hawk Harrelson should be in Chateau D’If. If there’s a team that’s impossible to root for, it has to be the White Sox, and Harrelson doesn’t exactly help. The White Sox won a World Series premised on an ump who calls “strike” by making the out gesture, A.J. Pierzynski, Bobby “Fatass” Jenks, and the opportunity to play the Astros in the World Series. Oh, and their manager is an angry bigoted loudmouth who gets mistaken for colorful when he says the same things as John Rocker just because he’s from a little farther south.
Honorable mention: Oakland Raiders – it takes a lot of evil to make me hate a team that’s sucked for so long, but they really pull it off; San Francisco 49ers – I used to hate them far more than I do now, but I still really hate them; University of Southern California Trojans football team – I hate them precisely because they are all professionals; any hockey team that’s moved in the last 20 years (Carolina Hurricanes, Phoenix Coyotes; Dallas Stars); Atlanta Braves – grr.
Dan’s Top 5
1. The Washington Nationals - I have nothing against the members of the team itself or any of its coaches. But when the Expos were planning their move, it seemed like the top two spots for them to end up were either Washington/Northern Virginia or Norfolk. If you’ve lived in Virginia for any length of time, then you know there’s a spirit of rivalry between Hampton Roads and Northern Virginia. I thought we had it won when I looked at a map and saw how close a Washington team would be to the Orioles. But when the decision was made not to go to Norfolk, I made a vow to hate the Nationals as long as I could stand to. We remain the largest metropolitan area without a professional sports franchise.
2. The St. Louis Cardinals - Remember back when the Cards were the really safe bet every year to win the NL Central? There are no reasons other than that and Pujols to list them here. Probably not my truest ranking, but I’m still feeling a lot of early-season passion.
3. The New England Patriots - I have nothing to add after reading Tim’s excellent breakdown, other than I’d like to see what a Nazi NFL uniform would look like. Despite the evil, I think it could look pretty damn cool.
4. The Washington Redskins - I was taught as a child to hate the Redskins, and the team really hasn’t done anything to change my perspective.
5. The Dallas Cowboys - Any team that has the audacity to call themselves "Americas Team" had better make damn sure that they’re speaking for everyone in America, and guess what? They didn’t do that, because I exist and hate them. Ranked so low because in actuality, I don’t really care.
Ryan's Top Five
1. Denver Broncos - Fuck Mike Shanahan. He cheats, he is an asshole, he continually screws up numerous fantasy football rosters (given, if you're still dumb enough to draft a Denver RB, you deserve it), etc. etc. etc. They will beat the Chiefs in Denver about 97% of the time, to the point that I get furious when they lose to other teams in Denver (which happens 97% of the time, lately). Bah. Denver. Evil.
2. St. Louis Cardinals - As much as I hate, say, the Huskers, I've met some fans in my life who are sensible and not jerks. Not so with St. Louis--every fan I've ever met (ever) has an unhealthy and delusional vision of their franchise as the best in history. So you won a World Series. Congrats on being the worst team ever to win a World Series. The Cardinals could win fifteen straight World Series, they'd still bitch about Denkinger in '85. Little discussed facts, courtesy of wikipedia: "Many Cardinals fans blamed the loss on Denkinger's call, but the Cardinals made a number of mistakes that enabled the Royals to stay in the game and win. In the next at-bat, Clark misplayed a foul pop-up by batter Steve Balboni. Instead of popping out, Balboni singled on the next pitch, and Onix Concepcion came in to pinch-run. With runners on first and second, Jim Sundberg then bunted into a force play at third. (It should be noted that the runner forced out at third was Orta.) Catcher Darrell Porter then allowed a passed ball, allowing the runners to advance to second and third. Pinch-hitter Hal McRae was intentionally walked to load the bases, and Dane Iorg knocked a bloop single to right that scored Concepcion and Sundberg, who avoided Porter's tag at the plate to score the winning run." Then they went on to lose the next game 11 to fucking zero. Boo, hoo.
3. Chicago White Sox - Hawk Harrelsen pretty much sums it up, for me, in everything he embodies.
4. Oakland Raiders - My hatred of them has really worn off since they've taken a UNL-like fall from sports grace. Kudos to Bill Callahan for helping ruin TWO of my least favorite sports entities.
5. Johnny Damon - I couldn't decide between the Yankees or the Red Sox, so I figured this was the safe pick. Whenever someone says "Red Sox" to me, the first thing I think of is Caveman Johnny Damon helping them with a World Series with the voice-over from that piece of trash (translation: Jimmy Fallon movie) "Fever Pitch." Blehck.
I also hate the Yankees.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Top 5 Baseball Players You Will Knowingly Overvalue On Fantasy Draft Day, For Whatever Reason
I still plan on posting for the last few, but lately I've been all kinds of lazy. I'm reading "Fantasyland" by Sam Walker, and I have my three big drafts this weekend, so I'm on a fantasy kick lately.
Ryan's Top 5:
1. David DeJesus, OF, KC Royals - OK, to be fair, I will knowingly overvalue every Royal, but I will almost certainly give DDJ too much credit. Here's my logic; he scored 100 runs last year for a mediocre-at-best offense, if the offense improves, his numbers will improve too, right? Sure they will, and I'll still take him too high; even if he scores 120, he ain't gettin' more than 60-70 RBI tops, unless this is Tony Pena's year.
2. Alex Gordon, 1B-3B, KC Royals - Alex Gordon could do 100-30-100 this year and still I will have overvalued him. Last year I took him in the 10th round, and this year I've got other people considering taking him to contend with. I honestly don't know what mistakes will be made come draft day, but taking Gordon too high will probably be one of them.
3. Ben Sheets, SP, Milwaukee Brewers - Good ol' Ben has started 63 games over the past three seasons, but 2004 continues to be the only season I ever look at: 34 starts, 237 IP, 264 K, 2.70 ERA. You've got to lock up that DL spot with a pitcher, it's imperative.
4. Josh Willingham, OF, FLA Marlins - I'm putting him on the list because I will at one point consider drafting him, guaranteed. The man is not that good at baseball. And he lost Miguel Cabrera being on base in front of him.
5. Scott Kazmir, SP, Tampa Bay Rays - Kazmir is Sheets-esque in his appeal to me; he always seems right on the cusp of posting Cy Young numbers, never mind the fact that his career WHIP is 1.39.
Tim's Top 5
Having drafted twice, I can get started on this now.
1. Ryan Zimmerman, 3B, Nationals - I kept telling myself, hey, he's out of RFK, he's going to be amazing. Then I looked at his numbers and said -- crap, he's out of RFK -- but I already have him twice. I still like him more than most 3B, but he's not likely to put up much in the way of numbers that I couldn't get from Hank Blalock in Round 18.
2. Brandon Lyon, RP, Diamondbacks - I know that he's nominally the closer, but has anyone ever seemed more likely to lose a job as a closer for a good team? Except Ryan Dempster?
3. Colby Rasmus, OF, Cardinals - I drafted him. Admittedly, it was Round 21 in a champions league, but so few rookies ever make an impact that I can't believe I picked him -- though I dumped him shortly thereafter. For the record, I replaced him with Jay Bruce, who I will replace with Cameron Maybin when Dusty Baker sends Jay Bruce to the minors. I have a mancrush on rookie center fielders.
4. Carl Crawford, OF, Rays - I drafted him in the second round of a 8-team draft. I'm still not sure why, considering he brings little more in the stolen base category than Shane Victorino, little more average, runs, and home runs than Shane Victorino, and I thought Shane Victorino was a lousy pick way down in the draft. But oh well, Victorino's never been that much of a base thief. But I still remember when he was an ill-advised first round pick for others, and apparently can't wait to embrace him on my team. Or I was just high on stolen bases, having landed Jose Reyes in round 1 and mistakenly believing I was in a roto league.
5. Joe Borowski, RP, Indians - Ok, I will grant that he will probably get 35 or more saves. But the same thing can be said for everyone but Matt Capps. So I don't need to pounce on him every draft just because other people say "ERA of 81.00 and WHIP of 27.00, no thanks." But I seem to recall him being on my fantasy championship team when I won in my first ever league, and he was on all my teams last year, so I associate Joe Borowski with winning the same way I associate Jose Mesa with the slaughter of innocents.
Honorable mention: Billy Butler - seriously, he hit 8 HR, I'm not sure what I have mistaken him for; Austin Kearns - except I know he doesn't have value; Joey Votto - I hate Dusty Baker.
Dan's Top 5:
This list shows that I really don't know baseball.
1. Vernon Wells - Ever since I had him in 2003 (I think) and gave him the nickname "Vern the Burn" I've probably overvalued Vernon Wells. I mean potential-first-round-pick overvalued.
2. Justin Upton - He's an Upton, and I may get him confused with B. J.. So there's a high chance that I'll overvalue him out of sheer mistaken identity.
3. Prince Fielder - I know I should learn, from the Vernon Wells effect, that his outstanding performance last year won't translate to this year. But I don't learn from fantasy baseball. Ever.
4. Mark Prior - Maybe he won't get injured this year. Just maybe. Now that he's off the Cubs, I'll begin to hate him, though, and probably won't draft him.
5. Jake Peavy - There's no way he's that good again. But I'm probably drafting him like he will be.
Ryan's Top 5:
1. David DeJesus, OF, KC Royals - OK, to be fair, I will knowingly overvalue every Royal, but I will almost certainly give DDJ too much credit. Here's my logic; he scored 100 runs last year for a mediocre-at-best offense, if the offense improves, his numbers will improve too, right? Sure they will, and I'll still take him too high; even if he scores 120, he ain't gettin' more than 60-70 RBI tops, unless this is Tony Pena's year.
2. Alex Gordon, 1B-3B, KC Royals - Alex Gordon could do 100-30-100 this year and still I will have overvalued him. Last year I took him in the 10th round, and this year I've got other people considering taking him to contend with. I honestly don't know what mistakes will be made come draft day, but taking Gordon too high will probably be one of them.
3. Ben Sheets, SP, Milwaukee Brewers - Good ol' Ben has started 63 games over the past three seasons, but 2004 continues to be the only season I ever look at: 34 starts, 237 IP, 264 K, 2.70 ERA. You've got to lock up that DL spot with a pitcher, it's imperative.
4. Josh Willingham, OF, FLA Marlins - I'm putting him on the list because I will at one point consider drafting him, guaranteed. The man is not that good at baseball. And he lost Miguel Cabrera being on base in front of him.
5. Scott Kazmir, SP, Tampa Bay Rays - Kazmir is Sheets-esque in his appeal to me; he always seems right on the cusp of posting Cy Young numbers, never mind the fact that his career WHIP is 1.39.
Tim's Top 5
Having drafted twice, I can get started on this now.
1. Ryan Zimmerman, 3B, Nationals - I kept telling myself, hey, he's out of RFK, he's going to be amazing. Then I looked at his numbers and said -- crap, he's out of RFK -- but I already have him twice. I still like him more than most 3B, but he's not likely to put up much in the way of numbers that I couldn't get from Hank Blalock in Round 18.
2. Brandon Lyon, RP, Diamondbacks - I know that he's nominally the closer, but has anyone ever seemed more likely to lose a job as a closer for a good team? Except Ryan Dempster?
3. Colby Rasmus, OF, Cardinals - I drafted him. Admittedly, it was Round 21 in a champions league, but so few rookies ever make an impact that I can't believe I picked him -- though I dumped him shortly thereafter. For the record, I replaced him with Jay Bruce, who I will replace with Cameron Maybin when Dusty Baker sends Jay Bruce to the minors. I have a mancrush on rookie center fielders.
4. Carl Crawford, OF, Rays - I drafted him in the second round of a 8-team draft. I'm still not sure why, considering he brings little more in the stolen base category than Shane Victorino, little more average, runs, and home runs than Shane Victorino, and I thought Shane Victorino was a lousy pick way down in the draft. But oh well, Victorino's never been that much of a base thief. But I still remember when he was an ill-advised first round pick for others, and apparently can't wait to embrace him on my team. Or I was just high on stolen bases, having landed Jose Reyes in round 1 and mistakenly believing I was in a roto league.
5. Joe Borowski, RP, Indians - Ok, I will grant that he will probably get 35 or more saves. But the same thing can be said for everyone but Matt Capps. So I don't need to pounce on him every draft just because other people say "ERA of 81.00 and WHIP of 27.00, no thanks." But I seem to recall him being on my fantasy championship team when I won in my first ever league, and he was on all my teams last year, so I associate Joe Borowski with winning the same way I associate Jose Mesa with the slaughter of innocents.
Honorable mention: Billy Butler - seriously, he hit 8 HR, I'm not sure what I have mistaken him for; Austin Kearns - except I know he doesn't have value; Joey Votto - I hate Dusty Baker.
Dan's Top 5:
This list shows that I really don't know baseball.
1. Vernon Wells - Ever since I had him in 2003 (I think) and gave him the nickname "Vern the Burn" I've probably overvalued Vernon Wells. I mean potential-first-round-pick overvalued.
2. Justin Upton - He's an Upton, and I may get him confused with B. J.. So there's a high chance that I'll overvalue him out of sheer mistaken identity.
3. Prince Fielder - I know I should learn, from the Vernon Wells effect, that his outstanding performance last year won't translate to this year. But I don't learn from fantasy baseball. Ever.
4. Mark Prior - Maybe he won't get injured this year. Just maybe. Now that he's off the Cubs, I'll begin to hate him, though, and probably won't draft him.
5. Jake Peavy - There's no way he's that good again. But I'm probably drafting him like he will be.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Top 5 Things to Look Forward to in 2008
Dan's Top 5:
1. Bush's Final Year - I don't care if we collectively decide to elect a seedless Chia Head of Richard Nixon next November. I can't see how even the worst (and there are some pretty bad choices in the primaries) of potential candidates could be anywhere close to the atrocity that has been the George W. Bush administration. I echo the sentiments of David Cross, who claimed that he may go down as the worst American President ever.
2. The Summer Olympics - Sure, it's in China, but who gives a shit? (Other than Communist-fearing Republicans) This is the Olympics, and it gives us all a chance to be distracted and actually proud of our country for a few weeks. It also gives me a chance to listen to Bob Costas (winner of the Not Joe Buck award) for some decent commentary and enjoy a free four-hour concert in the form of the opening ceremonies.
3. Fantasy Baseball - This needs no explanation. The only reason it isn't any higher is because it's an annual occurrence.
4. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Reported release date is next summer, and you're going to have to go see it. You have no choice. Either you want to see a fourth awesome movie from the Indiana Jones series, or you want to see who you should blame for making the two-decade effort fall flat on it's face. I have no idea how the movie will be, but it's probably going to be either extremely awesome or extremely poor.
5. The Last Game at Yankee Stadium - There will undoubtedly be a lot of talk about how the final Yankee Stadium game will be the end of an era. While the Yankees of yesteryear might not have been pure evil (I'm not entirely up to date on my baseball history...) the new Yankee Stadium will doubtlessly be tainted with the spirit of the Evil One from day one. Here's to you, Yankee Stadium, and those fabled players of old of whom it is said it's possible not to hate them.
Ryan's Top Five
1. The NFL Draft - How will Carl Petersen fuck this one up? Does Ryan Sims have a younger brother? I don't know, but we have a very high draft pick (as we fucking blow), so I am, of course, intrigued.
2. KC Royals Improbable World Series - KU football wins Orange Bowl, anything on God's Green Earth can happen.
3. KU Basketball National Championship - I still argue that jinxing things is bullshit. Why? I've intentionally NOT jinxed things for most of my life, and what has it gotten me? That FSU Championship in 1993 and nothing else.
4. Fantasy Baseball - Dan said it all.
5. Ryan Fox Fantasy Football Championship Repeat - Damn straight, homey.
Tim's Top 5
Note: I'm posting this in June of 2008.
1. Its inevitable end. - God, this year has been awful.
2. Phillies playoff tickets - Oh man, I really need to do that again this year. I really enjoy playoffs, and it's clear the Indians are screwed.
3. The Indians trading C.C. Sabathia for magic beans - We all know it will happen, I just want to know if we get anything in return.
4. The Bengals falling into the first pick in the 2009 draft. - Welcome back, Bengals.
5. Josh Hamilton winning a triple crown - I'm pulling for him.
Honorable mention: Hopefully economic recovery of some sort. Some of us pay our bills...doesn't that do something?
1. Bush's Final Year - I don't care if we collectively decide to elect a seedless Chia Head of Richard Nixon next November. I can't see how even the worst (and there are some pretty bad choices in the primaries) of potential candidates could be anywhere close to the atrocity that has been the George W. Bush administration. I echo the sentiments of David Cross, who claimed that he may go down as the worst American President ever.
2. The Summer Olympics - Sure, it's in China, but who gives a shit? (Other than Communist-fearing Republicans) This is the Olympics, and it gives us all a chance to be distracted and actually proud of our country for a few weeks. It also gives me a chance to listen to Bob Costas (winner of the Not Joe Buck award) for some decent commentary and enjoy a free four-hour concert in the form of the opening ceremonies.
3. Fantasy Baseball - This needs no explanation. The only reason it isn't any higher is because it's an annual occurrence.
4. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Reported release date is next summer, and you're going to have to go see it. You have no choice. Either you want to see a fourth awesome movie from the Indiana Jones series, or you want to see who you should blame for making the two-decade effort fall flat on it's face. I have no idea how the movie will be, but it's probably going to be either extremely awesome or extremely poor.
5. The Last Game at Yankee Stadium - There will undoubtedly be a lot of talk about how the final Yankee Stadium game will be the end of an era. While the Yankees of yesteryear might not have been pure evil (I'm not entirely up to date on my baseball history...) the new Yankee Stadium will doubtlessly be tainted with the spirit of the Evil One from day one. Here's to you, Yankee Stadium, and those fabled players of old of whom it is said it's possible not to hate them.
Ryan's Top Five
1. The NFL Draft - How will Carl Petersen fuck this one up? Does Ryan Sims have a younger brother? I don't know, but we have a very high draft pick (as we fucking blow), so I am, of course, intrigued.
2. KC Royals Improbable World Series - KU football wins Orange Bowl, anything on God's Green Earth can happen.
3. KU Basketball National Championship - I still argue that jinxing things is bullshit. Why? I've intentionally NOT jinxed things for most of my life, and what has it gotten me? That FSU Championship in 1993 and nothing else.
4. Fantasy Baseball - Dan said it all.
5. Ryan Fox Fantasy Football Championship Repeat - Damn straight, homey.
Tim's Top 5
Note: I'm posting this in June of 2008.
1. Its inevitable end. - God, this year has been awful.
2. Phillies playoff tickets - Oh man, I really need to do that again this year. I really enjoy playoffs, and it's clear the Indians are screwed.
3. The Indians trading C.C. Sabathia for magic beans - We all know it will happen, I just want to know if we get anything in return.
4. The Bengals falling into the first pick in the 2009 draft. - Welcome back, Bengals.
5. Josh Hamilton winning a triple crown - I'm pulling for him.
Honorable mention: Hopefully economic recovery of some sort. Some of us pay our bills...doesn't that do something?
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Top 5 Players That Are Hilariously Included in the Mitchell Report
Tim's Top 5:
I read the report, it's a load of garbage, but it is awesome to see that some really really inept players are accused of using steroids or HGH. The whole list of people included on the list is included at http://blogaboutfederalism.blogspot.com
1) Tim Laker - Wow. Seriously? It must only have improved his pitching (0.00 ERA), because if steroids empowered him to hit .226, it's truly shocking to think how bad he'd have been without the help.
2) Manny Alexander - See Tim Laker.
3) Nook Logan - How much farther did he want his bunt singles to go? If we've learned anything from Bonds and Canseco, it's that steroid use can really have detrimental impacts on people who try to steal bases regularly. Without the ability to steal bases, exactly what is it that you'd employ Nook Logan for? Bagging groceries?
4) Chuck Knoblauch - Combining him with Rick Ankiel, I can conclude that performance-enhancing drugs are apparently the primary cause of neurotic inability to throw a ball to its intended location.
5) Wally Joyner - This just lends unnecessary credence to the theory that taking steroids doesn't improve your ability to play baseball. Admittedly, he was washed up by the time he admitted using them, but he wasn't particularly un-washed up all that often in his career.
Dan's Top 5:
(Disclaimer: I'm only pulling names that I recognize from Wikipedia, and don't really know too much about the ones who haven't played recently.)
1. Jeremy Giambi - The shame of being named in the Mitchell report is nothing compared to the shame you experience when you realize that you're the lesser of two Giambis.
2. John Rocker - When you're John Rocker, steroids is probably the least offensive thing you've ever done. That includes playing for the Devil Rays.
3. Rick Ankiel - From what I understand, his use of HGH was prescribed by a physician to aid in the healing process after major Tommy John surgery. So following doctor's orders is, in some cases, banned by the MLB.
4. F.P. Santangelo - Don't know much about him, but allegedly he bought HGH in 2000 and 2001. All that for a single home run and an average of .197? Also, the name is fun to say out loud.
5. Eric Gagne - Apparently bought steroids in 2004. That was the year he got ten fewer saves than the year before, and his performance has sucked ever since due to injury. There are so few outstanding relievers, so why even bother with steroids?
Ryan's Top Five
1. Phil Hiatt
2. Phil Hiatt
3. Phil Hiatt
4. Phil Hiatt
5. Phil Hiatt
I read the report, it's a load of garbage, but it is awesome to see that some really really inept players are accused of using steroids or HGH. The whole list of people included on the list is included at http://blogaboutfederalism.blogspot.com
1) Tim Laker - Wow. Seriously? It must only have improved his pitching (0.00 ERA), because if steroids empowered him to hit .226, it's truly shocking to think how bad he'd have been without the help.
2) Manny Alexander - See Tim Laker.
3) Nook Logan - How much farther did he want his bunt singles to go? If we've learned anything from Bonds and Canseco, it's that steroid use can really have detrimental impacts on people who try to steal bases regularly. Without the ability to steal bases, exactly what is it that you'd employ Nook Logan for? Bagging groceries?
4) Chuck Knoblauch - Combining him with Rick Ankiel, I can conclude that performance-enhancing drugs are apparently the primary cause of neurotic inability to throw a ball to its intended location.
5) Wally Joyner - This just lends unnecessary credence to the theory that taking steroids doesn't improve your ability to play baseball. Admittedly, he was washed up by the time he admitted using them, but he wasn't particularly un-washed up all that often in his career.
Dan's Top 5:
(Disclaimer: I'm only pulling names that I recognize from Wikipedia, and don't really know too much about the ones who haven't played recently.)
1. Jeremy Giambi - The shame of being named in the Mitchell report is nothing compared to the shame you experience when you realize that you're the lesser of two Giambis.
2. John Rocker - When you're John Rocker, steroids is probably the least offensive thing you've ever done. That includes playing for the Devil Rays.
3. Rick Ankiel - From what I understand, his use of HGH was prescribed by a physician to aid in the healing process after major Tommy John surgery. So following doctor's orders is, in some cases, banned by the MLB.
4. F.P. Santangelo - Don't know much about him, but allegedly he bought HGH in 2000 and 2001. All that for a single home run and an average of .197? Also, the name is fun to say out loud.
5. Eric Gagne - Apparently bought steroids in 2004. That was the year he got ten fewer saves than the year before, and his performance has sucked ever since due to injury. There are so few outstanding relievers, so why even bother with steroids?
Ryan's Top Five
1. Phil Hiatt
2. Phil Hiatt
3. Phil Hiatt
4. Phil Hiatt
5. Phil Hiatt
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Top 5 Evil Empires of College Sports
No point in making excuses - we've all been sort of lazy when it comes to this blog. Screw it, here's a new one, at the height of college sports season. By the way, this was originally Ryan's idea.
Dan's Top 5:
Duke - Gains massive points because Krzyzewski actually looks like an agent of Satan. The media (especially Dick Vitale) loves to lick the feet of Duke, even though they're not so hot anymore. Oh yeah, and don't get involved with their Lacrosse team, either. That's not a reflection on their recent rape ordeal, that's just a reflection on Duke.
USC - There is absolutely nothing about this team that I don't hate. From their annoying head coach right down to their McDonald's-themed uniforms. Let's not forget the sunglasses-adorned marching band. That Will Ferrell went to USC is about their only saving grace, but that too may prove to be a curse in disguise.
Notre Dame - I haven't talked to anyone ever who actually likes Notre Dame. I think the closest I've ever heard anything come is one of my friend's estranged (probably only for this reason) dad or uncle liked Notre Dame. The fact that their season is in shambles is a great consolation to me. The only reason they lose points on this list is because Rudy was a pretty good movie.
Miami - Probably one of my favorite teams to hate personally, as they seem to have an image that could be described as an East Coast version of USC. The 2003 Miami @ Virginia Tech game remains to this day the best football game I've ever been to. I also hate that they're such arrogant pricks that they fired Coker after a lapse in perfection (that I'd like to think we helped trigger).
Florida - There's nothing I necessarily hate about Florida, other than the fact that they won the Basketball and Football championships in the same year. It didn't seem like they really deserved it in either case. Oh yeah, and Joakim Noah is a dick.
Honorable Mention: Florida State
Ryan's Top Five:
1. UNC - They used to be further down that chain of hatred, but then 2003 happened. I guarantee Roy Williams' departure sparked more "KU fans are babies and should be grateful they had Williams" articles than "Roy Williams is evil" articles. So not only did we have to deal with the pain of Roy Williams choking in the Championship Game as per normal, we had to sit and listen about how we should grow up. Here's what I think: FUCK ROY WILLIAMS. He is a tool and won a championship with Matt Doherty's team after screwing his "friend" out of a job. And listen, media, I turned permanently against UNC when I read in an op-ed column about how "KU fans should thank Roy and wish him well at UNC." Give me a goddamn break. I fucking hated UNC before 2003 and you think now that Roy's there I'll start cheering for them?! I hope UNC gets bad and stays bad forever. I don't value them even as having a nemesis around.
2. Nebraska - This, to be fair, is kicking a franchise while they're down--but that is just what Nebraska did to us for 36 straight years in football. They've assured their spot on this list by having some of their fans complain about teams run up the score against them. Hello Black Pot, my name is Blackest Kettle In History. When I think of the 70-negative 10 drubbings KU endured year after year. Nebraska deserves to be bad for another good decade, at least. Their fans aren't jerks, to be fair. But I've known since that catch against Missouri in '97 that Nebraska really has Satan on their side.
3. Notre Dame - Agreed with Dan, Rudy is the only thing this school has going for it. Everything else: pure evil.
4. Florida - I hate Florida and have hated Florida all my life. The double-championship didn't help. Joakim Noah sucks.
5. Duke - Before UNC this was my least favorite basketball team. Now I am forced to cheer for them whenever they play UNC. This is just one more reason I hate UNC so much.
Honorable mention: Denver Broncos, who are evil enough to qualify in most sports leagues, professional or otherwise. If I was doing solely a KU list, I'd put Mizzou and K-State on here...but they don't really qualify as "empires" so much as "shitty programs that enjoy occasional and unfortunate success."
Tim's Top 5:
1. Michigan - Ok, I admit, I'm biased, I grew up in Ohio, and I have always hated Michigan, in part because all the people who lived in Ohio...loved Michigan. At least in Beavercreek, they did. It was the trendy thing to do, I guess, since Ohio State had taken beating after beating from Michigan in the John Cooper era and was showing no signs of a turnaround. But Michigan represents the purest of evil. Remember the fab five? Remember where Tom Brady went to school?
2. USC - All their teams are professional, their football team is perennially overrated because they don't play anyone, and they're ignored every time the NCAA Sanction van rolls around to punish schools, even though Dwayne Jarrett, Reggie Bush, Matt Leinart, and O.J. Mayo were ALL implicated in scandals.
3. Florida - I'm tempted to just say "The SEC" and call it good, no good can come of any of them in football or basketball as far as I'm concerned, and it just gets everyone from the South bitching about them being disrespected just because it's been eighty-four years since Ohio State has played a game and the SEC title game is two weeks before the national title game. But I hate Florida because I used to like Florida, because of my admiration for Emmitt Smith. Once I grew to be a sentient being, I realized that meant pulling for Spurrier and year after year of over-hyped quarterbacks getting Heisman consideration for doing what I might have done in that system. Then they started really winning by playing a game that only slightly resembles football that's all about moving players around and never getting set (which was illegal last time I checked, but is now what every team in the SEC is doing).
4. Notre Dame - No matter how bad they get, they will be nationally televised. No matter how awful a coach he really is, Charlie Weis got a ton of credit for being Ty Willingham's superior (even if, in fact, the opposite was clearly true). And now they're winning in basketball too. No, I say.
5. Iowa - They're not an evil empire, they're rarely competitive in anything significant, but god I hate Iowa. Seriously, look at the colors. Black and yellow? Disgusting.
Honorable mention: Nebraska's fans (I really bear little animosity toward the school, their fickle fans, on the other hand...), Duke, BYU.
Dan's Top 5:
Duke - Gains massive points because Krzyzewski actually looks like an agent of Satan. The media (especially Dick Vitale) loves to lick the feet of Duke, even though they're not so hot anymore. Oh yeah, and don't get involved with their Lacrosse team, either. That's not a reflection on their recent rape ordeal, that's just a reflection on Duke.
USC - There is absolutely nothing about this team that I don't hate. From their annoying head coach right down to their McDonald's-themed uniforms. Let's not forget the sunglasses-adorned marching band. That Will Ferrell went to USC is about their only saving grace, but that too may prove to be a curse in disguise.
Notre Dame - I haven't talked to anyone ever who actually likes Notre Dame. I think the closest I've ever heard anything come is one of my friend's estranged (probably only for this reason) dad or uncle liked Notre Dame. The fact that their season is in shambles is a great consolation to me. The only reason they lose points on this list is because Rudy was a pretty good movie.
Miami - Probably one of my favorite teams to hate personally, as they seem to have an image that could be described as an East Coast version of USC. The 2003 Miami @ Virginia Tech game remains to this day the best football game I've ever been to. I also hate that they're such arrogant pricks that they fired Coker after a lapse in perfection (that I'd like to think we helped trigger).
Florida - There's nothing I necessarily hate about Florida, other than the fact that they won the Basketball and Football championships in the same year. It didn't seem like they really deserved it in either case. Oh yeah, and Joakim Noah is a dick.
Honorable Mention: Florida State
Ryan's Top Five:
1. UNC - They used to be further down that chain of hatred, but then 2003 happened. I guarantee Roy Williams' departure sparked more "KU fans are babies and should be grateful they had Williams" articles than "Roy Williams is evil" articles. So not only did we have to deal with the pain of Roy Williams choking in the Championship Game as per normal, we had to sit and listen about how we should grow up. Here's what I think: FUCK ROY WILLIAMS. He is a tool and won a championship with Matt Doherty's team after screwing his "friend" out of a job. And listen, media, I turned permanently against UNC when I read in an op-ed column about how "KU fans should thank Roy and wish him well at UNC." Give me a goddamn break. I fucking hated UNC before 2003 and you think now that Roy's there I'll start cheering for them?! I hope UNC gets bad and stays bad forever. I don't value them even as having a nemesis around.
2. Nebraska - This, to be fair, is kicking a franchise while they're down--but that is just what Nebraska did to us for 36 straight years in football. They've assured their spot on this list by having some of their fans complain about teams run up the score against them. Hello Black Pot, my name is Blackest Kettle In History. When I think of the 70-negative 10 drubbings KU endured year after year. Nebraska deserves to be bad for another good decade, at least. Their fans aren't jerks, to be fair. But I've known since that catch against Missouri in '97 that Nebraska really has Satan on their side.
3. Notre Dame - Agreed with Dan, Rudy is the only thing this school has going for it. Everything else: pure evil.
4. Florida - I hate Florida and have hated Florida all my life. The double-championship didn't help. Joakim Noah sucks.
5. Duke - Before UNC this was my least favorite basketball team. Now I am forced to cheer for them whenever they play UNC. This is just one more reason I hate UNC so much.
Honorable mention: Denver Broncos, who are evil enough to qualify in most sports leagues, professional or otherwise. If I was doing solely a KU list, I'd put Mizzou and K-State on here...but they don't really qualify as "empires" so much as "shitty programs that enjoy occasional and unfortunate success."
Tim's Top 5:
1. Michigan - Ok, I admit, I'm biased, I grew up in Ohio, and I have always hated Michigan, in part because all the people who lived in Ohio...loved Michigan. At least in Beavercreek, they did. It was the trendy thing to do, I guess, since Ohio State had taken beating after beating from Michigan in the John Cooper era and was showing no signs of a turnaround. But Michigan represents the purest of evil. Remember the fab five? Remember where Tom Brady went to school?
2. USC - All their teams are professional, their football team is perennially overrated because they don't play anyone, and they're ignored every time the NCAA Sanction van rolls around to punish schools, even though Dwayne Jarrett, Reggie Bush, Matt Leinart, and O.J. Mayo were ALL implicated in scandals.
3. Florida - I'm tempted to just say "The SEC" and call it good, no good can come of any of them in football or basketball as far as I'm concerned, and it just gets everyone from the South bitching about them being disrespected just because it's been eighty-four years since Ohio State has played a game and the SEC title game is two weeks before the national title game. But I hate Florida because I used to like Florida, because of my admiration for Emmitt Smith. Once I grew to be a sentient being, I realized that meant pulling for Spurrier and year after year of over-hyped quarterbacks getting Heisman consideration for doing what I might have done in that system. Then they started really winning by playing a game that only slightly resembles football that's all about moving players around and never getting set (which was illegal last time I checked, but is now what every team in the SEC is doing).
4. Notre Dame - No matter how bad they get, they will be nationally televised. No matter how awful a coach he really is, Charlie Weis got a ton of credit for being Ty Willingham's superior (even if, in fact, the opposite was clearly true). And now they're winning in basketball too. No, I say.
5. Iowa - They're not an evil empire, they're rarely competitive in anything significant, but god I hate Iowa. Seriously, look at the colors. Black and yellow? Disgusting.
Honorable mention: Nebraska's fans (I really bear little animosity toward the school, their fickle fans, on the other hand...), Duke, BYU.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Top 5 Fantasy Football Draft Picks for 2007
My first draft of the year is tomorrow, I'm picking 2nd, which is a lousy spot to be picking as far as I'm concerned. One spot higher or 8 spots lower, fine, I get the double picks, but picking second leaves me a second-tier running back with serious flaws (like possibly not playing -- LJ, you dirty Paterno-loving douchebag) and no hope of getting a particularly good player on the wraparound in round 2. While there may be a football league involving all four of us, I figure the secrecy can be blown for the top 5 picks, which involve little suspense and no strategy, since all the players would be gone by pick #13 anyway, so you'll not be stashing players for Round 2.
Tim's Top 5:
1. LaDanian Tomlinson - He would have led my team in passing TDs after McNabb's injury if he'd been on my team. Then again, if he'd been on my team, I wouldn't have fallen from first to out of the playoffs after McNabb's injury (thanks, Jeff Garcia/Alex Smith). He is the second best receiver on his team, he has a good offensive line, he's durable, he's got an adequate QB who won't turn the ball over, costing him TDs. He has everything Larry Johnson doesn't have, and he has LT money...which LJ wants.
2. Steven Jackson - He has the receiving yards to cushion the blow of a bad rushing outing, but he doesn't have a great nose for the end zone (16 total TDs, 13 rushing), and this year there'll be another goal line option in Brian Leonard. Still, he's a producer with 2,000+ yards and ... lord, the second pick sucks. I might end up taking #3.
3. Peyton Manning - So long as Yahoo! counts passing TDs as 6 points, then I can consider Manning a more useful player than most. Last year was not his best year since he was missing the third receiver in Stokley, but this year he has Anthony Gonzalez, who I'm a big fan of, Harrison, Wayne, Clark, and a more solidified running back situation with Addai. The downside is there's no depth, so if Addai gets hurt, I'm on the short list of players the Colts can add. You can say that's ridiculous, but if you say I'm no DeDe Dorsey or Kenton Keith, you're only right in that my name is not alliterative.
4. Shaun Alexander - Wow, he got old in a hurry. He was hurt, but that wasn't the whole story behind the drop of 2.5 yards per carry and 20 TDs. That said, I think it was a substantial part of the story and Rob Sims has a year of experience replacing Steve Hutchinson under his belt now. The entire offense was out of sync with Hasselbeck and Alexander missing time (leading me to at one point start Seneca Wallace in all four fantasy leagues due to byes/injuries to Hasselbeck), so I think he's due for a resurgence, even if it's only to about 13-15 TDs, rather than 28. He's got someone behind him, which makes him a better bet than Rudi Johnson, who will be beaten down after two weeks of having to carry the entire load.
5. Frank Gore - It's truly an inconvenient truth that he's floated this high on a list, because I don't have any confidence in his success, not with the way Mike Nolan used Michael Robinson as a greed running back to snatch up the TDs. But I really don't like Larry Johnson's timing with his me moment, I don't like the Chiefs' quarterback situation, I don't like Larry Johnson running with a line that has no Will Shields, and I really do like Priest Holmes' re-emergence, mostly because I hate Larry Johnson and his involvement with Penn State. All these things spell gloom and doom, so I think there's a chance that even with Mike Nolan ruining Gore's fantasy value by using Michael Robinson whenever I'm not on a bye week and desperate enough to play him, that Gore will win out.
Almost making it: Larry Johnson still can't fall that far, because if he plays, he's the Chiefs' entire offense. But that might not be saying much. Rudi Johnson is reliable, though not as reliable as I thought last year when I got him at pick #10 and was still sorely disappointed. But this year's a different fantasy landscape...extremely bleak and foreboding.
Ryan's Top Five
Larry Johnson scares me, as well, and he doesn't have LT money because he doesn't deserve LT money (rare that I agree with Carl Petersen). LJ can't block worth shit and can't catch and run very well either. He can run like a tank, sure, maybe better than anyone in the league, but so can a tandem of Addai/Rhodes lead to a Super Bowl victory. I know that by saying the following I A) illustrate my Chiefs bias and B) jinx his future career, but I really like rookie Kolby Smith, not as a future pro bowler but as a solid fill-in. Anyway, that's irrelevant, regarding fantasy sports.
1.) LaDainian Tomlinson - I think I speak for everyone here when I say I was shocked he wasn't the most "Now" on sportscenter. (Thank God it's over.)
2.) Steven Jackson - The Rams screwed me over when I drafted Kurt Warner the year the wheels fell off, and plus I just inherently hate St. Louis and everything it stands for. That said, I have to be a believer in their offense, as I have Marc Bulger in a pay league. Let's hope he throws a lot of TDs to SJ.
3.) Larry Johnson - Carl Petersen will act cool up until the start of season and then realize how desperately we need LJ, the same thing happened with Tony Gonzalez five years ago. The Chiefs offensive numbers will definitely come down, but when we do score touchdowns, they will be Larry's.
4.) Peyton Manning - Ugh, I don't want to be anywhere near the Top 5 if I don't have first pick. I've never drafted a QB in the first round, but you really can't justify putting any running back ahead of him in this spot.
5.) Larry Fitzgerald - This pick makes no sense. I just want to go out on a limb and guess that this is his first stellar year. Plus, like Tim, I don't like Frank Gore. If I'm right, I'll look like a genius.
Dan's Top 5:
1. Alex Rodriguez - I'm glad that I'm most likely going to see A-Rod break the career home run record within a few years. Obviously last year's A-Rod is gone and the old powerhouse is back.
2. Jose Reyes - I foolishly hadn't heard too much about him until this year, when it was revealed to me that he was the new best shortstop in baseball. So long, whoever it was before... Derek Jeter? All my money is on Reyes now.
3. Ichiro Suzuki - I was shocked at his new contract, but then I looked at what he's actually been doing this year. That shocked me even more.
4. Johan Santana - I know, I know... batters before pitchers. But this guy can just flat-out get it done on the mound, and if I can get him on my team, I won't have to worry about another SP for quite a few rounds.
5. Albert Pujols - Normally I like young talent (like A-Rod), but since Pujols is a Cardinal, I naturally hate him. I can't deny him a spot on my team, though, if he's still available by the time my pick comes up.
Oh shit, "football." My bad. I'm sticking with this top 5, though. I hate the NFL and can make no performance predictions. My draft is going to look worse than a public opinion poll of Michael Vick and Pacman Jones combined.
Tim's Top 5:
1. LaDanian Tomlinson - He would have led my team in passing TDs after McNabb's injury if he'd been on my team. Then again, if he'd been on my team, I wouldn't have fallen from first to out of the playoffs after McNabb's injury (thanks, Jeff Garcia/Alex Smith). He is the second best receiver on his team, he has a good offensive line, he's durable, he's got an adequate QB who won't turn the ball over, costing him TDs. He has everything Larry Johnson doesn't have, and he has LT money...which LJ wants.
2. Steven Jackson - He has the receiving yards to cushion the blow of a bad rushing outing, but he doesn't have a great nose for the end zone (16 total TDs, 13 rushing), and this year there'll be another goal line option in Brian Leonard. Still, he's a producer with 2,000+ yards and ... lord, the second pick sucks. I might end up taking #3.
3. Peyton Manning - So long as Yahoo! counts passing TDs as 6 points, then I can consider Manning a more useful player than most. Last year was not his best year since he was missing the third receiver in Stokley, but this year he has Anthony Gonzalez, who I'm a big fan of, Harrison, Wayne, Clark, and a more solidified running back situation with Addai. The downside is there's no depth, so if Addai gets hurt, I'm on the short list of players the Colts can add. You can say that's ridiculous, but if you say I'm no DeDe Dorsey or Kenton Keith, you're only right in that my name is not alliterative.
4. Shaun Alexander - Wow, he got old in a hurry. He was hurt, but that wasn't the whole story behind the drop of 2.5 yards per carry and 20 TDs. That said, I think it was a substantial part of the story and Rob Sims has a year of experience replacing Steve Hutchinson under his belt now. The entire offense was out of sync with Hasselbeck and Alexander missing time (leading me to at one point start Seneca Wallace in all four fantasy leagues due to byes/injuries to Hasselbeck), so I think he's due for a resurgence, even if it's only to about 13-15 TDs, rather than 28. He's got someone behind him, which makes him a better bet than Rudi Johnson, who will be beaten down after two weeks of having to carry the entire load.
5. Frank Gore - It's truly an inconvenient truth that he's floated this high on a list, because I don't have any confidence in his success, not with the way Mike Nolan used Michael Robinson as a greed running back to snatch up the TDs. But I really don't like Larry Johnson's timing with his me moment, I don't like the Chiefs' quarterback situation, I don't like Larry Johnson running with a line that has no Will Shields, and I really do like Priest Holmes' re-emergence, mostly because I hate Larry Johnson and his involvement with Penn State. All these things spell gloom and doom, so I think there's a chance that even with Mike Nolan ruining Gore's fantasy value by using Michael Robinson whenever I'm not on a bye week and desperate enough to play him, that Gore will win out.
Almost making it: Larry Johnson still can't fall that far, because if he plays, he's the Chiefs' entire offense. But that might not be saying much. Rudi Johnson is reliable, though not as reliable as I thought last year when I got him at pick #10 and was still sorely disappointed. But this year's a different fantasy landscape...extremely bleak and foreboding.
Ryan's Top Five
Larry Johnson scares me, as well, and he doesn't have LT money because he doesn't deserve LT money (rare that I agree with Carl Petersen). LJ can't block worth shit and can't catch and run very well either. He can run like a tank, sure, maybe better than anyone in the league, but so can a tandem of Addai/Rhodes lead to a Super Bowl victory. I know that by saying the following I A) illustrate my Chiefs bias and B) jinx his future career, but I really like rookie Kolby Smith, not as a future pro bowler but as a solid fill-in. Anyway, that's irrelevant, regarding fantasy sports.
1.) LaDainian Tomlinson - I think I speak for everyone here when I say I was shocked he wasn't the most "Now" on sportscenter. (Thank God it's over.)
2.) Steven Jackson - The Rams screwed me over when I drafted Kurt Warner the year the wheels fell off, and plus I just inherently hate St. Louis and everything it stands for. That said, I have to be a believer in their offense, as I have Marc Bulger in a pay league. Let's hope he throws a lot of TDs to SJ.
3.) Larry Johnson - Carl Petersen will act cool up until the start of season and then realize how desperately we need LJ, the same thing happened with Tony Gonzalez five years ago. The Chiefs offensive numbers will definitely come down, but when we do score touchdowns, they will be Larry's.
4.) Peyton Manning - Ugh, I don't want to be anywhere near the Top 5 if I don't have first pick. I've never drafted a QB in the first round, but you really can't justify putting any running back ahead of him in this spot.
5.) Larry Fitzgerald - This pick makes no sense. I just want to go out on a limb and guess that this is his first stellar year. Plus, like Tim, I don't like Frank Gore. If I'm right, I'll look like a genius.
Dan's Top 5:
1. Alex Rodriguez - I'm glad that I'm most likely going to see A-Rod break the career home run record within a few years. Obviously last year's A-Rod is gone and the old powerhouse is back.
2. Jose Reyes - I foolishly hadn't heard too much about him until this year, when it was revealed to me that he was the new best shortstop in baseball. So long, whoever it was before... Derek Jeter? All my money is on Reyes now.
3. Ichiro Suzuki - I was shocked at his new contract, but then I looked at what he's actually been doing this year. That shocked me even more.
4. Johan Santana - I know, I know... batters before pitchers. But this guy can just flat-out get it done on the mound, and if I can get him on my team, I won't have to worry about another SP for quite a few rounds.
5. Albert Pujols - Normally I like young talent (like A-Rod), but since Pujols is a Cardinal, I naturally hate him. I can't deny him a spot on my team, though, if he's still available by the time my pick comes up.
Oh shit, "football." My bad. I'm sticking with this top 5, though. I hate the NFL and can make no performance predictions. My draft is going to look worse than a public opinion poll of Michael Vick and Pacman Jones combined.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Top 5 Web Sites for Use at Work
Tim's Top 5:
Since today has neared a post-less day, I feel an obligation to push forward.
1) ESPN.com - What one did at work before the Internet boggles my mind. I would be utterly unable to acquire sports information -- the sports radio in the area is poor at best, obviously the TV and newspaper aren't viable options at my desk. But oh, lucky me, I became a professional at an ideal time. The only thing better would have been to do it five years earlier, when the idea of a "search engine" was dazzling and I could spend days looking at people's lists of Steven Wright jokes on Yahoo. Those were the days.
2) Onion.com - What one did in college when the Onion only updated once a week, I don't know...except I do know, because every Tuesday I would go home from class and check it as soon as I got back. It was a highlight of the week, even if it was only to gloat and point out that they still hadn't topped my own masterpiece "Dumpster Preserves Sanctity of Life". Now that they update it daily and there's sports stuff...gold mine. It's not always good, let alone great, but it's useful.
3) Amazon.com - Apparently I am in the whole "job" thing for the money. What better way to prove it than to buy things I don't need? Amazon has all the things I don't need, whether it's The Avent Isis Manual Breast Pump -- great fun at bachelor parties or the latest book from Lyndon LaRouche, and everything in between. Including sex toys. Seriously. Amazon.com sells sex toys. I find this hilarious.
4) Wikipedia.org - God bless Wikipedia. It's the world's greatest learning source, with the only drawback being that I'm learning from people who probably aren't any smarter than I am, they're just more committed to gathering information about John Stamos than I am. Still, it fills in as an IMDb for everything in the world that's not movies. And god bless them for that. Like Stephen Colbert said, anything that has a longer entry about his show than about Lutherans has its priorities right.
5) m.facebook.com - Aha! The biggest drawback to doing things at work is that it limits my ability to be secretive. I can't live my secret public life there. But that's where the blackberry comes in. And facebook is kind enough to provide a mobile version for people exactly like me -- fiercely guarding their at-work privacy by instead relying upon an item intended solely for work use that is probably as not secure as anything on the Internet could possibly hope to be. But it lets me know who's adding me as a friend based on the fact that I once encountered them...somewhere. Maybe.
Honorable mention - NYTimes.com, cnn.com, firejoemorgan.com. This blog is left off solely because of the aforementioned privacy obsession.
Dan's Top 5:
1. Protrade.com - Like fantasy sports, but with the added excitement of capitalist gain. Easily 50% or more of my internet time at work is spend checking this site and making trades. One of these days, I'll be getting myself an Amazon.com gift card as a reward for all my diligence.
2. Youtube.com - If you can't find a video on this site, then it's probably not worth watching. There's a lot of crap on the site, like people talking to their webcams or something, but bide your time and you'll quickly come across a funny video put together by college students. Two friends of mine put together a Youtube video, and it ended up beating student films at a UVA film festival. Also a site that is frequented by everyone else in my office.
3. Wikipedia.org - I've repeatedly called this site "The Oracle" or "The Source of All Knowledge." If you want to find something out, go here first. I use this to find mathematical equations and properties of physics. Within minutes, because nearly anything in the text is clickable, I'll find myself looking at anything from how to make a dry martini to what was the #1 song in 1977.
4. Google.com - Given that I use iGoogle as my web page and have a Gmail account, I feel obligated to put Google here. Google Scholar actually may be the most helpful thing on Earth while I'm trying to research other technical papers. I also have a feeling that Google will soon assume control over the entire internet, so best to start sucking up to them now.
5. Amazon.com - These guys sell everything, right? The cheapest prices I can find for stuff that I may want to buy, but oddly enough I'm less of an impulse shopper here than at Barnes & Noble. Maybe it's because I factor in the mental cost of having to wait for shipping.
Honorable mentions - Addictinggames.com, ESPN.com, BBC.co.uk, TheOnion.com, Blogger.com (hey...)
Ryan's Top 5:
1. sports.yahoo.com - I can type that faster than most of my passwords. I prefer yahoo to ESPN ; I developed this because past computers (and occasionally current computers) couldn't tolerate the better graphics of ESPN, so it'd take forever to load.
2. fantasysports.yahoo.com - This is not a cop-out; two different websites for two different needs. This, too, I can type remarkably fast.
3. google.com - I won't use this twice as a cop-out. First, I've finally weaned myself off yahoo and now use this as my search tool. Second, it is my primary email now, and for the foreseeable future. (I also still have my bakeru address, my pitt state address, my yahoo address, I'll soon have my kckps address, etc.)
4. wikipedia.org - I really want to put this one higher because wiki means so much to me; it got me through Russian history in college. But, let's be honest, first comes sport, then comes email, then comes... useless information. The best time for pointlessness is when you're getting paid.
5. facebook.com - Nuts to people who disparaged the news feed--it saves me time having to check other people's profiles, and it also makes me feel less creepy by eliminating said chore. I hate myspace but I pretty much check it regularly now, because a lot of my friends use it as their primary networking site. Facebook is a lot cleaner and much easier to use, and uploading photos is easy.
Honorable mentions - theonion.com, bbc.co.uk, ljworld.com (a bit Ryan-centered, this one--the website for the Lawrence Journal-World and links to kusports.com), kcroyals.com (another one I can type faster than my passwords), kansascity.com (The KC-Star website, which largely blows), livejournal.com. That about covers all the sites I need. Wait, except for THE TOP FIVE OF ALL-TIME, which frankly lately I should put at #...4. (It'll be a while before it supplants sports.)
Since today has neared a post-less day, I feel an obligation to push forward.
1) ESPN.com - What one did at work before the Internet boggles my mind. I would be utterly unable to acquire sports information -- the sports radio in the area is poor at best, obviously the TV and newspaper aren't viable options at my desk. But oh, lucky me, I became a professional at an ideal time. The only thing better would have been to do it five years earlier, when the idea of a "search engine" was dazzling and I could spend days looking at people's lists of Steven Wright jokes on Yahoo. Those were the days.
2) Onion.com - What one did in college when the Onion only updated once a week, I don't know...except I do know, because every Tuesday I would go home from class and check it as soon as I got back. It was a highlight of the week, even if it was only to gloat and point out that they still hadn't topped my own masterpiece "Dumpster Preserves Sanctity of Life". Now that they update it daily and there's sports stuff...gold mine. It's not always good, let alone great, but it's useful.
3) Amazon.com - Apparently I am in the whole "job" thing for the money. What better way to prove it than to buy things I don't need? Amazon has all the things I don't need, whether it's The Avent Isis Manual Breast Pump -- great fun at bachelor parties or the latest book from Lyndon LaRouche, and everything in between. Including sex toys. Seriously. Amazon.com sells sex toys. I find this hilarious.
4) Wikipedia.org - God bless Wikipedia. It's the world's greatest learning source, with the only drawback being that I'm learning from people who probably aren't any smarter than I am, they're just more committed to gathering information about John Stamos than I am. Still, it fills in as an IMDb for everything in the world that's not movies. And god bless them for that. Like Stephen Colbert said, anything that has a longer entry about his show than about Lutherans has its priorities right.
5) m.facebook.com - Aha! The biggest drawback to doing things at work is that it limits my ability to be secretive. I can't live my secret public life there. But that's where the blackberry comes in. And facebook is kind enough to provide a mobile version for people exactly like me -- fiercely guarding their at-work privacy by instead relying upon an item intended solely for work use that is probably as not secure as anything on the Internet could possibly hope to be. But it lets me know who's adding me as a friend based on the fact that I once encountered them...somewhere. Maybe.
Honorable mention - NYTimes.com, cnn.com, firejoemorgan.com. This blog is left off solely because of the aforementioned privacy obsession.
Dan's Top 5:
1. Protrade.com - Like fantasy sports, but with the added excitement of capitalist gain. Easily 50% or more of my internet time at work is spend checking this site and making trades. One of these days, I'll be getting myself an Amazon.com gift card as a reward for all my diligence.
2. Youtube.com - If you can't find a video on this site, then it's probably not worth watching. There's a lot of crap on the site, like people talking to their webcams or something, but bide your time and you'll quickly come across a funny video put together by college students. Two friends of mine put together a Youtube video, and it ended up beating student films at a UVA film festival. Also a site that is frequented by everyone else in my office.
3. Wikipedia.org - I've repeatedly called this site "The Oracle" or "The Source of All Knowledge." If you want to find something out, go here first. I use this to find mathematical equations and properties of physics. Within minutes, because nearly anything in the text is clickable, I'll find myself looking at anything from how to make a dry martini to what was the #1 song in 1977.
4. Google.com - Given that I use iGoogle as my web page and have a Gmail account, I feel obligated to put Google here. Google Scholar actually may be the most helpful thing on Earth while I'm trying to research other technical papers. I also have a feeling that Google will soon assume control over the entire internet, so best to start sucking up to them now.
5. Amazon.com - These guys sell everything, right? The cheapest prices I can find for stuff that I may want to buy, but oddly enough I'm less of an impulse shopper here than at Barnes & Noble. Maybe it's because I factor in the mental cost of having to wait for shipping.
Honorable mentions - Addictinggames.com, ESPN.com, BBC.co.uk, TheOnion.com, Blogger.com (hey...)
Ryan's Top 5:
1. sports.yahoo.com - I can type that faster than most of my passwords. I prefer yahoo to ESPN ; I developed this because past computers (and occasionally current computers) couldn't tolerate the better graphics of ESPN, so it'd take forever to load.
2. fantasysports.yahoo.com - This is not a cop-out; two different websites for two different needs. This, too, I can type remarkably fast.
3. google.com - I won't use this twice as a cop-out. First, I've finally weaned myself off yahoo and now use this as my search tool. Second, it is my primary email now, and for the foreseeable future. (I also still have my bakeru address, my pitt state address, my yahoo address, I'll soon have my kckps address, etc.)
4. wikipedia.org - I really want to put this one higher because wiki means so much to me; it got me through Russian history in college. But, let's be honest, first comes sport, then comes email, then comes... useless information. The best time for pointlessness is when you're getting paid.
5. facebook.com - Nuts to people who disparaged the news feed--it saves me time having to check other people's profiles, and it also makes me feel less creepy by eliminating said chore. I hate myspace but I pretty much check it regularly now, because a lot of my friends use it as their primary networking site. Facebook is a lot cleaner and much easier to use, and uploading photos is easy.
Honorable mentions - theonion.com, bbc.co.uk, ljworld.com (a bit Ryan-centered, this one--the website for the Lawrence Journal-World and links to kusports.com), kcroyals.com (another one I can type faster than my passwords), kansascity.com (The KC-Star website, which largely blows), livejournal.com. That about covers all the sites I need. Wait, except for THE TOP FIVE OF ALL-TIME, which frankly lately I should put at #...4. (It'll be a while before it supplants sports.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)